So, let me say, I am new to this forum. I found it about a week ago. I'm 27. Single since Feb.
Now, the situation I'm gonna briefly describe happened several months ago. At this point, I wouldn't mind regaining a friend.
Thanks in advance.
So, me and my ex broke up in Feb.
This other girl, used to date a friend/roommate of mine probably 6 years ago and that was for less than a year. She broke up w/ him.
Me and her had fairly limited contact, and were never friends, but I think she knew me better than I knew her cause my friend prob talked about me, talked me up at times.
Anyway, so I randomly IMed this chick prob back in March just to say hello.
We got to chatting a lot online during the day. She always seemed flirty and we went for a walk in the park about a week later, which lead to dinner, and a hug goodnight.
Over the course of the next month to month and a half, we would talk online almost every day, a LOT. She'd jump on at work in the AM and immediately IM me.
During these weeks, she invited me to her house for lunch one day (I accepted), we went for a walk another time, had early dinner in the park one day after a walk around downtown, and then went for a longer walk at the park that same night, and once, it was late, she calls me and asks me to join her for ice cream downtown (which led to a late night walk around the capitol. She was always so flirty, but yet, she was always busy on the weekends it seemed, and a couple times, we'd sort of have plans to go for a walk, and I got to her work to meet her, and she'd sort of "feel bad" or have forgotten she had something to do, and end up "blowing me off". The first time I let it go, the second time was "enough". In general, this whole early hanging out time felt like we'd known each other for YEARS, just so comfortable, and of course, i liked her.
So, again, during this month or so, I had reached a point of being fed up. Couldn't tell what she wanted from me, if she liked me or what. So, one day, I just called her up and toldher I liked her, and wanted to take her out on a date. She gives me this, "I don't think we have that chemistry, yada yada, but I want us to still be friends.
However, after I "talked" to her, she soon after told me that she would be online less, cause she wasn't getting work done.
Well, that lasted a week, and she was back at the daily chatting.
So, we had plans already made "pretalk" for an event we were attending together, and we kept those plans and it was like nothing had been said. Nothing weird at all.
Well, yada yada, after that event, we didn't talk as much, and I didn't push it, cause I was having trouble hanging around her without liking her anyway.
So, we kinda slowed our talking a bit for like a week. Then she was back at her normal pace and wanted to get lunch together.
By this time, a bit sooner, I realized I had been at her becking call, and I being stupid, and was getting nothing in return, so I had stopped.
So, I made no effort for lunch, I had plans, and didn't mention it, and she'd bring it back up, and after 3 weeks, I finally agreed to go to lunch w/ her on a friday. Well, all that morning she was chatting like normal, and about where we were gonna eat and finally she suggested this place. (It is like a sandwich shop, but known for their very romantic desserts. its like THE nice place to go for after dinner dessert.) (as opposed to a regular lunch place). Then while discussing their super desserts, she suggests that we share one. (as in one plate, 2 spoons, not something I just do with friends, but maybe thats just me) Then she asks if Ill come by and pick her up from work. I ended up going to her work, and we walked from there.
At the lunch, we're at a small 4 chair table, and she sits adjacent, and is all turned toward me, and we're talking and we order our lunch. Then, at her gesture, we end up walking up and checking out and selecting a dessert from the vast choices, which we proceed to share.
Then, as we're just sitting and talking, the check comes. We keep talking, she never gestures to offer anything. We kept talking, and probbaly 15 minutes or more passed, and we were talking away, and she made no effort at all to acknowledge to bill. So, finally, I just got out my wallet and paid and we left. I walked her back to her work, and we said goodbye, had a quick hug, and that was it.
After that, I didn't talk to her. I felt very used, like she really didn't want me as a friend, just her "b^$#h". I thought it was very wrong of her to invite me to lunch, and just leave the bill on my plate so to speak.
After that lunch, a couple days later, she said hello on IM, and I didn't respond. Then a week later, I said hey on Im and she didn't respond and that was it. Didn't hear from her again till she said hello on IM about 2 months later, and I didn't respond. That was about2 months ago, and I just said hello today and she briefly responded.
I think she's a super nice girl, but I dunno what her motives are. As a friend of mine says, it never hurts to have attractive girls as friends, because they have friends, but I dunno.
In summary, I never figured out what all the hanging out, and the walking, and talking was about, nor why she invited me to lunch and then acted like she did, when she is the kind of girl who would give u the shirt off her back if you were cold. She's very religious.
So, should I even attempt communication, and see if I just pick up a friend, now that a lot of time has passed?
Should I tell her why I stopped talking to her if she asks or just tell her, or never say anything?
I dunno.
BTW, like I said, I've recently found this site, and I'm reading now for help, and hoping to learn. I had no clue on a lot of this stuff. I know I did a lot of things wrong w this girl (too much attention) but I never acted like a jackass to her, and just sort of waved her off. I'm here to learn in what ways I can grow and learn, and maybe pick a friend back up since things have settled.
Thanks.
