Overcoming fear of cheating

[Fender]

I'm really at a loss right now...

I've been with my GF for over a year now. Our relationship is great, everything is going fine, yadayadaya.

This isn't so much a relationship problem as it is a personal problem. I can't seem to deal with my jealousy/insecurity of my GF being unfaithful. The scary thing is, she's absolutely crazy about me, and isn't really the type of cheat. And if I can't be secure in a relationship with her, then I really don't know how I can EVER be secure with ANYONE in a relationship.

For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends, but the second I see it, my heart sinks like lead. The emotions just come rushing in, and I can't help but feel like crapAnd I'm constantly checking up on her on MSN to see if she's online, and checking out her facebook (although I've managed to stop doing this now).

I know I sound like an insecure wuss, but really, this is the only problem I have. Otherwise, I would say I'm pretty sorted out.

Do you guys have a solution for this? I just want to get rid of my insecurity, and stop feeling like crap all the time. To be honest, I know that if she actually cheated, I would dump her butt faster than the speed of light (I don't wanna be in a relationship with a hor anyways). I just wanna get rid of these horrible emotions- its beginning to drive me crazy!

thx

 

[ChapStick]

I was in the same situation as you my friend. Some of the people on this board might disagree with some of my advice, but that's fine. Understand this though... A LTR is much different from a one night stand.

This jealousy is mainly because of your insecurity. Despite what some people on here might think; not all women are hors! There are a lot of women out there that still have loyalty to whom they're with, and would break up with him, rather than cheat!

Actions speak louder than words. If your girlfriend acts crazy about you as you say, then she probably is.

Don't entertain your jealousy (caused by insecurity). She's with you! If she wanted someone else, she probably wouldn't be with you, now would she...

She's a girl! Of course she has a social life! Just like I'm sure you do. Are you interested in every girl you get a text message from, or communicate with? I would hope not! The same thing applies to her.

Learn to discern from what's real, and what you have created in your mind. If you maintain an attitude of jealousy, I'm sure it will soon start to annoy her. Showing a 'little' jealousy sometimes is fine (some girls take it as a sign he really digs them)... Showing too much will push her away.

Just know that you have a girl that you can trust. If she hasn't given you any reason to think she's cheating, then don't assume the worst! Not all women are hors... There are a good many that are loyal (like my girl).

Good luck my friend!

- ChapStick

 

[In2theGame]

I'm really at a loss right now...

I've been with my GF for over a year now. Our relationship is great, everything is going fine, yadayadaya.

This isn't so much a relationship problem as it is a personal problem. I can't seem to deal with my jealousy/insecurity of my GF being unfaithful. The scary thing is, she's absolutely crazy about me, and isn't really the type of cheat. And if I can't be secure in a relationship with her, then I really don't know how I can EVER be secure with ANYONE in a relationship.

For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends, but the second I see it, my heart sinks like lead. The emotions just come rushing in, and I can't help but feel like crapAnd I'm constantly checking up on her on MSN to see if she's online, and checking out her facebook (although I've managed to stop doing this now).

I know I sound like an insecure wuss, but really, this is the only problem I have. Otherwise, I would say I'm pretty sorted out.

Do you guys have a solution for this? I just want to get rid of my insecurity, and stop feeling like crap all the time. To be honest, I know that if she actually cheated, I would dump her butt faster than the speed of light (I don't wanna be in a relationship with a hor anyways). I just wanna get rid of these horrible emotions- its beginning to drive me crazy!

thx

Dude, its okay. Anyone who has experience with getting cheated on will understand your feelings. Girls can bo so dishonest and sneaky these days and its really tough to trust even the most "Sweet Angel" looking girls.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends, but the second I see it, my heart sinks like lead. The emotions just come rushing in, and I can't help but feel like crapAnd I'm constantly checking up on her on MSN to see if she's online, and checking out her facebook (although I've managed to stop doing this now).
...

Why does it seem as if you feel that you have a lower value than her? Shouldn't you feel as if you are the best guy that she could be dating now? If not, you need to do some work on yourself.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Start spinning plates. Why not? She's doing it.

