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Online Personals (Merged threads)

xblitz44x

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Ramin,

I checked out your profile. I like what you wrote. You put everything on the line and said exactly what you were, and what you wanted. I think that girls will appreciate the honesty. The only things that I would suggest is, try to take the negativity out of there...(ex. I would never use you or cheat on you). In their mind they have to visualize being cheated on or used to even grasp the concept of what you're talking about. Instead say something like (I am sincere and loyal towards the person I care about). Turn it around to eliminate negatives.

Also, try to be a little more playful, funny, or imaginative. It seems like you're just listing things. Although what you listed IS smooth, you should try to demonstrate it in a more playful way. Not a big deal but something I would try to work on.

-Blitz
 

Bud Wiser

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I checked out your Match profile, Blitz. To be perfectly honest, you're a good looking dude with great pictures. That is a huge advantage for you.

Second, you're in the 20-30 age range and your narrative copy will probably greatly appeal to women in that group.

I'm not dissing what you've done, but rather putting it in perspective as an approach that functions well for you.

I urge those of us over 30 to try going more toward off-the-wall funny -- and a little ****y -- in writing their narratives. Women in the 30-plus category have heard it all before and yearn for someone daring, different and fun.

Let 'em have it.

It works like crazy for me. Just remember that when you go the funny route, the majority of women will still "next" your profile. That's perfectly okay! You'll snare more than enough HBs who appreciate your sense of humor, making it easy to serve up more of the same when you meet them in person, creating an instant rapport.

Mind you, I'm neither making this stuff up, nor regurgitating someone else's advice. I've field tested it and it works.
 
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Ramin

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Yeah...

You know, Blitz, I was thinking the same thing. I am going to update my profile because I feel it is a bit too serious in some areas. I really like it, but it could be better. I'm not sure if it will make much a difference in the response tally, but it's worth an experiment.

I also agree with Bud Wiser's comments. Blitz, you are a good looking dude. I'm sure there would be a large consesus among women about that. I'm straight as an arrow, but even I recognize it. I'm curious if you would have had the same number of responses had you written what I wrote. I think you probably would have. Ramin:confused:
 

Fragem

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I have a horror story to share. I met this girl on yahoo chat, that lived near me. After a few weeks of chatting online I suggested meeting her at the public libary, where she works.

She said she was a little chubby, I said that was ok I don't mind a little chubby girls.

From her pic, didn't look like that big of a deal. However when I met her, her gross underexaggeration of a little chubby left me turned off, and angry that she lied. But I didn't show it, because I didn't care, me being on the wrestling team was a whole lot more important then trying to desperate lay a chick.

This was about a year ago, and I never met anyone online after that. I cringed everytime I saw her at the libary that I went too.
 

WatchMeWalk

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Tips for online PUs

I set up a profile on Facethejury.com (now there's a lesson in humility) and I've initiated contact with a few girls who live in my area. So far, the most promising response I've got was one girl who said she put me on her buddy list, but had no time to chat at the moment (that was only a couple of hours ago).
I'm already dating someone I met elsewhere, so I'm not putting a lot at stake on this enterprise. I still would appreciate some advice in this area.
 

wysiwyg6000

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online dating and meeting the women on there

This girl messaged (she's 19, im 19) me on Match.com several weeks ago and we've been talking on AIM almost everyday since. I asked her to meet at a local mall and initially said yes, but when i came to making any solid plans she said she had to "ask her mother." is this chick a wierdo or should I just give her some more time?
 

Batman407

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should have gotten her number or talked about a meet to begin with.... instead of waiting for a long time. Now she's getting cold feet and afraid to shatter her idealization she has of you. Why ruin a perfect thing, ya know?

Its like you meeting a girl online and then you meet her and she turns out to be a fat girl.... you would have been much happier just talking to her online rather than having your image of her ruined.
 

wysiwyg6000

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Originally posted by Batman407
should have gotten her number or talked about a meet to begin with.... instead of waiting for a long time. Now she's getting cold feet and afraid to shatter her idealization she has of you. Why ruin a perfect thing, ya know?

Its like you meeting a girl online and then you meet her and she turns out to be a fat girl.... you would have been much happier just talking to her online rather than having your image of her ruined.
well, we did exchange pictures right away...and I asked her to meet like the at the end of the first or second week. I really wont feel comfortable giving her my number because I dont know if she's going to be one of these women that calls every 5 minutes and has nothing to say...I dont know if this chick is nuts or not, I'd like to finally meet her and see if we have any chemistry..and if we do, start to date.
 

bman

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no, you get HER #. use *69 when you call too. if it comes up about it being blocked "i dont know this is my friends phone, mabye he has it set like that". the longer you talk online the worse your chances are. get her on the phone. act like she is lucky you are offering to meet her.
 

golf299

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its *67 actually...
 

wysiwyg6000

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Originally posted by Guest
Meeting women on the internet? Here's my take: PLEASE have enough of a life to not do this. Looking for strangers to talk to on the internet is AFC enough to get you permanently banned from this site.
It's no different than looking for the average skank you find in a bar or club...they're complete strangers, but it seems to be more socially acceptable to pick up a dirtbag at a bar than a relatively clean person online. besides, why do so many other people that go on this message board use it?
 

