No fvcking friends

[BigWillyStyle]

This BLOWS. I got no friends. I moved from Wollongong(Australia) to Sydney Australia. Thinking city life would give me a fresh start. Wrong wrong wrong. Right now I feel more lonely and isolated then I've ever felt.

I had a few friends back in highschool but since highschool finished they got in with the more "in" crowd and girls and left me for dead pretty much. No invites to parties, no calls to just hang out, nothing. Right now I have no job(searching everyday though) and the only conversations I have with human beings are with my Dad and the guy/girl cashier at the grocery store.

Fvck girls off for now, what girl wants to date a guy that has no fvcking pals? Not many. I had 2 girls in the past but because of my friend-less situation I acted so AFC and clutched onto them like they were the last chopper out of Saigon.

My life consists of waking up in the morning then job searching. Getting home and watching TV then going on the Computer. Friday/Saturday nights I just feel angry and miserable knowing there are guys and girls laughing, making out, fvcking, basically LIVING. I have no idea how to make friends, all my previous friends have befriended me and asked if I wanna hang, don't happen anymore. I just want to be like other people, going out on weekends, meeting people, getting a social circle of good friends. I have no idea how to approach a guy to hang out.
"Hey you should come over this weekend for drinks bro"
Him "err na I'm kinda busy dude" Damn that would make me feel like a complete dipsh#t. I guess I fear not being accepted.

Like Saturday night right now, I'm watching re-runs of South Park by myself at the moment as I type this, knowing other people right now are having a blast is a depressing/angry feeling. I've tried going to bars and clubs by myself but it doesn't work, I feel like a reject. I think people in fvcking prison have a better social life then me. If anyone has some tips on how to make some buddies, please, do share. I'm at the end of my rope here and don't know how much longer I can take this lonliness. Watching taped episodes of South Park on a saturday night by myself is not a "Life".

 

[tactic]

Don't worry. And when I say "Don't worry".. You need to understand what I'm saying even though you are not experiencing how I am going with my life. Just because you have no friends now does not mean your future will be ruined, and I am so sure of this when I say this. Friends mean support and the fun and all parts of your life, and you better believe it. You had friends before, and unlike other people, they never did because of their attitude problem.

You seem to be getting things negatively right away. That's how I was long ago, It took me a few months to realize and discover new things by myself and use what I learned and become a better person.

There are a few people that Iknow who knows me well but they do not consider me as serious friends and someone to be close to. I, however, think that I can change to make them feel different about me... Which is what I am planning to do right now... But when I'm changing, I'm going to change something by adding something into my trait and my beliefs.

So you need to find some friends, that isn't hard and I guarantee it won't. Find the nearest hang-out place and think of it as your old highschool where you're in class and you talk to new people. Get to know them, just be nice at first and then get close with them. I suggest you find some guy friends and pick up interest and then call them up for movies and hang out more often and then find women and get hooked up by their friends. Don't do all of this too early, trust me. Just begin to realize what Austrailian people are like and get to know them first. It takes PRACTICE but a PRACTICE that you WON'T realize doing it.

In my opinion, you aren't doing anything "real" to make friends. Why not make friends online and get in touch? Learn, practice, expertise.

Good luck.

 

[SDBmania]

It's ok

I kind of know how you feel. I don't have any "hang out" friends, just friends who I work with. But, I am trying to hang out with a girl I met in class this last semester. You just need to get out and meet new people. Like maybe the mall or something like that. But, you must not worry. There is nothing wrong with being alone, but you don't have to be.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

talk to new people. Get to know them, just be nice at first and then get close with them

Thanks for the reply. At my old job where I worked for 2 years I DID talk with pretty much everyone, Did I ever get asked if I want to hang out with them or go to a party? NO. It just validates my theory that people already have their own social circle and it's hard to break into that.

I suggest you find some guy friends and pick up interest and then call them up for movies and hang out more often

As before I don't know how to do that, it's like I have a fear of not being accepted. I only knew all my old co-workers in a superficial way, and that's after working with them for 2 years! you'd think I'd get close to people in that time, but no. The thing is I DON'T think I know how to get close to people.

