Nutz
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2008
- Messages
- 1,589
- Reaction score
- 72
There seems to be a lot of newbies to the community posting these days so I'm going to give you guys the comprehensive overview/primer I wish I had when I started out...
BUILDING MERE EXPOSURE
Opening, hooking, and getting their contact details with upwards of 100% success rate is possible. The reason this is possible is because I learned how to turn it into a hard skill. Hard skills are something you can learn to do, repeat the sequence of steps, and have success nearly every time. Soft skills are more like an art where you learn the structure, practice it, and every time you finish you'll have a slightly different outcome. Think painting a picture. Some will be better than others, some will be complete ****, and others will be a work of art. That is a soft skill. Anyway, opening, hooking, and closing is a hard skill following the proper sequencing. Now that being said, that doesn't mean you'll have attraction or the number won't flake. That's where non-verbals, preselection, and all the other aspects of “game” and attraction comes into play. More on that later. For now I just want to cover the sequencing I spoke of a moment ago:
1. Mere Exposure
2. Opening Lines
3. Trigger a smile
4. Approach
5. Qualifying Statements
6. Disqualifying Others
7. Ask an Opinion
8. Lock In!
One of the most important rules of indirect game is to never make it feel or seem like you're hitting on them. The two main things that give away your intentions is poor delivery and shoddy body language. If you're delivery is off at best you'll look like you're hitting on her, possibly try-hard, and at worst just plain creepy. Just keep that in the back of you mind when doing these since you don't want to give the impressing you're hitting on them. You want it to feel like you're just two people having a peasant chat or small talk, bull****ting as some call it, and not actually an attempted pickup. So many guys telegraph way too much interest and their intent is clear as day. So how do you hit on them without hitting on them?
Pre-open. When you first hit the venue do what is known as pre-opening. This is when you do a brief approach, exchange names, and leave them on a high note. Doing so should last no more than a few seconds. You're in, out, and gone. This really trips them up because you're actually walking up to them, talking to them (only guys that hit on them do this, right?), but then you leave! That can't be right? If you're hitting on them why did you just walk off? You know what they're thinking, “Hmm... maybe he's not actually hitting on me after all.” If they automatically assume you're hitting on them, which most will, especially during night game, this will really throw them off guard. That's how indirect game should operate. However, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Before you can walk away you first must approach them. There are several different types of openers and the 3 I want to focus on are Functional, Compliment, and Observational (aka Situational) openers:
Functional openers are the easiest and most socially acceptable openers to use. However, they're the toughest to transition from. An example of a Functional opener is “Do you have the time? I think my watch is running slow.”, “Do you know if there are any good specials here tonight? I'm getting tired of the same old xyz.”, “Do you know where the bathrooms are? I can't find them anywhere and my friend is about to make a mess!” and so on.
Compliment openers are just as they sound. You give a compliment, exchange names, and you're gone. An example of this would be, “That's a great dress. I like how it makes you stand out from the crowd.”
Observational openers are just as they sound. You're commenting on the environment around you and are the most powerful as it creates a commonality and are spontaneous. As I mentioned above you don't want to give the impression of hitting on them, and observational openers have a tendency to do that as they can come across as try-hard with bad delivery. Instead of talking to the woman about whatever it is you're observing, talk about it to your friend (wing). Then you bring the woman into the conversation by what should seem as happenstance because she just happens to be the one standing there at the time your conversation took place. Now because you were already discussing it with your wing it's not hitting on them, but just conversing with someone else nearby about that cool or strange widget you just noticed. An example would be “<wing> check that out! Look at that picture and this one over here. (Said to the woman...) Do you see that? They're all the same pictures, they're just different color! I wonder how many people even notice that? Weird, huh?”
There are three main rules when doing a pre-opener:
1. Justify why you're talking to them. Those familiar with Neil Strauss' style of game would call this “rooting the opener”. Same idea really. If you look at the example's I gave for each opener they all have a justifying statement included.
2. Always exchange names and do a handshake if able.
3. Tell them it was nice meeting them and/or to have a good day/night, then eject politely.
Once you've done 15-20 minutes of pre-opening in the venue your mere exposure effect should be climbing. And I do want to say that pre-opening is not the same as warm-up sets. While warm-up sets can raise your mere exposure effect, they're not the same since pre-opening keeps it brief and it's not an extended duration conversation. Anyway, after that short time of pre-opening, now it's time to start approaching earlier women you pre-opened. Scan the venue for women you've talked to and use non-verbal communication to get them to smile. I've found almost 100% of the women I've pre-opened will smile when doing this. Congratulations, when they smile at you they've just given you an approach invitation! Yes fellas, it's that simple. What do you do when they give you that approach invitation? It's simple... you lock eye contact, keep smiling, and go straight in.
