Oregano's Journal

[Oregano]

Like many of us here, I got dumped. She said she didn't prioritize seeing me over seeing her friends or partying and told me that I would be better off with someone who cares more, which probably translates to "you're a boring AFC and you deserve to date a boring girl that will give you all her attention". With 4 years invested into the relationship, I took 2 months to initiate NC while I begged for her back. Now I see that was a stupid thing to do.

I've already started self-improvement. The minute she broke up with me, I started hitting the gym thinking a better body would bring her back. Now I'm doing that for me and only me. I've gone down from 88 to 81kg, and added a strict diet that I've stuck to for the past week which has me losing about 2-4 kg a week now. I still got a bit of a muffin top, but its crazy looking in the mirror and seeing a face that more closely resembles the fit, in-shape guy I was when I was 20-21 and still on the prowl before this relationship.

I've started going out a lot more. If I can't find a group to go out with for the night, I get completely bored out of my mind and it drives me insane. I'm not quite ready to go pounce anywhere solo as I'm still in a bit of a shy, AFC mode. I do love to dance my ass off in the club and ignore everything else and just have a good time. I'll say hi to girls around my table, too, but I'm still rubbish at opening and carrying conversation. I only do 2-3 drinks a night so I don't get drunk but have something the cheers with when they come around or I'm opening.

I'm looking for hobbies and activities to do in downtime. Honestly, most of my free time is spent prowling dating sites which gets pretty boring. I live in Thailand (I'm a white foreigner and can speak and write fluent Thai), and the dating scene here just feels odd. A lot of chicks on the site can't speak English very well, so most openers except for "Hey I'm xyz Whats your name" don't ever work (Sarcasm pisses most people off because sarcasm isn't used much in Thai culture, so they take everything you say as serious and honest). Jokes go right over their heads. I'll need to find something that grabs more interest in Thai.

I'm finding I'm also really picky. I see hundreds of Thai girls at clubs, but hardly anything over a 5 or 6. Before my LTR

As for activities, I was thinking possibly hip-hop dancing or breakdancing. I used to breakdance when I was 18-19. Seems like it would be fun and possibly helpful for not making me look like a dumb dancer in clubs.

It's been difficult to maintain NC. When I told her I needed time to be by my own and not to contact me unless its an emergency, she replied with a she understands and sees I am getting over her. She then told me she would block my social networking accounts, which I guess means its been difficult for her to maintain NC from me, too. That took out the hard work of having to block her myself. I still sneak onto her FB and Instagram from time to time through non-blocked way, but since I initiated NC, she hasn't posted any updates.

I wonder if I should stop posting updates, as well, and just drop off the social radar. I'm almost indifferent to the use of Facebook and Instagram. Sometimes I do like to use it for the self-validation and boost to confidence when I see my photos and videos get a lot of comments and likes, mostly from a bunch of girls I've had added from dating sites or met at the club. That seems kind of chumpy though, as confidence should come from within and not from outer sources.

In the back of my mind there is hope that she'll settle down someday and want to come back to a stable relationship (she's told me she just doesn't want a long term relationship at the moment anymore - shes a new international air hostess and big time party girl so she'd rather be free to do what she wants while she's still young), but realistically, I know I shouldn't concern myself with it. I let her know she can come talk to me in person if she wants to talk about the relationship, but unless its an emergency, she just shouldn't contact me.

I'm a bit lost in how sexual I should be getting. It's been 3 months since I've had sex. Before the break up, because my ex was always flying, and then just partying, I was only getting laid about once a month. A couple days ago, a girl started masturbating on cam for me (maybe a 6 without the face, 4 with it). I wasn't showing my body, but in the act, I eventually just started to feel bad and get depressed and ended the cam session. I can't tell if maybe she was too ugly for me to get into it, or I'm just not going to be able to move on and be sexual with anyone for a while. I want sex, but I don't know if it will hurt me more or will help me move on at this point.

