Need help

[vonbock]

I met a girl last week, I got her number. CAlled her 3 days later on Wednesday, spoke 5 minutes, and set up for coffee on Saturday night. She said sure. Well, text messages me today and says something came up and can we reschedule for another time. I offered tomorrow afternoon but she text messaged back saying can't do since it is Fathers day but her father lives 400 miles away. She said how about a weekday night if I am available.

Reading this board, people would say say don't message back and just forget about her. If she was really interested, she would have not flaked.
My friends told me to give her one more chance and if she flakes a second time then forget her. I feel like I amsetting myself up for more punishment. Should I give her one more chance?

 

[dannyegg4575]

Answer is.... NOPE.

Girls with high IL will not make up bs to prevent hurting your feelings.

1. Next time, don't ask girls to come out on a weekend.

2. to save yourself the headaches...

 

[vonbock]

danny:thanks. But don't you think that if a girl is very interested in you, she will go out with you whether wekeend or not?

 

[dannyegg4575]

Not in the beginning. And you just met.

People have lives to live. They have things to do on weekends. Why should you take away your valuable time to spend with her on a weekend?

Get it?

 

[vonbock]

Danny: so are you saying that a possible reason for her just to totally flake on me is because I asked her out on a weekend?

 

[ready123]

a lot of guys on this board tend to NEXT too much because they value preserving their ego more than learning the skill set. they also make a lot of calibration mistakes like assuming everything is a sht test, assuming the minute there's a schedule conflict that the girl is not interested, and a bunch of other stuff that shows they're either comign from a place of high abundance where they can afford to be ridiculously picky, or are total KJ's

give her the benefit of the doubt. SHE GAVE YOU A COUNTER-OFFER

and the don't ask her to come out on a weekend thing makes no sense to me whatsoever. other than the fact it's kinda dumb to act like the girl is taking something from you (oh no she stole my weekend, I've lost power!), reality is people usually WORK on the weekdays and are TIRED on the weekdays. best time to go out is when you don't gotta get up early the next morning

 

[n00bPimp]

Weeked is no good. It has DATE written all over it, and in the beguinning its always best to make it seem like a casual encounter and not a date. So I agree with her, take her out on a weekday.
I think its too soon to call it quits. Obviously she's going to have her guard up a little bit, she doesn't want to seem easy to get, and lets face it, you're no PUA, so don't expect this girl to show high IL already if you havent had any major interactions.

 

[ready123]

if you're afraid of the dating frame, then you address the FRAME. whether it's a weekend or weekday has nothing to do with it. you could go out on a weekday but if you do some generic dinner and a movie and no kino type of date, you're gonna end up in the dating frame anyway. likewise, you could ask the girl to come with you to run errands on the weekend or go to the mall and have her pick out your clothes, and you're fine

it's funny to me that even though there are only 7 days in the week, you guys already wanna eliminate 3 of them because you think you're automatically low value on those days. that's totally counter productive and illogical

 

[dannyegg4575]

I met a girl last week, I got her number. CAlled her 3 days later on Wednesday, spoke 5 minutes, and set up for coffee on Saturday night. She said sure. Well, text messages me today and says something came up and can we reschedule for another time. I offered tomorrow afternoon but she text messaged back saying can't do since it is Fathers day but her father lives 400 miles away. She said how about a weekday night if I am available.

Reading this board, people would say say don't message back and just forget about her. If she was really interested, she would have not flaked.
My friends told me to give her one more chance and if she flakes a second time then forget her. I feel like I amsetting myself up for more punishment. Should I give her one more chance?

I'm going by what you wrote. You made the offer, she accepted but rejected you later on.
Saying she has to do things with her dad who lived 400miles away is a little bit of an excuse.

I'm not a big fan of hanging out on a weekend in the beginning. She gets a sense of it being a "date". when all you're really doing is to get to know there girl. Hence, coffee "meetings" are good for that.

I didn't say to next her. I am saying not to push it any further. if she did ask you as a counter offer for a weekday, then take it.

