No matter what you do - It's wrong!

[ChesterB]

In the past I've lost a bunch of girls (I think) bacause I didn't make a move on them.
So I changed and became more aggressive.

This is what happened now:
On the second date, I was making out with the girl. Afterwards she said: "You're aggressive. I didn't think you were. Ah, you men are all the same."
Me: "Well, you women are all the same as well."
She: "Did you have so many?"
I didn't answer to that, I think she believes I did (which I didn't).

Anyway, two days later I tried to call her and her cell phone was off. So I wrote a SMS "Hi C, how are you? It was nice to spend the Saturday with you. I have time on Thursday, what about you? ChesterB"

She turned her phone back on one day later. (I know that because of a cool receiving confirmation feature.)

Her reply: "Hi, sorry I don't have time. I'm sorry to say this, but the kiss on Saturday was a mistake. I'm not one of those girls who are making out after the second date. I hardly know you and I've been disappointed because of this a couple of times for this reason. I don't want to take the risk. Sorry! I should have told you earlier, but this just became clear to me. I don't want to be the used one any more. mail back, C"

Damn, she seemed to have a high IL.

Do you think I can do anything to improve the situation with her?

What are your experiences? Is it generally bad to be making out on the second date?

 

[jama]

Tell her that you don’t see her that way, and you don’t kiss a girl so easily too. But the reason that you kiss her was because you feel her. Let her know that you think she is a good girl and that you respect her idea. BY EMAIL.

If she response, see what she said. But if she doesn’t response, NEXT HER. So simple.

And next time when you date a girl, give some time man. Why rush?…lay down man.
The kiss is ok, but if you see that the girl that you dealing with is not comfortable, give her a little more time.

Good luck man.

 

[ChesterB]

Originally posted by jama

And next time when you date a girl, give some time man. Why rush?…lay down man.

As I wrote, I already lost lots of girls and I think one reason is because of not kissing them, but I don't know really. I'm confused now.

The kiss is ok, but if you see that the girl that you dealing with is not comfortable, give her a little more time.

She seemed comfortable. It didn't take too long though. Afterwards we spent another one or two hours together and she was always eager to hold my hand or walking with arms around each other.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

actions VS words

I'm not one of those girls who are making out after the second date.

Uh-huh, yeah...I believe you, hon.

On the second date, I was making out with the girl. Afterwards she said: "You're aggressive. I didn't think you were. Ah, you men are all the same."

I've experienced something close to this. It's a surreal occurance when you've read the bible, absorb the info, and as soon as you rush into the dating scene, girls think you're a player (even if you're still a virgin!!!!). I guess that's what happens when you kiss close too soon.
No, babe. It's my first date since high school and I'm making up for lost time. *sheesh*

 

[Slickster]

Her: "You're too aggresive"

You (with a chuckle): "What are you talking about? You attacked me."

Her: "No I didn't"

You: "Sure you did. C'mon admit it. You can't resist yourself when you're around me."


A little humor to dissolve the situation would've worked nicely.

I'm not convinced it was your "aggression" that scared her away. I think its a matter of showing too much interest too soon. Your overeagerness shows that you are no longer a challenge to her. You want her bad and she knows it.

There seems to be a few conflicting ideas going on.

On one hand some guys believe in going for the close as soon as possible. This includes kissing, kino, fVcking, etc.

The other side of the coin. Some guys believe in not going for a close until much later. No kissing, no kino, nothing. Just seduction thru conversation, flirting, eye contact, etc.

The first scenario is going to work well on chicks with high attraction and high interest from the get go (also drunk chicks). You have to do your work early and have her primed and ready right away. However, if she's on the fence about how she feels about you then it may just backfire. She may see you as too aggressive or too much of a player. Also the main drawback to this approach is that you give away your intentions right away. She will be well aware of your interest and may just flake because you are no longer a challenge to her.

The second scenario allows you to get her all worked up. Stir that pot until she's almost boiling over and dying for you to kiss her. The drawback may be that she may see you as a chump for not making a move earlier. The trick is to make her believe that she hasn't qualified herself to you yet. You haven't kissed her or made a move yet because you're not sure that you want to. You'll be amazed how far chicks will go out of their way to impress you if you make them wait.

Its all about giving them what they want. Challenge and Mystery. You want her to be thinking. "What a great guy! Does he like me? He acts like he does. But why hasn't he kissed me? I wonder what he's doing right now. Why hasn't he called? I hope he likes me. Etc."

You get what I mean? Leave her stewing in anticipation over what you are going to do next.

 

[So pimp its scary]

Good day Chester...

Originally posted by ChesterB
In the past I've lost a bunch of girls (I think) bacause I didn't make a move on them.
So I changed and became more aggressive.

Right, being 'more agressive' isn't what you are after as far as getting more intimate goes. It's alot about timing...

This is what happened now:
On the second date, I was making out with the girl. Afterwards she said: "You're aggressive. I didn't think you were. Ah, you men are all the same."
Me: "Well, you women are all the same as well."
She: "Did you have so many?"
I didn't answer to that, I think she believes I did (which I didn't).

This is an interesting piece of conversation... in the first line she's saying :
- You're moving too fast for me.
- You looked like my type of guy.
- but I'm a feminist / catholic and I won't tolerate your attempts at getting in my pants.