APPROACHING
When reopening after the pre-open just be friendly, qualify their earlier behavior, and then disqualify the rest of the venue. These are actually two separate skills, so play around with different types of qualifiers and disqualifiers. Also, you can actually roll them together and mix them into your opening statement as well. A very basic version of this is, “Hi <name>, I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier, but you were super polite/friendly. I think that's awesome. Between you and me most people here are stuck up.” Now they will hook because you've just framed her as good, everyone else as bad, and she'll naturally want to fulfill that social expectation, at least in the short term. Presto! They just hooked! Give another qualifying statement if you feel it's necessary and then launch into your opinion opener of choice, hopefully something not “community” and real from your life. An example of my follow-on qualifying statement is, “Hey, you seem really friendly. I just wanted to ask you a quick question....” and then I would launch into my opinion opener.
LOCKING IN
Locking in is such an important piece of the puzzle, but yet so many forget to do it, or worse they're afraid to! It's much easier to just take the power position and accept that moment of awkwardness than stand in a bad spot for 10 minutes gradually working your way over while your investment raises and hers stays low. A moment of awkwardness is quickly forgotten whereas an extended period of being locked out of the group essentially will lower their perception of you for a long time to come. Just move against the wall, put your foot up, and chill back. Let them face you and you face out away from them. This is really one of the best positions to be in. I found there are lots of little tricks you can do with body language to adjust investment levels in the group.
INVESTMENT
In The Blueprint, Tyler Durden speaks about Reactivity, that the person who reacts more is the more attracted of the two individuals. This is because the person who is reacting more is more invested. If there is any simple way of saying what attraction boils down to it’s investment. The goal of every interaction should be to cultivate investment by the other person as much as possible. The more invested, the more they’ll become attracted and attached to the outcome. In RSD speak this means being the least reactive person. However, being the least reactive is only half the equation. Adam Lyons finished the puzzle by adding the second half, which is to get them to investing in you.
When talking to a woman don’t face her. Just lean back and let her carry as much of the conversation as possible. Essentially you want to speak and interact the least amount you can get away with. No more are the days of the man carrying 90% of the conversation from the start. Just get things going, sit back, and enjoy the ride as they talk themselves into being attracted to you by investing!
After you’ve approached the girl, let her invest for a while, then you’ll want to move things forward to a close of some sort. If for some reason you cannot bounce or instant-date on the spot, you’ll want to get her contact details. The method by which you do so is just as important as how you open and get her invested if you wish to see her again.
BUILDING MERE EXPOSURE
Opening, hooking, and getting their contact details with upwards of 100% success rate is possible. The reason this is possible is because I learned how to turn it into a hard skill. Hard skills are something you can learn to do, repeat the sequence of steps, and have success nearly every time. Soft skills are more like an art where you learn the structure, practice it, and every time you finish you'll have a slightly different outcome. Think painting a picture. Some will be better than others, some will be complete ****, and others will be a work of art. That is a soft skill. Anyway, opening, hooking, and closing is a hard skill following the proper sequencing. Now that being said, that doesn't mean you'll have attraction or the number won't flake. That's where non-verbals, preselection, and all the other aspects of “game” and attraction comes into play. More on that later. For now I just want to cover the sequencing I spoke of a moment ago:
1. Mere Exposure
2. Opening Lines
3. Trigger a smile
4. Approach
5. Qualifying Statements
6. Disqualifying Others
7. Ask an Opinion
8. Lock In!
One of the most important rules of indirect game is to never make it feel or seem like you're hitting on them. The two main things that give away your intentions is poor delivery and shoddy body language. If you're delivery is off at best you'll look like you're hitting on her, possibly try-hard, and at worst just plain creepy. Just keep that in the back of you mind when doing these since you don't want to give the impressing you're hitting on them. You want it to feel like you're just two people having a peasant chat or small talk, bull****ting as some call it, and not actually an attempted pickup. So many guys telegraph way too much interest and their intent is clear as day. So how do you hit on them without hitting on them?
Pre-open. When you first hit the venue do what is known as pre-opening. This is when you do a brief approach, exchange names, and leave them on a high note. Doing so should last no more than a few seconds. You're in, out, and gone. This really trips them up because you're actually walking up to them, talking to them (only guys that hit on them do this, right?), but then you leave! That can't be right? If you're hitting on them why did you just walk off? You know what they're thinking, “Hmm... maybe he's not actually hitting on me after all.” If they automatically assume you're hitting on them, which most will, especially during night game, this will really throw them off guard. That's how indirect game should operate. However, I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Before you can walk away you first must approach them. There are several different types of openers and the 3 I want to focus on are Functional, Compliment, and Observational (aka Situational) openers:
Functional openers are the easiest and most socially acceptable openers to use. However, they're the toughest to transition from. An example of a Functional opener is “Do you have the time? I think my watch is running slow.”, “Do you know if there are any good specials here tonight? I'm getting tired of the same old xyz.”, “Do you know where the bathrooms are? I can't find them anywhere and my friend is about to make a mess!” and so on.
