Ill try not to be to long winded as im new here, my wife of 2 years, weve been together for 12, has expressed to me that she doesnt think she loves me as a husband, but as the father of our children and a family member only. Im not sure how to approach this "friends" situation. I have asked if I should leave, the answer is no, she does not want to leave either. She does not want to talk with our kids 9&4 about what is going on here. Has not mentioned to her parents or any one else. (For fear of being told shes wrong?) I said I had mentioned to her brother who has worked for me for the last 5 years and is a good friend and this really upset her. What do I do here? I love her and our children, we live a decent life and dont have any trailer trash drama outside of this incident. This is a very difficult thing to get around, I dont know how to approach being friends or if it is even something i would be able to tolerate, and if her feeling changes back to happy family mode is this something I should accept? I feel like my trust for this women has been seriously bent as we have made commitments to one another and her first voicing of concern is I dont think I love you that way anymore? WTF should I do, Im not sure sitting back and watching this unfold will last much longer, anyway thanks for any advice its much appreciated.
Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
Need some help here
- Thread starter Why me
- Start date
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 4,485
- Reaction score
- 182
"WTF should I do"
If you have a joint checking account you should take out most of the money in secret and put it into a seperate account for yourself.
Then you need to secretly consult an attorney and start planning your divorce.
If you can find out if she is cheating and get documented evidence of that this may help you keep most of your stuff in the divorce settlement.
Do not stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children.
It will not help them or you and plus they are young enough now to get through it without too much long lasting emotional pain.
Also when the wife says something like this it is usually the beginning of the end whether you decide to end it right away or not.
Meaning if she is not cheating when she says that to you she eventually will be and especially so if you stay with her after saying some garbage like that as she will judge you as too weak and dependent on her to leave her for saying something as disrespectful and fvcked up and indicative that you two need a divorce as that.
And if you stay with her and forgive her through cheating or lets just say she doesn't cheat and you stay together in a loveless marriage either way if she cheats or doesn't cheat her disrespect of you will grow and grow and the kids will see that and if you are a man that values himself at all you will not let her disrespect go without an argument and these things tend to escalate over time and it is not good for the children to see that sh!t so please get a divorce now for their and your sake.
Plan it well, plan it carefully, be secretive and set yourself up for the best possible deal out of this unfortunate situation and you can begin a new life with another woman eventually that loves you or many women if you decide to fly free and just pump em and dump em from here on out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djCEDdF_MNg
Also check out that youtube link all about why you never should of got married in the first place.
Unfortunately the idiot user community of youtube flagged the video so minors won't view it but I assure you its worth creating a youtube account and clicking the age verification button just to listen to this if you don't have an account there already.
If you have a joint checking account you should take out most of the money in secret and put it into a seperate account for yourself.
Then you need to secretly consult an attorney and start planning your divorce.
If you can find out if she is cheating and get documented evidence of that this may help you keep most of your stuff in the divorce settlement.
Do not stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children.
It will not help them or you and plus they are young enough now to get through it without too much long lasting emotional pain.
Also when the wife says something like this it is usually the beginning of the end whether you decide to end it right away or not.
Meaning if she is not cheating when she says that to you she eventually will be and especially so if you stay with her after saying some garbage like that as she will judge you as too weak and dependent on her to leave her for saying something as disrespectful and fvcked up and indicative that you two need a divorce as that.
And if you stay with her and forgive her through cheating or lets just say she doesn't cheat and you stay together in a loveless marriage either way if she cheats or doesn't cheat her disrespect of you will grow and grow and the kids will see that and if you are a man that values himself at all you will not let her disrespect go without an argument and these things tend to escalate over time and it is not good for the children to see that sh!t so please get a divorce now for their and your sake.
Plan it well, plan it carefully, be secretive and set yourself up for the best possible deal out of this unfortunate situation and you can begin a new life with another woman eventually that loves you or many women if you decide to fly free and just pump em and dump em from here on out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djCEDdF_MNg
Also check out that youtube link all about why you never should of got married in the first place.
