one of my good female friends is getting abused!

[bukowski_merit]

- they've been together for 6 years... she said for 5 years he never laid a finger on her and kindda let her run the relationship... but he seems to be getting more and more paranoid about her...


i just kindda found this out... i knew that he had hit her (punched her in the back) about 6 months ago when they were on vacation and they both got drunk and she told him she didn't love him anymore and wanted to sleep with other people...


Then about 2 months ago - he grabbed her face and squeezed it during an argument (about what she was allowed to wear) and pushed her to the ground.


This past weekend... they got a huge argument because she went and visited a guy friend and told him she was at the mall... he found out by reading her text messages... he took her phone and broke it... grabbed her hand and almost broke it... slapped her in the mouth, and broke the bracelet his mom had gotten her for christmas....


---

NOTE: they seem to be arguing all the time now... because the more he doesn't want her to go out with her friends or hang out with male friends - the more she does... the less he wants her to dress s!utty - the more s!utty she dresses! And it gets worse everyday...


she gave me the classic "he feels bad about it when it's over. he really does"... i couldn't believe my ears... she's a deans list student with a 3.95 GPA, came up in a good family, is about a 7.5 (So she can get other attractive men)... nothing works in talking to her (not just me, but all of her friends)...


anyone have any ideas? i know logic just isn't going to work here... she's convinced "he'll never do it again"... as smart as she is - she just doesn't seem to think it's a big deal... regardless of the fact she can barely move her thumb because it's so bruised!

 

[coolf1r3]

What a scumbag! Kick that kid's teeth in!


In all seriousness, I sense some crazy Stockholm's Syndrome going on.

 

[KontrollerX]

She is fvcked up and enjoys the abuse or else she would leave.

There is nothing you can do to change this situation so do not waste your time.

Though I would advise you for the sake of your own mental health to disown this girl as your friend and let her know that the reason you are doing this is because you cannot bear to watch her punish herself with a scumbag like this.

Also you can feel good about disowning her as a friend in this instance because in a way this as well other friends of her's doing this may eventually wake her up that she's losing all the people in her life that care about her because she enjoys staying with a man that loves to kick the crap out of her.

So yeah please don't be an idiot and endanger your own mental health any longer.

Walk away from this friendship and do so with a clear conscience.

If she keeps getting beat up or even killed it is her own damned fault for not getting help for herself.

Infact you could even suggest she do that before ending the friendship with her and if she refuses or insults you just say whatever and leave her to her own stupidity.

See again you staying in the picture is not going to help her at all, rather you sticking around and being there to patch her up via good company and distraction from the abuse further enables her to keep getting abused as she rests comfortably in the knowledge that there will always be some moron around to lick her wounds after the guy that supposedly loves her keeps giving her wounds.

So yeah for the billionth time end this friendship until she gets rid of this guy and smartens up.

"she's a deans list student with a 3.95 GPA, came up in a good family, is about a 7.5"

One of my aunts was this intelligent but was never able to make anything substantial of her life due to her depression and other mental illnesses and also she lacks common sense.

So yeah its as I've always said intelligence without common sense is basically useless.

 

[bukowski_merit]

What a scumbag! Kick that kid's teeth in!


In all seriousness, I sense some crazy Stockholm's Syndrome going on.

If i kicked his teeth in - Then she'd hate me!

This is true... (him hurting her hand actually happened on new years) and all this weekend she basically allowed him to keep her as a prisoner in his house... wherever she went - he went with her... any text she got - he read... she got up to get some water in the middle of the night - he followed her...

i don't think she's actually cheated on him... but it wouldn't surprise me if she starts to just because of how he's acting... but at the same time - she seems to be unwilling to leave him or even consider that he might be turning into a bad guy....

 

[bukowski_merit]

She is fvcked up and enjoys the abuse or else she would leave.

There is nothing you can do to change this situation so do not waste your time.

Though I would advise you for the sake of your own mental health to disown this girl as your friend and let her know that the reason you are doing this is because you cannot bear to watch her punish herself with a scumbag like this.

Also you can feel good about disowning her as a friend in this instance because in a way this as well other friends of her's doing this may eventually wake her up that she's losing all the people in her life that care about her because she enjoys staying with a man that loves to kick the crap out of her.

So yeah please don't be an idiot and endanger your own mental health any longer.

Walk away from this friendship and do so with a clear conscience.

If she keeps getting beat up or even killed it is her own damned fault for not getting help for herself.

Infact you could even suggest she do that before ending the friendship with her and if she refuses or insults you just say whatever and leave her to her own stupidity.