In my opinion, you aren't doing anything "real" to make friends.

I don't know how to do anything "real" to make friends ABOVE a superficial level.

Why not make friends online and get in touch?

Thanks for the ideas. But making friends online is the last thing I want to do, I always think if you have to make friends online because you can't make them in real life, then you're fvcked.

You just need to get out and meet new people. Like maybe the mall or something like that

Thanks SDBmania. Here in aus though stopping people in the mall is way "weird" though. People here down under meet others at parties and other like minded gatherings. Also why the hell does it have to be me that makes all moves, surely if someone liked me as a friend they'd invite me out. Man this "life" is depressing. Thanks for the replys anyway guys.

 

[tactic]

Willy,

I have tons of online friends but I still have more friends that I know personally face to face. Having online friends does not show you are deseperate or lonely... They are humans too, what difference does it make besides the fact they might express themselves differently.

Trust me there, bro... You just gotta'... Because I have been in this situation before. I'm dead serious here. Scared about approaching them is just not you fault, its the inner you. You just need to do anything you can. The only reason why you are feared comes to answer: Not used to new people. When someone is used to others, it makes them feel confident and they will learn something. This is your situation, anxiety, here. I had this anxiety and I still do at times. Just be strong and take risks. It's not like you are going to die.

I remember I used to think I would never get to be cool with certain people I wanted to be cool with... but because I showed no discourage, weakness, and a whiny trait... I've done a good job.

To have friends, you need to show them you have power. Power and strenght. You are in control, you are the leader of men. You do not take disses. You do not make yourself look humiliated... why? Because you are who are you, not someone else. Trust me, bro, you WILL make tons of friends and I'm sure of this. I've helped alot of people and it took them so god damn long to realize this, but I don't blame them, I blame myself for such a difficult level of writing.

Anyways dude,

Don't EVER feel discouraged, try to keep all the things you don't need inside and let it out when you feel the need. We're all here to help. If you still cannot find friends from trying (Which i 100% doubt) , you can always find someone who is alone during that time and then make that person laugh.

Do i get invited to parties? No. I don't mind, and plus I already know the reason why I don't get invited. Just because they don't ask you does not mean anything. My best friend, whom I have known for years and years, never invites me to his house or party. However, he's always cool and tells me the things he never tells others. He never feels uncomfortable with me and nor does he hate me.

 

[radix]

Mate, I know exactly where you're coming from. However it's not as hard as you may think it is. I think that so far you haven't succeeded yet because you haven't found people you've got something in common with. All of my male friends are activity friends. For each activity I've got different friends - for some I have multiple and I alternate or sometimes bring them together. So once you find somebody who enjoys an activity you enjoy too, it's quite easy - suggest doing this together sometime. This is better than inviting people to 'just hang', activity buddies will sometimes turn into 'just hanging' buddies later if you get along well. If you don't have any activities in your life you enjoy that could be done with other people - that's the source of your problem. Go get some. Take a skating class. Join a local cycling club. Photography club. 4WD club.

I also think that once you find a job it'll be easier to find like-minded people, they tend to gravitate towards the same kinds of jobs. So keep on looking and you won't have to spend any more weekends alone!

 

[EFFORT]

Good point radix


A lot of friends come from activites. Sure it's possible for some people to just go out and at the end of the night/day have a good deal of new friends...but that happens once you reach a certain level and understanding.

Right now you need to work on the issue from the level your currently at with an ACTION plan.

1. Get a pencil and paper and make a list of 10 hobbies/activites that interest you. (this will require some brainstorming on your part and maybe alittle research to find out more)

For example, here are some of my interest

Nature
Animals
Aviation
Music
Movies
Bodybuilding
Basketball
Martial Arts,Boxing (different fighting styles)
Nutrition
Self Improvement
Women
Outdoor Activites (hiking,camping,fishing,biking,etc)
Cars
Computers
Learning how things work ( Howstuffworks.com great site to spark come curiosity)
Gardening
Finding new hobbies


Ok so you get the point and remeber that those are mainly just Categories of Hobbies, you can break them down into thousands of different hobbies.


