AspiringDonJuan
Don Juan
Here is a bit of a story. It is the first time, since reading the discussions and advice on this site, that I have found myself in such a situation. So, I was able to view things as an informed observer and will relate back my findings. This will probably be a long post, so bear with me, in my mind it yet another validation of the advice given at this site.
Firstly, I didn't pick up and I didn't try to pick up. Why? Because I didn't, we'll leave it at that. Anyway, onward...
It is a Wednesday night, I am in the city to watch a free concert in which Collective Soul are playing (free as part of the Goodwill Games being held in Brisbane). Collective Soul aren't playing for another hour and a half, so I am sitting with a bunch of mates chatting over a few beers at a nearby pub.
It is now close to start time, so a few of us go and watch the concert, the others stay and drink some more.
The concert ends after an hour and a half and I return to the pub to find my friends. There are now five of us. A karaoke competition has started, and drunken people are invariably drawn to karaoke competitions. Such is the case with my friends, the four of them are happily watching the antics on stage (well, one isn't drinking and isn't that happy).
But what else do I see? Two of these guys are chatting with a couple of attractive women, the other two are not.
So, what about the two that are? I can very safely call these guys Don Juans, they get women if they want. Having said this, they are both in LTR's and of high moral standing, they currently don't get chicks because they are taken. Let's call them DJ1 and DJ2. They are both fairly handsome. DJ1 is 6'5" and DJ2 is about 6'1" or 6'2" so they are tall guys and in good shape. But they aren't models and they certainly aren't pretty boys. It appears to me that they have the women eating out of the palms of their hands. They are joking with them, touching them (only innocent and non-threatening) and generally having a good time, and so are the women. These guys are extremely confident, they aren't worried about what impression they are making, they are just enjoying themselves. Furthermore, without trying to pick up, they are becoming quite popular with some of the women.
Granted, these guys are fine specimens (being tall, good looking and intelligent) and so women find them attractive. But the women are really showing them attention because of their confidence and good humour (although I would be an idiot if I said that the looks, size, etc. played no part in it). How do I know? Because I have seen the guys when they haven't given or received attention from women. So, to put it simply, these guys are definitely Don Juans, I have known them for three and a half years, they have always had a woman. DJ1 isn't always loved by everyone, he doesn't mind offending from time to time, but he is RESPECTED by everyone. DJ2 is in a similar situation but is possibly a little nicer.
The interesting thing about this experience is that the five of us fit across the personality spectrum. I'll go onto the next guy.
He is very intelligent and would fit into the handsome field as well. He is not a large guy, about 5'10" and 65-70kg. He is having fun singing along, etc. but is not paying attention to the women. He is basically ignoring them. In this case I don't know if he is getting looks from women, but I know that on other occasions he does. He is just not showing interest at this time (this fits in with his personality, he doesn't just come out and tell his mates about his experiences with women, it has to be coaxed out of him). It is hard to guage his success rate because he is somewhat of a dark horse, but he is moderately successful. On this night he doesn't pick up because he doesn't try. Furthermore, he doesn't usually get women when his friends (us) are around, he does it at other times (he often meets girls in 'normal' situations when he is not drunk).
Now I move onto the last of my friends. This guy is very interesting. He is not a Don Juan, although he shows some of the traits. His personality is just too different and erratic. A lot of the girls I know feel threatened by him because he comes across as being a bit different and often isn't friendly. This guy wasn't drinking and wasn't participating in the fun. He wasn't trying to pick up either. The other thing I noticed (I was stone cold sober too) was that it was more difficult to sing and dance along when this guy was around then when he wasn't. His mood put a bit of a damper on the affair and made me feel a little more self-conscious than I would have without him around. Don't get me wrong, he is a great mate and one of the guys pushing me most in terms of trying with women, but if one of your friends isn't joining in, it can make things a bit more difficult for you enjoy yourself.
At the end of the night, my mates who had been talking to the two girls told them that they would meet up the same place next Wednesday. The girls agreed, as simple as that.
So what did I learn from this?
Two of my friends were displaying all of the Don Juan traits right in front of my face (they do it naturally, they haven't had to learn from a site like this). They were being fun, humourous, a challenge, were touching, etc. They had nothing to lose and were not interested in starting any kind of relationship. They were just having fun with confidence, and if they wanted girls they would have gotten them WITHOUT TRYING.
The third guy was having fun, etc. but didn't approach any girls. Therefore he didn't get any girls.
The fourth guy wasn't even having much fun. This made it a little more difficult to enjoy myself fully when he was nearby, partly because he was a sober observer as was I (try singing and dancing in a crowd full of strangers or drunks doing the same thing, then try it in front of friends who are sober and not participating). So, in this case, if you want to have a lot of fun, take other people who also want to have fun.
As a footnote, I will describe one other friend I used to have. We are no longer friends. He lived with us at college. He would have considered himself a ladies man, whereas the other guys I described above are men's men. Importantly, this guy tried to be smooth and tried to pick up. He had success, but everyone who knew him for long enough didn't trust him fully and considered him 'fake'. He would exaggerate and tell stories, would try to use pick-up lines and had a smile that wasn't always genuine. He would ditch his mates to talk to girls all the time. His focus was in getting women, not just having a good time. He had to put on an act and suffered for it, who wants women if it means you lose all of your good friends? And, who wants to try that hard?
