Okay so my wife and i got in a pretty big fight last night

[CostaDeSol]

I'd kill to have guy friends. But It never works. They get jealous or they start asking for money / favors or they just suck in general. I have one guy friend that's cool, again I met through work one of my graphic guys is my homeboy.

On top of THAT I'm in 2-3 NA meetings a week...
I don't have the time that alot of you guys here seem to have.

Why don't you quit your NA group, quit posting on SS, and spend that time somewhere else where you can meet real life friends?

if you don't want listen to strangers give you advice on an internet forum, then work on building your relationships with people in the real world.

 

[Die Hard]

So where's that update, BB? Don't hold back because of the negative vibe that has come over this thread.

I tend to agree with your point of view on this matter but I can also see the validity of some of the points that others have made here.

Really curious how this plays out, keep us updated!

 

[backbreaker]

nothing serious. my wife is fine. the girl and her BF came to our new year's eve party and my wife and her hit it off they are going out to eat together this weekend and then shopping. my wife is a very likable person.

my wife tho was all over me at the party she lays it on thick like that when she thinks she has perceived competition.

 

[Married Buried]

teenage reaction[/B]: Somebody else started it. It wasn't me! LOL you b1tch. I've known guys like you.

You've known guys like me in real life? You mean like this guy?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=150525

TyTe`EyEz

I Got Knocked Unconscious

Who's the b!tch now?

 

[ArcBound]

Can I honestly ask everyone who is throwing backbreaker under the bus for having a non sexual relationship with this woman..

What happened to the whole idea of spinning plates? That is outlined again and again on this website? That Rollo even clarified long ago, spinning plates does not necessarily mean you are fvcking the girl...So backbreaker is (intentionally or unintentionally) spinning plates with one his clients..So what if it doesn't get sexual? And not to mention, he isn't lying about this client and is even inviting the client and boyfriend to dinner to alleviate his wife's worries. The person who is cheating or is pushing boundaries behind his/her partner's back hides this **** and lies about, not invites the person over for dinner lol.

If his wife has a problem then they will deal with it amongst themselves. They each knew who they were marrying and they did so willingly. If backbreaker is the type of person to push boundaries too far.. then his wife should have figured that out before marrying him. She trusted his character enough to marry him and vice versa.

If an AFC guy came to this website saying his girl dumped and explained his situation half of you guys would be telling him to spin plates! Backbreaker happens to be doing what we would call "spinning a plate". Is that not what we ask for and seek for?? Why chastise the man when he actually follows sosuave advice/theory?

"As I stated earlier, you don’t have to be sexual with every one of the plates you’re spinning (this used to be called “dating” in the days before serial monogamy became the fashion). It’s the potential in knowing that you could be, or that there are women who will value your attention that prompts a competitive anxiety in women – often when you don’t even know you’re doing it." - Rollo Tomassi

Is that quote by Rollo not describing what backbreaker is doing and what his wife is feeling?

 

[backbreaker]

I've been putting a lot of thought into this, because this is some **** im pretty serious about and I want to know why. I believe the reason is my dad. This is how my dad always operated. My dad was married 3 times and to women that were serious catches, including my mom who is good looking and has a masters degree with no bad habits/ drinking/etc.. and not one ever cheated on him. All were crazy about him and all of them would have loved to grow old with him if he would just keep his **** in his pants which he would not do.

I never agreed with my dad ruining a good thing.. my last step mom was perfect. she's like 38 years old now my dad is 53, she's a nurse, 6'1 or so and is one of the prettiest black women I've ever laid eyes on. Just gorgeous and she was so sweet and my dad just ****ed up.. twice at that. she forgave him after the first time but the 2nd was too much


one thing my dad always understood is that you have to keep a woman on her toes. my dad is a good looking man and if there was a "game" competition, i'd take y dad over anyone on this site, dad has true, cold approach a girl in the mall, game... but my dad is not rich, or super duper successful. He works 2 jobs and makes good money but works for it... Dokes, Bert, Dave, I sit here and think about it those are my dad's 3 best friends and eveyr last one of them their wives cheated on them. Dave's wife cheating on him and him forgiving her was a running joke lol. my dad is shorter than all 3 of them, not as smart as the other ones, probably better looking lol, doesn't make as much as the ohter ones, but he easily married the best looking women out of all of them and they never cheated. my dad was the only one who never cut off women just because he was married.

