Now that we know women are feelings creatures, how does one get through to her? If you try to talk intellectualy about something with her you will not get anywhere. If you want to help improve something about her it will be met with negativity because change is hard which doesn't feel good. Or am I way off? Or do you say **** her i'm not gonna play captain save a hoe. Or does somebody have something ground breaking to say?
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Now that we know women are feelings creatures...
- Thread starter sosilky
- Start date
iqqi
Master Don Juan
How's this for groundbreaking: women have brains.
Imagine a girl was getting to know you, and she decided to make it her personally mission to "save" you from.... i duno say, your smoking habit. you'd stomach it at first out of politeness then just blow her out of the water after it got annoying, for her sheer arrogant actions. Why? because she's someone who barely knows you AND hasnt earnt that level of respect from you to speak to you in that way. Would you be receptive to their advice? hell no, at best you'd be polite and almost certainly be irritated.sosilky said:
Even if your coming out with the best advice she'll ever hear, if the source i.e you isnt from someone who's opinion matters and is respected by her you aint getting no where man. It's not a case of either you helping her or not,rather just pick your moment more carfully.
But directly answering your post. You right she's a feeling creature, now ask yourself what's the best feelings you can make her feel? fun, laughter, excitement, surprise. Your engaging her in something "highbrow" which isnt gona trigger inside of her any of those feelings.....
She "woooooow pythagoras, i can't contain my excitement!"
I dont think so.
let me start off by saying i respect each one of you's opinion over here, but i certainly disagree with this. u know how u gonna make a mark in a woman's little mind? just show that she does not meet ur expectations. now, would u say, "u r too thin, nah, not cool" nopes, this is not gonna cut in but u can use like "whoa! cool dress. but i think if a black top instead of a pink top would have done better".... first of all, this is how u cut in.shinko said:
secondly, another groundbreaking here: every human is emotional creature but a person who knows his emotions and knows how to control them for his benefit ultimately has the best social skills. and we know guys with excellent social skills always get girls. so what u need to do? induce fun, laughter adn excitement in a process? like, "oh, she is having fun now, but she doesnt seem that excited, what do i do?" gosh! sosilky, ask urself and answer it honestly, arent we emotional creatures? dont we like when our special one comes to us and rather than teasing us or having fun with us, understands us and cares for us? yes, we do. man, we are also emotional. if they need love, we need love too. if tehy need sex, we need sex. but our way is different than theirs. if we give a high five to our mate, she will give a hug, its the way. get their way, thats it. ok, i think i was being a little confusing here. groundbreaker again: women are feeling creatures. they want someone who can feel and understand them. and they love someone "feeling" them in a physical way too. so vibe with them and if u see, the girl needs comfort or trust before getting in some act with you, then u need to just cut through into her personal space, physically and emotionally. thats it, u r done!
I hear you bro, its easy to have fun and vibe with a girl no argument there. But when it comes to realy getting to her root and influencing her in a better way, say to stop drinking, hanging out with deuch bag loser friends or convince her your not like other guys that have hurt her while at the same time keeping her attracted to you thats hard. But the stuff your talking about I think is effective in the begining stages which it seems allot of guys around here are seem to be good at.schttrj said:
I feel i know a person well, when they are open with me. The shield they hold up to the world on how they wish to be perceived is taken down and they let me see them for who they really are, the good, bad and the ugly. Indicators are when they tell you when they messed up or tell you things about them which doesnt paint them in the best light, essentially they are comfortable around you. there isnt a specific time frame for something like that, it comes purely from spending time with each other and more often than not experiening aspects of life together. Personally true friendship imo you can't force into happening.
As for helping her out are you trying to pick her up and what exactly are her faults? I'd approach very differently with my "help" if i fancied her as opposed to someone who was a true friend.
As for helping her out are you trying to pick her up and what exactly are her faults? I'd approach very differently with my "help" if i fancied her as opposed to someone who was a true friend.