Unfortunately the idiot user community of youtube flagged the video so minors won't view it but I assure you its worth creating a youtube account and clicking the age verification button just to listen to this if you don't have an account there already.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
Read "screw the bi[female dog] put out by palladin press. Short version-stash some cash,close the credit cards,but get one for yourself-if self employed,have it go to your office. Get the stuff you really want out so it won't leave when she does[mom and dads,storage shed etc.]Start looking for a house in the same school district[so the kids won't be disrupted-schools etc.-gives you a better chance for joint custody.] Know what money is where-savings,IRA's etc.
What you are trying to avoid is getting "A bombed". If the sheriff gives you 15 min to leave[she claims abuse], you find out the credit cards are cancelled checking account drained, and you need to appear in court in 10 days with no money to pay the lawyer,no money for rent,no clothes or food. YOU are screwed.
Find the best divorce lawyer in town and pay him 100 dollars on retainer-you have your lawyer and she can't use him to screw you. Ask him what the child custody laws are and how you can get joint custody or better[what ages do they have a say in where they live].Find a way to reduce your income[deferr it into the future,get bonuses in january,not this year]
All kinds of information available on the web-use your office computer-she can't check history there.[may need to talk to your boss]
Stop giving into her demands,be a man-she may like it. DON'T buy a new vehicle-you may be responsible for the payments[he gave it to me] DON'T appease her-instead of begging her to stay- tell her[after you've done the above] I've thought about it and I'm not willing to live with a woman who doesn't love me. Either you change or the marriage ends and I will find someone else who respects me.
What you are trying to avoid is getting "A bombed". If the sheriff gives you 15 min to leave[she claims abuse], you find out the credit cards are cancelled checking account drained, and you need to appear in court in 10 days with no money to pay the lawyer,no money for rent,no clothes or food. YOU are screwed.
Find the best divorce lawyer in town and pay him 100 dollars on retainer-you have your lawyer and she can't use him to screw you. Ask him what the child custody laws are and how you can get joint custody or better[what ages do they have a say in where they live].Find a way to reduce your income[deferr it into the future,get bonuses in january,not this year]
All kinds of information available on the web-use your office computer-she can't check history there.[may need to talk to your boss]
Stop giving into her demands,be a man-she may like it. DON'T buy a new vehicle-you may be responsible for the payments[he gave it to me] DON'T appease her-instead of begging her to stay- tell her[after you've done the above] I've thought about it and I'm not willing to live with a woman who doesn't love me. Either you change or the marriage ends and I will find someone else who respects me.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
get her name off your life ins policy-her next husband won't be able to buy a boat with your kids money-leave it to your kids with your parents as guardians.
princelydeeds
Master Don Juan
This is the sh!t test of all sh!t tests. Most of the time it is completely unrecoverable but at times you can get out of the situation by being a man. Be strong, be firm, DO NOT LET HER SEE YOU SWEAT! Be very direct tell her how you feel ONE time and be prepared to move on. If you have to get emotional, leave and do not allow her to see you cry or emote. Weakness in any way shape or form is not an option. Show her love, but only through strength and not through weak, AFc fawning over her.
You are in a prime position to get screwed royally if there is a divorce. I wouldn't just walk away because in the end you will lose your shirt in a divorce. I do not envy your position but you can make it. If she is not cheating on you, she is probably considering it and may even have someone in mind. Be a man, be strong don't panic, GET A LAWYER but be careful not to tell her you have an attorney. Do your best to protect your assets!!
You are in a prime position to get screwed royally if there is a divorce. I wouldn't just walk away because in the end you will lose your shirt in a divorce. I do not envy your position but you can make it. If she is not cheating on you, she is probably considering it and may even have someone in mind. Be a man, be strong don't panic, GET A LAWYER but be careful not to tell her you have an attorney. Do your best to protect your assets!!
bluemanson
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
- Messages
- 102
- Reaction score
- 0
this is some good sh#t. I will def keep this in mind if i were to ever be in a situation like this
Kevin Feng
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2008
- Messages
- 258
- Reaction score
- 5
Well if she isn't putting out that is a little ridiculous. I mean, you're WITH her for the rest of your life.
Although it will compromise others on the same token, you're getting the **** end of the stick here and quite frankly I don't think you should stand for that.
