NO IDEA what went wrong

[ipeefreely]

Just to give you guys a little back ground on myself....

I'm 24 years old and have moved back to my hometown for about a year now after finishing college. I've been in 2-3 LTR's in college with the most recent one ending roughly about 3 months ago when I found out the b1tch cheated on me. It's been hard getting back on the saddle as I've never been cheated on and was ... quite frankly, pretty serious about my last gf.

As luck would have it...shortly after I ended my relationship ...i ran into an old acquaintance of mine that was probably my dream girl since the beginning of high school. We chatted for a bit and kept in touch on facebook, going back and forth on the conversations without putting much thought to it.

Then this past weekend, I spontaneously invited her to come out and grab some drinks with some friends of mine. To my surprise, she accepted and even brought a cute friend along.

At the club, after some alcohol was added into the mix to loosen things up... I began working on this girl and it wasn't long before she was sitting on my lap and we were doing battle with our tongues... :yes: . Her friend was a bit defensive though and questioned whether or not I was a player.

When it was time to leave, my buddies ended up driving us home. On the car ride back, I was fingering her in the back seat. I think that irritated her friend a bit but I'm not sure if she heard anything (I was really drunk).

After we dropped the friend off, the girl came back to my place with me where we ended up having sex numerous times. When we woke up in the morning, we chatted for a bit and it was at this point that I wanted to find out if she was really into me or if we just hooked up cause we were drunk. So I initiated things to test it out which ended up in some great morning sex. AFter some more chitter chatter, I walked her to her car and sent we sent each other off with a kiss goodbye.

So here's the part where it starts getting confusing...

After I sent her on her way, we were texting back and forth throughout the day. Conversation was great and things were looking good so I casually asked her if she had time to meet up again sometime during the week to grab a quick bite. That was literally the last line I've sent to her. It's been almost 2 days and there still hasn't been a response.

I feel like I'm completely in the dark now about things. Everything she did pointed to a high interest level (did i mention she left her panties in my bed as a souvenir?) and things were strong both conversation and attraction wise.

So what went wrong? Did I jump the gun and ask her out too soon? Or did she just realize this is not what she wanted and she's now jumping ship.

I have a theory that maybe her friend got to her and told her to cut communications with me because (to be honest) I was just being a horn dog that night.

Help me out guys! I'm not usually the type of guy to bring girls home the first night we go out, bang them, and never call them again. I mean.. literally, every relationship I've been in, I've poured my heart and soul into it. Just want some opinions on what went wrong with this one.

 

[Rogue]

Wait another five days and try to re-engage her. But meanwhile, check out the other ladies.

 

[oneboy21]

wait for few days and sent her an email on FB if you have her id
or a text. if she responds you are good. if not you have to move on buddy. you cannot really wait for this girl

 

[cupraikso]

It's very likely that she has a boyfriend.

 

[thevilittletroll]

lucky for you your game was tight enough to get sex out of the whole deal. i also think it speak volumes that you wound up having sober sex the next morning. those are the good signs. i dont think her friend has anything to do with this equation. if that was the case she wouldnt have went home with you in the first place. i wouldnt over look the boyfriend angle, its def a possibility. it might be a long distance thing, or another guy that she's dating but not serious yet.

another possibility is that she only wanted a one night stand. it wouldnt supprise me if she's known for this type of past behavior.

whatever you do, dont ask or pressure her into defining what happened, or what your relationship status is. it will just scare her off, and you'll never bang her again. dont start treating her like your gf and every other AFC out there and start chasing her either. dont over text or call her, only invite her out to things that you'll already be doing with other friends. if you do get the opportunity to hang out with her again, act as if that night never happened, just be friendly, but also a little flirty. she also needs to know that you are a non-judgemental guy who doesnt kiss and tell.

 

[pdx1138]

I experienced nearly the same thing 2 years ago from a former high school crush.

We ended up fvck buddies & she was interested in someone else in another state far away.

within 2 weeks I realized I should not be initiating hanging out, so I left it up entirely to her.

She would contact me & stay over weekends on average about twice a month or more. This went on for 1 1/2 years.....I finally got bored with her (and she kept interest in other men as well) so I told her I was done eventually.

Fun while it lasted though.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

lucky for you your game was tight enough to get sex out of the whole deal. i also think it speak volumes that you wound up having sober sex the next morning. those are the good signs. i dont think her friend has anything to do with this equation. if that was the case she wouldnt have went home with you in the first place. i wouldnt over look the boyfriend angle, its def a possibility. it might be a long distance thing, or another guy that she's dating but not serious yet.

another possibility is that she only wanted a one night stand. it wouldnt supprise me if she's known for this type of past behavior.

whatever you do, dont ask or pressure her into defining what happened, or what your relationship status is. it will just scare her off, and you'll never bang her again. dont start treating her like your gf and every other AFC out there and start chasing her either. dont over text or call her, only invite her out to things that you'll already be doing with other friends. if you do get the opportunity to hang out with her again, act as if that night never happened, just be friendly, but also a little flirty. she also needs to know that you are a non-judgemental guy who doesnt kiss and tell.