 

[vonbock]

Well, the way I think of it is this.
I call on a Wednesday, she said yes to Saturday at 8 for coffee. Then 2 pm on Saturday, text messages and said something came up. To me, it could be a myriad of excuses. GF called her up to go clubbing, better looking guy asked her out, she was not into me in the first place and this is the easy way to reject a guy without hurting his feelings, a good show is on TV that night. Whichever excuse, she had lower interest in me than the other option. I offered the next day, FAther's day in the afternoon, but her father lives in another state, she rejects that offer too and then counteroffers a weekday if I am "available". To me, it seems like even I go out with her on a weekday, she still has little interest in me and I am just going to get strung along. Has anyone here had a girl flake on them, then try another day with her and everything worked out? Or am I just overanalyzing it.

On the side, my favorite one was this 2/10 girl I met 5 years ago. Made a date just so I can practice my skills. As I was leaving the door to head out to meet her, she calls and tells me that her mom told her she wants her at home so she can help cook for her brothers graduation party. Uh, you didn't know it was your brothers graduation party 2 days before?

 

[Guybrush]

don't worry.

flakes happen all the time to anyone.

We are the predators in this game and occasionally we'll have misses and scratches with an hungry stomach.

Just keep up the motivation, NEVER WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT NEXTING, and hold on to your principles.

I agree that our community tends to NEXT a little too much, but still, this is to preserve one's principles, self-image and self-respect.

It is better to be alone rather than compromise your ironclad principles for a chick that can easily be replaced.

And yes, there's always more.

NEXT her. And the second gal.

Good luck

 

[vonbock]

well an update, I said what the heck might as well try and test my theory. I sent message back stating "how about 7 pm on Tuesday". She never sent anything back. Sheesh, it seems like I gave her the pleasure of having some guy chasing after her. I know it happens, but why can't girls just not give their number or just downright say LJBF rather than give us numbers, set a date, and then flake out on us. I think the girl that never returns my call at least has more dignity than the one that set a date, get you all ready and then flake out.

Guybrush, thanks for the inspiration. I think you are right, nexting allows you to have some degree of self respect. Now that sent message back, makes me look like some wussbag that is desperate to go out with her and feeling dumb to keep texting her.

 

[vonbock]

followup here
1. well she never replied to my text message. AFter thinking about this, I realize this is not just asking a girl out, but just common courtesy. First, I realize if girl interested in you, she will go out with you Saturday, SUnday, or any day. If I was Brad Pitt, do you think she would flake?. I think this is so rude of someone whether guy or girl, saying yes to a meeting, let the other person make plans, get things ready, and then few hours before, text message the person and say "something came up". I should have just stopped and not sent anything when she flaked and deleted her number. Same as if it was a guy who canceled with no legitimate reason after lots of planning. I learned one thing too with this, and in your opinion, if she did something like this, does this show what type of person she really is? Is this the type of person I even want to be just friends with?

 

[n00bPimp]

I would think with the time you've been here you would understand the basics of the initial male-female interaction process.
But it doesn't seem like you have that much of a clue.

- A girl can flake out on you even if she IS interested. First dates are tricky, they will not always happen on the first try. I've had girls flake up to 2 times before the first date and I was still able to f-close them .

- The reason most girls flake is not because they are rude. Its because they don't feel comfortable going out with you, even though they are interested. You can not compare a girl in this instance to a guy. A guy has nothing to be apprehensive about. If you set up a meeting with a guy, he knows you don't have any hidden intentions with him. A girl whom you have not held enough rapport/ comfor building with, will most likely be hesitant about going on a date. Sure, she might agree when you ask her, but as the days pass by, she will think more and more, about how if she really wants to spend time with someone she barely knows.

- This is why I preffer to ask her out on the same day that I want to take her out. It wont give her much time to think.

Reasons why I would still pursue her if I were you:
She has given you a real number
She answered when you texted her
She offered to do the date another day. This means she's hesitant, I would get her on the phone and build lots of quick rapport with her.

