Okay, I've had enough. Help me flip this on her.

[cactus3178]

Go me. I slipped right back down the hill to AFC-ness yesterday when talking to me so called ex. We went out last Saturday night as 'friends', and it was a damn disaster. She was basically just dissing me in front of people, and the more she drank, the worse it got.

Long story short, we went back to her house and ended up having sex because we were both pretty trashed. My bad. Sometimes I think the only reason I keep holding on is because of the sex (which isn't all that, but it is sex after all). It's not like I couldn't get it a dozen other places, but as I've gotten older (and more cautious about STDs), I'd rather be monogomous, as hard as that is to believe.

Sooooooo, we got into it last night. She keeps using us getting/not getting back together as a weapon against me, and I keep feeding into her BS for some reason. It goes against everything I've ever learned here at SoSuave, and I know I look like a little biotch.

Help me come up with a way to tell her that I'm not going to take her sh!t anymore, and that she has some blame in this too. Evidently, the way I word things doesn't get across to her....plus, some of you are pretty good with words.

At least I'm moving to my new house in a few days.

Thanks, brothers.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Why not just cut off all contact with her? Do you still have really strong feelings for her? If its just because of the sex, then that your fault bro, because your trying to convince yourself that your not attached when you are.

I'd slowly distance myself from her and see what happens. She sounds like she gets off on dissing you. Not a very good gf or girl in general.

Just remember, the sequel is never as good as the original.



PIMP

 

[cactus3178]

Well, my feelings for her have definitely lessened over the last several months, but yeah, I guess I do have some feelings for her still.

The thing that pisses me off is that it was pretty good at one time, but so many little things added up and consumed our relationship. I don't think it's fixable, but I'm having a hard time closing the door on this knowing that she thinks everything is my fault.

Maybe I'm too quick to forgive and she knows it. I honestly think she knows I don't want to let go. Damn.

 

[PEACEDJ]

if you and her get into another argument you def. need to put her ass back into place. I can see some of the fault is from you, but there's something wrong with this girl... she lacks control of herself and doesn't know what she wants either

So....lets say your on the phone/instant msg./in person, if she disses you, say something like alright (her name) your that ****ing good that you don't have anything wrong with yourself? Before you come to me with this b/s you better take a good look at yourself and realize that reality is a lot different then fantasy in your mind. Don't give me this **** ever again, and don't talk to me ever until your ready to apologize... LEAVE the situation, don't give her time to say something back. In a couple of days, she'll come around.

 

[sAxyguy83]

She may lack control over herself, but she seems to have cactus by the balls. My advice is break it off, no contact, and start dating other chicks. You should find fairly quickly that you no longer give a damn about the ex.

 

[Seeph]

Aight bro this girl is in control of the sich-e-ation. You have two options.

1) "The Best One" - Cut it off. This BS is going to keep on coming unless YOU do something about it, ok?

2) "Get Back in Control" - You say you have feeling for her.. Personally, I don't think the relationship is salvageable b/c she keeps dissing you. However, if you want to keep the sex coming, you gotta stop her threats. She threatens you with the "get back together" which is basically baiting you to be HER B1TCH. She wants a boy toy. Don't stand for it! Next time she says "fine then we wont get back together" or whatever the hell she says to you, tell her fine. "Ok thats cool, I got other things to do and other friends anyways, talk to you later, bye."

Say "other" instead of "better" better is now known as a sarcastic pissed off thing to say. So say other, this will make her think that you really just dont care. Which will drive her crazy and your back in control.

It's your choice bro, but you have to do something to get back in control.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Cutting it off is easier said than done for most people. Listen dude, you gotta ask yourself: Is she giving you a lot of stress? Ruining your academic grades? She doesn't sound like a fun person to be around with, with all that disrespecting. I dunno man, sometimes it takes some of us dudes several months to realize.. "Damn she f-cked my life up" before they give her up. Trust me dude, right now you may think "Wow , I'm getting sex" but then you're also getting the "baggage" that is what YOU DON'T WANT. Leave her dude.

 

[Grey Fox]

Date her sister or best friend.

-Grey Fox

 

[JustDoItAlways]

You CANNOT BE FRIENDS or even f-buddies with an Ex when you still have feelings for her.

It will just sap your psyche and turn you into a depressed no-confidence loser.

Lose the feelings (in actual fact, not just pretending to yourself that you have, listen to your gut here if you really truly have or not) or just stay away from her. Those are the only two options.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by cactus3178
She was basically just dissing me in front of people, and the more she drank, the worse it got.

Okay, this falls under unaccaptable. If she wants to rip you a new one, then she should wait till you get home. Cutting you up in public is just EVIL.

Originally posted by cactus3178
Long story short, we went back to her house and ended up having sex because we were both pretty trashed. My bad. Sometimes I think the only reason I keep holding on is because of the sex (which isn't all that, but it is sex after all). It's not like I couldn't get it a dozen other places, but as I've gotten older (and more cautious about STDs), I'd rather be monogomous, as hard as that is to believe.

Yeah, BAD IDEA! If you're worried about STD's, wear a condom. You deserve SO much better than this! When you get your own place, tell this woman that it's over. Period! Finished! DONE! Don't contact her and refuse all her communications. You need to get back out there and find some one who has better manners...and is better in bed!

 

[cactus3178]

yeah, this sucks...

Thanks for all your advice. I think it's pretty obvious who's in control, heh. The stupidest thing is that all my friends think I could do way better, and I'll have to admit that I've been miserable for a long time.

