A huge part of growing up/realising your ambitions/becoming the best you you can be involved surrounding yourself with the right people;
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
The person I undoubtedly spend the most time with is my housemate. We've only lived together for 4 months and already it's becoming so draining I feel exhausted. I always wanted to live with a like-minded friend and have the whole Joey & Chandler thing going on but it just hasn't worked out that way.
Around the flat occasionally he will have a clean but it's usually after a week or so of filth whereas I prefer to keep it clean by doing smaller jobs more frequent but ok that's not too bad. There are little habits that I've brought up that are annoying or bother that have become less but basically if he can cut corners he will. This points out the major red flag: laziness.
The kid will do nothing all day but watch tv and smoke weed whilst eating junk and I have to admit that I've done the same regularly, but the difference is I go to work and bring some money in. He has to call in a debt with a friend and borrow money from me to cover the rent and bills this month as he hasn't been to work in weeks, and when he did go it was 2 or 3 days a week (first time he hasn't met the financial requirements). Now I admit is job is a bit of a b!tch and is long hours but rather than address the problem by applying for different jobs or talking to his boss (who is very understanding) he just ignores the problem and hopes it will go away (another red flag: pu$$y).
As well as being a lazy pu$$y he has ex-gf oneitis issues and is a total askhole (asks for advice then ignores it). When I first met him he was with this girl, they'd been together a while. The first night I went out with both of them she flirted with me all night then they had an argument and she stormed off, he followed and as a result they missed their train home and he had to pay for a taxi (and we weren't close to home). Fast forward a few months she dumps him for another guy saying 'you have no ambition, and you do nothing all day'. The other guy was successful while my friend had just dropped out of Uni after doing practically nothing for two years (another wasted opportunity).
My friend proceeded to self-harm and act like a total douche (calling and texting her at all hours, begging, crying, you know). I pitied him and tried to help when others (who knew better) weren't helping. I have him so SS advice such as whoever cares the least in the relationship rules and to go no contact. He did, and did well, she started calling him to see him and would even initiate sex with him when he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. Then he relapsed.
When we moved in together she'd come over, their laughter would turn in to a fight over nothing and I'd hear him shouting 'I f*cking hate you, I hope you die, I never want anything to do with you ever again' before no longer than 10 minutes later calling her, apologising, asking her to come bal and promising to buy her whatever she wants (WHAT THE F*CK?!). I called him out on it many times but he tries to act as if he was kidding or playing her, totally not the case. The guy is a wimp and know she wants nothing to do with him (said it many times before), she has taken steps to rid him of her life - which resulted in him asking to borrow my phone to check her fb as she's blocked him. He said he wanted to check what she was up to, I declined naturally.
In addition to this if I try and help him by introducing him to new girls etc he just messes it up. He always told stories of how good he was with girls but he literally socially retarded. If he manages to talk to a girl (usually he has to be very drunk) he just mumbles out some nonsense or makes it awkward. He'll then try to kiss a girl even if she looks disinterested and, although he's gotten a kiss back a few times on account of being a good looking guy, when he gets rejected he gets all downhearted and sad. He asked of I'd leave the club with him last week because he thought and I quote 'everyone in there thought he was ugly'.
Getting back to the point - living with him has become especially difficult though it has helped me realise I don't want to live a student-esque life anymore; dirty dishes, excessive weed smoking, junk food, daytime tv. I feel as though that's what he wants and if it wasn't for me (I did all the work in gettin the flat, pay more, take responsibility etc) he'd be living at his dad's and on the dole. I'd feel bad dropping him to this fate but I shouldn't have to look after him.
Financially I'm thinking of saving up and getting my first mortgage on a small place, as it's cheaper and makes more sense than paying rent every month for no return. He seems to think we're gonna make money together, get a mortgage together etc and that just isn't the case. If I could afford the rent and bills myself as well as save and pay off my own debts I would but I doubt I could. Basically I need to save around 5 grand. This would take maybe 6-8months (less if I apply myself but I dunno if I can cope that long with him (he's making immature jokes in a silly voice now and it just riles me).
So what should I do?
Is it really important that I drop him and try to hang with like-minded people?
Can I/should I help him? How?
Money saving tips?
Mortgage advice?
Motivation help (as I myself need to do more)?
Where can I meet like-minded, ambitious, driven people?