Compliment openers are just as they sound. You give a compliment, exchange names, and you're gone. An example of this would be, “That's a great dress. I like how it makes you stand out from the crowd.”
Observational openers are just as they sound. You're commenting on the environment around you and are the most powerful as it creates a commonality and are spontaneous. As I mentioned above you don't want to give the impression of hitting on them, and observational openers have a tendency to do that as they can come across as try-hard with bad delivery. Instead of talking to the woman about whatever it is you're observing, talk about it to your friend (wing). Then you bring the woman into the conversation by what should seem as happenstance because she just happens to be the one standing there at the time your conversation took place. Now because you were already discussing it with your wing it's not hitting on them, but just conversing with someone else nearby about that cool or strange widget you just noticed. An example would be “<wing> check that out! Look at that picture and this one over here. (Said to the woman...) Do you see that? They're all the same pictures, they're just different color! I wonder how many people even notice that? Weird, huh?”
There are three main rules when doing a pre-opener:
1. Justify why you're talking to them. Those familiar with Neil Strauss' style of game would call this “rooting the opener”. Same idea really. If you look at the example's I gave for each opener they all have a justifying statement included.
2. Always exchange names and do a handshake if able.
3. Tell them it was nice meeting them and/or to have a good day/night, then eject politely.
Once you've done 15-20 minutes of pre-opening in the venue your mere exposure effect should be climbing. And I do want to say that pre-opening is not the same as warm-up sets. While warm-up sets can raise your mere exposure effect, they're not the same since pre-opening keeps it brief and it's not an extended duration conversation. Anyway, after that short time of pre-opening, now it's time to start approaching earlier women you pre-opened. Scan the venue for women you've talked to and use non-verbal communication to get them to smile. I've found almost 100% of the women I've pre-opened will smile when doing this. Congratulations, when they smile at you they've just given you an approach invitation! Yes fellas, it's that simple. What do you do when they give you that approach invitation? It's simple... you lock eye contact, keep smiling, and go straight in.
APPROACHING
When reopening after the pre-open just be friendly, qualify their earlier behavior, and then disqualify the rest of the venue. These are actually two separate skills, so play around with different types of qualifiers and disqualifiers. Also, you can actually roll them together and mix them into your opening statement as well. A very basic version of this is, “Hi <name>, I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier, but you were super polite/friendly. I think that's awesome. Between you and me most people here are stuck up.” Now they will hook because you've just framed her as good, everyone else as bad, and she'll naturally want to fulfill that social expectation, at least in the short term. Presto! They just hooked! Give another qualifying statement if you feel it's necessary and then launch into your opinion opener of choice, hopefully something not “community” and real from your life. An example of my follow-on qualifying statement is, “Hey, you seem really friendly. I just wanted to ask you a quick question....” and then I would launch into my opinion opener.
LOCKING IN
Locking in is such an important piece of the puzzle, but yet so many forget to do it, or worse they're afraid to! It's much easier to just take the power position and accept that moment of awkwardness than stand in a bad spot for 10 minutes gradually working your way over while your investment raises and hers stays low. A moment of awkwardness is quickly forgotten whereas an extended period of being locked out of the group essentially will lower their perception of you for a long time to come. Just move against the wall, put your foot up, and chill back. Let them face you and you face out away from them. This is really one of the best positions to be in. I found there are lots of little tricks you can do with body language to adjust investment levels in the group.
INVESTMENT
In The Blueprint, Tyler Durden speaks about Reactivity, that the person who reacts more is the more attracted of the two individuals. This is because the person who is reacting more is more invested. If there is any simple way of saying what attraction boils down to it’s investment. The goal of every interaction should be to cultivate investment by the other person as much as possible. The more invested, the more they’ll become attracted and attached to the outcome. In RSD speak this means being the least reactive person. However, being the least reactive is only half the equation. Adam Lyons finished the puzzle by adding the second half, which is to get them to investing in you.
When talking to a woman don’t face her. Just lean back and let her carry as much of the conversation as possible. Essentially you want to speak and interact the least amount you can get away with. No more are the days of the man carrying 90% of the conversation from the start. Just get things going, sit back, and enjoy the ride as they talk themselves into being attracted to you by investing!
After you’ve approached the girl, let her invest for a while, then you’ll want to move things forward to a close of some sort. If for some reason you cannot bounce or instant-date on the spot, you’ll want to get her contact details. The method by which you do so is just as important as how you open and get her invested if you wish to see her again.
