I'm talking to 3 girls on the internet. One girl seems strait up telling me what bar she's going to that night,etc. It would be easy to meet up with her. The other initiated with me and always answers my emails but just makes short, simple remarks. Plus she lives like 50 minutes from me. The third it feels like I'm a pen pal with her. I've been emailing these women for say 1-2 weeks now and I wrote like 4 e-mails to the last one, the pen pal type girl. How do you advance with this type? She's telling me what she did over the weekend, stuff like that. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to online dating. I don't want to go back and forth over months writing to her either. Any advice from people who have done successfully to get it from e-mails to hooking up?
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Online Dating
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foomee
Senior Don Juan
The first one going to the bars sounds kinda interested. Has she ever invited you? And the second one that writes the short emails, you could probably use that to your advantage, maybe do a few neg hits or somethin. And the last one, well it sounds like the pen pal girl is just a friend and may always see you as just a friend. Go for the first one if she acts actually interested, second one is a back-up, and third one just stay as friends; maybe mention asking if she has any friends that would wanna hook up with you.
shredhead7
Don Juan
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My rule is that once you have sent and received two emails, it's time to make it face to face. Just say something like, "hey, I really like talking to you, but would rather do it in person. Typing is so sterile ; *(. How about grabbing a coffee this week?"
Good luck with the women.
Good luck with the women.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
:yes: Never allow email's or IM's to be your primary communication medium when you first meet a woman.shredhead7 said:
LovelyLady
Senior Don Juan
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My advice is to consider how long they've been using the online dating service. If they are like me, when I started 2 1/2 months ago, I made a man email me a lot before I agreed to meet for coffee. I didn't want to waste either of our time if I knew there wasn't a possibility of a connection - and I wanted to weed out the crazies.
Now I am much more relaxed and realize that chemistry over emailing doesn't translate at all to chemistry in the real world. And all that time wasted, for both of us, emailing so much. Now I say yes to coffee if I am interested, and actually cut guys loose fast if they just want an email buddy. I like to be emailed 3-4 times the first day and get a peek at what the guy is like in general - on that day. Not his job or relationship background, but small things from his day: is he staining cabinets? reading something? annoyed with the neighbors dog. Just get a general feel for him and find out if he has a life outside of the internet dating world. also if he is interested in my life or isit ALL about him - balance is nice, you know?
If he is really available (and not just playing games) and interested, I figure he will ask me out for coffee by the end of our second day emailing me.
Having said that, some random reflections: I lose respect for a guy that shows up where I say I am going. (When I was younger, I used to think I wanted them to show up there - but learned that that was actually not the reality when they actually did). If you want to be with her, ask her out. Don't bump into her. Everyone does that, and you get lumped in with all of "those" guys.
But she is definitely saying she is open to spending time with you, wanting you to know where she is so you know she is not out with a bunch of other men - but she isn't going to wait for you to ask her out much longer. If she is already at this stage.
"Short but sweet emailer" probably thinks you are just a lonely guy who emails out of neediness or boredom and you probably aren't going to ever man up and ask her out - but she likes you enough to cut you some slack. She may be bored and needy too. She'll probably meet a guy who actually asks her out and fall madly in love with him and her portrait will just disappear from your favorites page one day. LOL
Why not have three coffee dates this week and meet them all?
Now I am much more relaxed and realize that chemistry over emailing doesn't translate at all to chemistry in the real world. And all that time wasted, for both of us, emailing so much. Now I say yes to coffee if I am interested, and actually cut guys loose fast if they just want an email buddy. I like to be emailed 3-4 times the first day and get a peek at what the guy is like in general - on that day. Not his job or relationship background, but small things from his day: is he staining cabinets? reading something? annoyed with the neighbors dog. Just get a general feel for him and find out if he has a life outside of the internet dating world. also if he is interested in my life or isit ALL about him - balance is nice, you know?
If he is really available (and not just playing games) and interested, I figure he will ask me out for coffee by the end of our second day emailing me.
Having said that, some random reflections: I lose respect for a guy that shows up where I say I am going. (When I was younger, I used to think I wanted them to show up there - but learned that that was actually not the reality when they actually did). If you want to be with her, ask her out. Don't bump into her. Everyone does that, and you get lumped in with all of "those" guys.
But she is definitely saying she is open to spending time with you, wanting you to know where she is so you know she is not out with a bunch of other men - but she isn't going to wait for you to ask her out much longer. If she is already at this stage.
"Short but sweet emailer" probably thinks you are just a lonely guy who emails out of neediness or boredom and you probably aren't going to ever man up and ask her out - but she likes you enough to cut you some slack. She may be bored and needy too. She'll probably meet a guy who actually asks her out and fall madly in love with him and her portrait will just disappear from your favorites page one day. LOL
Why not have three coffee dates this week and meet them all?
The reason I don't ask the short but sweet girl out is because she's 50 miles away from me. To be honest I should have put a little more effort into it but probably ruined it by now. If she's a good connection it wouldn't have been that big a deal but oh well, live and learn. I asked the pen pal type girl if she's ever met anyone online before. Basically she said she has met a few guys online but likes to e-mail back and forth for a while to find out if he's a psycho, which makes sense. She also gave me her phone number. I agree with you chemistry online does not mean chemistry offline.
