Never associate those who share your defects...

[Vincent]

Look at the quote in my profile. Alright since you probably don’t want to, I’ll do it for you.

"NEVER associate with those who share your defects - they will reinforce everything that holds you back"

-Robert Greene

Think about this for a minute…

Think about your friends? Do they do anything bold? Are they confident? Do they have the same habits as you? Do they have the same flaws as you?

Why do we do this? Why do we associate with those who share the same problems we do? Is it because they help us feel better about ourselves, or perhaps that they just don’t put any stress on you to go outside your comfort zone? Well the answer is “Yes”. These people are our friends, our acquaintance and our family. People we know and trust. Why would we assume that they were out to hurt us, to bring us down? We wouldn’t that’s why, and do you know why? The answer is because they’re not.

Our friends are not out to hurt us in any way. The only thing they don’t do is encourage you. How in the hell can you blame them for that? Why do you think it’s any of their responsibility to encourage you, and push you forward? The answer is in their actions.

They will never tell you to talk to this chick or those guys. They will never show you the way to walk, or the way to talk. You must learn that, and the way you learn it is through them. How many of your friends are worse off then you are? How many of them sit at home Friday nights instead of having fun? Why are you friends with them? Honestly, what value as a person do they reinforce in you?

This goes far beyond just meeting chicks, and all that bullcrap. As you can see in my signature. "Not everything in my life is about how many chicks you can meet" These can be people in sports, school, work, play etc. People that will help you get better, instead of someone who drags you down with their actions. It is a lot easier to be lazy with someone who is lazy, instead of lazy with someone who is active.

If you had an acquaintance who went and talked to chicks, wouldn’t you be encouraged to talk to chicks? If you had an friend who talked to lots of people, wouldn’t you? If you had an acquaintance who was active in sports and school, wouldn't you want to? Hell, this doesn’t even have to be friends. If you had a sibling who did those things wouldn’t you learn from them? Instead of becoming friends with those who we are, find the person you want to be, and become friends with them. This will make all the difference.

You’re going to face a decision. Do you have to lose every friend you built up, relationships you treasure? Of course not. The only thing you have to do is find someone who brings out the best in you, and spend time with them. You can still keep your old friends, but why spend all your time with someone who is not out to improve themselves or someone who brings out the worst in you? Would you really like spending all your time with someone who does not share your goals of becoming the best they can be, the Don Juan of society? someone who does not share the values you share? That isSthe point of this site, but this site can only go so far. At some point, you have to find people in real life to help reinforce everything you want to become.

I hope this meant something to you. I know it did with me.

-edit: Changed wording slightly.

 

[jiza101]

Im already good mates with a guy who is really outgoing and funny with chicks.. I have been for like 6 years, how do you think i act when around him and girls/guys..

 

[Pfeile]

I totally agree with you Vincent. I try to associate with my current friends as little as possible, because I have realised, they are losers. I call them 'infs' in my mind, short for 'inferiors', because they are. I admit I was once like them, that's why they are my friends, but I am gradually changing, and I don't want to be like them anymore.

I'm sick of hanging out with a bunch of guys who don't even talk to girls at school, let alone go out with any. I've already made some progress personally, but I haven't been so successful in making new good friends who aren't such infs. I've found it a bit challenging so far.

Have you made many new friends who are like the person you are aspiring to be Vincent? If so, how many do you know, and how did you meet them? I'd appreciate your help because I totally agree with you and I want to improve.

 

[Brazilian_Blues_Boy]

You know man, there's a great paradox concerning law #10, that I failed to realize, until after all the sh!t had been done....

By leaving the old fellas and making new friends, who are more secure, confident, bold and "courageous", you're only reinforcing how much of a weak-minded, peer-pressure oriented bastard you are.

I know this sounds harsh, but it's the absolute truth. If the only way you can learn to become a better man and a better DJ is through being amongst others, then yourself ain't worth a dime.

Why? Cos you ain't building yourself... you're copycatting. As much as you can deny, and say that you're still keeping your old self, you ain't. You're trading it cheap for girls and glory.

