Nice Guy Texting Mistakes to Avoid

[Money & Muscle]

Read an article and figured it was worth reposting.
Pulled from r/Seduction here.

Nice Guy Texting Mistakes to Avoid

Nice Guys are particularly susceptible to people-pleasing behavior, so they often with text in a way that is seeking approval, validation, or simply to keep the conversation going. And it almost always backfires.

Simple general rules to remember when texting:

• Use some restraint with the length of your texts, but still be friendly
• Be a little playful, but don’t try too hard to be funny or get a reaction out of her.
• Don’t be needy—text a few times a day, don’t always be the first to reach out.

That being said, here are some critical texting mistakes to be aware of. Be sure to check yourself regularly if you fall into these Nice Guy habits:

1. Responding with disproportionate amount of text. (She sends a sentence, you reply with a paragraph). This probably the most common example I see. For example, a guy reaches out over text and asks, “How was your weekend?” Woman responds with: “Good, just hung out a little.” Guy responds with a full play-by-play of his weekend, with every small detail included. When guys are met with indifference over text, they respond by going the other direction and being more expressive and detailed, and it comes off as needy. Match her energy—if she’s short and non-expressive, do the same. If she’s engaged in the conversation, then match the enthusiasm (still with some restraint).
2. Trying to tease a woman then following up with ‘just playing lol’ when she’s not responsive. A lot of Nice Guys will try to tease and be bold, and when they don’t get an immediate response, they crumble. They’ll often backtrack, and make an excuse, or apologize. Teasing should be part of natural playful banter, when teasing is done over text with a specific outcome in mind, in can come off as being cringe. Be playful, but don’t make teasing (or negging).
3. Using generic, boring questions: “What do you like to do for fun?” A lot of Nice Guys will default to interview mode to keep the conversation, both in person and over text. Be more specific with your questions. Ask a playful question about one of her photos or answers on her dating profile. Generally speaking, don’t be so broad and generic with your questions.
4. Overuse of exclamation points and emojis. In the early stages of texting, you don’t want to give away your mystery. It doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself, and try so hard to be intentionally evasive, but just keep it relaxed and use a little restraint. Look at the responses below. Say a woman texts a guy and asks how his day was. Which guy seems more grounded, mysterious, and attractive?
   a. Hey!! It was good, got a lot done. Had a long day at work, but got a good workout in after! How about you??
   b. Here there, day was busy but got a lot done. How about you?
5. Overanalyzing meaningless things her texts. “She sent a kissy face emoji—she must like me!” This is self explanatory. If she’s generally evasive or non-responsive, but throws in an emoji, don’t take this as a sign that the tide is turning. Take a look at her general behavior. Don’t allow yourself to continue to get strung along because of a meaningless text that may appear flirtatious, all because you’re desperate.
6. Long-winded confessions of feelings or how special you think she is if she is unresponsive or goes cold. This goes back to point #1. A lot of guys will spill their emotions in a last effort attempt if they feel a woman pulling away. This almost always pushes them away more. If she doesn’t feel a certain way about you, it’s not your job to try and convince her otherwise.
7. Giving compliments too often, particularly on looks. I would be lying if I said love bombing on the apps doesn’t sometimes work. But don’t be that guy—over the top compliments, especially focused on her looks, will eventually set off the warning signals in her brain. Be authentic—give compliments sparingly, and make sure you really mean them. Women would rather see affection demonstrated through action, not words.
8. Always initiating the conversation. Yes, people get busy—but if a woman has a high level of attraction, she will typically initiate conversations as well. You only want to dedicate time to those who are enthusiastic about being with you. The cardinal rule of dating applies: NEVER CHASE.
9. Finally, the Jekyll and Hyde. Starts out complimentary, caring, until she doesn’t respond quickly enough, then it turns into insults, guilt tripping, or accusations of being strung along. This is the key trait of the Nice Guy—their actions come with expectations of something in return. Look up the term ‘covert contracts’. Yes, you don’t want to be the only person putting in effort, but there’s a difference between being appreciated and doing things for others with an expectation of affection, sex, etc. Don’t be the guy who does things for women and feel like they’re owed something, and never lose your cool if things don’t work in your favor. Be polite, and move on. How you handle rejection is the cornerstone of your identity as an attractive man.

Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/avoid-these-nice-guy-texting-mistakes

Any critiques or criticisms?
Anything to add?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

#3 can be a good screening tool if you're not sure about the woman's interest. A moderately interested girl would give a short perfunctory answer, a highly interested woman would be effusive and add something flirtatious.

For non-native English speakers - if she responds to "what do you like to do for fun?" with something short and dry, she's probably not highly interested. If her response is longer and juicy, she's probably highly interested.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

#3 can be a good screening tool if you're not sure about the woman's interest. A moderately interested girl would give a short perfunctory answer, a highly interested woman would be effusive and add something flirtatious.

For non-native English speakers - if she responds to "what do you like to do for fun?" with something short and dry, she's probably not highly interested. If her response is longer and juicy, she's probably highly interested.

Generally speaking, I agree.

However, some women are just not texters.

No bullshiit, I had a "breast friend" a couple years ago..and this chick loved to talk..in fact, she talked a little too much lol.

But damn, her texts were always short and vague.

So, her text game was quite the contrary.

Man, listen; if you want to know how a woman feels about you; just bring up sex.

Or, as Alan Roger Currie once stated..

"A relationship doesn't officially begin until the subject of sex is mentioned".

Until then, it is all just talk.

 

[SW15]

My best advice in general is to limit text messaging and telephone conversations. Text messaging has been the more relevant medium in the 2010s and 2020s in the initial parts of an interaction. Phone calls are barely ever used anymore in the pre-sex part of dating. Initial seduction is far more text based.

I'll go through some points here.

1.Responding with disproportionate amount of text. (She sends a sentence, you reply with a paragraph). This probably the most common example I see. For example, a guy reaches out over text and asks, “How was your weekend?” Woman responds with: “Good, just hung out a little.” Guy responds with a full play-by-play of his weekend, with every small detail included. When guys are met with indifference over text, they respond by going the other direction and being more expressive and detailed, and it comes off as needy. Match her energy—if she’s short and non-expressive, do the same. If she’s engaged in the conversation, then match the enthusiasm (still with some restraint).

This would be a beta male, 'nice guy' flaw but this isn't only limited to betas. Guys with a lot of personality have a tendency to do this too and some of them are alpha/sigma.

This goes with my best advice in limiting text messaging. If you say far more than she says in text, there's an enthusiasm gap or she has zero personality. Neither is good.

2. Trying to tease a woman then following up with ‘just playing lol’ when she’s not responsive. A lot of Nice Guys will try to tease and be bold, and when they don’t get an immediate response, they crumble. They’ll often backtrack, and make an excuse, or apologize. Teasing should be part of natural playful banter, when teasing is done over text with a specific outcome in mind, in can come off as being cringe. Be playful, but don’t make teasing (or negging).

I agree with this. Doing this would be bad and would destroy any sort of attraction.

Long-winded confessions of feelings or how special you think she is if she is unresponsive or goes cold. This goes back to point #1. A lot of guys will spill their emotions in a last effort attempt if they feel a woman pulling away. This almost always pushes them away more. If she doesn’t feel a certain way about you, it’s not your job to try and convince her otherwise.

Not good. If she's unresponsive, let the interaction die and don't offer a date. Stuff happens.

Overuse of exclamation points and emojis. In the early stages of texting, you don’t want to give away your mystery. It doesn’t mean you can’t be yourself, and try so hard to be intentionally evasive, but just keep it relaxed and use a little restraint. Look at the responses below. Say a woman texts a guy and asks how his day was. Which guy seems more grounded, mysterious, and attractive?
a. Hey!! It was good, got a lot done. Had a long day at work, but got a good workout in after! How about you??
b. Here there, day was busy but got a lot done. How about you?

Agree. This isn't alpha or masculine.

Using generic, boring questions: “What do you like to do for fun?” A lot of Nice Guys will default to interview mode to keep the conversation, both in person and over text. Be more specific with your questions. Ask a playful question about one of her photos or answers on her dating profile. Generally speaking, don’t be so broad and generic with your questions.

This doesn't help with seduction at all.