I think the thing I'm scared of most is that she will replace me before I can replace her...as fvcked up as that sounds, I don't mean it in a bad way. The thought of her being with someone else REALLY chews me up for some reason, probably more than it should. Stupid, being jealous about a girl that's not mine anymore.

I've always been the kind of guy that hates to throw things away until I'm sure their actually garbage, you know?

I think you guys are right, the best thing to do is break contact with her on Monday, the day I move to my new house. Should I just tell her that the ball is in her court and I won't be calling anymore, or just cease contact completely? We do have many mutual friends, so 100% cut-off of communication isn't really a viable option.

I don't want to come out of this looking like Mr. *******, because really, I'm not a bad guy.

Thanks again all.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by cactus3178
Well, my feelings for her have definitely lessened over the last several months, but yeah, I guess I do have some feelings for her still.

The thing that pisses me off is that it was pretty good at one time, but so many little things added up and consumed our relationship. I don't think it's fixable, but I'm having a hard time closing the door on this knowing that she thinks everything is my fault.

Maybe I'm too quick to forgive and she knows it. I honestly think she knows I don't want to let go. Damn.

U just said it. U have a hard time letting go. U dont want her to find another guy. Its always like a race between you and her. U have to detatch yourself and realise she isnt yours anymore and it is pointless putting yourself through this.

Secondly u said the second half yourself. U are too quick to forgive and SHE KNOWS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man I was like this once, I just forgave and forgave and forgave and where did it get me? Her taking advantage of me more and more and more!! Lol, then I put my foot down and like your girlfriend she knew I would not let go. And I didnt, of course I kept taking her back all the time. But it got to the point I got so desperate with all the "little things" that I just totally put my foot down, told her what is happening and if she doesnt like it on her bike. She went as a test, after a couple of months realised I wasnt joking this time and was back straight away. Things were great for a long while, then she started again, at that point, she was out the door and never to return. That is my only serious girlfriend (I dont count girls I am only with for a few months as LTR as other guys on these boards, lol). Good luck, u found yourself a confused, immature little girl, now u have to deal with her or free yourself from her. Man, this is a ramble, hope it helps in some way, lol!

 

[sux2bu]

Originally posted by cactus3178
Go me. I slipped right back down the hill to AFC-ness yesterday when talking to me so called ex.

Honey? Have you seen my balls?

 

[MetalFortress]

Re: yeah, this sucks...

Originally posted by cactus3178
Thanks for all your advice. I think it's pretty obvious who's in control, heh. The stupidest thing is that all my friends think I could do way better, and I'll have to admit that I've been miserable for a long time.

I think the thing I'm scared of most is that she will replace me before I can replace her...as fvcked up as that sounds, I don't mean it in a bad way. The thought of her being with someone else REALLY chews me up for some reason, probably more than it should. Stupid, being jealous about a girl that's not mine anymore.

I've always been the kind of guy that hates to throw things away until I'm sure their actually garbage, you know?

I think you guys are right, the best thing to do is break contact with her on Monday, the day I move to my new house. Should I just tell her that the ball is in her court and I won't be calling anymore, or just cease contact completely? We do have many mutual friends, so 100% cut-off of communication isn't really a viable option.

I don't want to come out of this looking like Mr. *******, because really, I'm not a bad guy.

Thanks again all.

You know the problem, so you now have no excuse for putting up with anymore of her crap. Don't worry about looking like a big jerk, because it's about not taking crap from her or anyone. If I were you, I'd not want her dating again, but only because I'd feel sorry for the next guy she tries to control. Think of it like finally being away from her is like your "get out of jail free" cart (since you were so miserable with her) and heck, why would you be sad about her pulling someone else into that jail? Personally, I would opt to cease contact completely. What can mutual friends do, ask "why don't you two talk anymore?" That's an easy question to answer.

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Everyone has posted some really great advice, but the solution to your problem is a rather simple one: Tell her to **** off!

Then start spending your time with REAL women like a REAL man.


Easy as pie.

 

[myfriendblu]

Pimpcicle is spot on - the only way to break up with someone is to cut off all and complete contact with them. If you don't, you know whose foot your shooting. (your own)

 

[yakko1zzz]

I had girl like this exact one not too long ago. I finally got the balls to cut it off, then something happened. She calls me at like 4:30am and says she can't go to bed because she has to be at work in like 3hrs. I invite her over(expecting something...) and she says no, i'll fall asleep in your bed too quick. Anyway, after she decided to go home and just hang out, I don't here from her for about a week. She calls and comes over to tell me she had been raped. It happened no more than 10min after she got off the phone with me!! Needless to say I wasn't going to be an
~!@hole and not be a friend so i still talk to her. But she keeps playing the games like before only without the coming over part. I am basically just there if she needs anything becuase I know she would never end up with me.
My advice, tell her to **** Off!! Loose her phone number... like everyone else says. They are young and have no idea what they want and that is dangerous for your confindence and well-being. Sorry bout the sob story, just had to explain.

 

[Player_Supreme]

This is why I always say NO CONTACT with ex's. What the fawk do you wanna go out as "friends" for. It didn't work the first time so why prolong the agony?

I just broke up with the girl I was going to settle down with on Monday.

Tue, I met a chick at starbucks.

wed, night I met her out at a bar.

She just left a while ago at 12 ish the next day.

Move on and find new pvssy!

Flip nothing! Just flip ya self a new life.

Done is Done! When it's over it's over!