Need some advice/help please

[hbkfan]

Ok so my gf dumped me back in Feb. We have not talked or anything until Easter when I sent her a snapchat. Last week we made small talk thru snapchat and text. She also randomly complimented me one day about me wearing a shirt she gave me. She also made a comment how she wanted to talk.

I was in her area but did not tell her. She wondered why I never told her and she said we could have met up to talk. On friday she called me and we talked for over an hour about random things. It was a very nice and good phone call. I told her I was going to be in her area on Saturday and she said she wanted to meet up.

We met up on saturday for 90 min at Buffalo wild wings. It was a good time. She kept asking about me and my family and other things going on in my life. She also made the comment how she had tried calling me a couple times after dumping me to talk to me. She also made a comment about how her family really loved me. She did say she wanted to remain friends and didnt want to close the door on anything between us for the future, she just isnt ready to date right now.

As we were leaving she gave me a big hug. I asked if she wanted to do anything that night because I was in her area looking for jobs/houses. She said she'd get back to me. About an hour or so later she texted me saying 'maybe we could hang out another night'. I just said 'alrite'. She then said 'it was very good to see me though!'. I replied with 'likewise'...Turns out she went out with friends that night and plus it might have been weird to hang out so soon anyways.

On sunday she sent me a random snap of her and her cat cuddling. I sent her a snap later that night but she never opened it until monday. I also sent a picture of me dressed very sharp on monday which she never replied to.

On tuesday morning she sent me a text asking 'why are you best friends on snapchat with one of my friends?" I couldnt reply for a few hours so she text me again saying 'i probably wouldnt reply either'...I then text her back 'sorry i had bad service(which is true) and that i honestly dont know why we are best friends on it, its just random snaps'....she then replied with 'thats cute'

Tuesday night she tried calling me. I was not able to answer, but right after calling me she sent a text saying 'lol k'....then 2 hours later she text me again saying 'you must still have ****ty service huh?"....i never replied

This morning her friend sent me a random snap(the one im best friends with)..i then sent out a random snap of my dogs to her friend and my ex and a few others....my ex then snapped me back 'hope you sent that to Ali too'

What is going on here? I am just confused/bothered by all this. Yes, I love/miss my ex but am in no rush to get back with her. I was very glad everything went well and I understand us not hanging out. But why the backlash now? Why would she be all nice to me all last week, then so hostile this week? And her friend and I have been best friends on snapchat for like 2 weeks now? So why is this an issue? is she really that jealous or what? And how did she find out we were best friends?

My initial thoughts are that she still has feelings for me and is obviously jealous. However I do not know what to do now? Yes I want to talk with her and try to hang out with her again and move forward. But at the same time I just dont know what to say/do. Any help is much appreciated.

 

[Tictac]

You post this in two different places?mand you age isn't listed so it's not supposed to be here.

 

[hbkfan]

Sorry I didnt know which place was the better one. And i'm 28

 

[KOKid]

Ok so my gf dumped me back in Feb. We have not talked or anything until Easter when I sent her a snapchat. Last week we made small talk thru snapchat and text. She also randomly complimented me one day about me wearing a shirt she gave me. She also made a comment how she wanted to talk.

I was in her area but did not tell her. She wondered why I never told her and she said we could have met up to talk. On friday she called me and we talked for over an hour about random things. It was a very nice and good phone call. I told her I was going to be in her area on Saturday and she said she wanted to meet up.

We met up on saturday for 90 min at Buffalo wild wings. It was a good time. She kept asking about me and my family and other things going on in my life. She also made the comment how she had tried calling me a couple times after dumping me to talk to me. She also made a comment about how her family really loved me. She did say she wanted to remain friends and didnt want to close the door on anything between us for the future, she just isnt ready to date right now.

As we were leaving she gave me a big hug. I asked if she wanted to do anything that night because I was in her area looking for jobs/houses. She said she'd get back to me. About an hour or so later she texted me saying 'maybe we could hang out another night'. I just said 'alrite'. She then said 'it was very good to see me though!'. I replied with 'likewise'...Turns out she went out with friends that night and plus it might have been weird to hang out so soon anyways.

On sunday she sent me a random snap of her and her cat cuddling. I sent her a snap later that night but she never opened it until monday. I also sent a picture of me dressed very sharp on monday which she never replied to.