I just don't feel like I'm "earning it" by meeting these girls online. I should have put more effort into the girl 50 miles away from me she was actually kinda pretty.
Thanks for the advice. I just have to get them off the computer ASAP but I also dont want to scare them away....
I just don't feel like I'm "earning it" by meeting these girls online. I should have put more effort into the girl 50 miles away from me she was actually kinda pretty.
Thanks for the advice. I just have to get them off the computer ASAP but I also dont want to scare them away....
LovelyLady
Senior Don Juan
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re: scaring us away...
Just so you don't say you will move across the country for her, send her your phone #, private email, address, forward a copy of your resume, detail your sexual prowess/babble on about what a randy boy you are, talk about all your money, submit a list of your belongings like it is a prize list from Publisher's Clearing House (If I want a boat, I can get my own... what I'm looking for you can't buy me, you know?), or tell her how hot you think she is hot, all in your first email, you will already be different and profoundly less scary from 99% of the guys contacting her. (I am laughing as I write this - but am also quite serious).
Personally, I respond well when a man tells me he doesn't want to scare me/rush things, or move too fast, but when I am comfortable, he'd like to talk to me. It lets me know he will probably not be a bully when I meet him, but he also knows what he wants and is willing to go for it. It's that fine line between confidence and arrogance - and it shows me he is considerate about my feelings/comfort level. Then I can relax and start feeling good about meeting him/talking to him.
If he is too agressive about getting my number and I can't tell if he is just not "skilled", enthused, or if he is just a jerk, I tell him I want to meet him for coffee before I give him my number. (I guard my number, as it is). This is a test to see how handles being told "no" . If he is too pushy, or says he MUST have my phone number, than I feel he won't respect me in other ways.
And I have also offered to meet him in the process, so if he gets sidetracked with the "no" and can't hear the "yes", I know we won't be compatable because he is too focused on getting his way (with the number thing), rather than on the being of a relationship.
Just so you don't say you will move across the country for her, send her your phone #, private email, address, forward a copy of your resume, detail your sexual prowess/babble on about what a randy boy you are, talk about all your money, submit a list of your belongings like it is a prize list from Publisher's Clearing House (If I want a boat, I can get my own... what I'm looking for you can't buy me, you know?), or tell her how hot you think she is hot, all in your first email, you will already be different and profoundly less scary from 99% of the guys contacting her. (I am laughing as I write this - but am also quite serious).
Personally, I respond well when a man tells me he doesn't want to scare me/rush things, or move too fast, but when I am comfortable, he'd like to talk to me. It lets me know he will probably not be a bully when I meet him, but he also knows what he wants and is willing to go for it. It's that fine line between confidence and arrogance - and it shows me he is considerate about my feelings/comfort level. Then I can relax and start feeling good about meeting him/talking to him.
If he is too agressive about getting my number and I can't tell if he is just not "skilled", enthused, or if he is just a jerk, I tell him I want to meet him for coffee before I give him my number. (I guard my number, as it is). This is a test to see how handles being told "no" . If he is too pushy, or says he MUST have my phone number, than I feel he won't respect me in other ways.
And I have also offered to meet him in the process, so if he gets sidetracked with the "no" and can't hear the "yes", I know we won't be compatable because he is too focused on getting his way (with the number thing), rather than on the being of a relationship.
sheesh.......IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NET PICK UPS........its first clever email.....extract a response (phone number is you are good) IM user name if you are medium skilled..then hit her up for #, and 1-2 emails tops for a number. ANy other emails correspondance is a waste.
Get some help on writing emails to females (david denagelo, davagina code, online dating for dummies, net2bed, etc)..YES THEY ACTUALLY WORK.
so lets recap--------1) select your target, 2) design a clever enticing email and send it out to a few prospects. 3) get the digits and call em up, make that date/meeting.
ONLINE DATING IS WAY TOO EASY.........ITS ACTUALLY LOW SKILL LEVEL AND A WEAK EXCUSE TO APPROACH CHICS.
USE it when u are bored only, not your primary source of approaching and getting dates.
Keep approaching in bars/ durring the day/ at school, events, beach etc.
Cold approaches enhance your skill and confidence.......wannabe's use the internet 24-7 and avoid approaches.....dont fall for it.......keep on approaching women OFFLINE...trust me on this one.
M
Get some help on writing emails to females (david denagelo, davagina code, online dating for dummies, net2bed, etc)..YES THEY ACTUALLY WORK.
so lets recap--------1) select your target, 2) design a clever enticing email and send it out to a few prospects. 3) get the digits and call em up, make that date/meeting.
ONLINE DATING IS WAY TOO EASY.........ITS ACTUALLY LOW SKILL LEVEL AND A WEAK EXCUSE TO APPROACH CHICS.
USE it when u are bored only, not your primary source of approaching and getting dates.
Keep approaching in bars/ durring the day/ at school, events, beach etc.
Cold approaches enhance your skill and confidence.......wannabe's use the internet 24-7 and avoid approaches.....dont fall for it.......keep on approaching women OFFLINE...trust me on this one.
M