But, in the end of the day, it's the old times that matter. The old friends that matter.
I don't believe you should settle for mediocrity, no , that's a completely different thing. But, even when you make your new friends, what you realize, like I did, that, just like everyone, just like every f*cking person in this planet, they're just as lost as you, except that they put a façade of success. And you, lacking self-value, buy into it.

The solution? Learn everything you can from everyone, but always be One , One amongst the crowds. I've learned a lot from a lot of friends and acquaintances I made ever since I started this journey. But I don't ditch my friends. I don't leave them helpless.
At my core, and maybe not so deep, I'm still the same old guy.

Cause, that, would be running away from your past, and trying to forget it...
But , the past, man, until you embrace it, and swallow it, it'll always come back to haunt you...

" Think for yourself and, feel the walls become sand beneath your feet... "

BBB

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by Brazilian_Blues_Boy
By leaving the old fellas and making new friends, who are more secure, confident, bold and "courageous", you're only reinforcing how much of a weak-minded, peer-pressure oriented bastard you are.

Your missing the point. No where did i say you had to leave your friends. I just told you to not associate with those who share your defects.

 

[CapiCrimini]

Ding Ding... and in the left the old tymer mod...BBBoy... and the challenger the newcomer Vincent... now boys... shake hands.

DING!

Pfeile. What does your name mean. it's been bothering me. Not trying to flame but the only two things that come to mind are Pedfiele and Pfitzer. I know they arn't it, so what does it mean.

Id do agree Vincent, though if I'm reading you right you just mean associate with people who help you out and make you better. Which is the first rule of drug rehab. Even after you get over the chemical addiction you have to make new friends or you'll just get drawn back in.

SO... even if you become a DJing, famous, millionre, who owns a fortune500 and won every nobel prize posible times 2, if all your friends are AFC losers who dropped out of HS and jack off ten times a night. They have a high possibility of drawing you in.

Never under-estimate peer pressure. Its not the things that you know can influence you that are bad. It's the things you don't watch out for and suspect.
Because ditching your friends isn't loyal, try and bring them along to a higher level of happiness and sucess, if they don't want to follow, then it's thier fault not yours.

Sound about what you ment Vincent?

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by CapiCrimini
Sound about what you ment Vincent?

Dammit I hate having to agree with you. But thats pretty much exactly what I meant

 

[LikRetsam]

Now let me ask you a simple question that you failed to answer.

Why shouldn't I associate with those who share my defects?

To run away from those who share your defects, weakness?

 

[Brazilian_Blues_Boy]

I get the point. I read the book. Greene advocates this form of "social darwinism". As he puts, avoid the infectious and the unlucky if I'm not right.

But that's stupid. It's stupid, close-minded mentality. Everyone , every single person offers something unique for you to learn, even if it is a example of how not to be or not to act.

The problem here is, if you get dragged down by people's misery often, then YOU need to change yourself, to do things your own way.

I have a friend who's afraid of women, of even talking to women,
I have a friend who calls girls 10 times the next day after the date and tells them to f*ck off when they say no, and not because of this I act like them. And I hang out with them in a regular basis (the one afraid of girls not that much)

It's all about you and doing your own thing. Maybe the dork you reject is the guy who'll save your a§§ on the next exam.... maybe the looser guy with one-itis you just met is friends with the hottie you want... or, even if they aren't, if they only jack off all night, so what? If they're funny, nice people, why leave them far from you?

" To create an aura of power and mistery?" Oh come on!
Let's live life man. Let's wipe our as$es with every f*cking manual that makes us unhuman, in this bizzarre power trip that we can never fulfill.

This year, I met a lot of people, guys and girls. None of them are rich, successfull, very good at something, or natural djs.
What should I do then? Tell them to f*ck off and stay alone at school, playing aloof and misterious?

Should I go c*ck sucking the guys who are getting the cute girls, or making a lot of money? Not because they're cool and like me, but because I wanna be like them when I grow up?

I don't think so man. I'd rather stay with the loosers.

And I'm not advocating settling for mediocrity. No,
I advocate: only settle with sincerity, honesty.