 

[In2theGame]

I'm really at a loss right now...

I've been with my GF for over a year now. Our relationship is great, everything is going fine, yadayadaya.

This isn't so much a relationship problem as it is a personal problem. I can't seem to deal with my jealousy/insecurity of my GF being unfaithful. The scary thing is, she's absolutely crazy about me, and isn't really the type of cheat. And if I can't be secure in a relationship with her, then I really don't know how I can EVER be secure with ANYONE in a relationship.

For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends, but the second I see it, my heart sinks like lead. The emotions just come rushing in, and I can't help but feel like crapAnd I'm constantly checking up on her on MSN to see if she's online, and checking out her facebook (although I've managed to stop doing this now).

I know I sound like an insecure wuss, but really, this is the only problem I have. Otherwise, I would say I'm pretty sorted out.

Do you guys have a solution for this? I just want to get rid of my insecurity, and stop feeling like crap all the time. To be honest, I know that if she actually cheated, I would dump her butt faster than the speed of light (I don't wanna be in a relationship with a hor anyways). I just wanna get rid of these horrible emotions- its beginning to drive me crazy!

thx

"For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends"
Why is she getting messages from guys for?

"I know that if she actually cheated, I would dump her butt faster than the speed of light "
Sadly, when girls cheat, they will try their all to hide it from you so that you never find out. Obviously when its too late and shes breaking up with you.

 

[Master Bates]

Why is she getting messages from guys for?

There's hardly a girl in the entire country who doesn't at least have male acquaintences, let alone friends. If you're not going to trust every girl who recieves calls/text messages/whatever from other guys, you're not going to trust anybody, and you have some serious insecurity issues.

Start spinning plates. Why not? She's doing it.

what is it with you retards? sometimes I think some of you are just low-quality guys who can't even attract quality women, and thus low-quality snanks are the only women you ever have in your life. don't project your own problems and insecurities onto everybody else.

 

[Last Man Standing]

If you are sexing her then she is most likely sexing another dude or will be in the future - your penis is not special nor are you - hors are loyal to no one - not even to themselves!!!

If she is a virgin after a year of dating you then you have no worries - she is a principled woman and will not "cheat"!!

Only trust your wife - since this is the only relationship where there is an agreed upon commitment and faithfulness to each other!!

 

[Raikojo17]

Ive been in your shoes as well.

Heres the statement I read to myself every time I start to feel like this:

" Theres absolutley nothing you can do, if she cheats, it's her fvcking loss and she doesn't deserve you "

Going on MSN, facebook, etc isn't going to do a fvcking thing. And so what if you find her chatting with another guy...You'll probably confront her, give her sh!t, show her your a little b!tch and you can't keep cool, and THEN, it gets even worst, she'll do it again and again. (after she BEGS you and SWEARS on her moms soul she won't do it again). yea...right.

So keep cool, and keep YOURSELF happy. Don't check her Facebook or MSN anymore, she should be checking YOURS.
GL man ;-)

btw, if your gut says she is, fvck her, thats my #1 rule. If I even get a slight feeling that she's upto something, I'll end it, even if I find out for a fact she didn't do anything, I don't care, I had that feeling for SOME reason, and that feeling is enough of a 'cause to end it. Thats just me though.

to the OP. you shouldnt ask advice on this subject on here. some of these guys are way more fvcked up and insecure than any hor.
also, you shouldnt have anythng to fear. if your girl likes you that much than she wouldnt be stupid enough to risk losing you by going after some random piece of d1ck. if she cares and respects you then she wont cheat. almost all girls get texts from random AFC's tryin to get with her. it's an expecting thing, especially if she's hot. dont worry yourself about it too much. dont listen to the insecure nutjobs that tell you that all women are hors and cheat, because it's not true. women are human just like men, we all make the same mistakes.
have a happy relationship with your girl and enjoy it. dont kill the fun because of fear. dont worry about her. like yuo said, if she cheats then you'll drop her and be done. that simple.


to dot, dude. if you seriously dump a girl just because your paranoid of her cheating, then it's gonna be a long, lonely life ahead of you.