Yesterday I went out with friends to a Japanese pub and attempted to be much more alpha. I walked in happy, loud and confident. One of my friend's friends is always kind of *****y towards me and makes me feel a bit AFC (It's just the way she is around some people, my friend said, she doesn't hate you - she just shows her friendship with you off like a total *****). I immediately walked in, hugged her from behind and asked her "Are you getting fatter?" (This is a common and not a rude question to ask in Thailand) in a smug and snarky way. She was shocked that I said that and immediately had something to say back but I just laughted it off and continued to my other friends. I shook hands with my friend's friends I had never really talked to and chatted up a couple of the girls there. They were ugly, but it was okay practice.

One of the girls ended up spending a majority of the night talking to me, and invited me out to a bday party on Friday at a popular club I like to go to. I think she was trying to get a little kino with me, brushing her leg against mine a lot and moving next to me when there was a free barstool, but again, I wasn't physically attracted to her. I still have a lot of problems with conversation. I zone out a lot, I don't have many stories to tell, and I sometimes I just sit there thinking about what to say when I should be talking. Also, responding to her stories and what she was saying felt awkward. I would just say things like "Oh, that's cool, that's cool. Right. Blah blah blah." I really need more work with staying confident throughout the night.

At the end of the night, I was just really burned out. It might be because my diet is so light that I just don't have the energy to go more than a few hours out of AFC mode in public, or it might just be that I'm still not comfortable and its difficult and taxing on my body to stay bouncy, confident and flirty.

Right now, I just have too much free time. What I want to do is read some more game/self-improvement books, so any suggestions would be great. I'm trying to start more projects with business (I work from home, online), but I get distracted far to easily and find it hard to focus on work.

Anyways, thanks for reading my wall of text. I'll try to post here when I feel like I need to.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Found myself with a lot of free time after my last relationship too.

It is difficult to get back in to the swing of life without an ex; though now I am resolved to not place so much investment and my time in to a woman or relationship again in future. Have had three LTRs and each time I have made those women the centre of my existence, but never again. They cannot be relied upon to stick around; yet if you maintain a bit of distance, it seems to me that they are more likely to stick around (the reverse of what one would expect).

Each time we get dumped, we end up in this place of limbo, a massive gap where the 'loved one' once was.

Indeed, at the moment I have two or three women who I see sporadically, and a few more that I just go out and meet, though I hardly ever approach them for meeting up. I allow them to initiate (and owing to me maintaining my distance and frame, they do) and it keeps me free from any type of investment.

As far as what to do with your new found abundance of free time.

1. Forget her (easier said than done, but it gets easier, the more you fill you life with other things to do and people to see).

2. Catch up with people you have ignored while waiting around for/hanging with your ex.

3. Improve yourself, mentally and physically.

4. Spend time in the company of other men. Spending extended time in the company of women (and only one) not only feminises a man, but also conditions one to the nuances of that personality and situation. Learn how to be a man again - I have found this particularly useful and actually very enjoyable.

5. Distance yourself from all social media. These are (largely) vehicles for feminine behaviours. Even dating sites are reaching the end of their shelf-life, in my view.

6. Do NOT let standards slip. Even if you are not getting laid, do not settle for someone that doesn't tick most if not all of your boxes. Getting laid is not the be all and end all.

 

[Oregano]

Thanks for the advice. As for maintaining distance - well it doesn't get much more distant than a Flight attendant that spends 3-4 days in other countries at a time, then goes out and parties when she gets back. I never had a problem with it, but I guess there was just too much distance... whatever, getting off track.

Tonight I ended up hitting a cheap part of town with one of my lady friends that I haven't seen for 5 years. She was partying with a few of her graduate study friends.

I got there, felt confident and introduced myself to all of them without waiting for my friend to introduce me which is what AFC me would have done. One of them was about a 6.5 (decent face which is what I usually look at first, I'm not super interested in tits or ass, because well, most Thai girls don't have any - Anyways, ****able) so I sat myself next to her, chatted with the ladies, then teased that one a bit here and there. We seemed to jive a bit. Ended up doing some silly dancing at the table in an outdoor bar setting (place was full and we were the only table up and dancing, again something AFC me wouldn't do).