Now that I have the knowledge gained from this site, I can apply it to each of my friends who fit into different categories. The more I do it, the more I see the advice offered on this site as relevant and true. Now I must try to apply it to myself.
Firstly, I didn't pick up and I didn't try to pick up. Why? Because I didn't, we'll leave it at that. Anyway, onward...
It is a Wednesday night, I am in the city to watch a free concert in which Collective Soul are playing (free as part of the Goodwill Games being held in Brisbane). Collective Soul aren't playing for another hour and a half, so I am sitting with a bunch of mates chatting over a few beers at a nearby pub.
It is now close to start time, so a few of us go and watch the concert, the others stay and drink some more.
The concert ends after an hour and a half and I return to the pub to find my friends. There are now five of us. A karaoke competition has started, and drunken people are invariably drawn to karaoke competitions. Such is the case with my friends, the four of them are happily watching the antics on stage (well, one isn't drinking and isn't that happy).
But what else do I see? Two of these guys are chatting with a couple of attractive women, the other two are not.
So, what about the two that are? I can very safely call these guys Don Juans, they get women if they want. Having said this, they are both in LTR's and of high moral standing, they currently don't get chicks because they are taken. Let's call them DJ1 and DJ2. They are both fairly handsome. DJ1 is 6'5" and DJ2 is about 6'1" or 6'2" so they are tall guys and in good shape. But they aren't models and they certainly aren't pretty boys. It appears to me that they have the women eating out of the palms of their hands. They are joking with them, touching them (only innocent and non-threatening) and generally having a good time, and so are the women. These guys are extremely confident, they aren't worried about what impression they are making, they are just enjoying themselves. Furthermore, without trying to pick up, they are becoming quite popular with some of the women.
Granted, these guys are fine specimens (being tall, good looking and intelligent) and so women find them attractive. But the women are really showing them attention because of their confidence and good humour (although I would be an idiot if I said that the looks, size, etc. played no part in it). How do I know? Because I have seen the guys when they haven't given or received attention from women. So, to put it simply, these guys are definitely Don Juans, I have known them for three and a half years, they have always had a woman. DJ1 isn't always loved by everyone, he doesn't mind offending from time to time, but he is RESPECTED by everyone. DJ2 is in a similar situation but is possibly a little nicer.
The interesting thing about this experience is that the five of us fit across the personality spectrum. I'll go onto the next guy.
He is very intelligent and would fit into the handsome field as well. He is not a large guy, about 5'10" and 65-70kg. He is having fun singing along, etc. but is not paying attention to the women. He is basically ignoring them. In this case I don't know if he is getting looks from women, but I know that on other occasions he does. He is just not showing interest at this time (this fits in with his personality, he doesn't just come out and tell his mates about his experiences with women, it has to be coaxed out of him). It is hard to guage his success rate because he is somewhat of a dark horse, but he is moderately successful. On this night he doesn't pick up because he doesn't try. Furthermore, he doesn't usually get women when his friends (us) are around, he does it at other times (he often meets girls in 'normal' situations when he is not drunk).
Now I move onto the last of my friends. This guy is very interesting. He is not a Don Juan, although he shows some of the traits. His personality is just too different and erratic. A lot of the girls I know feel threatened by him because he comes across as being a bit different and often isn't friendly. This guy wasn't drinking and wasn't participating in the fun. He wasn't trying to pick up either. The other thing I noticed (I was stone cold sober too) was that it was more difficult to sing and dance along when this guy was around then when he wasn't. His mood put a bit of a damper on the affair and made me feel a little more self-conscious than I would have without him around. Don't get me wrong, he is a great mate and one of the guys pushing me most in terms of trying with women, but if one of your friends isn't joining in, it can make things a bit more difficult for you enjoy yourself.
At the end of the night, my mates who had been talking to the two girls told them that they would meet up the same place next Wednesday. The girls agreed, as simple as that.
So what did I learn from this?
Two of my friends were displaying all of the Don Juan traits right in front of my face (they do it naturally, they haven't had to learn from a site like this). They were being fun, humourous, a challenge, were touching, etc. They had nothing to lose and were not interested in starting any kind of relationship. They were just having fun with confidence, and if they wanted girls they would have gotten them WITHOUT TRYING.
The third guy was having fun, etc. but didn't approach any girls. Therefore he didn't get any girls.
The fourth guy wasn't even having much fun. This made it a little more difficult to enjoy myself fully when he was nearby, partly because he was a sober observer as was I (try singing and dancing in a crowd full of strangers or drunks doing the same thing, then try it in front of friends who are sober and not participating). So, in this case, if you want to have a lot of fun, take other people who also want to have fun.
As a footnote, I will describe one other friend I used to have. We are no longer friends. He lived with us at college. He would have considered himself a ladies man, whereas the other guys I described above are men's men. Importantly, this guy tried to be smooth and tried to pick up. He had success, but everyone who knew him for long enough didn't trust him fully and considered him 'fake'. He would exaggerate and tell stories, would try to use pick-up lines and had a smile that wasn't always genuine. He would ditch his mates to talk to girls all the time. His focus was in getting women, not just having a good time. He had to put on an act and suffered for it, who wants women if it means you lose all of your good friends? And, who wants to try that hard?
Now that I have the knowledge gained from this site, I can apply it to each of my friends who fit into different categories. The more I do it, the more I see the advice offered on this site as relevant and true. Now I must try to apply it to myself.
