need mature advice on elevating relations

[sxyazsin]

I've been serious with a woman for two weeks (I know, but I've known her for much longer) and I've had the most amazing time of my life. There's many problems...

First know that I'm VERY experienced and I've been through more than most can imagine with relationships. With that said...

She's Saudi and Muslim. I know all the implications of this. She's been divorced for a while. She's 27 (I'm 22), and lost her virginity when married at 24. This has us at much of the same mindset. She is in love with me, and we've both established that we're moving way too fast. I'll spare other detail.

I've been with so many women... but I really feel she's the one I've been looking for. No, not for marriage and children, but a true lover to accompany me through at least my younger adult life. She even is talking to her exboyfriend tonight that was planning to come to America to tell him how she feels about me.

I know she's sincere--she left her facebook on and I read a couple messages. (I'm no stalker, but after so many *****s that have entered my life i must be sure).

My problem is that it's so hard to keep my DJ self together. I find myself calling her when I know it's too much. I'm over passionate, and I spend money like it's nothing. I still have backbone and am still very much acting like a man with responsibilities and priorites, but I fear I'll chase her away with this kind of behavior. I don't really know how to act in a relationship because I've been seducing women and blowing them off in fear of commitment for so many years.

I know this is extremely impulsive... but don't you ever wonder what it would be like if you met someone that you knew inside was your perfect match? I know it probably won't work out... but if I commit myself instead of doubt, I know there will be much better results. I would like experienced advice on how to keep this love lasting for as long as possible. I've never met a woman in my life that I could consider as an equal, sexually as well as mentally, and this feels right.

I'm been very pessimistic for years, and if you post here to criticize me, than you're wasting your time. Chumps disgust me. I would like to hear from a mature guy that maybe knows something about this situation and can offer peace of mind or a outsider's point of view without bias.

 

[jophil28]

She even is talking to her exboyfriend tonight that was planning to come to America to tell him how she feels about me.

Ooops ! Does he fly a plane ?
Do you live in a high rise ?

 

[mintxx]

'I've been serious with a woman for two weeks'
'First know that I'm VERY experienced and I've been through more than most can imagine with relationships.'
'She's 27 (I'm 22)'
'she left her facebook on and I read a couple messages.'
'I don't really know how to act in a relationship because I've been seducing women and blowing them off in fear of commitment for so many years.'
'(I'm 22)'
'Chumps disgust me.'
'I would like to hear from a mature guy that maybe knows something about this situation and can offer peace of mind'..


mate first off you're 22, so wrong forum.

you say you don't know how to act in a relationship because you've been blowing chix off with fear of commitment. but you already said you're VERY experienced and have been through more than most can imagine... ok.

you would like experienced advice, and you would like someone to offer you peace of mind. you won't listen to criticism etc. so basically you've come here already knowing what you want to hear.

you've posted here 20 times, this should be enough time for you to have read the DJ bible and a few archive threads etc, surely.

the problem is, nobody with any experience would be in this situation. so you're not going to hear what you want to hear here. hear me?

you're right, i am wasting my time. people like you who refuse to hear anybody trying to help them are the chumps you speak of. ipso facto you are the chump in question. feel free to prove me wrong and get off the runaway train toward total fukkage that you are currently on.

you are dealing with a 27 year old woman who uses facebook. she is iranian and once divorced.

'I know all the implications of this. She's been divorced for a while.'

the implications of this are that you are right off your fukking trolley sunshine. i've taken briefs for absconding bailees smarter than you. jesus h. christ.

//end rant

this should save anybody else picking on this guy - now, here's my advice: it's good that she's cutting ties with her ex. even better if he doesn't have your address. stop stalking her online and let things develop, be patient, and be aware that your viewpoint is a subjective little bubble and that you need to be open to possibilities other than your expectations at this point. best of luck, perhaps ask some actual questions (in the appropriate forum of course) and let us know how it goes!

 

[sodbuster]

Looks like my ex-wifes soul mate. Knows all the answers,won't listen to criticism or constructive advice and is a legend in his own mind.

Listen up chump! At 22, you don't even know the questions much less the answers.