See again you staying in the picture is not going to help her at all, rather you sticking around and being there to patch her up via good company and distraction from the abuse further enables her to keep getting abused as she rests comfortably in the knowledge that there will always be some moron around to lick her wounds after the guy that supposedly loves her keeps giving her wounds.

So yeah for the billionth time end this friendship until she gets rid of this guy and smartens up.

"she's a deans list student with a 3.95 GPA, came up in a good family, is about a 7.5"

One of my aunts was this intelligent but was never able to make anything substantial of her life due to her depression and other mental illnesses and also she lacks common sense.

So yeah its as I've always said intelligence without common sense is basically useless.

Yeah, i've already planned to tell her that i think she needs help... i know when she was 13 she was abused for like 6 months by her 16 year old boyfriend (although she was strong enough to break that one off)... and she went to therapy for 2 years because of it... so, i think of a psychological level - her bf is beginning to become her old bf to her... and she sees this as her chance to redeem herself and "fix" him (im not sure where i'm getting this from, but i'm sure i read it somewhere)... thus fixing her past as well...


The dropping her as a friend thing is tuff because we have a 5 person circle (2 women and 3 guys) and she's in it... so she's everywhere we go (although she hasn't been lately do to his new attitude). unless i could convince the whole group to drop her... which could very well wake her up... very good explanation of why it should be done though... i will talk to the rest of the people in our group and see what they think about that...

 

[Alphamale1821]

like project pat says - don't save her, she don't wanna be saved don't save her!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH3AECIX_tc

LOL i had to, bro **** it it ain't shiit you can do to change that chick. Don't save her she don't wanna be save don't save her LOL.

Only thing you can do is advise her as a friend, but it's up to her get away, if that means restraining order, police involved or whatever it takes. You can not physcially make her leave him so just advise and her leave her be. Hell if her bf finds out u guys are freinds she may get beat more and you may be next:box: :trouble: :kick:

 

[nando]

So what advice are you expecting from us to give you to help with the situation? I personally don't think you need to help as the bf is doing a pretty good job taking care of it on his own.

 

[Metacomet]

I personally don't think you need to help as the bf is doing a pretty good job taking care of it on his own.

:crackup: ... NICE.

To the OP: if your friend had an abusive boyfriend in the past and is with one now, what makes you think she won't find another down the line?

Maybe your friend is attracted to volatile people. That might sound deranged but so are the mating habits of many animals. The truth is her and her boyfriend are having outrageous sex but have a disgusting personal relationship.

Have you ever seen ducks bite one another while mating? They shed blood. They fight viciously. But they can't stop.

They might hate eachother but in a sick way they always need eachother to fill sexual and psychological gaps. You know this is the truth and so does your friend whether she can admit it or not.

You can explain this to your friend but she probably won't listen. Explain it to your circle of friends and they will all agree...

In any case - if you want REAL DRAMA tell another man that your beautiful intelligent friend is being hurt by her boyfriend. We tend to enjoy taking justice in our own hands at that point :rockon:

 

[bukowski_merit]

1st, i'm going to tell her today that she needs help, and if she turns it down - im not hanging with them... i talked to some people from my circle and all the guys said that if i'm not comfortable hanging out with her - we can just hang out seperate from the women... so... problem solved...

2nd, her bf isn't handling anything well... joke or not...

3rd, they absolutely don't have outrageous sex! haha... i don't know if you were using that as a metaphor or what... but he's always been a 2 pump chump (she lets the world know too). in fact, a lot of the insecurity he has is because she makes fun of his lack of sexual ability all the time... but perhaps you're onto something... perhaps she gets her sexual enjoyment out of him owning her and controling her and abusing her....

 

[Someone Much cooler]

yet she still wit him right? Somethings gotta be keepin her....sex is bad....he treats her bad..."she makes fun of his sexual deficiency"? hmmm are you sure she completely the victim. Round my way we have a name for dudes like you(usually in the friendzone) we call em "capt. Save-a-ho"
My advice to you is mind your business. Me some other intellegent women. If this guy really is crazy you dont want him tryin to do soething psycho to you like carving your face or shooting you over a girl thats prolly gonna be with him anyways.

 

[Ken785]

Remember these words son...

Yo Captain Save A H0e...watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6PodtDfdb4

...just kidding. Really your friend then you should have a sit down and talk to her. Just tell her if you find out about this again, your going to beat the dude down. DO THIS ONLY IF SHES YOUR REAL FRIEND.

If you have already told her and she still allows this to happen, fvck it...if shes dumb enough to accept her BF beating on her, she deserves to be beat.

If shes just an acquaintance or attention wh0re you're trying to fvck then forget it because you're just a save a h0e then...and guess what? she knows it.