Desdinova said:
Desdinova said:
This i find interesting from your link because i girl i have in mind i dated not to long ago would swear up and down she wasn't drama. She would only like to watch funny movies and do fun things. She didn't like when there was serious talks or dificulties in the relationship. She would always say she was like a guy, related to them better and girls were drama. Yet she would have crying spells, was always talking about her feelings and making decisions based on them and in a way had what seemed like ways of conjuring up drama that i can't explain yet blaming it on other people. or maybe not i don't know. Sometimes she would admit she acted like a girl. its kind of a side of her not allot get to see. its confusing.
sosilky said:
I'll post maybe in detail later when i have more time. But for now, if you really want to pick her up drop the whole i want to help her thing angle. sounds harsh but bear with me, You can't truely help a girl that you wanna get with because imo it's a conflict of interest. i suspect (correct me if im wrong) but you only want to help her because you fancy her, not because you have her best intentions at heart. In other words you wouldn't give a ish about how much she drinks if you didnt fancy her.
What that really boils down to is that your saying, i want this girl, but i dont want a girl who's drunk all the time.What can i do to change her so that she fits better into the expectations i have of a gf.
If that's the case, drop that line of thought and just game her straight, and show her that your best guy she knows to have fun with, makes her laugh all that kinda stuff. By spending enough time with you if your perspective and views on life are stronger to hers, she'll come to your way of thinking. Plus if she's with you all the time she aint gona doing half those things you dislike.
If you really genuwinly care about this girl however and honestly are concerned for her well being aside from any feelings you have. Then i know alot of people with disagree but put your own horniness to one side and do the right thing and support her through her problems. If you really care about her as a friend, then your'll care more about her well being and getting her life straight than you getting your willy wet.
And before anyone else has a go at me. A man looks after his friends and family.there's nothing "afc" about it.
shinko said:
I've already picked her up schinko we been dating on and off, off as of right now since the summer. Anyways I see that you think you can only have one or the other, nailing her or helping her. Which I kind of addressed in the OP as hard to do both at the same time, I don't think i could deal with being there for her while she nails other dudes though. Which is why I gave her multiple easy outs so she could go learn on her own and she would cry. Now we haven't talked in a month or more because of a huge falling out we had. maybe that helps he sleep at night.
MacAvoy
Banned
Silky
There is only so much you can learn by reading and asking questions. I admire your thirst for knowledge but sometimes you have to get out in the real world and learn for yourself.
The only way your going to be successful with women is by getting out there and testing your theories because you know what, just because I say its true, doesn't mean its going to work exactly the same way for you.
Your at the point where your starting 10 threads a day, asking the same type of hypothetical questions every day and I think people are starting to get annoyed. But who cares what others think. Get out there and live life man. Have fun, this is all just a bunch of theory & BS. The real deal is getting out there, chasing women, having them fall for you, meeting that special dame that just makes you go gaga, then does a 180 and completely rips your world apart.
Thats why life is about. Get out there, get some experience, then come back tell us all about it, and post some questions about the experiences you went through and how to improve. Because right now, I don't see you as a man, I see you as a kid trying to study & learn instead of a man living a life.
There is only so much you can learn by reading and asking questions. I admire your thirst for knowledge but sometimes you have to get out in the real world and learn for yourself.
The only way your going to be successful with women is by getting out there and testing your theories because you know what, just because I say its true, doesn't mean its going to work exactly the same way for you.
Your at the point where your starting 10 threads a day, asking the same type of hypothetical questions every day and I think people are starting to get annoyed. But who cares what others think. Get out there and live life man. Have fun, this is all just a bunch of theory & BS. The real deal is getting out there, chasing women, having them fall for you, meeting that special dame that just makes you go gaga, then does a 180 and completely rips your world apart.
Thats why life is about. Get out there, get some experience, then come back tell us all about it, and post some questions about the experiences you went through and how to improve. Because right now, I don't see you as a man, I see you as a kid trying to study & learn instead of a man living a life.