Listen to this man, this is EXACTLY what's going on.

Lots of guys on this board tend to over-analyze their behavior, looking for what they did wrong, but rarely stopping to think that perhaps the chick is the one who is whacked out.

This chick sounds like a bit of a w-hore to be honest and if you press she will get scared away. Lame? Yes, but that's how girls works esp slvts.

Like the other said, lay off for a bit, then hit her up when your already going out and see how she reacts. If its positive, then keep gaming her, but don't expect anything.

If she doesn't respond then you know she just wanted to get drilled that night and you move on.






PIMP

 

[ipeefreely]

AN UPDATE

So she finally texted me this afternoon and in her words told me..

"Hey, I think I'll pass on the dinner. ;P You're too much of a bad boy for me."



I don't even know what this means but either way it seems (to me at least) like this ones in the gutter.

Hell. At this point, I don't really care what the reason behind her change in behavior was... It just doesn't seem like she gives enough of a flying **** to pursue anything further than what had occurred.

I'm just a bit shocked/disappointed at how this turned out because:

a) We have a ton of mutual friends who tell me she's not into one night stands at all - I hate hooking up with sluts... makes me feel dirty.. LITERALLY

b) She did all the things that wouldve indicated a high level of interest - She kept in contact after the sex. Left her clothes/panties at my place. Reluctant to leave my place in the morning.

c) I was actually quite interested in reciprocating that attraction given how well we were able to communicate. (plus it helps a lot that she's an easy 9 on the eyes)

d) She assumed that I was a player based on my performance with her -
There's a part of me that actually thinks she would hook with me up again if she knew that I'm actually an honest guy who treat women with the utmost respect. Problem is... I also think her friend has been ****blocking the **** out of me due to her own inability to obtain penis.


Which moves us onto phase 2...

I'd like to somehow continue banging this girl or possibly salvaging (fixing) the situation.

I've already taken the initiative to vindicate my name by telling her that I am not a player and that if she doesn't want to go out with me, that it's not a big deal. (I don't care, just don't walk around telling people that you think I'm a player based on how i was acting when I was horny/drunk)


The only course of action I can think of to do next is to completely ignore her to the point where she almost forgets about me and when I feel like I'm in the mood, ask her to go hang out again in a group. My theory is that if she is still single at this point and if she was truly attracted to me before, I will get a second chance to do what i do best.

My best friend has suggested that I go the friend route. The good chump strongly believes that if this girl really got to know me, that she'd realize how wrong she is about everything and fall head over heels for me or in this case.. at least give me a chance to take her out to dinner.

Now gentlemen, I'm obviously taking suggestions as to how to accomplish my goals here as I know I'm not the best around.



One more thing: Her clothes and panties are still at my place. Might this be a useful tool to possibly get her to come over for one last quickie or an opportunity to really clear the air with her?

 

[mahoney]

i think the problem was you went straight into texting a lot (i know she replied a bunch too, she is complicit in this problem)

this meant that instead of it being a nice thing that happened, then some SPACE, a bit of anticipation and wondering whats next, then arrange something else a bit later on.....the stakes got high quick, too involved, no space, no anticipation, 0-100 too quick. once you start texting that much it starts to feel a bit like an obligation. say you text a girl 5 times in the next few days - its established a pattern...then it feel weird if you're not texting at that level...but whats really to say, continuously at that rate? by this level of overcontact what you are actually doing is forcing the girl to make a decision about what she thinks about you....at a really early stage! because you are removing the "that was cool and really nice i wonder what it was" finding-out-about stage. this stage is fun and low-pressure, dont overintensify and force the girl to solidify thoughts before shes ready to (same goes for yourself). its too 'eggs in one basket'

less texting, more giving a space, more concentrating on what happens when you see them not what happens inbetween seeing them.

i wouldnt worry about this player/friend/whatever else thing dont be any of these things, just be you! dont start trying to label things, discuss things, make things a thing. think of it as 2 cool people having a good time

 

[ipeefreely]

i think the problem was you went straight into texting a lot (i know she replied a bunch too, she is complicit in this problem)

this meant that instead of it being a nice thing that happened, then some SPACE, a bit of anticipation and wondering whats next, then arrange something else a bit later on.....the stakes got high quick, too involved, no space, no anticipation, 0-100 too quick. once you start texting that much it starts to feel a bit like an obligation. say you text a girl 5 times in the next few days - its established a pattern...then it feel weird if you're not texting at that level...but whats really to say, continuously at that rate? by this level of overcontact what you are actually doing is forcing the girl to make a decision about what she thinks about you....at a really early stage! because you are removing the "that was cool and really nice i wonder what it was" finding-out-about stage. this stage is fun and low-pressure, dont overintensify and force the girl to solidify thoughts before shes ready to (same goes for yourself). its too 'eggs in one basket'

less texting, more giving a space, more concentrating on what happens when you see them not what happens inbetween seeing them.

i wouldnt worry about this player/friend/whatever else thing dont be any of these things, just be you! dont start trying to label things, discuss things, make things a thing. think of it as 2 cool people having a good time

I agree and appreciate your analysis of my situation.