Now, the situation I'm gonna briefly describe happened several months ago. At this point, I wouldn't mind regaining a friend.
Thanks in advance.
So, me and my ex broke up in Feb.
This other girl, used to date a friend/roommate of mine probably 6 years ago and that was for less than a year. She broke up w/ him.
Me and her had fairly limited contact, and were never friends, but I think she knew me better than I knew her cause my friend prob talked about me, talked me up at times.
Anyway, so I randomly IMed this chick prob back in March just to say hello.
We got to chatting a lot online during the day. She always seemed flirty and we went for a walk in the park about a week later, which lead to dinner, and a hug goodnight.
Over the course of the next month to month and a half, we would talk online almost every day, a LOT. She'd jump on at work in the AM and immediately IM me.
During these weeks, she invited me to her house for lunch one day (I accepted), we went for a walk another time, had early dinner in the park one day after a walk around downtown, and then went for a longer walk at the park that same night, and once, it was late, she calls me and asks me to join her for ice cream downtown (which led to a late night walk around the capitol. She was always so flirty, but yet, she was always busy on the weekends it seemed, and a couple times, we'd sort of have plans to go for a walk, and I got to her work to meet her, and she'd sort of "feel bad" or have forgotten she had something to do, and end up "blowing me off". The first time I let it go, the second time was "enough". In general, this whole early hanging out time felt like we'd known each other for YEARS, just so comfortable, and of course, i liked her.
So, again, during this month or so, I had reached a point of being fed up. Couldn't tell what she wanted from me, if she liked me or what. So, one day, I just called her up and toldher I liked her, and wanted to take her out on a date. She gives me this, "I don't think we have that chemistry, yada yada, but I want us to still be friends.
However, after I "talked" to her, she soon after told me that she would be online less, cause she wasn't getting work done.
Well, that lasted a week, and she was back at the daily chatting.
So, we had plans already made "pretalk" for an event we were attending together, and we kept those plans and it was like nothing had been said. Nothing weird at all.
Well, yada yada, after that event, we didn't talk as much, and I didn't push it, cause I was having trouble hanging around her without liking her anyway.
So, we kinda slowed our talking a bit for like a week. Then she was back at her normal pace and wanted to get lunch together.
By this time, a bit sooner, I realized I had been at her becking call, and I being stupid, and was getting nothing in return, so I had stopped.
So, I made no effort for lunch, I had plans, and didn't mention it, and she'd bring it back up, and after 3 weeks, I finally agreed to go to lunch w/ her on a friday. Well, all that morning she was chatting like normal, and about where we were gonna eat and finally she suggested this place. (It is like a sandwich shop, but known for their very romantic desserts. its like THE nice place to go for after dinner dessert.) (as opposed to a regular lunch place). Then while discussing their super desserts, she suggests that we share one. (as in one plate, 2 spoons, not something I just do with friends, but maybe thats just me) Then she asks if Ill come by and pick her up from work. I ended up going to her work, and we walked from there.
At the lunch, we're at a small 4 chair table, and she sits adjacent, and is all turned toward me, and we're talking and we order our lunch. Then, at her gesture, we end up walking up and checking out and selecting a dessert from the vast choices, which we proceed to share.
Then, as we're just sitting and talking, the check comes. We keep talking, she never gestures to offer anything. We kept talking, and probbaly 15 minutes or more passed, and we were talking away, and she made no effort at all to acknowledge to bill. So, finally, I just got out my wallet and paid and we left. I walked her back to her work, and we said goodbye, had a quick hug, and that was it.
After that, I didn't talk to her. I felt very used, like she really didn't want me as a friend, just her "b^$#h". I thought it was very wrong of her to invite me to lunch, and just leave the bill on my plate so to speak.
After that lunch, a couple days later, she said hello on IM, and I didn't respond. Then a week later, I said hey on Im and she didn't respond and that was it. Didn't hear from her again till she said hello on IM about 2 months later, and I didn't respond. That was about2 months ago, and I just said hello today and she briefly responded.
I think she's a super nice girl, but I dunno what her motives are. As a friend of mine says, it never hurts to have attractive girls as friends, because they have friends, but I dunno.
In summary, I never figured out what all the hanging out, and the walking, and talking was about, nor why she invited me to lunch and then acted like she did, when she is the kind of girl who would give u the shirt off her back if you were cold. She's very religious.
So, should I even attempt communication, and see if I just pick up a friend, now that a lot of time has passed?
Should I tell her why I stopped talking to her if she asks or just tell her, or never say anything?
I dunno.
BTW, like I said, I've recently found this site, and I'm reading now for help, and hoping to learn. I had no clue on a lot of this stuff. I know I did a lot of things wrong w this girl (too much attention) but I never acted like a jackass to her, and just sort of waved her off. I'm here to learn in what ways I can grow and learn, and maybe pick a friend back up since things have settled.
Thanks.
Chatting, and IM'ing and walking and having lunches together on weekdays. Oh how I miss those days....