I felt ****y and confident, enjoyed myself, and it was a good distraction from the otherwise uneventful day. I should have number closed the girl quicker because they left before I had the brains to ask for it. We took a pic together so I asked my friend to have her send it to me as an excuse to get her contact info.

Oh well, was still a good day.

I've got a date with a really young girl tomorrow (18, I'm 26) and I have a feeling she's a virgin so I don't think it'll go anywhere, but it'll give me a chance to flirt and see what happens. If I was in a LTR hunting mood, she'd tick off my boxes in the cute face, adorable smile areas but even if I could escalate it, I'd probably just break her heart so I'll just keep it friendly.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Was gonna say dude, you're living in Thailand - every Western guy's wet dream.

1. Use protection.

1. Make sure you're with a woman, not a bloke.

1. Make sure you're with a woman, not a kid.

1. Forget your ex for f*ck sake.

2. Get the f*ck of this site and get f*cking laid you moron.

Have fun!

 

[Oregano]

Was gonna say dude, you're living in Thailand - every Western guy's wet dream.

1. Use protection.

1. Make sure you're with a woman, not a bloke.

1. Make sure you're with a woman, not a kid.

1. Forget your ex for f*ck sake.

2. Get the f*ck of this site and get f*cking laid you moron.

Have fun!

LOL. I've been here 8 years. Have never had any of those problems.

It's easy to get laid here. You can always fall back on banging 5s or 6s for $30 - $60 (or I could just pick a 5 or 6 online and seduce her over for free), but like I said, I'm picky. I have to either be really drunk to bang anything below a 7 (which I quit doing), or literally just be raped by her. Before my LTR I was still in university, so I was dating girls from there or others I met through friends from there. There were a couple 10s in there, 2 local celebs, an FHM model or two, and I got lucky with one playmate (That lasted a week, she was a crazy *****), and a few car show models. My ex was a 9 in looks and an 11 in bed. So my standards are set way to high, and honestly, 99% of the Thai female population is a 5 or below. It's really hard to find decent looking girls here. Last night, I didn't see any girls that I would be relatively attracted to or want to approach with sex on my mind.

Now that I'm out of university (I dropped out to be able to focus more on business after 2 years), most of my old friends have moved on, moved to other places, or just don't have the money to go out and do anything other than get to work, eat street food, and go back home to sleep.

I need to figure out how I can penetrate the higher class social circles again, because it is completely beyond me and has been out of my mind for about 5 years.

Anyways, gotta get dressed for the meetup with this gal. Plan on a cheap $5 lunch at a nice mall, then maybe a movie or bowling. I'll get a haircut afterwards so I don't look like such a shaggy hair slob afterwards.

 

[Oregano]

Well, met up with that girl. She was cute. Dorky hello kitty dress, but wearing stockings as well which was sexy. Short and a little chubby, but ain't nothing wrong with that. I know I'm still about 10kg from my perfect weight (before adding muscle mass - that comes later). I told her we'd meet up for lunch but she ate before I got to the meet spot so that was a little weird. I ended up dragging her to one of my old favorite spots and just played it off cool. She suggested we check out her uni, so we walked around there while I kept teasing her. She sat down somewhere and I pretended I was going to sit on her where she gave me a bit of a spanking. That felt cool. After an hour chilling out there and chatting, I decided to get out of there because it was obvious nothing more would happen (not in a Thai university enviroment, at least), but we made plans to hit up a cool riverside market soon. I don't see this going over friendship, but it could be a good girl to go to for social circle expansion in the 18-22 age bracket which I haven't been in touch with since before my LTR.

I've been playing with my text game a lot today.
What I've been doing is rather than asking to do something, or do you want to do something, go somewhere, rather is to say. I'm going xyz, lets go. Or just lets go out now.

I had a girl so close to just straight up skipping the lunch meetup and coming over tonight. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was going out with friends. Told her to have fun and deleted the conversation.