My best guess, IF you aren't having sex-she's using you as a disposable wallet[moving too fast is code for "I need to string you along s long as possible without putting out". If you are having sex,You just may be the rebound guy[how long has she been divorced and has she dated since?]

A 27 year old woman is so far ahead of you in the dating game that you'll be whatever kind of patsy she wants you to be[any bets on the fact she left facebook on on purpose? She wanted you to see it? Never even crossed your mind did it?] While you were out supposedly scoring all these chicks, she was reading Cosmo and getting relationship advice from every woman she knows-from 15 to 85. But you come in here and don't want advice-good luck

 

[MoveYourAss...]

... and I've had the most amazing time of my life. There's many problems...

just listen to YOUR OWN words. Sounds as if your going to enjoy yourself even more soon...

am still very much acting like a man with responsibilities and priorites

Sorry, dude. Your whole post smells of desperation. Get your basics down. And stop getting amazing times out of problems. Find our what is GOOD for you and then get it.

And stop cheating with the age in your profile, that is ridiculous.

 

[Mr. Me]

Like the others have pointed out, you're obviously not as experienced as you think you are, whether you care to hear this or not.
Posts that end with a declaration of what the poster will or will not accept as a response invariably are those of posters who know deep down they're fighting against the wind and are looking for yes men.

I would like to hear from a mature guy that maybe knows something about this situation and can offer peace of mind

But what if the right advice doesn't provide you with peace of mind? Do you really think the right thing to do in life situations will always be the easiest, agreeable thing to do?

She even is talking to her ex boyfriend tonight that was planning to come to America to tell him how she feels about me.

That's one of the biggest red flags right there.

If he's an ex-boyfriend, that means they were romantically linked at one time. He's not her girlfriend or mother. So, if their time together is over and he's now an ex, then why would he be involved at all with how she feels now? I don't feel any need to call up ex-girlfriends or even ex-wives for that matter and tell them where life is taking me. They're out. It's over. They have no part in my life today. Obviously, with your gal, the ex is still very much part of the picture.

This is where the average chump typically steps in to afford us the rationalization to justify his woman still being involved with her ex. Yawn.

 

[reset]

But what if the right advice doesn't provide you with peace of mind? Do you really think the right thing to do in life situations will always be the easiest, agreeable thing to do?

This is a good point and I am unfortunately coming to this realization: if you're going to act like a man with high standards, you have to ACT LIKE A MAN with high standards, EVEN IF it means "LOSING" the very thing you're trying to "SAVE".

This is what separates the men from the boys: can you say NO to something that is BAD for you, even if it hurts to leave behind something you KNOW you are going to miss? Are you willing to suffer the pain of being CONGRUENT????

 

[King of Action]

Life is sooo gooood until you Meet Failure and you'll see where these guys are speaking about. In other words, play hard to get too long and guess what, she's already comparing YOU with other GUYS and she's low key about her game. You know what else, she could be doing it RIGHT NOW under eyes.

In other words, live your life first. Then, let her in your life when she meet ALL your capabilities.

 

[Jitterbug]

She's Saudi and Muslim. I know all the implications of this. She's been divorced for a while. She's 27 (I'm 22), and lost her virginity when married at 24. This has us at much of the same mindset. She is in love with me, and we've both established that we're moving way too fast. I'll spare other detail.

....

She even is talking to her exboyfriend tonight that was planning to come to America to tell him how she feels about me.

A familiar story. Someone's fishing for a few Green cards.

 

[Interceptor]

Reset wrote: you have to ACT LIKE A MAN with high standards, EVEN IF it means "LOSING" the very thing you're trying to "SAVE

Very important point.

 

[reset]

It is. I'm maintaining my standards as we speak and I'm being tested for it. Just have to go all out and stick to your own standards. There is no other way.

 

[samspade]

There are always a couple of telling sentences in every post that give away a large part of the problem, usually unintentionally.

Here is this gentleman's:

"My problem is that it's so hard to keep my DJ self together. "

Taking you at your word on everything else, if you are still trying to keep your "DJ self" together like a broken and glued-together vase, then you are not where you need to be.

If you are still calling her too often, and spending too much money on her, and too "passionate" (which probably means open about your feelings), then you have work to do.

