Nice guys acting like 'jerks', 'jerks' acting like nice guys.

[MrJibbles]

Girls seem to smell incongruency from a mile away. A lot of the gurus say "fake it 'til you make it", but I think I've been plagued with Nice Guy Syndrome from the start. Within five seconds of meeting me, somewhere in the back of their minds, b*tches diagnose me with it. They all seem to speak to me in a patronizing tone of voice, especially the hotter ones. I've heard that if a girl really digs you, she'll playfully make fun of you a lot, maybe even seeming resentful of you if you she really likes you. She'll constantly sh** test you. When I try to act the 'bad boy', the girls see right through my facade and throw sh*t test at me to break it down. At this point, I start acting the fool.

I can't seem to get past this sticking point. I need confidence. I need congruency with a "player"-type of persona. But I don't seem to be making progress. I feel like I'm destined to be a dreaded nice guy for a while. I have changed my thought patterns, but girls still see me as an AFC?

In the movie Hitch, Will Smith says if you're nice guy, play the nice guy. If you're a bad boy, act accordingly. Am I trying too hard to be something I'm not? Should I change my personality? Or should I merely just "try harder?"

 

[The_411]

The key is working within your personna. Incongruency creeps in when all of the sudden a guy who has been nice starts acting like dominant a-hole.

You need to remain true to your core values but amplify your edginess.

Don't be afraid to upset the apple cart and that's usually how you know you're doing well when some people start getting upset/irritated or questioning you. Now you don't need to make people nuts but you do need to push buttons.

Women tend to fall harder for guys they hate at least at first. Hate is not the opposite of love indifference is. So is some is indifferent toward you you're not creating enough of a reaction.

 

[Borknagar]

Honestly, I think you can get away with being somewhat of a nice guy, but with out the nice guy stigma. Be nice, be fun, be decent, but don't be a *****, a pushover, a guy she can walk all over, and be the guy who can give a girl ****.

 

[Big Overseas 1]

Hey MrJibbles.

I think its a mistake for fellas to put too much stock in trying to act like othe guys just to get girls. Cuz when the pressure to perform is on, most guys who are just "acting" can't pull it off. That will only just set you up to fail.

VU did a whole show where he shot down PUAs. It was mission #17. But here's the show where he went gunning for all the Wannabe Bad Boys:

http://victoryunlimitedshow.com/gen...do-you-have-to-be-a-bad-boy-to-get-bad-girls/

Overall, I think he's right when he says guys should basically maximize the power of who THEY are to attract the ladies. Being a total man usually beats acting like a bad boy, when its all said & done.

 

[FairShake]

But most "jerks" act like nice guys in the beginning. That's how they get girls to fall in love with them. THEN women put up with the disrespect!

 

[corrector]

Again, this is a matter of looks. If you have looks to fall back on then you can afford to be a jerk because for every woman you throw away they are ten others that want to take her place and she knows it. If you are the type that attract a hot girl once in a blue moon then you know it's going to be a very long time before you get another one (assuming you don't settle for an UG) and therefore have to be nice since there are always ten other guys that she can get. So, it all boils down to lopsided power dynamics.

The only solution, if you want to be a jerk, date down on looks because then you know you don't love her and don't really care and that can come across as "jerky". Beyond that, if the power dynamics are in a woman's favour then it's difficult to pull of being a jerk.

Again, this is probably another concept that ignores "looks and vibes". When you are an average looking nerd (ALN), then these type of issues would always come up. Everyone want's the hot girl, but you have to come across as very masculine and have some serious looks to back it up (i.e. wide chest, etc...). Probably better to hit the gym.

 

[Daniel_March]

by all means you can be the nice guy.

loads of nice guys get stunning girlfriends, the key is SELF RESPECT

you have to show the woman that you are the MAN who does not allow people to push him around.

The only way to get respect is to respect yourself first. If the girl is patronizing you and you don't like it, tell her so...

"ehhh, excuse me?..." follow up with some CnF... you will get mixed responses from girls. Some will not like it some will see that you have a pair...

Either way you will feel strong and confident and RESPECTED.

Having no self respect is sad

 

[corrector]

by all means you can be the nice guy.

loads of nice guys get stunning girlfriends, the key is SELF RESPECT

you have to show the woman that you are the MAN who does not allow people to push him around.

The only way to get respect is to respect yourself first. If the girl is patronizing you and you don't like it, tell her so...

"ehhh, excuse me?..." follow up with some CnF... you will get mixed responses from girls. Some will not like it some will see that you have a pair...

Either way you will feel strong and confident and RESPECTED.

Having no self respect is sad

But what about if you just do not care because the woman is not "personally relevant" to you? Isn't reacting to her giving her power? You can pull a line like that and still if it isn't congruent, she may not even take you on because she sees you as a nice guy who is trying something...it's not you.

The key is having "walk-away" power and, I guess that comes with either having lots of women to walk to, or having other passions in life beside women so you just don't care. If a woman can fit into the woodwork of life then great, if she can't, you find one who can, or better, wait for one who does.

 

[corrector]

duplicate post

 

[Daniel_March]

you did not get the main point i was making which was SELF RESPECT.

If you respect yourself and the chick is not bringing any value into your life get rid of her.

Having self respect gives you the power to walk away.

Life is fluid you cannot apply one technique or one tip to everything, however having a basic idea helps a lot.