She asked me where I was going. Honestly, I have plans to bounce between two clubs across the street from each other, but I decided to play my luck and said "I'm just going to have a couple drinks at my house and chill. Come join me." She seemed like the sluttier type that would come over to a guys house before meeting them before. I used to be really lucky with this **** when I was 20 and had, I think 3 **** buddies and was ****ing a new girl every week (Honestly, how the **** was I doing it back then.. . I think it was Camfrog, which is huge in thailand - Not the best looking girls in the world, but I wasn't as picky back then before I had my first 9-10 LTR babe.

She then started asking where. I live way outside of town, so rather than say I live alll the way out here, I told her I live next to the closest sky train station which comes off as easier logistics. She said she could make it, but would wanna drive herself (She's probably a 6.5 but girls that drive me around town get an extra point or two).

In the end I fudged it up by saying traffic was bad (which is really is). It's all good though, because honestly I'd rather bounce between the clubs and she wanted to see her friends at wherever she was going anyways. She said she would come another day when traffic was better, but I said "Come after you are done hanging out with friends." Which she responded to with an OK sticker and handed me her number. I expect her to flake, again, which is fine because I'll be out anyways and unless the parties are bad (which they usually aren't), I won't be home to get her and will be having a blast with friends.

So... that was today. I still think about my ex way too much, and my heart sinks when I think about her ****ing other guys, but I pick myself up in seconds rather than sit weeping for an hour like I used to. I just remember that I'll be ****ing other girls, too, and that she was dumb to just up and leave a great catch like me.

I came up with an opener I want to try at the club. Since I'm bilingual, I thought something like: (Speaking Thai) "When I'm trying to talk to a girl in the club, should I start speaking Thai with her or (change to English) talk to her in English first?" Another opener I've used with success in the past is "Hey! Can you speak English?" They usually say "A little bit", which I then reply to in Thai saying thats no problem, I can speak Thai. A lot of Thai girls kinda lose their mind when they see this pasty white ass guy speaking Thai like a boss (My accent fools people into thinking its some creepy Thai guy impersonating a white guy when I call the first time).

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

My ex was a 9 in looks and an 11 in bed.

Love chicks like that! Reading that makes me want to go chase tail, but I'm too wacked and broke til next week!

Don't let your standards slip man!

 

[Don-Kong]

Just wanted to say. Keep going bro!!

You don't have to rush back into anything. Ground zero is the best place to be.

 

[Oregano]

Been a while since I posted.

Just been pushing really hard to get girls to go out and come back to my place. It'd been 4 months since my last screw and that makes a man bat**** crazy. In the past 10 days or so I've had 6 girls back to my place. Most of these I met online. 2 I didn't bother trying to ****, just made them give me back massages all night.

1st was a lazy **** and kinda uggo but tall and thin with nice legs. Got her from behind.

2nd girl was a 12 at foreplay and sucking d but was kinda a boring **** other than being really loud (these girls are too rare dammit). That's okay because she gave me another BJ before she left. She wasn't much to look at, maybe a 6. She lives close to me so I can probably get some more from her in the future. We were both pretty drunk from the club.

3rd girl was on her period, but she gave me hand job. Pretty cute and sweet girl.

4th was earlier today. Absolutely adorable girl. Cute smile. Shy girl that was trying to turn away while giving her a kiss, but I kept pushing for it and her clothes were off in no time. She's a bit shorter than what I like, but what I look at first is a great smile and thats what makes me fall for women. Probably a 7-ish. Not super great at ****ing but she said teach me what to do, soooo that was cool. And she let me finish in her mouth. Been a while since that's happened. Neato neato lemon cheetoes. She was super in to me by the end of the night. Might be a rebound gf or minor relationship in the future but...

I still miss my ex from time to time. I don't show it, or cry, or worry about it as much as I used to, but a few times a day I can't help but wonder what she's up to. Meh... I guess I still need more time.

One complaint I have is - most Thai girls are really quiet in bed. I can't stand it. I tell them not to be shy and just let it out, but they don't. I know I'm not a bad fug (Tiny asian girls + big white d should not equal quiet lay), I know I can make girls finish, but they're just too quiet. How do you guys get girls to open up more and scream?