My 2nd step mom dona when I lived in little rock, she managed one of the post offices there and I'd run into her all the time after they got divorced and even years after he cheated on her and she left, she was always asking about him and wha the was doing, who he was dating, etc. Every time I saw her I had to give her the rundown. lol my dad alpha widowed her lol. Everytime I'd walk in the pos toffice they'd be like "that's him right there that's dona's step son by danny"

I guess in my mind, I wanted to always take that good part about what he did.. he got that part right. Say what you want about our marriage but my wife is crazy about her some backbreaker... and I her ... but leave the stupid wreckless whoring part out. I don't care to cheat on my wife. When I took my marriage vows I meant it. I really did.

I've had female friends in the past while with her and I won't ever let it cross a certain line. I have no desire to cheat. I respect my wife to the point where if i were going to cheat i'd just get a divorce.


before someone comes in and says well your dad kept women around and he cheated.. my dad's issues were deep rooted if it weren't women it would have been drugs. but he did understad how to keep a woman on her toes

 

[LiveFreeX]

What happened to the whole idea of spinning plates?

That was a stupid idea to begin with. It's actually the politically correct 'manosphere' term for SLVT. I'd like to know who made ROLLO and his 'theories' the expert and authority on sosuave? As far as I'm concerned, plate spinning in a committed relationship is absolutely unfair, not to mention selfish and a loser's mindset. Why? well you are telling yourself you need to spin plates, just in case you LOSE... so what kind of women do you attract? Losers and women you'd have no trouble dumping. It's a vicious circle and it never ends in you getting what you want, plus you spend all your time with WOMEN... what a waste of time. This guy has a kid to raise but he'd rather spend his free time with a FEMALE friend. Is it not enough to be wanted by women? The failure comes when you indulge yourself in that wanting. It is part of the DJ/Sosuave/PUA mindset to attract women, we have already internalized everything that attracts women, we do it naturally. It's an abuse of power to then push those boundaries into the face of a loved one. We are upset because BB is abusing his power. With great power comes great responsibility while absolute power corrupts absolutely.

What is it you get out of this relationship Backbreaker? Do you both sit and knit scarves together or crochet? Does she teach you how to bake cookies? What is it your getting out of this relationship that's more important than spending time with your wife or son? Think of all the things you can be teaching your son while you are out with this broad. My father was similar to yours in that he spent his hours talking to other broads over the phone instead of spending them passing on important carpentry skills to me. Do you think because he was able to 'keep my mother around' I'm going to use him as a good example? Their relationship was rocky at best and complete sh1t at worst. My mother always resented him for it and it was an embarrassement not only for me but for my entire family. Anything my father says to me I take with a grain of salt, how can you trust the word of a man who has no integrity? As a teacher, I feel immense pride when my students learn what I teach them and terrible sadness and failure when they don't. I know my father must feel like a failure when he looks at me and I'm not shy about reminding him. There are more important things in life than women and your personal happiness. That is what the 'manosphere' and MGTOW WAS about until people like Roosh and Rollo started corrupting that, making the focus of the men's movement about sex instead of RESPONSIBILITY.

PUArtistry is simply a means of meeting women, it does not extend into responsible family management. That's like trying to repurpose a Kwasaki Ninja to be your family car, its fast and dangerous and will likely end up hurting you and your family if its not used responsibly for its intended purpose: a single rider.

before someone comes in and says well your dad kept women around and he cheated.. my dad's issues were deep rooted if it weren't women it would have been drugs.

Aren't you also a recovering addict?

it's just a bad idea all around and you are giving her a way to disrespect her current guy whilst doing the same to your wife. There are other ways of keeping your wife on her toes that DON'T INVOLVE you hanging out with other women. You may not care to cheat on your wife but its sending a very different message. We are all waiting for the time when she starts hanging out with male friends and also has 'no intention of cheating'. I'm sure at that time you will feel its disrespectful to have some other dude in the house with HIS feet up on YOUR table around YOUR son, ****blocking YOU, but you've already set the boundaries right? It's perfectly OK in the Backbreaker household to have adult 'friends' around. Do you want your son to follow in your/your father's footsteps?

 

[Married Buried]

That was a stupid idea to begin with. It's actually the politically correct 'manosphere' term for SLVT. I'd like to know who made ROLLO and his 'theories' the expert and authority on sosuave? As far as I'm concerned, plate spinning in a committed relationship is absolutely unfair, not to mention selfish and a loser's mindset. Why?

When did anyone ever say you plate spin when in a committed relationship? You are getting plate spinning confused with something else. You are supposed to plate spin until you find a woman worthy of the relationship, and then drop the other plates. As for plate spinning while married? I have never seen that advocated here. That is not plate spinning that is cheating on your wife.