On tuesday morning she sent me a text asking 'why are you best friends on snapchat with one of my friends?" I couldnt reply for a few hours so she text me again saying 'i probably wouldnt reply either'...I then text her back 'sorry i had bad service(which is true) and that i honestly dont know why we are best friends on it, its just random snaps'....she then replied with 'thats cute'

Tuesday night she tried calling me. I was not able to answer, but right after calling me she sent a text saying 'lol k'....then 2 hours later she text me again saying 'you must still have ****ty service huh?"....i never replied

This morning her friend sent me a random snap(the one im best friends with)..i then sent out a random snap of my dogs to her friend and my ex and a few others....my ex then snapped me back 'hope you sent that to Ali too'

What is going on here? I am just confused/bothered by all this. Yes, I love/miss my ex but am in no rush to get back with her. I was very glad everything went well and I understand us not hanging out. But why the backlash now? Why would she be all nice to me all last week, then so hostile this week? And her friend and I have been best friends on snapchat for like 2 weeks now? So why is this an issue? is she really that jealous or what? And how did she find out we were best friends?

My initial thoughts are that she still has feelings for me and is obviously jealous. However I do not know what to do now? Yes I want to talk with her and try to hang out with her again and move forward. But at the same time I just dont know what to say/do. Any help is much appreciated.

Oi vey...

Breaking it all down:

You made first contact after a break and considering her your ex. She responded in kind and you two built it up from there. After Bdubs she played an overt power move, yet to her was passive. Talk talk talk to get the interest built up then boom vanish in the wind. It wouldn't have been weird to hang out after Bdubs either. She showed interest and gave you a hug after any other girl would have been game to club.

Pictures here and there all over the place. On Sunday she sent you a "I'm so lonely cuddling with my cat Netflixing and chilling" picture and you responded. She could have fell asleep and that's why she never responded or she could have ran a marathon who knows. You followed up with another showing her your hand and looking good. Don't do that. You seen that the picture was received and now the ball is in her court. Let her play it back.

Tuesday the green eyed monster comes out and it is another power move. "Why you friends with Ashley" or whatever. Power move for control. You ditch Ashley or play weak and she has commitment from you without doing anything.

You send out another picture and boom she's biting you again about Ashley.

Her issue with Ali or Ash or whatever girl is her maneuvering to control from bottom. If you side step these girls instead of side stepping her tests she's got the control and hasn't had to put in any work to get it. You gave it to her.

Unfortunately your relationship with your ex is a battle for control right now. If you give it to her she's going to use you so reverse the rolls. Don't let her lead from the bottom. Let her see you are the captain of your ship and you are content sailing alone. Ali is your friend and she'll stay that way because you are a young guy out to have fun with as many women as you want. You look good and you have fun. You dress well and slay it any given day. You don't need to explain anything. Joke it away with amused mastery of your game. Your ex had her chance and decided it was best to test the waters. Her waters now involve cat cuddling and Netflix. Spin her to plate status. Easiest thing in the world if you can keep your wits and not let your past emotions for her get in the way.

She's already in the game so remember this: When you pass her the ball wait for her to throw it back. Don't keep lobbing her another one. If she doesn't throw it back then go find another partner to play with and make her watch from the sidelines.

You are walking a fine line of revenge from her if you keep snapping with her friends so start using jokes to offset her jealousy. Play dumb, like Whaaat.. Did Ali need another pic? Thought she had enough from last time... and wrap it up with: either way I'm heading out in a bit. You in? Pick you up at 7.

Worst case she'll blow you off, but it's better than sweating it and being toyed with wondering if you upset your ex. Best case you're closing at your place with something kinky.

All BS aside I think you are in for some power games with this one. Tread carefully.

 

[hbkfan]

Yeah I figured my best bet is to just leave my ex alone..dont call/text/snapchat her....wait for her to get ahold of me. I assumed she was pulling a power move with the text about snapchat and her one friend as well.

I just hate all the BS and the games. Like if she likes me and wants to talk, lets do that and go from there. No games..but instead i get the whole nice attitude from her, a good convo, good meet up, then her jumping down my throat for no reason.