BBB

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by Brazilian_Blues_Boy
I have a friend who's afraid of women, of even talking to women,
I have a friend who calls girls 10 times the next day after the date and tells them to f*ck off when they say no, and not because of this I act like them. And I hang out with them in a regular basis (the one afraid of girls not that much)

I understand what your saying. Be a non-conformist, so to speak. The real question is were you like your friends? Did you have the same flaws with woman? What helped you out. It wasn't them, thats for sure. Its the people you associated with, us, the forums. The people you associate with should be the people who promote a better you, not promote a negative aspect of yourself.

Just a thought.

 

[Pfeile]

Originally posted by CapiCrimini
Pfeile. What does your name mean. it's been bothering me. Not trying to flame but the only two things that come to mind are Pedfiele and Pfitzer. I know they arn't it, so what does it mean.

Lol, I don't even know what Pedfiele and Pfitzer are. What are they? Anyway, Pfeile is a German word which means "Arrows" which has several special personal meanings for me.

 

[Sexual]

Finding people that you want to be isn't easy. The only buddy I've had that was a true mack with style had the most morals ever and got me into trouble with the law and drugs. TV is sometimes the only answer I guess.

 

[LikRetsam]

Originally posted by Vincent
I understand what your saying. Be a non-conformist, so to speak. The real question is were you like your friends? Did you have the same flaws with woman? What helped you out. It wasn't them, thats for sure. Its the people you associated with, us, the forums. The people you associate with should be the people who promote a better you, not promote a negative aspect of yourself.

Just a thought.

That's very lovely, but it's way too dependant for my tastes.

The forum helped me just as much as the cricket I killed 5 minutes ago. There's a general path to a certain 'happiness' by eliminating useless insecurities which is what a DJ is. I simply saw the door to that path, walked through, tried it a bit and then broke off onto my own path.

I'd be in a very sorrowful state if anybody, like say 'friends', were to affect where I'm going. I can hang with an AFC for 72 hours and not be inclined to become one at all. I can hang with a DJ/Player that gets all the hotties and not be inclined to become one.

Following others leads to a hollow existence.

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
That's very lovely, but it's way too dependant for my tastes.

The forum helped me just as much as the cricket I killed 5 minutes ago. There's a general path to a certain 'happiness' by eliminating useless insecurities which is what a DJ is. I simply saw the door to that path, walked through, tried it a bit and then broke off onto my own path.

I'd be in a very sorrowful state if anybody, like say 'friends', were to affect where I'm going. I can hang with an AFC for 72 hours and not be inclined to become one at all. I can hang with a DJ/Player that gets all the hotties and not be inclined to become one.

Following others leads to a hollow existence.

Just because you think your some god send and don't need anyone else doesn't make it true for everyone. I know without this site, i'd still be the afc loser i was 3 years ago.

Let me tell you a story:
When I was spending the most time with my friend who was a player, the things that he did, were abilities I had, and He just reafirmed them in me.

On the contrary, now my roommate is an afc loser and whenever i spend time with him, i feel like it would be disrespectful to just ditch him to do the things I like to do, like pick up chicks and talk to other guys. So whenever I spent time with him, none of my good aspects are coming out, and everything negative was coming out. Its just not the situation I want to be in.

I'm not forced to spend time with him, but for some reason I do. And when I'm around him, it reinforces everything that holds me back. I might be the one leading him, but that doesn't mean anything really.

 

[Porky]

Guess when my last hook up was...if you knew the answer you would label me as an AFC loser right off the bat without knowing much about me.

this is because you apparently tag people without knowing them. is your room mate happy? that's all that matters. say to him one night "hey man, see those two chicks? let's go pick up." then just walk without waiting for his response. if he joins you,great. if he doesn't, then he can learn from your example.

am I an AFC loser? no. I attract girls frequently. I've had dates since my last night of action, I've gotten numbers since then, none of it has just felt right.

am I happy? I've never been happier in my life. But, I'm not getting girls. Isn't that the reason I came to this site? sure...but there's something more important than picking up girls:

it's saying hi to the crippled kid.
it's introducing yourself to the new guy and inviting him to sit with your friends.
it's making lunch for a girl because she's having family problems (SO AFC I KNOW)
it's calling my best friend (a girl, whoa) three times in two hours just because I thought of something that would make her laugh.
it's staying in on a weekend night so I can get up the next morning and perform well on a test.
it's helping that less-than-attractive girl in math so she'll do well on the next test.

