Observations from a 20 yr old...

[indiorunner]

Well, I've been to my share of clubs...and maybe 2 bars(it pays to have friends who know the bouncers since i am only 20)
I think a recurring question here is how to approach a girl in crowded/group situation?

here is my suggestion...

*go after the "ugly" one in the group. Don't hit on her, just be nice to her..a nice new friend I guess you could say. They always seem approachable to me. When you've chatted with her for a while...if she likes you she will intro you to her friends and you will get a good first impression with them. That's when you'd have to start talking to the one you think you want(assuming she's not taken), but still continue talking to the "ugly" girl. You can never just leave her out of the convo. when you're at the club/bar. Before you leave ..tell them you had a nice time and ask them if they'd like to hangout again sometime. Exchange your numbers. Then when you guys meet again..say a week later in a cafe or wherever..you have to call the ugly one up beforehand and have to make sure it stays in a friendship level and tell her how much this new friendship means to you... Then just become good friends with her and her friends... AND THEN you ask your beautiful goddess out...(with moderation, can't rush anything).

Something similar happened to me and everything was going fine up until when we all hung out the third time...I got a lil' drunk and I became a complete *ss and needless to say, I haven't heard from her since.

Hope I've helped ...

 

[Neophyte]

This idea is a nice one indiorunner!

First I have small obstacles to concur:

1) My "friends" are younger, like 17-19. They kinda keep me mentally locked to go and approach girls. If I don't ask to go for a walk through the club once, they all stand at the same place the whole night!

2) My sister keeps on telling me that I will look stupid after a certain time when I keep approaching girls at the club. My friends also think it's strange... but they don't approach girls since they are still at school. They have girls enough at school.

3) I have a sister that's not enjoyable at certain points: she won't allow me to talk to her female friends. Why? I don't know... but if I do, she'll tell them I'm desperate searching for a gf. I'm not desperate.

4) The club scene is so difficult to find the right girls to approach. But I guess they are only there to have fun. Almost every girl in the clubs seems to know a lot of guys.

5) My sister and friends think it's very strange if I go for a walk through the club at my own. I just don't want to stand in a corner watching everybody having fun. Although walking at your own is not so pleasant, everybody knows everybody or so it seems to be.

Example:
Last night I went with some "friends" to a club. At 12:30h the club was enjoyable, not too crowded. If I was alone at the club right at that moment I would have approached a girl. But yeah, the "friends" and most of all my sister stands in the way. But how the hell am I supposed to find the perfect gf if I don't talk to girls?
Then at 2:00 o'clock the place was so crowded you couldn't even walk from side to side. This happens to be the case in every club I go. You have to crawl through the people to approach girls.
All night long my friends and I stood at the same boring place near the entrance. It's not me who doesn't want to stand at another place, but it's the friends.

Ok, that's it.

Do you indiorunner or anybody have suggestions or something, because it seems a never ending story?

This stupid scenario happens every single weekend to me. I do approach girls, but not so often because of the above reasons.

Thanks in advance,
Neo

PS. I'm not shy and certainly not desperate.


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Don't let the Matrix control reality, take control of your own life starting now!
Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined!

THE DJ BIBLE

 

[Webster]

Screw 'em, if your friends ain't willing to enjoy themselves then just go out and have a good time. Don't feel obligated to ruin your night because your friends are lame...it's an easy trap to fall into.

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--Blaine Moore
"Look at all those stupid, stupid, self-conscious people..." -- John Tomac

The DJ Bible

 

[indiorunner]

Well Neophyte,

I know exactly what you're talking about.. I have these two close friends, one is up for anything and is very optimistic and the other is the complete opposite. I've been to clubs with both of them separately. And I noticed I never had fun or able to get my dance on with the pessimistic one as my wingman and had all kinds of "action" with the girls when I was with the optimistic one. What's the point? All it takes is one wingman..one friend who's willing to actually go dancing and make both of your nights fun. I don't like going to clubs with more than three guys cuz they all tend to stand around each other like herds in a cattle...not good. Two guys is perfect.
I was in DC with the optimistic friend once in this club where DJ Scribble was spinning and there were just a ton of women all over the place. Instead of just standing there and gawking at the girls, we just went straight in the middle of the dance floor and danced, initially not even paying attention to the girls. I swear, after we did that, girls were glancing at us from every which direction. Why? cuz your dancing and having fun and not standing on the side like most guys do!

So, my advice for you from my personal experience is...
*take only one or two "optimistic" do-anything friends.
*DON'T stand on the side gawking, a lot of guys do that and you wanna stand out of the pack.
*when you're in the dance floor, don't just go runnin' to the girls like EVERY guy there. Dance by yourself or near your friend,initially. The key is to get the girls' attention before you do anything. Jumping her from the back without her knowledge is disrespectful.
*DOn't be afraid to dance by yourself! it shows that you got some confidence and you actually like to dance.
*also, if you see a possible girl that you can dance with, don't wait for more than 1 sec to dance with her or some other dude will take her...
*always smile when your dancing...