2. Once you have a list, go on and pick a few to start learning more on. For example, Aviation is interesting to you, so go to a library and get a few books, read newspapers and look online to see of clubs and/or organizations in your area that deal with it or even dates of air shows.

3. Once you find a club or something that involves other people and your hobby, go on and attend some meetings and get involved.

For some hobbies, finding clubs won't be easy, but you'll be suprised how people with similar interests find each other...

example (While looking for a book on a hobby you may bump into someone else in the same section thats also interested in it, so you start talking about it and they give you information about organizations and clubs in your area....this has happen to me a good deal of times mainly when i least expected it.)

It's also a good idea to take on at least one hobby that involves physical engery (Martial arts, Basketball, Outdoor Activites, Dancing classes, etc) Bonding usually takes place faster in activies like these.

After doing this you'll notice you will have friends and people to do different things with. You have to understand that a lot of friends are made through the process of engaging in hobbies.

So go on and get started you owe it to yourself!

Heres a search to get you started

http://dir.yahoo.com/Recreation/Hobbies/

feel free to pm me or instant message me (callmesupabob) if you want to talk.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[Engetsu]

The best concrete advice has so far come from EFFORT.

Here are a couple of pointers that have helped me through the years:

1 - Put yourself out there. Don't be shy to call someone up to do something, or just to say hi (this is the hard part because it will seem "gay" to most guys, so try to always find an excuse to call). Be very laid back and confident, don't be afraid to talk about yourself to "impress" the other person by playing up the best feature about yourself. These aren't girls, remember. Mystery won't land you friends.

2 - Join as many activities, sports, clubs as you can and apply "1". My current social circle started from people who used to practice kung fu with me, and some people were added to it later on, but it all started from a common activity we all shared.

3 - Don't force yourself to chill with someone. If you get a bad vibe or you don't really get along, then cut it off. Don't stay because you look "cool" together.

4 - Talk to as many people as you can, and get on as many people's good side. Do a lot of favors without being a doormat. Always be the one offering, i.e., if you have a pool, offer people to come over to swim, or if you're talking about a cd that you have and they don't, offer to burn a copy and DON'T ask for money, CD's cost 50 cents nowadays. Make as many good gestures as you can, just make sure people aren't using you, and for that, use your common sense...

That's it for now

 

[Porky]

Go to a club, have some drinks, dance, relax, and just TALK to people. There are always going to be fun, friendly people at a club.

I came home with a number written sloppily on my arm last weekend. It took me a while to remember that it belongs to a kid named Andreas. It wasn't gay or weird for me to ask him for his number, all I said was "dude, we need to hang out."

 

[white_hype]

first get a job, that is your main priority

2nd, how old are you?

if you want go back to school and just talk with people there and be like, "hey man, i'm new in town, what's there to do?"
and they will be like "club xxx is good or whatever" and maybe even say "im going to this party want to go?"

then be like "wellthe truth is i know no one here since i moved and left all my friends back home. You seem like a cool guy/girl Do you think it'd be cool if we hung out or something?"

be OVERLY friendly but not to the point where you seem annoying or a pain or a fag

you have no friends where you are and are complaining about putting in effort? no wonder you dont have any yet

most poeple dont go out of their way to befriend a stranger... you on the other hand HAVE to b/c you know no one

just swallow your pride and just get to know people

id recommend becoming a bartenderor something where you interact with people a lot

good luck, hope this helps

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

hey man why dont you ask around in this forum for some DJs that are from sydney. I am sure there would be a few. You could meet up with them and get to know them.

When you meet people or talk to them always talk positive like when someone asks you hows it going dont say I am going through a depression period right now in my life just that its going alright or pretty good, and dont act needy. Try finding common interests with people like chicks or cars or music, movies whatever.