You're right. I might have jumped the gun by texting her almost RIGHT after the sex. And no matter how casual I made it sound when I was asking her out to dinner, it probably put pressure on her to think about the next step when she wasn't ready to.

I'm starting to realize that may be the pace of acceleration of things was just one of the things that went wrong. I mean ... her interest level did seem to decline bit by bit after I stopped being the "cool" guy.

But seeing how all that has already happened and she has already declined to go out to dinner with me. What can be done to come back from this? Or is this thing completely dead?

 

[mahoney]

But seeing how all that has already happened and she has already declined to go out to dinner with me. What can be done to come back from this? Or is this thing completely dead?

its not neccesarily dead (though it may well be)

firstly - clearing the air, explaining, telling her stuff - all this is a bad idea! this is just more seriousness, a common failing - dudes do this a lot, turn something fun into some kind of summit level discussions almost overnight. continue with the behavior that got you her in the first place (fun, friendly, exciting) not the behavior that started to lose her (acceleration, discussion, seriousness)

the ball is firmly in her court - you need to hang back now, and not try and go round the other side of the net and play her shot for her. she may well contact you again (despite the decline, the message reads still kinda flirty + you still have some of her stuff)

you need to reply because otherwise it looks like you are put out (as an overserious/intense person would be), but the reply needs to be be light and non-pressurizing (you're not looking for marriage here, don't push!) - i'd have to have a think about the exact way to respond to that message but it needs to convey fact its totally cool if she's not into going for dinner (and not that you are going to go have a big strop about it like an intense person so the very brusque/abrupt messages dudes on here seem to like aren't a good idea)

i would respond, but i) dont mention the stuff she's left (its not a card for you to play right now), ii) say something which makes light of, or fun of, your supposed 'badboy status' - little bit of self-deprecation maybe (she made an emoticon about this bit, which is interesting) - dont mention doing anything else or going anywhere else - this response just has to establish that you are chill about stuff, its all cool! and thats all (right now, at least)

i actually think its quite possible she likes you (obviously) but is putting the brakes on here - this reads to me like a situation where she doesn't want it to get all serious, but if you play things cool and cards right here something could happen again in future, just not if you start 'clearing teh air' and having a big discussion. so

most people like fun more than discussion! im sure you do too!

 

[ipeefreely]

its not neccesarily dead (though it may well be)

firstly - clearing the air, explaining, telling her stuff - all this is a bad idea! this is just more seriousness, a common failing - dudes do this a lot, turn something fun into some kind of summit level discussions almost overnight. continue with the behavior that got you her in the first place (fun, friendly, exciting) not the behavior that started to lose her (acceleration, discussion, seriousness)

the ball is firmly in her court - you need to hang back now, and not try and go round the other side of the net and play her shot for her. she may well contact you again (despite the decline, the message reads still kinda flirty + you still have some of her stuff)

you need to reply because otherwise it looks like you are put out (as an overserious/intense person would be), but the reply needs to be be light and non-pressurizing (you're not looking for marriage here, don't push!) - i'd have to have a think about the exact way to respond to that message but it needs to convey fact its totally cool if she's not into going for dinner (and not that you are going to go have a big strop about it like an intense person so the very brusque/abrupt messages dudes on here seem to like aren't a good idea)

i would respond, but i) dont mention the stuff she's left (its not a card for you to play right now), ii) say something which makes light of, or fun of, your supposed 'badboy status' - little bit of self-deprecation maybe (she made an emoticon about this bit, which is interesting) - dont mention doing anything else or going anywhere else - this response just has to establish that you are chill about stuff, its all cool! and thats all (right now, at least)

i actually think its quite possible she likes you (obviously) but is putting the brakes on here - this reads to me like a situation where she doesn't want it to get all serious, but if you play things cool and cards right here something could happen again in future, just not if you start 'clearing teh air' and having a big discussion. so

most people like fun more than discussion! im sure you do too!

Thanks for the tip bro. I can see how I just need to be the guy I was before (the sex) and chill back.

I think I agree with you that it's quite possible that she likes me. In fact, everything about the way she carried herself seemed to indicate that up until the moment she texted me back with that response. Which leads me to believe that her best friend (the one who came to the club with us and saw me do dirty things to her), is the culprit behind my demise.

