No Contact After The Friends Speech?

[tincanman99]

A while back a trainer at the gym started flirting with me. My trainer who is a woman said watch out, all she wants is to take you as a client. Anyway it continued and I was thinking about backing off on her. And than she was really cold to me and I just backed off. Than a few weeks later it started again and I rolled with it.

We have become very chummy and friendly and she flirts with me non-stop. Its been going on for weeks. We made an agreement where she would provide coaching to me as my trainer is pregnant and is leaving. Not personal training per say but just help organize my workouts.

So she is getting really friendly with me.
Today she starts telling me about some guy she had dated, he has a child, he is a cop and is a prize of the worst kind.

Than the next thing you know she is telling me she is going on a date with a guy from the gym she just met. So I said the heck with it and threw my hat in the ring.

Let me take you to dinner, I will treat you right.

Than I got the friend speech. I just want to keep it friendly and professional, blah, blah.

All this crap and I just sat there and let it go. I was like ok. I was thinking I dont need to be another male friend that she treats like a female friend. I have no interest in this.

She walked away with me from where I was and wished me a good weekend and than I left without saying goodbye to her. Whatever...

On my way home I get this text from her:

==========
"Yes I was embarrssed and flattered, but would rather keep things professional and friendly. I hope this doesn't change anything, but appreciate your honesty!"
==========

I of course didnt reply and being the engineer that I am, I made it look like the txt message bounced back. Isn't technology wonderful when you know how to manipulate it ?

Than later I got this email from her and I made that look like it was rejected as well:

So why would I bother with you after this?

I immediately went to no contact.

===
Hi!

I tried sending you a text message, but some reason it jumped back to me saying that it was undeliverable. I just wanted to say yes you embarrassed me, but also flattered me. At this point though, I would like to keep things on a professional level and the same for our friendship. I hope that this does not make things awkward between us, because I won't. Yes I was blushing and taken aback, but I appreciate your honesty.

I hope that you like the workouts and you are looking forward to continuing. Would also like two next week? Have a great weekend and I'll let you know if I hear back from your old trainer. No luck yet, but we'll see.

Have a great night and talk soon!
ZZZZ
==============

 

[Professor Booty]

Get a new trainer.

 

[backbreaker]

Get a new trainer.

:yes:\

she pulled one on you brah. It's not even the fact that you are hurt, but showing interest in a guy to get him as a client then lying like that. i don't work with people like that. she knew she was flirting.

the **** even attempted to try to squeeze an extra session out of you lol. cold blooded.

in fact, i'd even go to a new gym. **** all that.

 

[Iceberg]

Wait a minute. She was YOUR trainer? I thought she was just one of many trainers walking around the gym. Come on, man.

Anyway, here's the thing: Going no contact....keeping the contact...it doesn't fukking matter. Because like I said in your previous 3 threads about this woman, she's not an option. Nor was she ever.

Look at the three threads you created and remember this. If you gotta create thee separate topics about a woman you haven't even dated yet, then you're already off on the wrong foot...because you're putting way too much weight in this girl.

And seriously...look at this stuff you wrote...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182761

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182761

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=182578

Anyway, going no contact is a recommendation when a guy put a girl on a pedestal, and she was being too flaky or arrogant. In this situation, it never even made it to the point of her being flaky because she wasn't interested in the first place. So frankly...and I'm just being honest here...it doesn't matter whether you talk to her or not. Because it's not going to change her interest level...which is, and always was, low.

 

[editdivide]

Don't even try.

Buy your relationships instead of building them. Refer to Anti-Dump's post.

If a woman flakes on you for any reason don't even think twice about it. Not worth the time.

 

[runner83]

Agree with Iceberg.

Think about the following points:

1) She didn't show you a shred of interest beyond what is normal for any girl in a job like this, where they use their "ass"ets to enhance sales.

2) You've made 4 threads now about this girl. You might say you have other options, but be honest with yourself.

3) When she started telling you about other guys, it was obvious she didn't view you as an option.

4) Your "Let me take you to dinner, I will treat you right." comment was neediness of the highest order, and she knew it.

5) When she sent you messages, your little trick of bouncing them back to her "undelivered" might have seemed like a cute trick, but it was actually the nail in the coffin of any chance (slight as it was) of getting her.

It just said to her (in the equivalent of bright flashing neon lights):

Your rejecting me and wanting us to just be friends hurt my self esteem so badly, since I have no other options.


