New Profile - Opinions Please........

[gixxer]

Hey guys,

Some of you may remember my "edgy" profile from a while back where I tried to sound like as big a jerk as possible. Well, response to that one was............ limited So this is my latest match.com profile. I tried something new this time and actually wrote it "from the heart" and tried to express myself rather than try to experiment with C+F or some other technique. Some of you will see that some of DDs "inner game" stuff is in there, but that's only because I have actually integrated it into my life at this point. Anyway, here it is - FLAME AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going through a very interesting time in my life right now. I'm growing and evolving and learning a lot about myself and about life and how I want to live mine. One aspect of my life that has been profoundly affected by all of this is dating. I've dated a lot over the past 5 years and have stayed single by choice during much of that time. Yes, I am extremely picky but it goes beyond that. I've realized that I have too many great things in my life to waste time on women that don't truly bring value to my life. I've found that, unfortunately, a lot of women see men or boyfriends as just a generic someone to entertain them and take them places or do things for them. And, unfortunately, most men are so happy to have an attractive woman in their life that they'll do everything they can just to keep a woman around so they can keep entertaining her. I on the other hand, have my career, grad school, a great dog, 2 martial arts to train in with great teachers that I'm blessed to have, a motorcycle that I love to ride, a house to take care of, weightlifting, running, and my family and friends. That doesn't leave much room for anyone let alone women that are full of drama, games and selfish behavior or that expect me to drop everything I’m doing because it’s Friday night and they want to go out to a bar. I am looking for that truly elusive woman that can combine exceptional beauty with humility and genuineness, understands what it means to work hard for what you want in life, what it means to experience setbacks that make you want to quit – even though you never would, what it means to sacrifice for what you believe in and what it means to be a true partner to a strong man who knows his path in life and is on it.

 

[crowes22]

Well, I don't do internet dating but to me I think your profile screams *R'ship*. Just my personal opinion. It's almost too honest and intelligent if you ask me, I think you need to dumb it down some so these women will feel more comfortable in their ability to manipulate you. Of course when they try it would be in real life, and you don't let em. You gave too much away there IMO.

Honestly man, I'd be surprised if you found a sane gal on the internet, not saying it doesn't happen though.

 

[uniassign]

Couple of points:

1. Paragraphs. No one likes to read too much on a screen, make it easy on everyone's eyes.

2. From my sense, this is not an ad, but an essay or an entry in a diary. Shows honesty, but your profile is too honest. Too honest may be interpreted as desperate.

3. A lot of ads on the net talks about doing things that the writer enjoys, but not WHY they enjoy those things. eg: I like skiing, catching up with friends etc. They are all the same!

4. Personally I think writing about how busy you are is covering up for something. Everyone is "busy".

Suggestions:

1. Cut back on some of your opinions. Write as you are writing to a friend after a holiday describing what you did.

 

[gixxer]

Uniassign,

Match actually compresses all your stuff into one paragraph no matter what you do. Drives me nuts! I should have fixed it before I posted here though.

All other points are well taken.........

gixx

 

[gixxer]

My point for this profile was actually to be deep and thoughtful and write with a lot of heart and honesty - without being a wuss

I've been trying a lot of different profiles lately and trying to get a feel for what works for me and what doesn't.

BTW, I sent one email today right after I posted that profile and I already heard back from her

gixx

 

[DoubleA]

Gixxer

Gixxer wrote I'm going through a very interesting time in my life right now. I'm growing and evolving and learning a lot about myself and about life and how I want to live mine. One aspect of my life that has been profoundly affected by all of this is dating. I've dated a lot over the past 5 years and have stayed single by choice during much of that time.

You were good up to this point. Everything after get rid of it.
Seriously. You're not going to even get out of the starting gate because to them you'll seem bitter.