Always smile and joke around like dont make fun of them but keep the conversation light when you first meet them like dont talk about anything serious.

Just remember man you only live once dont let anything stop you from achieving your dreams and dont worry about what happened in the past, theres nothing you can do to change it, just learn from your mistakes and move on.

 

[*new*]

do you have financial and academic opportunity to go to college?
gives you more chance to get a job and meet folks

 

[MrBond007]

www.bicolline.org

Go to the above website (french though) to look at the pic galleries.

Thats right, I do fight with stuffed or latex swords with other people and have a blast at it. We are around 3k people that gathers at Bicolline each year. The cost of the activity is low and is great fun.

I goit a lot of friends and prime quality girls by getting them involved in this.

 

[Blake]

BigWillie:

Your only 20 so your still very young and have your whole life ahead of you. I remember when I was 23 and I was experiencing almost the same thing. I had my circle of friends, but I wanted more. I wanted to meet new people. What I did improved my social life ten fold. I'm telling you right now, especially because your looking for a job right, is to go work at a decent restaurant with people your age.

I don't know what kind of restaurants are specifically are Australia but here in the States I worked at Outback Steakhouse: A nice restaurant and bar with hot, young college girls and cool guys working. I'm a relatively shy person but in no time I was going out after work for drinks with my coworkers almost everynight and meeting lots of girls. The girls I worked with were usually sorority girls so they had girlfriends who had girlfriends and so on and so forth....there were girls everywhere looking for a good time.

Working as a server in a restaurant was the best job I ever had. You can't help but to bond with all your coworkers because everyones dealing with the same crap. I guarantee you'll meet a lot of new people and you'll also make a lot of money.

Man I miss those days

 

[akindofblue]

There has been some excellent advice here.

Right now, I'd just concentrate on getting a job. On the weekends, maybe do something fairly inexpensive that allows you to get out. If you want, go to a jazz bar or something like that. Something where it's easy to make conversation and okay to just kind of hang out and enjoy the music.

You've had some great advice on joining clubs. And the recommendation on joining a restaurant was top-notch if that's the career path you want to head down or if you're kind of at a transition stage.

I recently moved to a new area, and my social life really took off when I joined a church. I found one that was fairly youth-oriented (probably had 2,000 people there every Sunday--average age was 28). There was a built-in social network there. We went surfing together, went rock-climing, hangliding, did service projects, tutored kids.... you name it. Lots of interpersonal interactions, too.

Knowing those people allowed me to meet other people, too. I could suggest that someone go surfing with me and a few friends, and suddenly the social circle got bigger.

Just be really proactive. Be aggressive.

It's tough to do without much money, I know. That's why clubs / churches / civic organizations are often the way to go. When you don't have cash, you gots to prioritize.

Good luck! And too bad you aren't in Brisbane. I could have hooked you up with a good friend of mine who just moved down there.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

MrBond007:
Thats right, I do fight with stuffed or latex swords with other people and have a blast at it. We are around 3k people that gathers at Bicolline each year.

Thanks Mr Bond, but I don't have enough cash to even leave my state yet alone leave the country for Bicolline, France. Thanks for your suggestion though. Appreciated.

I'm telling you right now, especially because your looking for a job right, is to go work at a decent restaurant with people your age.

Thanks Blake. I actually applied for a job at two restaurants, one which had some younger people working there I saw (18-25yr olds)

UPDATE:
I Did meet some dude that lives down the street from me today though. My Dad knows the man and his wife and they ivited my old man and I for dinner. My Dad says "Hey they have a 17year old son, you might make a good friend tonight."

So anyway we get there and there son is only interested in one thing. Computer games. He has over 300 games on his sooped up PC. He only talked about video games the entire 2 hours we were over there. These are not the type of guys I want as buddies, as nasty as that sounds. I say that because heavy computer freaks/ book worms and like minded activities are only for INTROVERTS, these people don't go out and I won't meet other people through these sorts of fellas. I mean I like video games, but I can't imagine going to ANY parties or meeting other human beings through this kid.

