Not seen as a threat?

[The Comeback Kid]

I hit a bar or two with a few friends this past weekend, and there was one happening there that raised an eyebrow with me. A girl I used to go to high school with came over and started talking to me. Now I saw a nice little ring on her finger, so I could figure she has a bf of some sort (not that I'd be interested, just an observation I made). We were talking for a few minutes, when all of a sudden, the bf comes over! To my surprise, this guy seemed pretty cool and nice, and he started talking to me and there were no problems whatsoever.

One of my buddies who buys into all of the PUA material thinks he was acting nice because I didn't seem like a "threat" to his girl (they were bf/gf, I made a good call there lol). I came up with three possible answers:

1.) He's just a good guy and seems confident in himself.
2.) I must have really not seemed like a threat. There wasn't much kino since it was only for a couple mins and I wasn't all that interested in her.
3.) I'm a bit bigger than he is, so him trying to start a fight wouldn't be a smart move for him.

Now I doubt it's #3, I'm thinking #1. If there's something I could use a little help with, it would be, "How can I make myself as more of a threat?" I don't like sometimes coming off as a guy who seems harmless because I'm composed and respectful (NOT a nice guy, I don't do anything desperate/insecure in these encounters).

 

[Frog X]

1.) He's just a good guy and seems confident in himself.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm with Frog X.

I don't like sometimes coming off as a guy who seems harmless because I'm composed and respectful (NOT a nice guy, I don't do anything desperate/insecure in these encounters).

Is that how you come off to all women?

 

[WaterTiger]

Now I saw a nice little ring on her finger, so I could figure she has a bf of some sort
when ALL OF A SUDDEN, the bf comes over!
I'm a bit bigger than he is, so him trying to start a fight wouldn't be a smart move for him.

If he didn't think you were a threat, why did he ALL OF A SUDDEN come rushing over??? He saw you as a threat...ya hear me?:cheer: You WERE a threat.:trouble: Once he got there he saw you weren't trying to hit on his girl hard core and he settled down a little.

:nervous: You KNOW he was all over her on the ride home::nervous:
Who was that guy? Do you know him? How well do you know him?


By the way, your so called PUA friend is slamming your confidence. Why would he do that to you? Jealous???

 

[Exhumed]

Yeah have you never seen a romantic comedy? The boyfriend has to be nice to you as to not look insecure, he's not going to be like BACK OFF!! haha

 

[Warrior74]

You guys are laughing at the boyfriend, I wonder how you guys would act if some guy was hitting on your girl.

Look if your girl is decent looking, other guys are gonna hit on her. Some aren't going to care if she has a boyfriend or not. Most don't. Only if you are insecure would you be "all over her in the car". If your the sh!t and you know it, you wouldn't be all over her. Because you know you can get another one tomorrow. It's called confidence.

Sometimes I wonder if you guys have ever had a girlfriend, seriously.

It's just funny that the OP wants to be a threat to a another man while he's hitting on his girlfriend. It's your job as a man to protect your territory and if you can't come up and have a convo and not feel threatened by a guy who is hitting on your girl you won't have her long.

This post is more about his inner game and self esteem than about being a threat to a man who's girl he's hitting on (I think he was interested and tried to down play his feeling of getting punked). How he reacts to women he's interested in is really the issue, ( being nice, not aggressive) .

 

[Cinamon]

You seem to have overlooked the possibilty that they were looking for a swinging partner. More and more people are in to that. She was nice to you, he was nice to you.... ;-)

 

[BongDuy]

You seem to have overlooked the possibilty that they were looking for a swinging partner. More and more people are in to that. She was nice to you, he was nice to you.... ;-)

this is the best response in this whole thread. :rock:

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Lots of comments I see...and some contradict one another so I'll try and clarify some things.

Warrior74 - Is she attractive? To an extent (HB7). Would I be interested in her? Not really. Remember, she came up to me and started talking (we went to the same high school). It's not as much me "wanting to be a threat" as much as I just don't want to be overlooked as a "nothing."

I feel that last part is something Warrior's right on - inner game. Mine isn't weak per say (not the strongest either), but if a past experience enters my mind, then it's going to dwell - I've seemed to have all sorts of bizarre things happen, people think I'm making it up. Back in high school, I wasn't taken seriously by girls at all. Once I started lifting and gaining confidence in college, that all changed. The only real "mistake" I made over the past several months was taking too long to make a move on a girl at a party - I don't know why I was so off-guard that night.

Mostly, as Warrior is pointing out, I'm so sensitive to "not being taken seriously" that whenever a situation like this comes up, all the "what if's" enter my mind again. It's something I'm trying to work on.

Cinamon - Interesting though, I don't think they are swingers though lol.

WaterTiger - Perhaps you're right in that the guy did come over because he saw us talking. I guess I was kinda expecting some of the "back off" comments exhumed was mentioning from the RomCom movies, but this guy seemed alright. As for my PUA friend, who knows? He's the best of our group at picking up girls, but for some reason he has trouble with anything other than a ONS.

 

[DJDamage]

I think a better question was raised in this thread which brings up an interesting point:

How would one SHOULD react if he goes with his g/f to a bar and she goes to say hello to a strange guy she knows?!

If assuming the girl and the guy were sitting in a table in a bar, she wouldn't run towards another guy without asking for permission from her boyfriend to do so out of courtesy (those with high interest's tend to do so, those without don't ask just tell their men where they are going).

Secondly, how long will she be going to talk to this strange guy?! I mean if she sees him often (due to the fact they work together or have common acquaintancess) a simple hello or a wave from her table would be sufficient. Then it places the onus on the strange guy to decide whether to just wave back or approach her (you can gauge his nervousness if he is nervous at all if he sees you looking at him).

If she doesn't see him often then she shouldn't be there for more then 5 mins talking to him because she is on her date with her man (she should be mentioning the fact to the stranger that she is on here with her b/f). Therefore as a man who is confident and trusting in his girlfriend, he does not need to worry about getting up from his table and introducing himself to the stranger.

Maybe you were seeing as a threat or maybe he was just a really friendly guy who knows?!, but either way it ain't your problem so don't worry about it.

 

[Cinamon]

I wouldnt chuck the swinging theory out the equation just yet. I look like a little miss sweet and innocent, and I'd be game for swinging with the right couple ;-)

Life is an experiment, you need to try out all probabilities!

 

[shaunuk]

I think there's 2 levels of behavior going on in this kind of situation.

1) on the one hand, when your girl is talking to another guy, the guy mostly ALWAYS senses so kind of competition. that's just how nature works. the guy is usually slightly on his toes about it, and he is at least somewhat aware that you could be competition. As a result he acts cool with you such that his girl thinks he doesn't perceive you as a threat...thus demonstrating to you and his girl that he is self-confident.

2) he actually is a cool and nice guy, so he is cool and nice to you..

 

[lalahaha]

if you read the bible and other threads in this forum, it is the advice given everywhere on what to do if your girlfriend is getting hit on, act normal and befriend the guy. shows all confidence, no insecurity and that you've just made a friend.

this guys a DJ