What you said is very insightful. But get rid of it. You're going to have to go out on dates to figure out if the woman across the table understands your needs and wants. The best way to is to be upfront with them and tell VERBALLY what you need. It's the mature thing to do.
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I on the other hand, have my career, grad school, a great dog, 2 martial arts to train in with great teachers that I'm blessed to have, a motorcycle that I love to ride, a house to take care of, weightlifting, running, and my family and friends. Written by Gixxer
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Keep this but find a way to make it more lively. Like here is how I would write this part.
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I'm a busy career oriented man whom attends school at night. I'm studying to attain my Master's Degree in "XYZ123". I stay in shape by lifting and going to my Dojo twice a week, where my hands have been molded into registered weapons. HA. Just kidding. My hands aren't registered, but my teachers have taught me quite a few techniques. On the weekend I like to uncover my motorcycle and ride. I enjoy the air in my face and the freedom it gives me. Written by Rollo
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Leave the rest out. You'll need something for her to find out about you after the first two face-to-face conversations.

Read your profile out loud and tell me what you think. It just sounds like you're being on guard. Trust me the only thing you'll attract are birds who think you'll accept them because they're "nice homely girls". Trust me I've been through it. Holla if you need some help.
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If you believe. You will achieve- HBK Shawn Micahels

 

[Bible_Belt]

Gixxer wrote I'm going through a very interesting time in my life right now. I'm growing and evolving and learning a lot about myself and about life and how I want to live mine. One aspect of my life that has been profoundly affected by all of this is dating. I've dated a lot over the past 5 years and have stayed single by choice during much of that time.

excellent advice to cut it much shorter, Rollo. Less is more. I would cut it even further.

I'm going through a very interesting time in my life right now. I'm growing and evolving and learning a lot about myself and about life and how I want to live mine.

Here is my .02 rewrite.

It's now a very interesting time in my life. I'm growing, evolving and learning about myself, about life and how I want to live mine. Over time, I have become very selective in who I choose to date.

also - change your picture when you change your profile. Make sure that it is one taken in a different setting.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Sounds as if you are still healing. Stay away from what you've learned and focus on who you are and what you want.

 

[chili kat]

I think this is better:

I have my career, grad school, a great dog, 2 martial arts to train in with great teachers that I'm blessed to have, a motorcycle that I love to ride, a house to take care of, weightlifting, running, and my family and friends. I am looking for that truly elusive woman that can combine exceptional beauty with humility and genuineness, understands what it means to work hard for what you want in life, what it means to experience setbacks that make you want to quit – even though you never would, what it means to sacrifice for what you believe in and what it means to be a true partner to a strong man who knows his path in life and is on it.

 

[Gravyboat]

I have to agree about the shortened version people have been suggestion--I like that better.

At the very least, I'd eliminate this chunk of the profile:

I've realized that I have too many great things in my life to waste time on women that don't truly bring value to my life. I've found that, unfortunately, a lot of women see men or boyfriends as just a generic someone to entertain them and take them places or do things for them. And, unfortunately, most men are so happy to have an attractive woman in their life that they'll do everything they can just to keep a woman around so they can keep entertaining her. I on the other hand, have my career, grad school, a great dog, 2 martial arts to train in with great teachers that I'm blessed to have, a motorcycle that I love to ride, a house to take care of, weightlifting, running, and my family and friends. That doesn't leave much room for anyone let alone women that are full of drama, games and selfish behavior or that expect me to drop everything I’m doing because it’s Friday night and they want to go out to a bar.

I totally get what you're trying to convey here, but it comes off as negative, and even a bit defensive (Francisco's comment summed it up nicely.) The last sentence alone sounds like you're taking a jab at an ex.

If you don't want to eliminate the above paragraph, I'd at least take the general idea and put a positive spin on everything (e.g. instead of talking badly about "women that are full of drama, games and selfish behavior," talk positively about "women who are independent, mature, and thoughtful.")

Something along those lines

 

[Wyldfire]

You should adjust it a little bit to say that you're willing to make time for someone who is worth it. As it stands right now you make it sound like you aren't willing to even bother try to fit anyone into your life at all...even if they epitomize all that you'd like to find. That is going to discourage even high quality women from responding to your ad or want to meet you if you contact them. Think about it for a moment...why should a high quality woman want to invest her time in a man who isn't willing to also invest his time in her?

Basically, after reading your profile the lasting impression I was left with is that you don't really want to meet anyone.