Negative Thoughts and my Mindset, love life

[Upside]

I have had a lot more free time on my hands lately than usual and well, it has led me to think too much about anything really. Women, life, whatever. What this boils down to is that I am starting have these irrational fears about the current state of my love life. While I understand that a lot of these fears are unfounded, I still can't stop thinking about them. These "what if's" and "why" questions I have been asking myself literally keep me up for an hour before going to sleep. It's unhealthy and I want it to stop.

Please realize that I am trying to be honest with myself and looking for advice as harsh it may be. I may not like it, but a lot of you guys have more wisdom than I. If you're going to throw in "you're such a pu$$y" insults, look elsewhere to fling that BS.

I have been dating this girl for 3+ months and there is nothing for me to complain about. The sex is great, she is kind and affectionate, and we share a very similar sense of humor. She has surprised me with many kind gestures and little gifts, much much much more than I have reciprocated. What really strikes me is that she seems to really care about my well being. It is nice and feels great to be honest. It's weird in a sense. I don't know why, it just is. It could be possible that I am exaggerating the situation, or maybe even understating it. At least from my vantage point, all is good. For all the work and effort a lot of guys here do in order to get with a chick it looks like I am earning my dividends.

This is where the fears come in. Now that I "have" her, I don't want to lose her. This is actually my biggest fear. I KNOW that I am able to find another chick to date eventually. It may take a week, month, or several months later, a new girl will pop into my life, but I won't be suicidal if I break up with this one. That being said, I really am enamored with this girl. To the point now that I don't want to go find anyone else. Now obviosuly it's only been 3 months and that is not a long time at all, but ultimately that is how I feel right. Let me put it this way, she has shown a lot of qualities thus far to be a great LTR and I would like to see where it goes. It's not that she's "the one", but she sure as fvck is great company. If anything, it should be the other way around. "She has me, now what is she going to do to keep me around?" But it isn't, and as a result a lot of insecure thoughts are popping in my head.

- What if she finds a [better looking, funnier, more successful, etc.] guy than me? (I'm not ugly, but I'm no model either. I can crack a joke and get a laugh. Basically, I'm a generally solid dude IMO)

- What if she gets bored? (A lot of our dates have been pretty unique. I have yet to take her out to eat for dinner or go out and just see a movie. I generally keep things very entertaining and light hearted.)

- What if she loses attraction in me? (Self explanitory I suppose.)

- Why is she even attracted to me at all? (My own insecurites about my look/personality/whatever)

- What about me is attractive in her eyes? (See above)

- Why is she even with me? (Heh, more insecurities on my end)

- What can I actively do to maintain this attraction and affection? (Basically, how to refrain from being a serious chump and an AFC. Maintaining the frame and sexual desire. Treating not like a queen, but a partner)

- Etc, Etc, Etc.

Note that I have never had these thoughts up until a week ago. There was no fight or anything like that. Hell, we have yet to argue. I'm just being dumb.

I guess it just all comes to down to the fact that I have what I wanted for a while and I don't want to see it end before it has to. A chick who enjoys having sex as much as I do and is eager to please. I can't really think of a better way to put it. Not eager to please like a servant, but a general concern for my happiness and well being.

I have another fear that if I don't reciprocate some of the feelings of affection and the kind gestures she will lose interest in me. It is beginning to make me feel like an emotionless tool. I have to act a certain way or else if I show my true feelings she will run away. I KNOW that if I shower her with gifts and affection she will start heading off in the opposite direction of me, but still...I think it. How can I show her I truly care for who she is and what she does without looking like some chump. Sounds lame, but I don't want to come of as unappreciative. It seems like I have to calculate EVERY single move I make in this relationship to determine if it will help or burn me in the end and it fvcking sucks. It doesn't seem natural to me.

I can not control what she does, what she feels, etc. and I understand that. What I do with this girl may have a different effect on another. I just feel like I'm going through the motions like when you first meet a new girl and want to bed her. I don't want her to feel like I'm emotionless and just in it for the sex. Hell, I don't even know if what I am saying makes sense. I still have that desire to fvck her since the day we first met, but now that I am invested a bit more in her it seems like I need to invest my emotions a bit more too. Or maybe I am thinking about it all wrong. I think I'm rambling. It's just that I don't want these negative thoughts to affect my positive attitute that I have with her. I want to remain the cool and fun guy that I am and not turn into something I'm not.

Eh, enough *****ing about my emotions. I need to relax.

 

[Real Talk]

Heres some truth for you bro, if the sex is good for her she isn't leaving any time soon.

Heres a way to recoupricate. Introduce her to your circle of friends if you haven't already, and do something as a group. Stuff like this makes her feel more of a bond to you, like you're opening up your life to her, even though its just meeting your friends. It works in taking things beyond the "we just f**ck and do stuff together so I don't know how connected we are" stage. Its easily overlooked, but stuff like this matters to girls

Don't trip. Another thing that helps is to nurture the friendships with other women that you might have neglected over the past few months. If she's not the only source of female interaction you have, it can only help with your insecurities.