Thanks, and apologies for the mammoth post. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Bizzle
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
The person I undoubtedly spend the most time with is my housemate. We've only lived together for 4 months and already it's becoming so draining I feel exhausted. I always wanted to live with a like-minded friend and have the whole Joey & Chandler thing going on but it just hasn't worked out that way.
Around the flat occasionally he will have a clean but it's usually after a week or so of filth whereas I prefer to keep it clean by doing smaller jobs more frequent but ok that's not too bad. There are little habits that I've brought up that are annoying or bother that have become less but basically if he can cut corners he will. This points out the major red flag: laziness.
The kid will do nothing all day but watch tv and smoke weed whilst eating junk and I have to admit that I've done the same regularly, but the difference is I go to work and bring some money in. He has to call in a debt with a friend and borrow money from me to cover the rent and bills this month as he hasn't been to work in weeks, and when he did go it was 2 or 3 days a week (first time he hasn't met the financial requirements). Now I admit is job is a bit of a b!tch and is long hours but rather than address the problem by applying for different jobs or talking to his boss (who is very understanding) he just ignores the problem and hopes it will go away (another red flag: pu$$y).
As well as being a lazy pu$$y he has ex-gf oneitis issues and is a total askhole (asks for advice then ignores it). When I first met him he was with this girl, they'd been together a while. The first night I went out with both of them she flirted with me all night then they had an argument and she stormed off, he followed and as a result they missed their train home and he had to pay for a taxi (and we weren't close to home). Fast forward a few months she dumps him for another guy saying 'you have no ambition, and you do nothing all day'. The other guy was successful while my friend had just dropped out of Uni after doing practically nothing for two years (another wasted opportunity).
My friend proceeded to self-harm and act like a total douche (calling and texting her at all hours, begging, crying, you know). I pitied him and tried to help when others (who knew better) weren't helping. I have him so SS advice such as whoever cares the least in the relationship rules and to go no contact. He did, and did well, she started calling him to see him and would even initiate sex with him when he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. Then he relapsed.
When we moved in together she'd come over, their laughter would turn in to a fight over nothing and I'd hear him shouting 'I f*cking hate you, I hope you die, I never want anything to do with you ever again' before no longer than 10 minutes later calling her, apologising, asking her to come bal and promising to buy her whatever she wants (WHAT THE F*CK?!). I called him out on it many times but he tries to act as if he was kidding or playing her, totally not the case. The guy is a wimp and know she wants nothing to do with him (said it many times before), she has taken steps to rid him of her life - which resulted in him asking to borrow my phone to check her fb as she's blocked him. He said he wanted to check what she was up to, I declined naturally.
In addition to this if I try and help him by introducing him to new girls etc he just messes it up. He always told stories of how good he was with girls but he literally socially retarded. If he manages to talk to a girl (usually he has to be very drunk) he just mumbles out some nonsense or makes it awkward. He'll then try to kiss a girl even if she looks disinterested and, although he's gotten a kiss back a few times on account of being a good looking guy, when he gets rejected he gets all downhearted and sad. He asked of I'd leave the club with him last week because he thought and I quote 'everyone in there thought he was ugly'.
Getting back to the point - living with him has become especially difficult though it has helped me realise I don't want to live a student-esque life anymore; dirty dishes, excessive weed smoking, junk food, daytime tv. I feel as though that's what he wants and if it wasn't for me (I did all the work in gettin the flat, pay more, take responsibility etc) he'd be living at his dad's and on the dole. I'd feel bad dropping him to this fate but I shouldn't have to look after him.
Financially I'm thinking of saving up and getting my first mortgage on a small place, as it's cheaper and makes more sense than paying rent every month for no return. He seems to think we're gonna make money together, get a mortgage together etc and that just isn't the case. If I could afford the rent and bills myself as well as save and pay off my own debts I would but I doubt I could. Basically I need to save around 5 grand. This would take maybe 6-8months (less if I apply myself but I dunno if I can cope that long with him (he's making immature jokes in a silly voice now and it just riles me).
So what should I do?
Is it really important that I drop him and try to hang with like-minded people?
Can I/should I help him? How?
Money saving tips?
Mortgage advice?
Motivation help (as I myself need to do more)?
Where can I meet like-minded, ambitious, driven people?
Thanks, and apologies for the mammoth post. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Bizzle