It may not be "fair" to the family, but you're not getting your needs satisfied.
I think you should really voice your concerns cordially and if they're not responded to you may need to escalate things.
Best of luck, I think you're in a really sticky situation.
-Kevin
Although it will compromise others on the same token, you're getting the **** end of the stick here and quite frankly I don't think you should stand for that.
It may not be "fair" to the family, but you're not getting your needs satisfied.
I think you should really voice your concerns cordially and if they're not responded to you may need to escalate things.
Best of luck, I think you're in a really sticky situation.
-Kevin
I take a different view on this.
To the OP actually all that is mentioned above was very well said and you should read up on it. I feel sorry for your state and I really hope you can solve it soon.
However, I would think that for her to mention to you that she has lost the love for you is out of pure honesty. I didn't think that it was disrespect, because there was still no evidence of it. Bear in mind she could be hanging out with guys and just kept silence about it. If that is the case then it will be a outright disrespect to you.
So for her to mention to you that she doesn't love you as much could be a sign that she may want to talk things out. If that's the case then you must trace back in time 12 years what you did that attracted her. After all you guys has been together for way long and you may need to rekindle that kind of feeling.
If that is the case then I would feel better for you.
My apologies to other posters out there please take no offense but I really think jumping straight into getting a attorney might not be good. I understand that it is all out to protect the OP but they've been together for 12 years and they even had kids. It is less likely for his wife to cheat and my guess is that she is probably in her 30s to 40s?
This is really a tricky situation but my main point is, she could have kept silence and cheat behind your back. So appreciate she came honest with you and you meant something to her.
Anyway, just keep us updated about the situation. Don't play the Missing In Action card after your problem is solved because there are all experienced people here to guide you through. All the best!
To the OP actually all that is mentioned above was very well said and you should read up on it. I feel sorry for your state and I really hope you can solve it soon.
However, I would think that for her to mention to you that she has lost the love for you is out of pure honesty. I didn't think that it was disrespect, because there was still no evidence of it. Bear in mind she could be hanging out with guys and just kept silence about it. If that is the case then it will be a outright disrespect to you.
So for her to mention to you that she doesn't love you as much could be a sign that she may want to talk things out. If that's the case then you must trace back in time 12 years what you did that attracted her. After all you guys has been together for way long and you may need to rekindle that kind of feeling.
If that is the case then I would feel better for you.
My apologies to other posters out there please take no offense but I really think jumping straight into getting a attorney might not be good. I understand that it is all out to protect the OP but they've been together for 12 years and they even had kids. It is less likely for his wife to cheat and my guess is that she is probably in her 30s to 40s?
This is really a tricky situation but my main point is, she could have kept silence and cheat behind your back. So appreciate she came honest with you and you meant something to her.
Anyway, just keep us updated about the situation. Don't play the Missing In Action card after your problem is solved because there are all experienced people here to guide you through. All the best!
Igetit!
Moderator
Well let me start off by saying I completely agree with Princelydeeds. When I read this thread,the first ting that came to my mind was what he wrote.
It would be the same thing if she were to stop having sex with you all the sudden. If she flat out just refused to have sex with you again,then your feelings and love for her as a wife would deteriorate. Would she still be a good mother? Yes. A decent human being? Yes. She'd still be a good person,mother,and a friend,but the way she relates personally to you as a wife.....you wouldn't be happy with.
Check out my signature on the bottom of this reply. Click on the word "THIS!". There's a thread there called,"Can someone elaborate on responding to a woman's emotions?".
It should better help you understand exactly WHY all this happened,and what to do about it.
Good luck man.