Just be your own man and forget the people who do not see how great you are. Concentrate on the relationships which bring you feelings of joy and happiness.

 

[Alle_Gory]

To be fair there's a big overlap between "nice guys" and "weak men". There's nothing wrong with choosing to be nice to people.

 

[Daniel_March]

Alle_Gory's got it! There is a big difference between a nice guy and a weak man.

See, if somebody is nice to you then in return they get your kindness, however if they take you for a d1ck then you show that such attitude toward you is not tolerated

 

[Scars]

Stay consistent. The reason it's called sh!t test is because it's a TEST. She wants to know if you're legit or putting on an act. Pick one, be an assh0le or be nice, just stay consistent with it, and don't get all flustered when she tests you. A lot of newbies come in here and read some "how to be a badboy article" and then go out and try it and fail, because as soon as the woman tests him he reverts back to his old AFC ways. Don't be that guy.

And whoever said earlier that woman fall hardest for guys they used to hate is dead right. There's nothing like getting a girl completely frustrated and then having some passionate rough sex with her later that evening. This is how you nail HB9-10's guys.

-Scars

 

[PapiChulo]

Conflict creates attraction! Being all the time nice is boring imho.

 

[zekko]

guys should basically maximize the power of who THEY are to attract the ladies. Being a total man usually beats acting like a bad boy, when its all said & done.

Totally agree with this.
Every one of us is a unique individual, with our own sense of humor, etc.
The idea that we can all be pigeonholed into one of two different stereotypical labels (nice guy or jerk) is the biggest JOKE on this forum.
We're all different.

Put your effort into being the best YOU that you can be. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, get in shape, embrace your masculinity, have self respect, and don't be a pushover. The idea that women are only attracted to jerks is the second biggest joke on this forum.

 

[Mike32ct]

Girls seem to smell incongruency from a mile away.

Agreed.

A lot of the gurus say "fake it 'til you make it", but I think I've been plagued with Nice Guy Syndrome from the start. Within five seconds of meeting me, somewhere in the back of their minds, b*tches diagnose me with it.

I hear ya.

They all seem to speak to me in a patronizing tone of voice, especially the hotter ones.

That's the difference between men and women. Men, for the most part, are at least polite to women they don't find attractive. (This assumes she's not too aggressive and grabbing our junk lol.) Women, on the other hand, especially attractive ones, feel the need to patronize, roll their eyes at, and sometimes even insult guys that "aren't their type."

I've heard that if a girl really digs you, she'll playfully make fun of you a lot, maybe even seeming resentful of you if you she really likes you. She'll constantly sh** test you. When I try to act the 'bad boy', the girls see right through my facade and throw sh*t test at me to break it down. At this point, I start acting the fool.

Yeah it's hard to keep an act for very long.

I can't seem to get past this sticking point. I need confidence. I need congruency with a "player"-type of persona. But I don't seem to be making progress. I feel like I'm destined to be a dreaded nice guy for a while. I have changed my thought patterns, but girls still see me as an AFC?

In the movie Hitch, Will Smith says if you're nice guy, play the nice guy. If you're a bad boy, act accordingly. Am I trying too hard to be something I'm not? Should I change my personality? Or should I merely just "try harder?"

I see some great, thoughtful replies. But overall, I'm going to agree most with corrector. At the end of the day, I really think this jerk vs. nice guy is just a BS cover for a looks disparity or a perceived (by her) looks disparity.

If a guy was super hot, would women mind if he was nice? Of course not.(Obviously, if he was a total wuss and kiss a*s that could turn them off, but just being nice would not hurt his game at all.)

Work out, get new clothes, and a sexy haircut first.

 

[Aaron B]

the nice guy is ashamed of his sexuality and tries to take shortcuts in order to avoid having to express his sexuality to women

women view the nice guy in an asexual manner. they cannot feel sexual attraction for the nice guy. as far as she is concerned, he doesn't even have a penis at all. when you hear a woman refer to a man as a "nice guy," its the kiss of death.

A man who communicates with her in a sexual manner is free to be as polite and well-mannered as he wishes.

A well-mannered and polite man with sexual power will be referred to as a "great guy" or a "good guy" but never a "nice guy."

If I'm nice to an attractive woman because I'm polite and well-mannered and she reacts to me by being a self-entitled, ungrateful b-word, I'm not going to continue to be nice to her. In fact, I'm very likely to call her out on her disrespectful behavior.

The nice guy isn't willing to call anyone out on anything. And if he does it will likely be in a very passive-aggressive and angry manner.

We do ourselves a disservice when we consider ourselves "nice guys" because we are polite. The nice guy is not out there getting close to women, flirting overtly, telling her to buy him drinks, directing her to put his number in his phone, pulling her to him and grabbing her butt, etc. A polite gesture or two here or there doesn't make you a nice guy.

I can be polite and well-mannered and respectful of others while at the same time being overtly sexual in my interactions with women. Its not an either/or. It can be both at the same time.

Its important to be congruent with who you are as a person. Knowing who that person is is very important. Do you truly know yourself? You probably think you do, but do you really?

If you are scared to do the things I described above, its not because that's "who you are." Its because you have issues and flaws that you need to work on. It seems very arrogant and egotistical to assume that you have every skill and facet of your personality already developed without having to work on yourself.