old oneitis, back in town...

[realsmoothie]

Hey guys, kinda bored, and this forum is slow... so I'd throw in a situation and see what you come up with.

I'm meeting a girl for drinks tomorrow (tonight) and am wondering how to go about it.

I've known her for a few years. She was a roommate of a couple female friends of mine. Very cute, Swedish, in medicine. Pretty shy, but smart and sarcastic (wierd for a Swede, it seems). Started dating a guy almost immediately after I met her, they broke up but she left for Sweden when she was done school here.

We hung out a little amongst everyone else while she was here, but I was such an AFC at the time I could never admit to her that I was into her. Just as she left I emailed her (d'oh) and admitted I liked her. She responded with something along the lines of "that was really cute" but nothing more.

We have talked on MSN every few months or so, sometimes for an hour or so, for a couple of years. Much more than we ever talked when she was here.

Then the other day I see her on MSN and ask "how's europe", she responds that she's actually HERE in town, just recently, and would be for a while. Doesn't say why but does say she's a little embarrassed and depressed about it. I say we should hang out, she agrees. I don't ask her.

A day later she texts me "let's hang out" but it doesn't happen (I'm busy). She suggests another day, but then can't do it. Then today she said "how's Wednesday" and FINALLY it's gonna happen.

We're going out "for a few drinks", and then I told her I'd be going out clubbing. She asked where (text, again) but I haven't responded.

The question is... how do I play this? When I last knew her I was ultra AFC. Now I'm getting pretty self-confident. She knows that I WAS into her years ago... this definitely has to be still on her mind, right?

And I still don't know why she's here. For all I know it could be that guy, but I kind of doubt it (she hasn't mentioned his name in years).

Yeah, I know... it's over-analyzing, but like I said I'm a little bored at the moment and maybe you guys have a suggestion. Surely the drinks will help. I'm planning on playing it completely by ear, but am really wanting to not get into an LJBF situation right away. If she shows ANY signs of interest, I want in.

Any ideas?

 

[joekerr31]

tough situation. shes got all the power here. you arent a challenge - nor can you really make yourself in to one since you've already set the expectations.

number one rule is never tell a girl you like her. simply ask her out.

the best thing you can do here is have beers and be very laid back about it all. i suggest cracking a few sexual jokes.

you need to leave her with the impression that there is a lot more to you than what she knows already and that you aren't just some scared infatuated afc - that you're a MAN who would rock her world.

 

[kyphan]

If you've become more of a man since the two of you last met, then you be ready to go. Be who you are, have fun, and let her get a taste of the new you.

By the way, the Swedes I know are all smart and sarcastic. Not sure where you get that impression from.

 

[squirrels]

If you're getting "pretty self-confident", then why is SHE the one making all the moves? She's asked you to meet up with her on THREE separate dates. This should be telling you two things:

1) She's interested. You don't have to "play" anything. Just be confident, hold eye contact, smile, talk to her like you don't give a damn.

2) You need to start taking more charge of the situation. I'm not saying boss women around, but take responsibility for some of the decisions here.

Just meet up with her. Don't go out for "just drinks". Go somewhere where you can do something as you drink. Pool or bowling is good. Or some place with a dance floor (but not a mainstream meat-market bar...someplace out of the way). A comedy club would also be pretty tight (and tell you whether she has a sense of humor).

 

[realsmoothie]

If you're getting "pretty self-confident", then why is SHE the one making all the moves? She's asked you to meet up with her on THREE separate dates. This should be telling you two things:

1) She's interested. You don't have to "play" anything. Just be confident, hold eye contact, smile, talk to her like you don't give a damn.

2) You need to start taking more charge of the situation. I'm not saying boss women around, but take responsibility for some of the decisions here.

Just meet up with her. Don't go out for "just drinks". Go somewhere where you can do something as you drink. Pool or bowling is good. Or some place with a dance floor (but not a mainstream meat-market bar...someplace out of the way). A comedy club would also be pretty tight (and tell you whether she has a sense of humor).

Actually, she asked me out first, but then half ditched because I had plans and she couldn't make them because it was too late. Then she said Monday, and then a day later said she had plans and said she'd call. Suggested Wednesday, so I waited (was kinda pissed off by this point) and she texted me yesterday saying "so, tonight?".

I suggested a drink, she said yep a few drinks. So it was my idea WHERE to do out. I also said that I'd probably be going out clubbing after (I would, it's usual this day of the week), didn't elaborate. Of course, she texted back saying "where" and it's clear she wants to go.

But to be honest... I'm kinda nervous about bringing her out with me to the club (we'll be at a bar first) later, because I dunno how I'll react in a REALLY drinky situation. I was pretty oneitis with this girl before, though it was three years ago.

But I like your "doing something" suggestion. Pool might be good, I'll bring that up. I hate sitting at a bar... no chance for kino, right? There is one bar here that you pretty much HAVE to sit beside your company.

 

[realsmoothie]

Well... damn... blew THAT afc test.

We met and got a few beers. She looks fvcking fantastic, I quickly realized why I'd gone into oneitis mode a few years ago. She's tiny, curvy, big eyes and big lips. Basically looks about 18. And she's a fricking doctor. A DOCTOR. At 26.

I find out that she's only visiting, and is leaving tomorrow (today). She MIGHT be back in a week or so for another week. So I pretty much eject any idea of moving on her... not sure why, a bit of a combination of the situation being just too tough for my recovering-AFC brain to navigate and the fact that I really like and respect this girl as a person. Dammit, gotta stop doing that!

We end up getting pretty drunk after a couple of hours, then I tell her I'm going to the club with a couple of girl friends, she wants to come, even though it means probably spending the night on my couch (my idea, and at least I was gutsy enough to mention that).

But we get to the club and she stops drinking. Uh oh, bad sign. I pretty much give up and just have fun dancing and all. She looks tired, checks her watch. Eventually it's closing and we all leave.

On the way back to my place my other girl-friend, who is married and a co-worker but I have fooled aroudn with her on multiple occasions, goes jealousy/drunk horny and pretty much grabs my arm all the way home. LOL.

Finally Swedish girl and I get back to my place. We chat on the couch, VERY quietly because my b*tchy roommate is getting annoyed with me bringing girls over. It's just chat, though, we stay up until 4 and then it's like, well maybe I'll see you in the morning. We hug, I go to my room.

Ouch. I felt sh*tty at the time for not doing anything... but now it's the next day and I'm kind of thinking that it was a tough situation for the both of us, even if she WAS interested.

Maybe she'll be back for that other week. Part of me REALLY wants to email her or something and be all AFC, it's so tough not to because there's nothing else I can do except sit here and stew about not doing anything. Dammit!

At one point last night I was asking whether she had a boyfriend at home, she said no, I said "yeah right, as if a smart beautiful doctor can't get a guy" and she said something to the effect of all Swedish guys are effeminate.... they wear pink scarves and tight pants. Dammit again.

Anybody out there in Stockholm who can hook me up with a job? :rock:

 

[Aaron B]

Why did you take her to a club?

Its obvious that she is the prize in your mind. How can you succeed from that point of view?

Thats great that she's a doctor and hot. But you have built her up so much in your mind that you consider yourself unworthy. What kind of guys do you think she sleeps with? Are you better than them?

 

[wayword]

Why did you take her to a club?

I woulda taken her there for a quick venue change, some social-proofing, then bounce out to isolate.

Why stick around in there while she's getting bored and you had already established some rapport over a few hours? It's like bringing a sandwich to a sandwich shop. You're already past that step, don't go backwards..