ApocalypseCow

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Online Dating: Definitive Post (++LONG++)

I've seen a lot of people post questions about online dating. I've had 3 months experience with Match.com. I've gone out with close to 20 women from the 'net. This was in the Washington DC metro area.

I think online dating was a very valuable experience and it was great practice. Meeting strangers is a great way to boost your confidence AND your social skills. However, there definitely comes a point when you need to give it up.


WHY I'M GIVING UP ON ONLINE DATING
======================================

There are 3 main reasons I'm giving up online dating:

1) THE SHAME FACTOR
This point was hammered home when a cute girl I had met said, "If we run into any of my friends, DON'T tell them how we met!" We wasted 5 minutes trying to figure out a suitable lie we could tell.

The problem with online dating is that in the woman's mind, you'll always be that guy who had to use his computer to meet women. You didn't have the balls to ask her out in "real life." A woman wants to sit back and fantasize about the fact that she inspired some guy to come up to her and ask her out. Telling her girlfriends she met her BF online is NOT on the agenda.

2) THE "WE EXCHANGED EMAILS FOR 3 WEEKS FOR THIS??" FACTOR
Many of the girls I met from Match were quite cute. But within 5 minutes of meeting them, I knew whether I was going to try to get a second date out of them. That's a devastating statistic. If you meet a girl in a bar, you can waste a couple minutes chatting her up before she shoots you down or you hear the obligatory, "I have a boyfriend." All you lose is a few minutes. And of course, you don't waste ANY time talking to girls you don't want to bang.

But in the online world, it takes waaaay too long to actually meet someone. Too much time is invested in a person you don't yet know. I've wasted too many nights reserving time to meet a girl for coffee, only to wish I had spent my time sargin' in the mall or bookstore.

3) THE "RUSH IS GONE" FACTOR
The first couple times I met girls from online, I was really excited. And I got some good ones early on. But as time progressed, I became tired with meeting girls from the net. It's become a chore to reply to ads; I can barely bring myself to answer any more. I'm tired of meeting girls and seeing something different than what I expected to see. Don't get me wrong....RARELY did I run into someone who was a complete dog, but they were always...different. I yearn to see a woman in "real life" that I want and get HER, not some chick who I met online with minimal effort.

...BUT DON'T DISMISS IT YET!
==============================
So, while my online dating experience was ultimately unsuccessful, I would still advise that would-be DJ's give it a try. It is an EXCELLENT way to get practice. Think of it as a set of training wheels. We all need to start somewhere. Of the 20 girls I met online, I got about 3 I'll keep calling. But frankly, after the 3rd or 4th girl from Match told me I was cute, I thought to myself, "Gee, maybe I AM cute. Why the fvck am I limiting myself to chicks I meet on the internet?" And that is the point when you know it's time to move on.

WORST EXPERIENCE
==================
This week. Met an absolutely OBNOXIOUS 4 (pic was a 7). Short, cynical, a smoker, dumb as a post, and dense as a brick. This was the only girl I actively did not like. I was dumb enough to break one of my rules and try to get her to meet for dinner, but luckily she said she only had time for a quick drink. And trust me, it was a QUICk fvcking drink alright. She had "loser" written all over here. I'd rather be caught playing with myself on an elementary school playground during recess than be seen in public with this girl again.

BEST EXPERIENCE
================
Met a high-8 early on who was VERY into me. Ended up getting a major makeout session on our second date, with both of us in only our underwear. Sadly, she lived about an hour away and soon said she had "found someone else."

TIPS
=======
1) ALWAYS meet for coffee or something very simple on the first date. You NEVER KNOW what you are going to get into.
2) Email girls who don't post pictures. Many girls are very pretty but are afraid their friends will see them. 99% of the time, they'll send you a pic in a private email if you ask them to.
3) Throw that 'Wait 3 Days to Act' sh!t out the window. I had no problem replying to an email a couple hours after I received it. Of course, I never sent more than 1 a day.
4) Change your profile's headline and picture often. Your ad will get stale if you leave it the same for awhile. Whenever I changed my info, my "view" would jump up. Also, this puts you higher on the "Search Results" for Match.
5) NEVER EVER Instant Messenge a girl! I don't care if she begs you to do it; don't. As for unsolicited IM's, forget about it. You won't even get a response 99% of the time.


I'll be happy to answer any and all questions!!!
 
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matius

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Taking comments on this?