You also gotta realize there will be girls that reject your advances, but that happens to everyone. You just have to move on.

YOu have to be a good dancer, or pretend to be. Girls love that! I know!

If you're still too nervous to approach a girl. Drink one or two rum & cokes (never over do it, girls hate drunks trying to move on them). DO it just enough where you have a buzz and you lose enough of your inhibitions to dance. Then hit the floor!

I am surprised your sista was sorta being pessimistic too...my sista is totally optimistic and I feel like a million bucks when I am around her. You gotta surround yourself around positive thinkers and you'll be better off.

 

[indiorunner]

Well Neophyte,

I know exactly what you're talking about.. I have these two close friends, one is up for anything and is very optimistic and the other is the complete opposite. I've been to clubs with both of them separately. And I noticed I never had fun or able to get my dance on with the pessimistic one as my wingman and had all kinds of "action" with the girls when I was with the optimistic one. What's the point? All it takes is one wingman..one friend who's willing to actually go dancing and make both of your nights fun. I don't like going to clubs with more than three guys cuz they all tend to stand around each other like herds in a cattle...not good. Two guys is perfect.
I was in DC with the optimistic friend once in this club where DJ Scribble was spinning and there were just a ton of women all over the place. Instead of just standing there and gawking at the girls, we just went straight in the middle of the dance floor and danced, initially not even paying attention to the girls. I swear, after we did that, girls were glancing at us from every which direction. Why? cuz your dancing and having fun and not standing on the side like most guys do!

So, my advice for you from my personal experience is...
*take only one or two "optimistic" do-anything friends.
*DON'T stand on the side gawking, a lot of guys do that and you wanna stand out of the pack.
*when you're in the dance floor, don't just go runnin' to the girls like EVERY guy there. Dance by yourself or near your friend,initially. The key is to get the girls' attention before you do anything. Jumping her from the back without her knowledge is disrespectful.
*DOn't be afraid to dance by yourself! it shows that you got some confidence and you actually like to dance.
*also, if you see a possible girl that you can dance with, don't wait for more than 1 sec to dance with her or some other dude will take her...
*always smile when your dancing...

You also gotta realize there will be girls that reject your advances, but that happens to everyone. You just have to move on.

YOu have to be a good dancer, or pretend to be. Girls love that! I know!

If you're still too nervous to approach a girl. Drink one or two rum & cokes (never over do it, girls hate drunks trying to move on them). DO it just enough where you have a buzz and you lose enough of your inhibitions to dance. Then hit the floor!

I am surprised your sista was sorta being pessimistic too...my sista is totally optimistic and I feel like a million bucks when I am around her. You gotta surround yourself around positive thinkers and you'll be better off.

 

[Smile]

Its simple, if they stand in your way, push them out of the way, in a mental sense and physical sense, lol.

Its so much different in England, im 17, and i've been to loads of clubs and bars, the legal age to drink here is 18, and u never get ID'd, im still at school, but my friends still all go to clubs and bars to pick up, that is why they go there, and to have fun of course, but aren't both of those things all and the same, just chat to girls at the bar who stand next to you, anything, but don't do what ur friends stay, lead the way, be the person who they follow, show them that u don't care. I learn't a long time ago never to follow your friends, if you are different, then you will gain followers, because if you are having fun, are different and have your own style about you, people will want to be around u and will do what you do.


[This message has been edited by Smile (edited 07-08-2001).]

 

[Neophyte]

Thanks for the peptalk guys! I'm trying to figure those problems out for 3 months now.

indiorunner, yes my sister is that pessimistic. (she has always been that way)
She can be fun though to dance with.

Well, 3 of my friends have a gf. The other 3 of them are shy and don't want to approach. They just don't. Bummer... They do dance, but not on the dancefloor.

So, there's no wingman left for me to go after the chicks here.

Everyone (my parents, the friends with gf', my sister) that I know of, keeps on telling me the same stupid things:

"You should not be that hasty to get a girl"
"You have time enough to meet a girl, you're only 22."
"All you do is looking for girls" (NO! I'm trying to have fun!)

If I ask one of the friends, "Hey, why don't we approach the hot chicks over there.." The response would be "...are you crazy! You just don't do that. BUT, they do look surprised when I come back to them and show them the number I got. (happened twice, in 5 months)
If I ask to go for a walk through the club, the answer is "no.., too crowded".

DO I HAVE TOO MUCH HORMONES OR WHAT?

(btw, my last gf broke up with me 5 months ago, we were together 2,5years and now it's time for me to get a new one!!!)

I if walk by my own through the club, I feel kinda lost. Don't get me wrong here, I'm a very optimistic happy person. I'll bet if you'd go out to chase some chicks with me, heaven would come down.