A much better option would have been to ignore the messages (let her wonder, and you're under no obligation to respond to texts from her) then shown up at the gym and went on again like nothing had happened.

If you actually did have other options, you wouldn't care since you had other chicks to bang anyway, and this is what you would do.

PS - All the talk about moving to another gym? Well up to you. But what sort of man would leave a gym that he has chosen, because of a woman?

 

[Johnnyventana]

I'm ignoring everything else, only to comment that I love the bounce back! For whatever reason, that cracked me up. I'll be curious if she brings it up at the gym.

If she does, say: No worries. When I told you that, I didn't notice your bum eye.

She'll be obsessing about that for the next 10 years! ha

 

[tincanman99]

You guys are right me being a putz. I admit. After the last time I backed off and than she came on like gangbusters. She only wanted one thing - $$$. Go vacuum the dollars from someone else.

BTW, my trainer whom is a woman warned me about her. She said be very careful, she knows I am leaving and probably wants to pick you up. I headed the warning to a point but than got sucked in.

About the bounce back - you guys got it wrong.

This makes people crazy and here is why, normally when you send a txt or email people assume you got it, read it and than didnt respond.

With the bounce back they have no idea whether you got it or the system is vomiting.

Want to know how I know?

She sent the same txt like 5 times and sent the same email like 4 times. Each time I rejected it and send it back.

BTW, my gym is part of a chain. I have another one to go to thats near by. No skin off my nose.

 

[backbreaker]

okay after reading those other threads, it's obvious she was not being flirty, you presumed it as being flirty because you want her. i had the same deal with my oneitis. i would over critique every little thing she did and concoct this idea that she was showing me that she was flirting with me hen in fact she was being quite normal.; normal people do stuff like talk about restaurants and what's hot in the streets. just because she was asking you about a restaurant isn't Morse code for she wants you to **** her in the ass


she doesn't want you and never did. that's the cold hard ice cold truth.

 

[tincanman99]

okay after reading those other threads, it's obvious she was not being flirty, you presumed it as being flirty because you want her. i had the same deal with my oneitis. i would over critique every little thing she did and concoct this idea that she was showing me that she was flirting with me hen in fact she was being quite normal.; normal people do stuff like talk about restaurants and what's hot in the streets. just because she was asking you about a restaurant isn't Morse code for she wants you to **** her in the ass


she doesn't want you and never did. that's the cold hard ice cold truth.

I hear what you are saying but I am not talking about the earlier threads. After she backed off so did I. Duh, I know asking about a restaurant is not flirting. I am dense but not that dense.

She came on gangbusters a few weeks ago. After not talking, she came over to talk to me and would chat me up. Flirt with me, invade my space, ask me all this stuff. I rolled with it this time and let it continue.

I was a putz for being believing she was into me when she was into my $$. Lesson learned.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I hear what you are saying but I am not talking about the earlier threads. After she backed off so did I. Duh, I know asking about a restaurant is not flirting. I am dense but not that dense.

She came on gangbusters a few weeks ago. After not talking, she came over to talk to me and would chat me up. Flirt with me, invade my space, ask me all this stuff. I rolled with it this time and let it continue.

I was a putz for being believing she was into me when she was into my $$. Lesson learned.

You could be right, but I agree with backbreaker. I wonder what your definition of flirting is.

 

[tincanman99]

My Definition of Flirting

My definition of flirting includes the following:

*teasing/playful
*eye contact
*laughing
*playing hard to get
*positive body language
*touching

She did all of this and more. How about emails that I made her smile and how it brightened her day when she saw me, thanking me for listening to her, she cant wait to see me at the gym and all kinds of other crap.

This was all in the last few weeks. I admit to being dense about women sometimes but not as dense as wood .

 

[TheManOfSteel]

Not to slam on you, but it's obvious that she just flirted and shook her ass to make $$$ as a trainer for you. Brush it off and DO NOT move to another gym because of this. If anything joke about it and act like it never happened, BUT DO NOT continue to reward her with having her as a trainer. This girl knows how to flirt to make clients, but is probably not the sharpest tool in the shed, as she could have kept toying with you and said maybe but not until she gives this other guy a chance first. This way she could have kept your hopes up AND kept you as a client.

It's kind of like this girl at the front desk of the gym I go to who I asked for her number and she sounded all interested but then later on stated she had a boyfriend. I still see her once a week or so when I go to the gym and just act like nothing happened, as I really could care less. It is kind of funny how she'll go out of her way to say hi and bye and talk to me as I'm leaving though. It's not my loss .