I agree with most of your points. I look at it completely different though. First of all, online dating should never be your sole source in meeting women. It should just be an 'add on' and nothing more. I see it as a way to possibly meet people on a global scale. Say you're headed to Italy, Hawaii or Spain next week and you want to hook up with some people there. Perhaps there are women online who are very compatible with you, yet you'd never have the chance to meet them except through such a service.

I wouldn't expect any friends of mine to get it at all. I'd even look forward to have the straw beat out of me for doing it but I don't care. Say I meet someone brilliant or hot as hell - say they never had time to go to a bar or club to hook up. What if this happened, would you care where she ended up coming from? Just the fact that you can be together for a time is pretty damn cool.

But just to repeat. It should never be the sole source for meeting women, unless you are a truly busy individual (and) that's a bit shy in public...other than that, it's could be a perfectly viable way to meet people. * In addition, why would a girl you met online who's there herself always think you were an jackarse for getting her number that way. She was there too. That's how you met, so no much of an argument on that one.

You: Oh, I'm a loser for being here?
You: So are you!
Her: I guess you're right, Uh Ok.

But it's up to you all. I just see it as a way to meet girls you normally wouldn't have the opportunity to. And in 10 years watch how much that shyte grows. Not accepted now, just wait.
 

ApocalypseCow

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Re: Taking comments on this?

Originally posted by matius

But just to repeat. It should never be the sole source for meeting women, unless you are a truly busy individual (and) that's a bit shy in public...other than that, it's could be a perfectly viable way to meet people.
Her: I guess you're right, Uh Ok.

I tried online dating because I moved to a totally new area and new NO ONE. Had no family, no friends, NOTHING. So I think it was a good way to meet people. I totally agree that it should not be the sole way of meeting girls, though.


Another problem with online dating is that girls naturally feel like they are the prize, since the guy:girl ratio has to be AT LEAST 5:1. I got that attitude a lot.
 

pilot0001

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I do online dating. However I all I have is a really bad picture of myself. Shame on me for being too lazy to take a better one (print it, scan it...)

I've found the same bordom factor. However I do corrispond with one very cool girl I met quite a while ago. Also, the first girl I ever met online was by far the hottest women I've ever seen in my life. SHe had no photo posted and refused to send me one. I was very skeptical but nearly bust out of my pants when I saw her.

Unfortunately this was a long time ago and I was way too inexperienced to even put her in the "social proof" category.
 

Howie Farkes

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I've also added 'internet dating' to my repertoir over the last 6 months and generally agree with the points above. Some observations of my own are:

1). If you don't get both a photograph and a phone number within about 5 emails of your first contact with a girl - "NEXT". The longer you postpone talking and meeting the girl the less successful any date is gonna be. You'll both have unrealistic ideas about what the other person is like, this can make actually meeting them a disappointing experience.

One girl I was corresponding with refused to give me her phone number after 3 weeks of emails but eventually after about 2 months she did. We had some great emails going on and we seemed to hit it off - until we met over dinner (see the point below about why this also was bad) and there was no "chemistry" between us. I thought she was gonna be one thing but she was another (and I'm sure she felt a similar way).

2).
Email girls who don't post pictures. Many girls are very pretty but are afraid their friends will see them. 99% of the time, they'll send you a pic in a private email if you ask them to.
This is very true. Also, girls who post their pics receive many, many more responses to their ads. Only about 20% of the girls who had their pics posted replied to my emails, but for girls without pics I had a hit rate of nearly 80%.

3). Check out the profiles posted by other guys - then make sure yours is nothing like them. Be very casual and especially try to give the impression that you don't at all need a woman in your life - but that it'd be nice anyway.

4). More than half of the girls will not write much about themselves in their profile beyond "I like music, going out dancing, romantic dinners and the beach. I also like going to the movies and curling up on the couch to watch a video ". Don't bother emailing these girls. I actually managed to date a few who had profiles like this and they are very boring people. But I guess that all depends on what you're looking for.

5). I ended up asking the girls I dated what it was about my first contact that caught their eye (on average these girls had got 30-50 responses to their ad in the first week) and they all said "Oh I don't know but you should have seen some of the losers spout to me their whole life story in the very first message." So I guess don't do that.

6).
ALWAYS meet for coffee or something very simple on the first date. You NEVER KNOW what you are going to get into
.
This also is golden advice. Never do dinner or movies as a first meeting. I ended up always meeting during my lunch hour, therefore there was always a defined maximum time limit of the date of 1 hour. You'll know within 10 minutes if you ever want to see this person again anyway.

7). In the age group of women I was contacting 24-30, most claimed to be sick of drunk guys at bars picking them up and that their friends were all in LTRs so had fewer chances to get out to meet guys anyway. They were not desperate losers (although they are certainly there to be found on the 'net) and many were pretty damned hot.