 

[OamImrsNemo]

Okay so I was reading the book of pook last night again. You should definantly take a look at it. It will help you majorly.

The most important part of being a Don Juan is to to be happy with yourself with your life with your career being able to be happy alone. Basically what your saying right now is I NEED her in my life without her I wont be as happy. You are developing oneitis hard man, I know its hard not to I was in your shoes just a couple of weeks ago but I dodged a major bullet. I learned the hard way and now Im trying to warn you

All these irrational fears your having are going to do the opposite they are going to push her away. A Don Juan is not insecure he is comfortable in whatever situation he is a MAN easily adaptable to whatever arises.

I have had a lot more free time on my hands lately than usual and well, it has led me to think too much about anything really. Women, life, whatever.

Pick up a hobby FAST, Start working out more. Spin some plates and you don't have to sex them or move anything to just be friends. But it will greatly improve your mindset and allow you to defeat this afc behavior. Meditate but start being more productive with your time. Get off your a$$ and do something

- What if she finds a [better looking, funnier, more successful, etc.] guy than me? (I'm not ugly, but I'm no model either. I can crack a joke and get a laugh. Basically, I'm a generally solid dude IMO)

- What if she gets bored? (A lot of our dates have been pretty unique. I have yet to take her out to eat for dinner or go out and just see a movie. I generally keep things very entertaining and light hearted.)

- What if she loses attraction in me? (Self explanitory I suppose.)

- Why is she even attracted to me at all? (My own insecurites about my look/personality/whatever)

- What about me is attractive in her eyes? (See above)

She is going to sense your insecurity and lose attraction. Pick up some hobbies start hanging out with your friends and spin some plates.

I guess it just all comes to down to the fact that I have what I wanted for a while and I don't want to see it end before it has to.

You need to remember everything has an end. You only have been together for 3 months you need to be careful with this mentality. You still barely know this chick its only been 3 months. The last girl I dated changed drastically between our 3 months and then our 4 month it was sh!tty. But girls think on emotions NOT logic

I have another fear that if I don't reciprocate some of the feelings of affection and the kind gestures she will lose interest in me. It is beginning to make me feel like an emotionless tool. I have to act a certain way or else if I show my true feelings she will run away. I KNOW that if I shower her with gifts and affection she will start heading off in the opposite direction of me, but still...I think it. How can I show her I truly care for who she is and what she does without looking like some chump. Sounds lame, but I don't want to come of as unappreciative. It seems like I have to calculate EVERY single move I make in this relationship to determine if it will help or burn me in the end and it fvcking sucks. It doesn't seem natural to me.

How is this fun? Being with a woman is supposed to be fun. It is all a game and you need to enjoy it. Life is way to f^cking short to be worried about a game. Just be the Don Juan inside you and if she is interested awesome. If she isn't then you two are different. But you are working so hard to keep her attracted when really all you need to do is be youself and lighten up a little. Take a deep breath. Leave the worrying like this for the women.

I can not control what she does, what she feels, etc. and I understand that.

But you can control your emotions, your life, your future , goals. You can control the enviroment around you two by making some decisions.




Pick up some extra stuff to do. Stop laying around the house like women are supposed to do dreaming of her. Go out there and do something to better yourself and improve yourself in some way. Pick up a sport hockey, ufc, Football. Have a guys night once a week. Spin some plates it will make you feel better for yourself. Start eating healthier. Start writing how you are going to improve your self in a little book. Clean your house/apt/room. Don't live on every whim of this woman. You will either listen or eventually at some point crash and burn at some point. It is so painful and make your stomach so sick. Some of this stuff maybe sounds harsh but I think its just part of life. Think of how men were back in the days they JUST did it CAUSE.


I wish the best for you buddy hope you can take something from this. Do post an update.



(ps. this is my 100th muthf^ckin post!!)

 

[Upside]

Strange. Looking back at this post I feel somewhat foolish in a way. My mind has definitely cleared up.

How is this fun? Being with a woman is supposed to be fun. It is all a game and you need to enjoy it. Life is way to f^cking short to be worried about a game. Just be the Don Juan inside you and if she is interested awesome. If she isn't then you two are different. But you are working so hard to keep her attracted when really all you need to do is be youself and lighten up a little. Take a deep breath. Leave the worrying like this for the women.

Something like this is what I needed to hear. I truly am overthinking every little thing I do and I need to dial it back. It's hard at times since you have guys like Doc Love or David D with their hard and set rules about getting girls. Werid, I met two girls a few days ago during my jog and I was a lot more comfortable talking to them than I would have been a few days ago. I got some IOI's from them. Heh, in a way it was a confidence boost I needed to get over this.

 

[falconslax89]

dude would you mind posting a pic of this girl...im really curious as to what she looks like for some reason.

but yea man you dont need to be worrying about anything. as they said find something to preoccupy yourself. keep up the sex. make her miss you by not being around all the time. you got this brother!