So basically what she's saying is she doesn't love you as a "MAN". She loves you as the father of your children,but not as her husband. So she has no problem with the way you relate to your children,but the way you relate to HER PERSONALLY,she doesn't like. This is actually common. Hate to say this man,but somewhere along the line,you dropped the ball. From everything you said,and from what you said she has said,it all points to a lack of manliness and leadership from YOU.Why me said:
Here,you see what I mean? You are the MAN. It's your job to provide,protect,lead,to be a guide. That's what's gone wrong here. Because you've been weak in the marriage,she's become the MAN in the relationship. You're approaching her asking her,"Well,what should I do? Do I leave? Do I stay? Should I say anything to the kids? What do I do?". You see. This is all indecisiveness. How could she have confidence in the leadership abilities of someone like this? This is why she doesn't love you as a husband/man. She doesn't trust you to protect her,therefore all sexual attraction is out the window.Why me said:
There is a "PERFECT" thread to help you better understand what exactly happened here. Is the marraige over? Hey,I don't know. Is it salvageable? Well,I do think so,but in order for it to be saved,YOU have to make some changes in YOURSELF. You're not going to fix it by sitting down and having a "talk" with her. This cannot even be fixed through honest communication. The problem is that your wife has an emotional need that YOU'RE NOT MEETING.
It would be the same thing if she were to stop having sex with you all the sudden. If she flat out just refused to have sex with you again,then your feelings and love for her as a wife would deteriorate. Would she still be a good mother? Yes. A decent human being? Yes. She'd still be a good person,mother,and a friend,but the way she relates personally to you as a wife.....you wouldn't be happy with.
Check out my signature on the bottom of this reply. Click on the word "THIS!". There's a thread there called,"Can someone elaborate on responding to a woman's emotions?".
It should better help you understand exactly WHY all this happened,and what to do about it.
Good luck man.
Demon Wolf
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2006
- Messages
- 99
- Reaction score
- 0
Get a lawyer and a damned fine one. Your wife is now the enemy...Not just your enemy...YOUR HATED ENEMY!!!
Transfer at least 95% of the money to someplace she cannot find it. Sell her jewelry or donate it. Of course if you like to be a jerk like me donate all the money anonymously to something like a university or wounded warriors fund.
Hire a PI to follow her.
Transfer at least 95% of the money to someplace she cannot find it. Sell her jewelry or donate it. Of course if you like to be a jerk like me donate all the money anonymously to something like a university or wounded warriors fund.
Hire a PI to follow her.
bluemanson
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2008
- Messages
- 102
- Reaction score
- 0
I think you should go with Igetit's advice. there is really some good advice and i agree with saying that you messed up somewhere and u not the man anymore or u use to be.
But keep the lawyer stuff in the back of your mind just incase
But keep the lawyer stuff in the back of your mind just incase
what it means when wome tell us?..." I love you but im not in love you"
well, what that means is " you are a good man, I dont have a reason to dump you but the problem is that I dont see you as a sexual partner anymore. in fact, you are the perfect man for any woman but me. I got bore of this relationship a long time ago eventhough we appear to be the perfect couple in front of our friends. you are not a jerk, yes I know. but im in love with a jerk who I met two months ago just because you didnt give me any exciment when we were toguether. I have everything i need with you and cant blame you for anything but still its your fault cause you didnt keep me entertained for all those years. if push comes to shove, I'll take everything you got cause I deserve it. alimony? thats my right eventhough I cheated on you. why do I deserved it? cause thats the law. youll pay me money until I die or get married, jjaja. do you think I'll ever get married? I dont think so. nobody kills the goose that gives the golden eggs. finally, no matter what happens I'll blame you for our break up cause that way people wont find out how much of a bvcth I have become since we got married. its so nice to eat my cake and keep it too. thanks american marriage laws."
well, what that means is " you are a good man, I dont have a reason to dump you but the problem is that I dont see you as a sexual partner anymore. in fact, you are the perfect man for any woman but me. I got bore of this relationship a long time ago eventhough we appear to be the perfect couple in front of our friends. you are not a jerk, yes I know. but im in love with a jerk who I met two months ago just because you didnt give me any exciment when we were toguether. I have everything i need with you and cant blame you for anything but still its your fault cause you didnt keep me entertained for all those years. if push comes to shove, I'll take everything you got cause I deserve it. alimony? thats my right eventhough I cheated on you. why do I deserved it? cause thats the law. youll pay me money until I die or get married, jjaja. do you think I'll ever get married? I dont think so. nobody kills the goose that gives the golden eggs. finally, no matter what happens I'll blame you for our break up cause that way people wont find out how much of a bvcth I have become since we got married. its so nice to eat my cake and keep it too. thanks american marriage laws."