WORST EXPERIENCE
=======================
The one and only time I met up with with a girl for dinner (again don't do this) who I'd never seen a picture of. She had described her body type as "athletic". I had images in my mind of someone lithe like a runner or swimmer. She turned out to be a field hockey player with the body of an East German shot putter. Athletic - yes, overweight - yes, attractive - no. Then she talked of nothing but herself, named to me every single one of her friends and family - then used the names throughout conversation all thru dinner - like I really cared or remembered that Adrian was her brother and not her room-mate of 6 years ago :rolleyes:, and then expected me to pay for her at the end.

BEST EXPERIENCE
=======================
Meeting lots of girls I would never have met without this medium. It really is good for getting dating and conversational practice without having to go through the stress of making approaches and getting the digits.
 

ApocalypseCow

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Originally posted by Howie Farkes
7). In the age group of women I was contacting 24-30, most claimed to be sick of drunk guys at bars picking them up and that their friends were all in LTRs so had fewer chances to get out to meet guys anyway. They were not desperate losers (although they are certainly there to be found on the 'net) and many were pretty damned hot.
Very good point. Many of the girls who anwered my replies said something along the lines of, "I'm so glad a normal 24 year old guy replied. I get so many replies from 50 year old losers and sex addicts." I forgot to mention another tip: in your email, mention your age if you're in the same age-range as her. Yes, your age is listed in your profile, but you REALLY want to drive that point home.



Then she talked of nothing but herself, named to me every single one of her friends and family - then used the names throughout conversation all thru dinner - like I really cared or remembered that Adrian was her brother and not her room-mate of 6 years ago :rolleyes:, and then expected me to pay for her at the end.
LOL, I know this feeling. Once, I asked a girl what her major in college was. "Music....duh, I told you that 20 minutes ago, remember?" I just laughed it off, but inside I'm thinking, "My mind is waaay to precious to fill with every goddam detail these girls tell me about their lives." I've had a girl ask me 3 times what state I was from...didn't bother me.
 

DannyOcean

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I'll add a few items as I've been experimenting with this too lately:

1. Online dating is a lot better than it use to be. A couple of years ago, the only girls who were online a lot were pretty big geeks. Now it is getting to the point where just about everyone is online which means the pool to pull from is better. Certainly it might not be great but I think it's more representative of society in general than it was a few years ago. And I think it will continue to get better.

2. Time management is key. Don't waste your time e-mailing back and forth endlessly. Move right in after an e-mail or two and get a phone number. I've talked to a couple of girls who have complained that guys didn't ask for their phone number soon enough. These girls didn't want to spend all day e-mailing either. So make a move quickly and get a number. Once you've got that number, make a call. You'll typically know within 15 minutes or so if you like their personality. If not, don't waste your time on a date. If so, proceed to...

3. Going on a short date. As was mentioned before, no long dinners or anything else. Pretty simple here. If a girl drinks (usually indicated in her profile), ask her out for a drink (assuming you are of age). If she doesn't, ask her out for coffee. Somewhere fairly public is best since girls will likely be a little intimidated by meeting a stranger in an unfamiliar place.

4. Realize that you probably won't hit it off with a very high % of girls but that the time you spend out is still beneficial. It's important not to set your expectations too high. I went on a couple of "first dates" this week. The first girl I went out with I wasn't too excited to see. Although her picture was cute I thought she might be a bit of a plumper. Turned out that she was great looking and in good shape and we've got another date lined up next week. The next date was with a girl who seemed like a real knock-out and turned out to be unspectacular. So it just goes to show that you probably shouldn't go in with any expectations and definitely not with high expectations.

5. Online dating is great for playing the "numbers game". You'll be dating more so you'll likely be more confident. But I entirely agree that you should never look at online dating as your only way to meet women. Rather it's just one of many different ways and has its own unique advantages and disadvantages. One of the nice advantages is that you typically will know more about a girl upfront than you would if you met her in a bar. Bars tend to be a lot about physical attraction. That's great but it can lead to some crappy first dates, especially if you're looking for something a little more serious. Many of the girls you'll meet through online avenues probably won't do it physically for you but on the bright side, if they do, chances are your personalities will probably be fairly compatible (since you've screened them on that already).

6. Realize that online dating might be "the future". There is still a stigma attached to online dating in that it is only for "losers". However, that's going away as more people go online. And when you think about it, online dating really could be the future of dating. What it will probably hinge on is "online video dating". When the day comes where you can log on and view thousands of video profiles from elgible singles in your area, I think you'll see tons more people use these services. Video tells so much about a person that a simple profile or still picture can't. Anyway, we're still a ways away from a technical standpoint from this happening but it might make some sense for DJs to experiment a bit so that when and if this thing does blow up, you've got some experience with making it work.

I've got lots to say on the issue but I'll shut up for now and let someone else speak. :D
 
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