Also, i did notice on twitter that her ex is following her and she is following him again...not that it matters but i did notice it

i refuse to play second fiddle to anyone...but i really do like/care about my ex and want it to work out....she is extremely busy though with work/dance/etc and does live 2 hours away from me...we made it work before though..and her family/friends are very aware of me because she used to talk about me all the time and yeah...and her family hates her ex with a passion

could she just be going 'hot/cold' because she is aware that she likes/misses me, but wants to still stay broken up for the fear of falling for me or something?

and how do i go about getting her back? just wait on her to get ahold of me or what? if that is something i want to pursue

 

[BeExcellent]

Best thing you can do is quit dedicating so much thought to her. Quit following her or being connected on social media. That's just making your life harder for no good reason.

If you want to go out with her and hang around some, be cool but direct and ask. Make her reject you. That way you know how she feels. If she goes out with you, escalate. Make her reject you (or not). Again that tells you how she feels about you.

Watch what she does when she is with you rather than paying attention to anything she does when she isn't with you.

The situation strikes me as her being someone who is at best on the fence about you but is happy to have your adoration and posturing when she has nothing else going on. She doesn't really want you but doesn't want you getting too cozy with her friend either. You can't win in that scenario so should you really play?

You say you aren't that into her but I think you are not being straight up with yourself.

 

[hbkfan]

No I really do like my ex and i would love to be back with her

Forgot to mention when we were at Bdubs, we were talking about a wedding i went to and a 'date' that I had...My ex appeared to be extremely jealous and was telling me how she was creeping on the other girl on social media and everything.

Our phone convo and meet up really felt as if we had been dating and everything. It was that nice and thats just the way it felt. My ex appeared to feel the same way as well for a while. Then all of a sudden she's jumping down my throat about snapchat for whatever reason..and her friend is still the one snapping me....so i think its just jealousy and her trying to start a fight for no reason.....shes all warm and cozy to me one minute, cold the next....she cant figure out how she feels

 

[BeExcellent]

Insecurity and jealousy are very very ugly.

She is both. Furthermore she doesn't have self control. Maybe that's awesome in bed...but it's awful other places.

You need to very careful with her and how you feel about her. Really seriously look into other women.

For fun & perspective if nothing else.

 

[hbkfan]

Thanks for the input everyone. I truly am LOLing at her jealousy and insecurity. I will not play games with her.

I do love and want her back, but I am starting to realize that she just very well may not be worth it. If she wants to talk, and be on good terms she can get ahold of me and she knows how. I know she has feelings for me still otherwise she wouldnt go from 'hot/warm/nice' to being so 'cold/jealous/upset'.

Also I have noticed she reaches out to me about every other day. Today she sent me a random snapchat for no reason of her being silly. I did not respond.

If anyone else has any input I would greatly appreciate it

 

[Reykhel]

Thanks for the input everyone. I truly am LOLing at her jealousy and insecurity. I will not play games with her.

I do love and want her back, but I am starting to realize that she just very well may not be worth it. If she wants to talk, and be on good terms she can get ahold of me and she knows how. I know she has feelings for me still otherwise she wouldnt go from 'hot/warm/nice' to being so 'cold/jealous/upset'.

Also I have noticed she reaches out to me about every other day. Today she sent me a random snapchat for no reason of her being silly. I did not respond.

If anyone else has any input I would greatly appreciate it

You're mentality is all wrong.

When your ex realized she could no longer get any benifit out of you.....you were dogmeat
got that? she has no more need for you
you should look after your own life now

 

[hbkfan]

So why did she want to talk to me so bad, act all jealous about a date I had, then want to meet up? Everything shows signs of her wanting me back/being confused on her feelings. Plus she even said she didnt want to rule out something with us in the future, just not right now

And why does she reach out to me every other day it seems? Whether its a snapchat or text, she's always sending me something.

I'm just baffled by everything, I know its best for me to just move on so I dont get jerked around. I honestly wish she would just figure it out and we could get back together(obviously not going to rush that) but I know that's probably not going to happen

 

[BeExcellent]

She is toying with you and you are happily orbiting about her hoping for scraps.

While she has you wrapped around her finger and twisting in the wind there at her whim if she needs a little attention boost.

Read that again.

 

[El Suave]

So why did she want to talk to me so bad, act all jealous about a date I had, then want to meet up? Everything shows signs of her wanting me back/being confused on her feelings. Plus she even said she didnt want to rule out something with us in the future, just not right now

And why does she reach out to me every other day it seems? Whether its a snapchat or text, she's always sending me something.