My Dad told me on the ride home that the other boys parents said that there son doesn't have any friends. Now I think the olds want to match make us together. No thanks.

You can't help but to bond with all your coworkers because everyones dealing with the same crap

I must be doing something wrong Blake. At my old city I worked in this fvcking massive warehouse for nearly a year. I didn't bond with anyone though even though we all dealt with the same sorta crap. How the hell do you bond, I guess I never new how to, do you pry into their lives and start asking personal questions to build some rapport with them? I sound retarded, I know, but I have no god damn idea... Thanks for all the feed back folks, keep ya'll updated on my quest.

 

[KillingTime]

im in a similar situation, after HS my friends moved away and ive been all alone through freshman college year. It's easy to meet people, but so hard to break into social circles. Hobbies is good if you actually have some... i don't really do anything though. I do play guitar and I guess i'm somewhat into cars... i hung out with some guitar guys and they were ALL potheads and so messed up, i joined a car club and these guys are the biggest geeks ever... they just talk about cars 24/7 and have absolutely no life... so much for that, im better off alone than with a bunch of old hicks. Im still trying to figure out how to make some friends, and yes if you don't have friends you can forget about girls... who wants a guy who does nothing all day? And if you do find a girl like that you just develop major oneitis since you have nothing to do.

 

[Blake]

"I must be doing something wrong Blake. At my old city I worked in this fvcking massive warehouse for nearly a year. I didn't bond with anyone though even though we all dealt with the same sorta crap."

Not necessarily, BigWilly, the crap I'm talking about was from the customers complaining about something. We all had to hear it and we'd all go in the kitchen and b!tch about it. It something totally different from working in a warehouse. For one thing, your already working at night so as soon as its time to close, it's easy to ask anyone if they want to go out for a drink and shoot pool or something.

I've never worked in a warehouse before but I can only imagine that you're not interacting with people as much as you are working in a restaurant. The customers, your coworkers, managers, and bartenders: there's a lot of action going on to keep the business going and to turn tables. In a warehouse, you're pretty much in your corner doing your on thing from 9-5.

I'm only speaking from my experience and that is when I worked there, I always had something going on after work whether it be a party, going to the pool hall, bars/clubs - there was always something. I personally think that it would be the best thing for you to do right now. Just try it out for a few months. It's not rocket science, just a lot of running around but you can't beat the money.

PS: This does not include fast food restaurants; thats totally different.

 

[gav]

responses are good

i'd say join a gym: meet people and you get in shape

 

[DEKKA]

ahh yes.... the imfamous catch22 of the social world. you need friends to successfully keep a girlfriend and you need a girlfriend so you don't feel gay going out with friends

here's the deal. you should always have friends before you get a girlfriend. the reason, friends make you a happy person. having friends gives you something to do and you're not gunna act AFC because the girl you're with happens to be the closest person in your life at the time.

as for not feeling gay about sh!t like that(and im serious, its usually harder for guys to make friends than women cuz women are more comfortable around each other). you should find activities you like and meet friends there. softball is a good one, college sports classes if you're younger, surfing, etc. don't just worry about getting friends because in order to get along good with your friends you usually need some things in common so common activities are the best route. don't be afriad of initiating stuff like going to a movie, bar, shoot pool, play xbox, watch the game, hang out, w/e. guys arent gunna care if you give em an invite, they would like it.

another tip for those that can go barhoppin etc. pick some favorite sports teams and learn about them. perhaps the one in your hometown or close. sports is probably the single best way to get some male bonding action goin on in america. hit the sports bars and cheer your team on have a few drinks, talk about the game, etc.

the other thing, you said you don't wanna look stupid or whatever cuz you have no buds to hang out with. if thats a problem or you're uncomfortable initiating with men, GET FEMALE FRIENDS! its perfect, and probably more effective to both your confidence and happiness. get with women for the sole purpose of being friends, ugly, fat, doesn't matter, you're not in a position to be choosy.

and finally, happy and jovial. you cant make friends if you're serious. don't look or act serious.

good luck
-J