I expect you wouldn't hang out with me if you knew me, Vincent. And I know I wouldn't hang out with you if I knew you. frankly it would be a waste of my time.

How many of them sit at home Friday nights instead of having fun? Why are you friends with them? Honestly, what value as a person do they reinforce in you?

I stayed home a few weeks ago on a Friday to play video games. Long days and short nights had taken their toll on me, so I blew off my friends and spent time doing what I wanted to do.

That's the key to becoming everything I desire. I do things that make me, as a person, feel good. I have no intention of ever doing things that make other people feel bad, such as ditching them. I don't want to turn into the piece of **** that you're urging me to be.

 

[LikRetsam]

Originally posted by Vincent
Just because you know your some god send....

Fixed.

Porky, your reply is so motivational, I can't even begin to qualify it's greatness.

Porky motion seconded to the letter.

 

[hkyplaya]

Originally posted by Porky

EXCELLENTLY done.


-Please don't quote everything if you reply with 1 line. Just keeps things simpler and cleaner.
-Vincent

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by Porky
I expect you wouldn't hang out with me if you knew me, Vincent. And I know I wouldn't hang out with you if I knew you. frankly it would be a waste of my time.

Don't expect anythings. Peoples expectations are never correct.


Your all missing the point of this.

Its very hard to say what I mean. You immedietely assume that the people you associate with are your best friends in life, and this is not the case...

Think more in terms of acquantances. Who are the people you will sit next to in class. People you will talk to, but won't do anything with outside of whatever you do. These are the people you learn from, these are the people you build life experience from. You interact with these people, they can either build you up or tear you down. Sure you can be the stronger man and just ignore it, but what you learn from them will last a lifetime.

I'm going to be the first to admit that I contradict myself a lot throughout, but this is not a simple thing to say. Its not something you can learn or teach, but when its going on, you feel it... You know its happening, and you know you have to do something before it destroys you.

Think harder about the quote, "Defects" does not always have to be about being a player.

That's the key to becoming everything I desire. I do things that make me, as a person, feel good. I have no intention of ever doing things that make other people feel bad, such as ditching them. I don't want to turn into the piece of **** that you're urging me to be.

Your not perfect, you WANT to do all those things, and you do everything in your power to do them. What if someone was there who was there reinforcing every negative aspect of what you have, everything you don't want to be? True, your better than that, your better than letting other people guide you, Whatever you have to tell yourself. But having that person will reinforce everything that could hold you back.

Urge is such a strong word. I don't urge. I merely give you something to think about, whatever the **** you want to do with it is your own choice. And apparently it was attack me and my thoughts... what does that say about you?

 

[LikRetsam]

Originally posted by Vincent
Urge is such a strong word. I don't urge. I merely give you something to think about, whatever the **** you want to do with it is your own choice. And apparently it was attack me and my thoughts... what does that say about you?

I dislike defensive questions like that that draw their power from some weak region of the world.

And how is he or anyone else not perfect?

And I still don't get it. You're asking us to accept that other people shape us in certain ways.... Until we decide that they no longer CAN.

 

[Vincent]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
I dislike defensive questions like that that draw their power from some weak region of the world.

And how is he or anyone else not perfect?

And I still don't get it. You're asking us to accept that other people shape us in certain ways.... Until we decide that they no longer CAN.

I respect you Lik, I love your work, and I think you have the world to offer this forum. Your views on people needs some work.

I spent a year just looking at people, analyzing them, prodding their personalities, and just trying to understand them as a person. I learned a lot, I learned how peoples moods affect their actions, and the actions of others. I learned how their actions showed their personalities and altered their moods. I learned most of all, that it is incredibly complex, and that people are incredibly complex.

If someone says they are a nice person, then attacks someones views, are they really nice? People are not perfect lik, no one is perfect. I'm not perfect, your not perfect, the pope isn't perfect, i could go on but i think you get the point.

People affect you lik, unless your some cold hearted robot. People affect you in one way or another. Some positive and some negative. I'm suggesting you find the positives and associate with them.