 

[zekko]

What happened to the whole idea of spinning plates? That is outlined again and again on this website? That Rollo even clarified long ago, spinning plates does not necessarily mean you are fvcking the girl...So backbreaker is (intentionally or unintentionally) spinning plates with one his clients?

Rollo specifically stated that spinning plates does not apply when you are married or in an exclusive relationship. That the very definition of marriage and exclusivity did not allow for spinning plates. This was one of the things that confused me a lot when I first came here, because of how hard they push the plate spinning here.

I really don't see what the big deal about spinning plates is. I used to do it in my 20s, and I'm glad I did because it showed I could do it. But I really didn't give a sh!t about it one way or the other. It certainly didn't change my attitude about women any, even though it's portrayed as some sort of magical elixir here. The main thing is that you don't want to focus all your attention on a woman, or build your world around her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Women want man who *could* cheat, but not men who do.

well said

 

[LiveFreeX]

I stand corrected then.

 

[samspade]

"Honey, I'm going to Bob's to watch the game."

"Honey, Bob and I are gonna grab a few drinks."

"Honey, Bob's coming over and we're gonna watch Dark Knight and drink some brews. I'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow when your plane lands."

"Babe, I'm going fishing with Bob at his lake house next weekend."

Now swap out Bob for Sarah. That illustrates for me why men and women can't be "friends."

As others have said, create IOIs and stay attractive, flirt a little (but nothing like when you're single). You do her a favor by showing her you're still the prize. You disrespect her when you start sharing quality time/deep conversations with another woman. It's playing with fire IMO.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Sam I wish I could like your post somehow.

 

[samspade]

Sam I wish I could like your post somehow.

Thanks man. I think it's simple...every female "friend" I've had was really a woman I couldn't seduce. If any guy thinks he has a female "buddy," he needs to ask himself what he would do if she offered him NSA sex. At best women can be wings/social proof for the single guy.

 

[user43770]

"Honey, I'm going to Bob's to watch the game."

"Honey, Bob and I are gonna grab a few drinks."

"Honey, Bob's coming over and we're gonna watch Dark Knight and drink some brews. I'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow when your plane lands."

"Babe, I'm going fishing with Bob at his lake house next weekend."

Now swap out Bob for Sarah. That illustrates for me why men and women can't be "friends."

As others have said, create IOIs and stay attractive, flirt a little (but nothing like when you're single). You do her a favor by showing her you're still the prize. You disrespect her when you start sharing quality time/deep conversations with another woman. It's playing with fire IMO.

Well done, sir. Really hits close to home when you say it like that.

 

[user43770]

You've known guys like me in real life? You mean like this guy?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=150525



Who's the b!tch now?

Yeah, that guy caught the sh1t out of me. I probably should have went to the hospital that night. I still have a picture on my old phone from the morning after. I'd post it, but I don't want to look at it!


Also, I regret attacking you in my previous post. Looking back, I had no reason to be so offensive. I'm better than that, and I apologize.

 

[BeDJ]

Your wife isn't wrong for being jealous there is another woman in the picture. It's natural for her to feel anxious and seek validation since this woman portrays her prime years. Your replies remind me of what I went through when there was another woman during my relationship.

She's like, an Italian woman version of me. WE have the same quirks, we have the same interests just about, we have the same sense of humor, we tick a like

This same though process goes through your mind if you recall every new relationship you've had.

So she was like well let me ask you this if we weren't married would you date her? I was like no beucase she has a BF

she was like well what if she didn't? ... i said.. probably yeah i would.

Why would you give your wife that response?

You've been on here long enough to understand the rules of the game. A simple "No." could have ended the conversation. However, you decided to plant a seed of dread. Your reasoning, I'll come back to later.

SO YOU WANT TO **** HER!!! (lol)

Bingo. The exact reaction you wanted.

See at this point, I realized i couldn't win this argument. her mind was made up. She works herself up into these friezes and ****

Come on, man.

So I get home and she's crying.

I remember my ex doing this. I remember making her do this.

She gets to go to the mall, she meets all her friends for lunch, she gets to go to yoga class during the week she has all this **** she can do and gets to meet all these people and i work at home and i don't. I want friends dammit lol.

You are a cog in a machine. Everyday, the cog turns the same gears. You're thinking your wife gets these entertainments, why can't you?

I'm not doing it. she's not the one that works at home 10 hours a day with no ****ing social life with no friends fvck her feelings in this regard.

This is a problem.

I just wnat to build my own network of friends, not just friends my wife has that know me.