If being a DJ is still akin to putting on a rubber Halloween mask that suffocates you until you remove it so your AFC can breathe, then you are still playing dress-up. Wearing a mask might work in the short term, but women are proficient in peeling it back, my friend.

What you need is more experience. You need to make more mistakes and have more success. And you need to shape your outlook so that it serves YOU, and not just your need for sex. "I've been with so many women..." this means nothing. If it's true, it doesn't sound like you're drawing lessons from any of them.

This woman's religion is the least of your problems. She's five years your senior, once-divorced, and talks to her ex-boyfriend about you. You think she might be "the one," you "know" she's sincere, you're afraid of reverting to AFC tactics, and you read her private messages.

You want peace of mind? The Earth will not crash into the Sun tomorrow. Rest easy.

 

[Interceptor]

Sam,
ultimately this is a young man with very poor boundaries. And despite his claims of being experienced, meaning competent, unfortunately, he is mistaken.

Personal boundaries are often at the root of all these problems we face with women.
Giving away your resources for her at the drop of a hat, and feeling uncomfortable about it afterward...
yep, all these relationships usually are doomed.
Unless the man has enough self respect, dignity, and self disicpline to not be controlled by a woman's whims.


He wants advice.
But the advice he needs is to stay away from this woman and build up high self esteem.
Then, he will increase his self respect and will not sacrifice his dignity or anything to be with a woman.

Giving away our personal power to a woman, or anyone will never succeed.
It creates disharmony. So it can never endure.

Someone will break.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Sxjazsin,
No you are not after advice but affirmation.....I have just returned from six weeks in the Middle East.I have spent time in Iraq and Iran,I worked for a year in Indonesia,I think I have a little appreciation of the Muslim values system,believe me she sees the world through different glasses to you...firstly if you contemplate any deeper relationship you will be expected to take up her faith and this will mean rejecting your own culture....This lady is not your average Iranian Lady,she could have an agenda,she is so much more worldly than you,obviously has you round her little finger...Secondly be aware that if her boyfriend knows what you are up to,both he and his male kin will be honour bound to stick a knife in you,this would also apply to her male kin in a matter of breach of faith...Please just calm down,a fortnight is no time at all,that you have come to this forum for advice means you have a level of uncertainty,in such situations do nothing rash except enjoy this ladies charms appreciate her culture,her cooking for at least six months....you will meet her friends some of whom will be in mixed marriages,this will give you the opportunity to see whether you are up to the challenge yourself....above all make no promises.

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

As a general piece of advice men don't escalate a relationship. Let her do that.

 

[Warrior74]

This is a good point and I am unfortunately coming to this realization: if you're going to act like a man with high standards, you have to ACT LIKE A MAN with high standards, EVEN IF it means "LOSING" the very thing you're trying to "SAVE".

This is what separates the men from the boys: can you say NO to something that is BAD for you, even if it hurts to leave behind something you KNOW you are going to miss? Are you willing to suffer the pain of being CONGRUENT????

Repped.

I am Warrior74 and I approve this message.

 

[Vulpine]

This is a good point and I am unfortunately coming to this realization: if you're going to act like a man with high standards, you have to ACT LIKE A MAN with high standards, EVEN IF it means "LOSING" the very thing you're trying to "SAVE".

This is what separates the men from the boys: can you say NO to something that is BAD for you, even if it hurts to leave behind something you KNOW you are going to miss? Are you willing to suffer the pain of being CONGRUENT????

BooM!

That's dropping science like a nuke!

 

[sxyazsin]

Thank you reset, and any of the others that offered positive input. That one line is very valuable to me, as well as the advice from this forum.

I don't need to justify myself to the rest of you or get into any deeper explanation. Appease your egos as you'd like. I didn't expect any less.

It's now been a month, and I've continued to have an amazing time with this woman. It breaks my heart that her country won't continue to fund her life in the US unless she transfers to a different program.

As this site has influenced me to ruin or elevate my life many times over the last 5-6 years, I hope the decision to let her go in order to uphold my own agenda is one of my better choices.

 

[Bible_Belt]

if you contemplate any deeper relationship you will be expected to take up her faith and this will mean rejecting your own culture

Yep, exactly. And even if you do, all of her family will still never really accept you. And they will always be much more important to her than you.