 

[Fender]

Thanks for your advice guys- some of it was pretty helpful.

Ye, I think my problem is part insecurity (I don't think I'm good enough), and partly due to attachment/clinging to my GF ("I can't live without her" type thinking).

I immediately felt better when I realized that I don't NEED her- I can still live a good life without her. Got friends, got family, got a life full of opportunities ahead of me. A relationship is headed for hell if it is based on NEED. It should be based on choice- I WANT to be with her (and she wants to be with me).

"Learn to discern from what's real, and what you have created in your mind." -Chapstick

Thats my main problem! I just create these mental movies that drives me insane!

"Why does it seem as if you feel that you have a lower value than her? Shouldn't you feel as if you are the best guy that she could be dating now? If not, you need to do some work on yourself." -Francisco d'Anconia

Yes, thank you for the kick in the butt. It's not that I feel I'm lower value than her- its just that I feel there are other higher value guys out there who can take her away. I just gotta accept the fact that there will always be someone funnier, more alpha, more rich than me- but she's with me! :rockon:

"btw, if your gut says she is, fvck her, thats my #1 rule. If I even get a slight feeling that she's upto something, I'll end it, even if I find out for a fact she didn't do anything, I don't care, I had that feeling for SOME reason, and that feeling is enough of a 'cause to end it. Thats just me though." -dotcomwill

Haha, to each their own indeed. But at this point, I know that it's ME thats got the problem- I know its my insecurity thats causing the problem. So no matter how many girls I go through, I will still experience the same things unless I fix myself. Maybe in the future, when my self confidence is through the roofs, I'll take you up on your advice. But ye, thanks for the other tips though- gave me a boost:woo:

 

[KingBeef]

the reason your value is lower than hers is because your relationship is the primary thing in your life....at your age...IT SHOULDN'T BE....HAVE FUN....

by the way, why don't you get some platonic female friends, hang out and have fun....what's wrong with that???

 

[lebRambo]

I'm really at a loss right now...

I've been with my GF for over a year now. Our relationship is great, everything is going fine, yadayadaya.

This isn't so much a relationship problem as it is a personal problem. I can't seem to deal with my jealousy/insecurity of my GF being unfaithful. The scary thing is, she's absolutely crazy about me, and isn't really the type of cheat. And if I can't be secure in a relationship with her, then I really don't know how I can EVER be secure with ANYONE in a relationship.

For instance- she would receive a TOTALLY platonic text from one of her male friends, but the second I see it, my heart sinks like lead. The emotions just come rushing in, and I can't help but feel like crapAnd I'm constantly checking up on her on MSN to see if she's online, and checking out her facebook (although I've managed to stop doing this now).

I know I sound like an insecure wuss, but really, this is the only problem I have. Otherwise, I would say I'm pretty sorted out.

Do you guys have a solution for this? I just want to get rid of my insecurity, and stop feeling like crap all the time. To be honest, I know that if she actually cheated, I would dump her butt faster than the speed of light (I don't wanna be in a relationship with a hor anyways). I just wanna get rid of these horrible emotions- its beginning to drive me crazy!

thx

I think you just need to think it through rationally. IF she does cheat THEN it implies one of two things:

- She doesn't care about the relationship any more
- She cares more about sex than the relationship and you

Following, logically, you dump her because she is not someone you want to be with. Will the world end? Will the universe shut down? Will the birds drop out of the sky and the earth spew out molten rock? No. You will be fine. She will be fine. Everyone will be fine (except maybe the guy if you have an angry streak )

DON'T jump to conclusions or give in to delusions without conclusive, solid proof. Innocent until proven guilty. Suspicion is sure to kill your relationship as surely as if she did in fact cheat on you.

We are tougher than it appears at first glance. Give the girl the benefit of the doubt, you owe each other that much after a year.

 

[comic_relief]

I never have problems with girlfriends cheating on me or anything because I befriend all of her friends and family. Especially the male platonic relationships. If I become buds with them and help them get a girlfriend, than they will have the same exact theory of bro's before ho's.

My ex had two friends that I was worried about, but instead of getting jealous or anything of them hanging out all the time. I became best friends with them and would hang out with them on a weekly basis after that. All relationship chasing by them stopped immediately.