You are not alone. Most men in relationships have a tendency to stop making friends and build upon existing ones.

she was like when is the last time you just went shopping with me? it's been some months....i just, take her for granted at times i suppose.

Comfort and contentment breeds the need for excitement. Boredom quickly manifests into pleasurable impulses that are unhealthy for the relationship. This new woman is a portrayal of the thrill that your current lifestyle doesn't grant. She sparked that manly essence to feel alive. I'm not saying in your case, but in mine, the need for excitement resulted in bad choices.

Take a moment to change your every day lifestyle. It can be a different place you get coffee, route home or which sock you put on first. Reconnect with some friends or family. Just hit them up out of the blue for a drink. If you don't like them, get new acquaintances. If you don't like the new ones either, change YOUR perspective. Try some new things, join a meetup group and build connections.

Before you met your wife, you were building a kingdom. Your kingdom is not solely based on the amount of gold. Its strength also relies on Allies, Explorers and Innovations.

 

[Married Buried]

Yeah, that guy caught the sh1t out of me. I probably should have went to the hospital that night. I still have a picture on my old phone from the morning after. I'd post it, but I don't want to look at it!


Also, I regret attacking you in my previous post. Looking back, I had no reason to be so offensive. I'm better than that, and I apologize.

It's all good buddy. This is just entertainment.

 

[Bokanovsky]

My takeaway from this thread:

1) Backbreaker has oneitis for the 'client girl' and very obviously wants to fvck her.
2) It seems likely that his wife has already fvcked the 'hairstylist dude' and/or the 'guy at the gym'. If not, she'll be getting around to it presently.
3) Backbreaker is setting himself up to get raped in divorce court if his stories about him making bank and his wife not working are to be believed. Can you say ACCUSTOMED TO A LUXURY LIFESTYLE and ALIMONY in the same sentence?

 

[cordoncordon]

When you run a business that makes over 100k a month in revenue it tends to take up alot of your time. I don't have a 9 to 5 job that i get paid every 2 weeks with sick pay and paid leave.

On top of that, I have a son. On top of that I'm hell bent on staying in shape. On top of THAT I'm in 2-3 NA meetings a week. On top of that I like to see my wife every once in a while lol.


I don't have the time that alot of you guys here seem to have.\




I like my anonymity. My RL friends are my RL friends, the internet is the internet.




I never implied that an effort was made. You know how many women clients i Have? I have porn star clients. I have other attractive clients. I have clients more attractive than this chick. We just clicked. It just happened. It's not like I'm combing through clients looking to bone my female clients lol.


Anyway it is what it is. if you want to say I have a problem than I have a problem I don't give a damn at this point lol. I don't live for the forums approval in all my endeavors. I was venting, we've dealt with it, we've moved on.

IF the day comes my wife doesn't like the way I life **** it i will deal with it that day. I'm done arguing about this

BB, Danger brought up something and I thank him for doing so. And that is the fact that I have offered many many times to get together and hang out, go to the race track, whatever. I mean, I grew up betting, training, and owning horses. That was my life. I don't train anymore but still bet them everyday and own some as well. And like you I moved to CA from far away and have had to struggle with making new friends out here. And like you, I work out of my home, in front of the computer. Finally like you, I am getting married to a girl that works at a job away while I stay home as I said. You say that you want to keep your real life and internet associations separate, and while I can respect that, the fact that you have failed to take up even one of my offers is really kind of mind boggling to me. But to each his own.

As for your specific situation here. I am only on page 4 of this thread so I am not up to date yet, but I can say that my fiance would never in a million years hang out with some guy the way you are with this girl, and neither would I hang out with a girl in that way. Really is twilight zone stuff to me. Just so far out there as far as what is acceptable behavior in a marriage and what is not. There are just some things you have to give up when you get married, and having a friendship of this magnitude with a woman? Not good man. Now, if you had known this woman before you met your wife and she was a long time friend? I would not have a problem with you maintaining that friendship. But even then, texting all day...emailing....internet chatting....meeting for coffee, buying each other gifts....or what have you? Would not happen. At least in any marriage I would be in. I know, at least I think I do, that if your wife was doing all of those things with a man, you would have a problem with it. To be quite honest about it, it sounds like you are getting bored of your marriage. And there is no harm in admitting that. It doesn't man you have stopped loving your wife. I would just suggest instead of looking outside your marriage for something new and exciting, try to find it within the marriage first and then compliment it with some outside experiences, friends, etc.

Anyway, I will catch up on the rest of the thread now and see how things are going. But I have to tell you, I know you say otherwise, but my gut tells me you really LIKE this girl.