 

[bukowski_merit]

i assure you guys that i am not trying to fvck this girl (in fact, i'm sure i probably COULD if i let it happen one night; but she doesn't have the body type i'm attracted to (ie: she doesn't have the proper thickness) and as i age - i need to be extremely attracted to a girl to get off. and pumping a girl and knowing i'm not going to get off - is the worst feeling in the world!) we've been friends for like 4 years... that's how i see her...

I have no interest in fighting her BF. I have no doubt he wouldn't be much as a fighter; but the only thing i can see coming out of that is a court case and her taking his side...

we're going to talk to her as a group this friday when we go out (assuming she can escape out of the house).

 

[DJDamage]

we're going to talk to her as a group this friday when we go out (assuming she can escape out of the house).

Don't stick your nose into someone else's business especially when you aren't asked to do so.

Any girl going out with a guy that abuses her, has issues of her own to deal with as to the reason why she continue's seeing him. There is nothing you can do or say to fix that situation.

One day hopefully a light bulb will flick on in her head and she will leave him for good on her own. Until then you stay away from the drama....

 

[DonGorgon]

You need to either stay out or get her to call the cops dont just post on here about it...

 

[bukowski_merit]

Don't stick your nose into someone else's business especially when you aren't asked to do so.

Any girl going out with a guy that abuses her, has issues of her own to deal with as to the reason why she continue's seeing him. There is nothing you can do or say to fix that situation.

One day hopefully a light bulb will flick on in her head and she will leave him for good on her own. Until then you stay away from the drama....

How are we not asked to do so when she brings us into it by laying it all on us? (not just me) We go out to drink and 50% of what she talks about is how f'd up her life is... and i swear she has not been like this for the 4 or so years i've known her... she's been an excellent person to have with you in a club/bar... walking into a place with 3 guys and 2 women - works wonders on your approaching... You're already a party and women have comfort coming back to your place with a whole group or people...

As a group (at least us 3 guys) have decided that she either leaves him or we're separating ourselves from her... this is what we're telling her friday when we meet up...

You need to either stay out or get her to call the cops dont just post on here about it...

Call the cops? So they can tell me that she needs to be the one who reports it?

I more or less posted this just to see what people thought could be done... deep down i knew that you can't logically talk a woman out of a relationship like this... she's going to have to almost die, or something drastic to wake her up...

But KontrollerX gave me some pretty good insight and ultimately gave me the blueprint on what to do (leave her as a friend) and i discussed this with the guys and we decided her negative energy has to change (NOW!) or go...

 

[Metacomet]

lol, your friend is an attention wh0re.

When a women talks about nothing but how terrible her life is or a relationship you need to tell her to go to the cops or shut the fvck up.

Peace

 

[Leporello]

Then about 2 months ago - he grabbed her face and squeezed it during an argument (about what she was allowed to wear) and pushed her to the ground.

Whoah, they were arguing about what she's 'allowed' to wear?

That should've been a huge red flag for both of them.

 

[DJDamage]

How are we not asked to do so when she brings us into it by laying it all on us? (not just me) We go out to drink and 50% of what she talks about is how f'd up her life is...

This girl is messed up in the head.

Look, I have known girls like that. All they do is play the victim card, get sympathy and advice from everyone and then DON'T DO SH1T ABOUT IT!. I am almost confident of saying that she enjoy's the drama and attention she can bring to all who wants to listen about her plight.

You only need to say one time "leave him". If the girl does not want to leave him and instead try to waste other people's time and use everyone as emotional tampons, then she herself needs to fvck off.

 

[scottnorth]

I registered on this forum just to reply to this extremely beta post.

Girls make up shi.t about guys all the time.

They love drama.

He could most likely be the nicest guy in the world, and she made up crap about him for attention and what not.

What's even more stupid is the posts about kicking his teeth in.

Yeah, so you are going to assault some random guy because of something you heard said might be true.

You sir, are a naive beta male, and an idiot.

But even if it is true, it her decision to be with him. You be forcing your decisions on her.

Either way you fail, hard.

PS. I hope this guy other posters are suggesting assaulting has a nice gun collection.

 

[KidwithSocks]

I registered on this forum just to reply to this extremely beta post.

Girls make up shi.t about guys all the time.

They love drama.

He could most likely be the nicest guy in the world, and she made up crap about him for attention and what not.

What's even more stupid is the posts about kicking his teeth in.

Yeah, so you are going to assault some random guy because of something you heard said might be true.

You sir, are a naive beta male, and an idiot.

But even if it is true, it her decision to be with him. You be forcing your decisions on her.

Either way you fail, hard.

PS. I hope this guy other posters are suggesting assaulting has a nice gun collection.

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