One month ago I tried to walk alone in the club, leaving my friends where they stood. Their reaction? The same examples given above... Sometimes I wonder why I could be at some other place, with some better friends. No ‘whining’ intention, but yeah you know what I mean.

Sorry for the long post, but I really wanna try and find a solution for this.

I should try it one more time, cuz I’m not a quiter. You know what, I will bring a detailed report on this I there’s time for it. (next weekend)

Cya,
Neo

 

[Snowboard Dude]

Hey indiorunner,

You really have got it on with an ugly girls friend before? I don't know if that is a good plan at a club. Personally i like to be at least a little straightforward and if i see a hottie i like i will approach her and not any of her friends. Though in a group of girls you do need to chat with them all so they will not get annoyed with you hitting on the hot one. Before i have danced alone and had a good time as you said which by the way is excellent advice. Then 'bumped' into one or two of the girls in a group and began dancing right around them and make eye contact with at least one and then introduced myself and asked them their names starting off with one other than the hottie. This seemed to work for me pretty good. Also note that getting female friends or even girls you just barely know from class or whatever to introduce you to their friends is great especially if they have a good opinion of you which is why you should befriend girls many girls that frequent the same places you do even if they are ugly. But if you do exchange #'s with the ugly one she will get her hopes up and be really pissed to see you hitting on let alone banging her friend.

I hear you it sucks going to clubs alone i have done it when my friends that i took with me were such wusses that they called someone to pick them up cause they did not like the club and i refused to drive them back as soon as we got in there. I have only had success alone at a club when it was college nite at a club and i knew a fair number of people there and grinded with girls i knew from class and getting a few numbers was maybe more based on them liking me from class and not approaching them from scratch at a club. I have got one number from a straight up approach at a club.


By the way where is everyone from? If may of us are looking for a wingman that is not a ***** perhaps we can help each other out.
I am from Philly area but live nearly an hour from the city so i do not get to clubs very often in the summer and am too young to get into bars.

 

[Neophyte]

I'm from Belgium, so that's a little far to come over

 

[indiorunner]

I am from Baltimore. Neophyte from Belgium?
That's interesting.

Well, as I was saying before...tons of guys(9s and 10s) prolly hit on the same girl you want and if you do the same, you WILL be just another guy and she is prolly already jaded to having good looking guys hit on her. But if you get in "good" with one of her friends, you are that much closer. The key is to maintain a friendship level with her ugly friend and nothign more.
I'll tell you what happened with me..I did this with someone and the one I really wanted wouldn't really talk to me but after I was friendlier to the other girl, she started to talk to me a lot more and I told (the good looking one) that what we (me and the not-so good looking one) were just friends. Of course, all this takes time...if you want a quick shot way, you'd have to just go for the kill...and forget everything I said.

 

[Neophyte]

indiorunner,

Thanks.

If the feelings are right, I'll try it.
I've got time enough.

Cya,
Neo

 

[REd-xL]

Originally posted by Neophyte:
I'm from Belgium, so that's a little far to come over

I'm Belgian too! I was born in Liege and lived there for the first six years of my life. I moved to California, but I went back to Belgium when I was 14 to live in Brussels for one year. Now I go back every other summer.

Rx

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REd-xL (19)

"I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work."
-Thomas Edison

"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."
-Booker T. Washington

 

[Neophyte]

REd-xL,

Cool to know your a Belgian too! Brussel... that's about 60 kilometres away from me. The place I live is close to Hasselt and Diest.

So tell me, is the mentality of the girls in California different then the Belgian girls?

BTW, it's nice to see you're still around on this board.

Cya,
Neo

 

[hiandhello]

NEOPHYTE: Greetings from the United States (Phoenix). I think I may have a solution, or at least a partial solution, for your predicament. When you go to the clubs with your less-than-enthusiastic friends, why not plant yourself on the opposite end from the mens room?? That way when you make your trek across the club to the lavatory, you can check out the ladies to and from the lavatory. You'll have to make several treks throughout the night anyway, right? Use this as an opportunity to ask girls to dance. In regards to your kid sister, leave the girl at home. She's not helping any. Good luck and best wishes from a fellow Don Juaner.

 

[Neophyte]

Hey thanks hiandhello, I'll try to keep that tip in mind! If it's not too crowded it's possible to get a seat next to the door opening...

And for the "sister" thing... she's like that - it's her personality I think. I don't know, so I won't take it that serious.

thnx,
Neo

 

[Panzergrenadier]

Its quite a different game in Grand Forks, North Dakota...we have only one club in town for the college so everyone is at the same one all the time...but theres an air force base just east of town that floods the club with guys giving us a totally awful ratio of guys to girls there...all the chicks know guys already its virtually impossible to pick up a random one...i just go to have fun though with my friends cause i know the chances of a hottie not being with a baser is low.