 

[vonbock]

I agree with you noobpimp.
This one text messgae me to cancel, I offered the next day fathers day, she txt back, she is busy fathers day(even though her father is 400 miles away), she txts can I do it a weekday, then I text back how about Tuesday at 7pm. She never responds back.

Yes, I know you are more experienced than I am noobpimp. Your gut feeling with the girls you f.close, you still had a chance. My gut feeling with this one is she found something else better to do on Saturday than go to coffee with me. I gave her 3 options already and so far none to any of them. I still think is very rude, rather than an outright rejection, say yes and cancel at last second.

I know you mean well noob. But I get the strange feeling if I keep trying, I am going to be labeled by her, a desperate guy who can't take no for an answer. Do I really want more abuse and bad feelings?

 

[DonGorgon]

danny:thanks. But don't you think that if a girl is very interested in you, she will go out with you whether wekeend or not?

99% of the time women will not want to do a first date or any date in the weekend...WHY? cause then is when they go out with girlfriends to find new men to dat during the next week... You should also use the weekend to find new women... Women will even label you as needy or not busy enough for scheduling on the weekend,,

 

[PEPE LE PIU]

Don't NEXT her yet. She gave you a counter offer.

And don't make your counter offers so soon (You can't make it today? How about tomorrow? No? How about after tomorrow?) because it shows that you don't have anything else to do with your time.

And I personally don't set up first or second dates with SMS messages. If phone calls hide body language then SMS messages give her enough time to think reasons to refuse if she ever respond.

 

[guru1000]

I met a girl last week, I got her number. CAlled her 3 days later on Wednesday, spoke 5 minutes, and set up for coffee on Saturday night. She said sure. Well, text messages me today and says something came up and can we reschedule for another time. I offered tomorrow afternoon but she text messaged back saying can't do since it is Fathers day but her father lives 400 miles away. She said how about a weekday night if I am available.

Reading this board, people would say say don't message back and just forget about her. If she was really interested, she would have not flaked.
My friends told me to give her one more chance and if she flakes a second time then forget her. I feel like I amsetting myself up for more punishment. Should I give her one more chance?

This is the problem with the RULES of the game. It is misleading and causes more failure than success.

When a girl flakes on you, she either has low interest or not enough rapport was built. A lack of rapport as well leads to low interest. When you call a girl and speak for 5 minutes, there is no rapport built. Unless you are a good looking guy to her, you will need to leave a lasting image in her head. To make an impression, you have to leave her with an impression.

Five minutes is not enough time to build Rapport. Bottom line.

Had you called and made her laugh her ass off, she would not have flaked on you. She actually would have looked forward to meeting you. Instead, you are just another guy asking her to date.

Next time, build rapport. If you are unable to do that over the phone due to incompatibility; do not expend your energies in her any longer. Find one who you are compatible with BEFORE you ask for the date. You are better off expending your energies in finding compatible girls who have high IL in you, rather than chasing incompatible women.

 

[vonbock]

Pepe: I agree with you. Loking back I should have waited, thought things out and counter with a weekday rather than so soon the next day. But I think even if she had no interest, then she would have still rejected me even if I had waited.

Well I counteroffer twice and she has refused it twice already. SHouldn't that be enough?

Guru : you make a great point. So do you think, instead of the rule of no more than 15 minutes on the phone, if everything is going great on the phone, shes laughing her head off, continue to talk go as long as you want too?

 

[guru1000]

So do you think, instead of the rule of no more than 15 minutes on the phone, if everything is going great on the phone, shes laughing her head off, continue to talk go as long as you want too?

You speak to her as long as you WANT to speak to her. Take note of the frame. You are WEEDING them out, not vice-versa. If she cannot prove compatability through convo, she will NOT have the opportunity to date you.

Be AWARE of the dynamics at hand. The goal is not to build a harem of incompatible women but rather build a team of compatibile highly interested women. The pre-requisite to this is the girl has to PROVE that she is able to maintain a reputable conversation and is at the same LEVEL as you.

Remember,

You are testing her out. She needs to pass through your tests and jump through your hoops before she has the PLEASURE of dating you.