She basically thinks you are a slut, and she wants no part in that...

Anyway, two days later I tried to call her and her cell phone was off. So I wrote a SMS "Hi C, how are you? It was nice to spend the Saturday with you. I have time on Thursday, what about you? ChesterB"

Next time, if a girl doesn't answer her phone, just leave it at that... don't textmessage (Unless you have good rapport with the girl).

She turned her phone back on one day later. (I know that because of a cool receiving confirmation feature.)

Her reply: "Hi, sorry I don't have time. I'm sorry to say this, but the kiss on Saturday was a mistake. I'm not one of those girls who are making out after the second date. I hardly know you and I've been disappointed because of this a couple of times for this reason. I don't want to take the risk. Sorry! I should have told you earlier, but this just became clear to me. I don't want to be the used one any more. mail back, C"

This is also funny she's saying :
- I don't want to make time for you
- You were too sexually aggressive.
- I'm too stuck-up to KISS on the second date (What is this girl 16 or what?!?)
- I've been dissapointed by guys trying to kiss me in the past a couple times.
- I don't want to take the risk of getting raped (or something to that effect... or maybe again)
- I should have told you earlier, but I'm a whack-job.
- I don't want to be used anymore like the little slut I used to be.
- Keep in touch so that I can make you my next girlfriend.

Honestly, ChesterB, you can find better than this girl. Someone that won't play these stupid mind games and that is comfortable enough with her sexuality.

Damn, she seemed to have a high IL.

She did have High IL, but her twisted rules about the progress of a relationship interfere too much that you couldn't have won.

Do you think I can do anything to improve the situation with her?

You don't WANT to improve the situation with this girl... this is a classic NEXT situation. If you keep trying to get with this woman, you will wake up one day to find yourself being her tool.

What are your experiences? Is it generally bad to be making out on the second date?


Bad to make out on a second date!!! Don't be rediculous... Most all (app. 80%) of dates I've been on I got at least a kiss before leaving...

Maybe you were making out with her just too aggressivly and too soon for this girl... most girls will be a little more ok with making out, but even this has to be taken slow...
Some kissing tips

 

[ChesterB]

Good point, Slickster, difficult to put into practice, though.

A friend of mine thinks she's playing hard to get now, because she's thinking she left a bad impression.

Do you guys have more suggestions of what to write to this particular girl now and, if I have another date with her, how to act then? Probably I have to take one step back, i.e., keep my hands (and lips ) to myself.

I also thought of writing "I had to test if you're genuinely interested in me and not just playing with me."
Or something like "Sometimes you have to take some risks." Well, I don't think that will work.

 

[ChesterB]

@So pimp its scary:
lol, it's really funny the way you put it.

Yeah, maybe my kissing was too aggressive. Bah, who cares? (btw, she's 18)

 

[ChesterB]

Now I thought of writing this to her:
"Hey, I kissed you, because I like you and I wanted to know if you're genuine or just playing games with me. If you think that was a mistake, then I must say, you're pretty uptight."

What do you think?

 

[dietzcoi]

Chester

THis is not a girl you want to get with. You will not enjoy your time with her. She will play games and you won't have a satisfying sexual relationship.

Why are you killing yourself over her? Oneitis?

A woman who won't give you a simple kiss after the second date either has LOW IL, is a whack job, too conservative, or manipulative... none of these are good.

Step back and look at what you are doing. You are asking for advice on rappelling off a 100 foot cliff with a 50 foot rope. THere is nothing we can tell you which will give good results!

Dietzcoi

 

[AlwaysExcel]

Originally posted by ChesterB
Now I thought of writing this to her:
"Hey, I kissed you, because I like you and I wanted to know if you're genuine or just playing games with me. If you think that was a mistake, then I must say, you're pretty uptight."

What do you think?

Hey Chester,
this plan is not good for the following reasons. First, you never want to explain your game to a girl. It instantly removes the mystery and excitement. Act, don't talk. Second, you're qualifying your actions to her. You don't need to explain yourself to ANYONE. If she 's not feeling your perfectly legitimate sexual vibe, then that's her uptight problem. Third, I've found more and more that being serious is the wrong approach. Being serious is drudgery and demonstrates how wrapped up in a situation you are. Being humorous keeps things fun and ensures that you are detached.

Just leave this girl alone until you bump into her or she contacts you. Then just smile, be funny, and act like the whole thing didn't phaze you EVEN IF SHE ACTS WEIRD AND AWKWARD. If she brings up the awkwardness of the date say, "I understand how intimidated you must have been being with such a sexy beast as myself" and wink.

 

[GREAT WHITE SHARK]

Originally posted by ChesterB


Her reply: "Hi, sorry I don't have time. I'm sorry to say this, but the kiss on Saturday was a mistake. I'm not one of those girls who are making out after the second date. I hardly know you and I've been disappointed because of this a couple of times for this reason. I don't want to take the risk. Sorry! I should have told you earlier, but this just became clear to me. I don't want to be the used one any more. mail back, C"

Damn, she seemed to have a high IL.

Do you think I can do anything to improve the situation with her?

N-E-X-T-!