I respect your opinion but your a bit off, I'm a man who has experienced allot been threw the cycle you described multiple times and just feel like I need allot of theory to go back out their with a differnt angle and mindset. I recognize some of my threads are over the top, over analytical and maybe even seem childish sometimes. regardless of how annoying my questions may seem as you would say. some that may even seem to have obvious answers. weeding out the negative responses from sexualy frustrated guys in here and soaking in the good ones provides me with differnt and enlightening view points. If people don't like my threads they can see my name and move on. I used to have these cousins that would analyze **** to death. I would say to myself why don'tt they just live life and stop thinking so much? Well I understand now because back then what I was doing seem to be working. Yet there is obvious room for improvement at this stage in my life. And I want to understand why what works, works and why what doesn't doesn't as much as possible now. And I know from reading threads like Pook's and Kontrollers there are other thinkers out there. Don't woorry I'll get back out there. I still do. The only reason I'm on the computer so much is because I mix it in wit all the work I have. I'm soaking in as much as I can (kind of like Neo sucking in kung fu) and then maybe won't be back.....moving alongMacAvoy said:
DonGorgon
Master Don Juan
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LOL>.. getting sex is soo easy since most women are independent sluts and hos now.. What seems impossible is finding a woman interesting a a commited long term relationship which involves caring and such...sosilky said:
I "F" women all the time so i guess you could call me "emotionally frustrated"
MacAvoy
Banned
haha I can't believe this post is coming from you. I would have never expected it. I do agree with you though.DonGorgon said:
Seems to be a Sticky thread in the Anything else forum concerning a LTR forum. maybe that would help us. There are girls out there that are good for relationships. A sad truth may be that alot of the women we come here seeking advice for just aren't relationship material...just mabyMacAvoy said:
lol, i hear u too. man, tell me something, in a LTR, would u able to maintain all this techniques and tricks like eye contact, kino adn so on, push/pull to keep her interested, no, never! as a buddy, i want u to understand onething (maybe i stand here differently from some other buddies over here) that its ur value as a MAN that keeps her interest in you. no technique, nothing. why do u think some ex's still find their bf's so very charming even than brad pitt himself? because brad pitt stands for attraction and her ex-bf stands for attraction, trust adn comfort and more as a real person. am i getting off the point here? im not talking about pickups here, its about a relationship. and u still need to make her feel GOOD adn keep ur value as a MAN, and u can get away with whatever u want. make her change something of hers or get her to accept something of urs. Where u stand with this girl? are u into a relationship with this gal or are u not sure where u stand with this gal?sosilky said:
Sounds like you've answered your question then. She sounds someone who likes to learn the hard way, in which case as hard as it to watch you just gotta let her make her own mistakes and move on.sosilky said:
One last thing i will add though, is the approach to setting someone straight. Maybe you would have had more success if you came at her from a different angle.
the best way i've found to help someone, is by being sincere and encouraging them to do better than what they are currently doing. This is opposed to telling them off or saying what they are doing is wrong. One this is being down on them and their actions, which makes them defencive and makes them less rececptive to what you have to say.Two If she does looks up to you, i think you can have a go at her at it most like carry weight. If she doesn't you will almost certainly piss her off. Additionally going hard on someone is something which is most effective done sparingly
Eg, your friend is being abit of a slag at the moment, she just got out of a bad relationship.
The wrong way to go about it is telling her off, telling her she shouldn't or can't do that etc. Your communicating that your opinion of her is less than what is was before. It may well be true, but repeated reminders from you that you feel this way, every time you see her isnt going to help you at all. It certainly wont build attraction and you will labelled that guy who doesnt want her to have fun.
A much better way i've found is to instead express your concern for her actions,but from the angle you dont want nothing bad to happen to her, your worried about her health. You mention you think very well of her and this current thing she's doing just isnt "her." that kinda thing. You acknowledge she's going through alot, and tell her to come chill with you to have some fun to take her mind of things and leave it at that. If she brings it up again then by all means engage in conversation, but dont bring up the issue again. since you've already made it clear where you stand on the whole thing.
Regardless though in this case, your feelings conflict with your good intentions to do well by her. Your'll get hurt if you try and do both based on experience. So let her go and set your mind on another girl and your hobbies etc.