 

[tincanman99]

Not to slam on you, but it's obvious that she just flirted and shook her ass to make $$$ as a trainer for you. Brush it off and DO NOT move to another gym because of this. If anything joke about it and act like it never happened, BUT DO NOT continue to reward her with having her as a trainer. It's kind of like this girl at the front desk of the gym I go to who I asked for her number and she sounded all interested but then later on stated she had a boyfriend. I still see her once a week or so when I go to the gym and just act like nothing happened, as I really could care less. It is kind of funny how she'll go out of her way to say hi and bye and talk to me as I'm leaving though. It's not my loss .

You can slam on me. I can take it, its the only way people learn :trouble: .

You do have a valid point though about leaving. Why should I leave, I have lots of friends there.

I guess the key is indifference. What would happen if I hired another trainer now?

What would you say about another woman trainer (this one is married to my friend so there will be no problems).

 

[tincanman99]

+1. Acceptance is the first stage to enlightenment. Too many guys allow their vanity to get in the way and as a result refuse to accept the possibility she's just not into you at the moment. A thus continues a gruesome few weeks, months or even years in some cases, or one itis and chasing after the wind.

I agree with you on this. Totally.

 

[Professor Booty]

BTW, my gym is part of a chain. I have another one to go to thats near by. No skin off my nose.

Perfect. Switch to the other gym immediately and get yourself a new trainer there. Yeah, I know as a point of pride you shouldn't be switching gyms on account of this girl but it's the lesser of two evils IMO. Based on the emotional investment you've already put into to this girl she's going to be a MAJOR distraction for you if you stay and I think it's just better to make a clean break.

And, I hate to sound sexist, but try getting a male trainer this time - or at least a female that you're not attracted to. Focus on your workouts, man - that's what you're there for, not flirting and chit-chat. Commit to a SERIOUS workout program - you'll reap the benefits and you know what? Other girls at the gym (not just the trainers who want your $) will start to take notice. Win/Win.

 

[tincanman99]

Perfect. Switch to the other gym immediately and get yourself a new trainer there. Yeah, I know as a point of pride you shouldn't be switching gyms on account of this girl but it's the lesser of two evils IMO. Based on the emotional investment you've already put into to this girl she's going to be a MAJOR distraction for you if you stay and I think it's just better to make a clean break.

And, I hate to sound sexist, but try getting a male trainer this time - or at least a female that you're not attracted to. Focus on your workouts, man - that's what you're there for, not flirting and chit-chat. Commit to a SERIOUS workout program - you'll reap the benefits and you know what? Other girls at the gym (not just the trainers who want your $) will start to take notice. Win/Win.

My previous trainer helped me drop 45lbs and she was a woman. I am pretty fit now but you can always be more fit.

 

[Iceberg]

My previous trainer helped me drop 45lbs and she was a woman. I am pretty fit now but you can always be more fit.

Don't switch gyms. Jesus. You can't go packing up your bags and switching locations every time something or someone in life rejects you.

If it was your girlfriend, and you lived together for 2 years, and broke up. Okay, maybe you'd need a change of scenery. But this is just some nobody you asked out. Plenty more where that came from.

 

[Diaforetikos]

We have become very chummy and friendly and she flirts with me non-stop. Its been going on for weeks.

Weeks???! What the hell?? What were you waiting for?!! WEEKS MAN!!? WEEKS!?

If you like her, play it cool for a week, very rarely, two. But amp up your sexual vibe so she knows from the beginning what you want. Obviously its too late now. But for next time, don't hesitate man. Thats why she went on those dates with those other "bros". You took WAAAY too long.

Just remember, you find something you like, you go after it immediately, even if it takes a little time for you to do a little damage to weaken it. Then you'll start seeing results.

 

[tincanman99]

Weeks???! What the hell?? What were you waiting for?!! WEEKS MAN!!? WEEKS!?

If you like her, play it cool for a week, very rarely, two. But amp up your sexual vibe so she knows from the beginning what you want. Obviously its too late now. But for next time, don't hesitate man. Thats why she went on those dates with those other "bros". You took WAAAY too long.

Just remember, you find something you like, you go after it immediately, even if it takes a little time for you to do a little damage to weaken it. Then you'll start seeing results.

I guess I am slow