That is how you handle jealousy by male friends.

Using affirmations is another good way.

comic_relief

 

[tryin 2 play]

comic....what affirmations would you use in this instance??

 

[mxylplk]

I feel for you Fender since it happened to me too, I'm sure to most of us. The last thing you want to do is over-react to her. Chapstick and Comic Relief provided pretty good suggestions on how to deal with it.

Don't place too high a value on your life based on who is attached to you romantically. Sure, having a significant other can be a wonderful experience. The worse thing that can result from this, if it blows up, is trying to control her which she will resent you for. Just know that a woman is not the answer to your problems ( the exception of fullfilling sexual urges) or there to mother you. Communicate with her. If you're concerned over her male friends, get to know them and do what Comic Relief suggested, which is a brilliant strategy btw. This way, you eliminate two birds with one stone: You make other friends (her male friends) outside your circle, build her male friends social life by helping them get their own pvssy, while taking away any perceive threat you may have felt by them supposedly trying to get it on with your GF. GL!

 

[00Kevin]

trust your gut instincts.

if you feel this way it is because there is something about her that you just don't trust without a lot of work on your part and hers. This could be due to a lack of information about her personality or it could very well be the truth.

She either is a hor or she isn't. There is no middle ground.

She should be clinging to you.

Good women don't make men feel this way even if they are hot. Trust me, they go out of their way to make sure you do not feel upset about them or think they would cheat on you.

As for her male friends - good girls don't make close relationships with many guys. This isn't something you should be forced to accept. Just next her and tell her that you think she is a hoe.

 

[mintxx]

Start spinning plates. Why not? She's doing it.

idiot

 

[Last Man Standing]

I'm really at a loss right now...

This isn't so much a relationship problem as it is a personal problem. I can't seem to deal with my jealousy/insecurity of my GF being unfaithful.

I gave you the answer but let me word it differently and more succinctly!!!! You are putting you penis into this hor and thus know that she is susceptible to another penis entering her through one of her orifices - considering that you are pimping her and that you are merely the next pimp in line - you are aware of the knowledge that all pimping is temporal and not everlasting - which you label "cheating"!!!!

Hors do not "cheat" - they act according to their corrupt condition which weak men readily accept!!

It is your weak mind and weak spirit that is corrupt - hors are just doing their will!!!

 

[Blusher]

Good women don't make men feel this way even if they are hot. Trust me, they go out of their way to make sure you do not feel upset about them or think they would cheat on you.

As for her male friends - good girls don't make close relationships with many guys. This isn't something you should be forced to accept. Just next her and tell her that you think she is a hoe.

Aaah! At last someone who has ever met a quality girl.
Not all girls have male friends and there's no way in hell you have to pretend like it's no big deal. Like, whenever a guy doesn't like his girl hanging out with other guys he's called a wuss. I believe it's utter crap.

My GF just doesn't have male friends and doesn't believe Men and Women can be friends without ulterior motives. She's right. As far as I am concerned I have slept with more female-friends than not so that makes sense to me.

Male friends suck. period.

 

[Fender]

KingBeef said: "the reason your value is lower than hers is because your relationship is the primary thing in your life....at your age...IT SHOULDN'T BE....HAVE FUN...."

Thx mate, really needed that. Put things in perspective for me!

I've been hearing a lot of stuff about how I should find a girl who has no male friends. Maybe the culture here is different or something, but I'd be hard pressed to find a girl WITHOUT any guy friends. I'm serious! I couldn't find one if I tried! But thats besides the point anyways- I want to change my own insecurity, not change the girl. And to be honest, I wouldn't really think very highly of a girl without any male friends (but thats just me). To me, a girl without male friends just means she's unbalanced, anti-social or just plain repulsive.

Besides, what kinda man would I be to dump my girlfriend just because I'm an insecure wuss and she's having a healthy, happy social life? Props to her! I just wanna get rid of my irrational emotions, thats all!

Thx to lebRambo, comic and mxylplk as well. I think I'll come back to your posts if I ever find myself wussifying again.

Cheers!