Oh well, whether or not it was the friend... it doesn't matter. I'll just hang back and see what happens.

 

[CarlitosWay]

AN UPDATE

So she finally texted me this afternoon and in her words told me..

"Hey, I think I'll pass on the dinner. ;P You're too much of a bad boy for me."

In a way this is a good and a bad thing, it's telling me she's very attracted to you, but views you more as a fuk buddy than boyfriend material at the moment. She probably has some chump she keeps around who doesn't fulfill her enough sexually/excitment wise and that's where you came in lol. Anyways like ipeefreely mentioned play it cool, don't get caught up, and stay busy.

and as far as what went wrong, seems you jumped from one end of the spectrum to the other rather quickly, I saw it mentioned before, to go from excitement/fun/mysterious to delivering an aura of you wanting something a bit more serious after just one night was the deal breaker.

 

[BlackMack177]

sounds to me like she just wanted to fvck and maybe you were looking for a girlfriend? Though you didn't come off too strong in my opinion, she probably thought you wanted something more by the text you sent.

Girls sometimes aren't much different. A lot of them just want to get their freak on with no strings attached every once in a while. Just because they'll fvck you doesn't mean they want to date you. Not every chick is chasing a relationship with every man willing to fvck them.

I'd just kept her on the back burner for a possible future session but don't expect anything more out of her

 

[ipeefreely]

Thanks guys for all the tips.

I have to admit that I would be very surprised if she was just using me for the sex cause like i mentioned before, we have a lot of mutual friends and they've all told me she isn't like that at all.

I'm going to hang back while I table some girls and see where it goes.

 

[mahoney]

its great that you have mutual friends - and also reading a couple of your other posts you seem like you are a normal person that prefers composure to histrionics - so you should be capable of handling this without doing anything silly, because now is the time for composure

 

[Vice]

Nice pull dude.

Cut down on the texting, and follow the advice given, I'm not going to repeat it.

 

[Johnnyventana]

"Hey, I think I'll pass on the dinner. ;P You're too much of a bad boy for me."

This is a hard one. Somewhat flirty, but a dead end. No offer of another time or anything. I agree with the 'be light, funny' advice and that you should reply. Who knows what this chick is thinking, seriously. Maybe reply with, "Ok. How about breakfast then?"

Totally ignore the bad boy comment, yet be a bad boy! It obviously worked to close her in the first place.

 

[ipeefreely]

Just a little update:


It's been almost 2 weeks but anyways lately I find out that her friend (the one who came along to the club with us) thinks that I'm a total sleeze bag for what I did with her friend that night and has been deliberately **** blocking me (to the point where she would get mad at the girl for speaking to me).

I know that I'm not the type of guy to play women or even do grimey things in public.. not to mention finger ****ing a girl in the car while her friend drives us home =P I also know I'm not the type of guy to give into people who I believe have done me wrong BUT i had to admit... what I did was a bit inappropriate, especially when her friend stayed sober to drive us home.

So i apologized. There wasn't any flowers involved or tears... just a quick message on facebook. A few factors went into this decision:

1. What I did was inappropriate, especially in the presence of friends. (Reversing the situation, I wouldn't like to witness my buddy getting a blow job while I drove his drunk ass home. I would high five him for getting one but I wouldn't want to be around WHILE he is getting one)

2. She has been COMPLETELY **** blocking me... to the point where she is putting her friendship on the line.

3. I know I'm not that type of guy and I figured an apology would present an opporunity for me to reveal my sincere intentions and to vindicate my name (I just got cheated on recently so i hate the fact that these girls think I'm a cheater)

4. If she was **** blocking me, this thing is dead in the water. While it's a long shot, my apology would cast doubt in her mind or maybe even get her to back off the situation... give it a chance. Whatever.

On the same day, I also sent a very brief message to the girl telling her that her clothes were are my place and that if there was somewhere I could drop them off at, that'd be great.

 

[squirrels]

Too much, too soon. The drama is loading up.

You met up, hooked up...you shouldn't have been calling the next day asking for more time. You're sweating it (sweating HER) way too much.

Should've just kept it fun...left her with something to think about. Instead you're RIGHT back up her azz the next day. What do you THINK she's gonna think? Either that 1) you're desperate and not as in high-demand/leading as interesting a life as she thought, or 2) you're trying to get as much f**k-time as possible.

As soon as I read this:

After I sent her on her way, we were texting back and forth throughout the day.

I knew you were in for a rude awakening. After she leaves for the day, if you text her more than twice (and ideally you shouldn't text even THAT much), then you're talking too much. That's the MAX you should need to convince her that she wasn't just a f**k-sl*t for the night.

You need to get a life, man. Find something to do. Be somewhere other than home on the couch when the ladies come calling, so you at least have something to talk about.