She is PLAYING you!!! Let that sink in. She gets a boost of attention from you and is probably telling other guys how YOU are the one not leaving her alone and contacting her. This way she seems like a catch while you look like an A-hole. When she said that "there could be something with us in the future" you say "Let me know when you're ready and I'll see how I feel about it then", with a smile.

Moreover, she wants to be the one that finds a boyfriend first so she can rub it in your face all over social media, further making you look like a beta. Leave with your dignity will there's still some left and she'll chase you later. That's WHEN you have a move that you can make. Not until then.

 

[hbkfan]

well i do promise i will not be the one reaching out to her whether its text/call/snapchat....i refuse to play games or 2nd fiddle to anyone

time to play the waiting game i suppose lol

 

[CMNILS87]

Nope, no waiting game. She's shown you her true colors. You have "feelings" for her cause of past stuff. But you've now seen her jealousy and insecurity and how she wants attention from you. You really want her back. She's probably texting 2 other guys nudes right now and orbiting them too.

Delete delete delete all her social media, number, text, Facebook, snapchat. All of it.

When she texts you. Answer with nothing or "who's this?". Actually don't even reply honestly

 

[hbkfan]

and this will get her back??

i deleted her before from everything..then when we started talking again(easter sunday) she was saying stuff how she wanted to talk so we added each other back on snapchat and facebook...then she was reaching out to me during the week about random stuff...then she called me that friday night to talk...and then yeah, i've said everything since

i have no idea what is going on in her life with stuff...i still dont understand being all nice to me before, then lashing out for no reason...i do know that she creeps on all my social media stuff hardcore though

 

[CMNILS87]

and this will get her back??

i deleted her before from everything..then when we started talking again(easter sunday) she was saying stuff how she wanted to talk so we added each other back on snapchat and facebook...then she was reaching out to me during the week about random stuff...then she called me that friday night to talk...and then yeah, i've said everything since

i have no idea what is going on in her life with stuff...i still dont understand being all nice to me before, then lashing out for no reason...i do know that she creeps on all my social media stuff hardcore though

No this will eradicate her from your life. There's plent more women out there

 

[hbkfan]

but this girl is the one...i swear...what we had was awesome at first...i know she had really strong feelings and everything before and everyone was so happy for her and i...she bragged about me to everyone(her friends/family/etc) and yeah.....we just had that perfect connection..her family loved me and i got along really well with her friends

then she ended up dumping me..and here we are now...i really want her back and to have what we once had but i know that may not happen...she clearly still has feelings(as do i)..and i have gone out and dated and been with other women since our break up....i just want her back...not to be all weird, but i really do think she is the one

do i just continue to wait on her to get ahold of me? obviously i will talk to other girls and stuff from here on out

 

[CMNILS87]

I too was like you a few years ago. There is no such thing as "the one". It's all oxytocin in your bloodstream saying "hey you had some great times together, she's a safe bet". Problem is once a girl dumps you, she's checked out emotionally and she doesn't want you back. The harder you try, the worse she will resent you. The goose is cooked, time to move on. There's many other "the ones" out there. DATE DATE DATE.

 

[hbkfan]

Yeah she had made some comments about that before she dumped me....saying her feelings have plateaued or whatever....then she ends things.....then fast forward 6 weeks, she's telling me she wants to talk, so she's texting/snapchatting me...then calls me...we have a great phone convo...then we meet up and it went fairly well...then she tells me we can hang out another time(she already had plans) and it was very good to see me

my first thought was yeah she wants me back and still has feelings for me...especially based on how our convos and her snapchats/texts went and what she was saying

then all of a sudden out of no where she's jumping down my throat about being top friends with one of her friends on snapchat...which i didnt think was a problem...i even asked her friend about it and she said that she never told my ex anything about it...so it makes it weird...and i dont understand why she'd care anyways? my only thought is she is jealous

then on friday my ex sends me a random snap of her face-swapping a co-worker at her work...i never replied...but my ex always looks at my stuff on my story.....so what the hell is the reason for all of this?

is she that insecure about her feelings and still have feelings for me or what? i mean why the hell would she say that stuff about her family and us possibly having a future together down the road...im not wrapped around her finger by any means, but i do miss/care about her(she is not aware of this...i never even once hinted at this while we were talking)

is it possible to get her back? and if so, how?

and yes, i am already talking to other women lol