Need advice on LTR.

[Levex]

Hey all,i rarely ask for advice on this forum but now i could really use some.

I've been with my current girlfriend for 2.5 years. I'm 22 and she's 20. We have had our share of ups and downs, mostly because of her insecurities and jealousy which really messed everything up. It got the point where i would be affraid to go out anywhere with her, because i knew theres a high chance i will get accused of looking at some other girl and she'll make a scene in public or in front of my friends.
I tried breaking up with her about 5 times already over her jealousy issues, but she just somehow always has a way to convince me that she'll change and that things will get better(i know, pathetic of me).

At first it was just a minor problem,i figured as she gets to know me more she will learn to trust me, but that never happened. She says she does, but i know its not true. And now she is at least trying to hide her emotions and not blow up everytime, but the damage done by the previous incidents is huge and i just dont feel nearly the same about her as i did before, if any.

This would be a lot easier for me if she wasn't such a great girl otherwise. She's the kind of girl i would love to marry. Beautiful, knows how to take care of me, has never said no to me sex-wise, have been faithful to me the whole time we've been together, and many more things.

I'm just not sure that i'll ever find anybody who is as compatible with me as she is. Should i break it off completely or try to work things out and hope for the best(even though all previous attempts didnt quite work out)?

Need some help here guys..

 

[dannyegg4575]

You can't change somebody. it's natural for a woman to be clingy like that. They want to hold on to you and not let you go.

If you love her like you say you do, spend more time together until she can be sure you're there for her ALL the time. Call her everyday to tell her how much you love her. Make her feel like she's won you over.

It's a long process but eventually, that clingyness will dissipate. her feelings for you will stop being so strong.

It is then that you can breathe. You won't suffocate so much. It's kind of like she's strangling you right now doesn't it? Well, strangle her back until the two of you decide to let go of your hands.

If you still want to be with her then, by all means go ahead. If not, next.

the best way to break up with a girl is to cling on to her. Tell her your undying love for her and call her everyday. this way, she walks away a winner and you can move on without any remorse. it's reverse psychology in it's sickess sense but it saves the two of you the long term emotional pain.

 

[MacAvoy]

I was took the mentality that if I'm going to be accused of cheating and suffer the negative reprucssions, I might as well start cheating because I'm getting all the negative flack.

I bet once you start cheating, she'll back off because she'll realize that she can then truly lose you whereas now she's using this as a controlling tactic. Its all about power & control. Just like rape isn't about sex, its about power. Jealousy isn't about you cheating, its about her own insecurities and getting power over you to compensate for that.

 

[Levex]

You can't change somebody. it's natural for a woman to be clingy like that. They want to hold on to you and not let you go.

If you love her like you say you do, spend more time together until she can be sure you're there for her ALL the time. Call her everyday to tell her how much you love her. Make her feel like she's won you over.

It's a long process but eventually, that clingyness will dissipate. her feelings for you will stop being so strong.

It is then that you can breathe. You won't suffocate so much. It's kind of like she's strangling you right now doesn't it? Well, strangle her back until the two of you decide to let go of your hands.

If you still want to be with her then, by all means go ahead. If not, next.

the best way to break up with a girl is to cling on to her. Tell her your undying love for her and call her everyday. this way, she walks away a winner and you can move on without any remorse. it's reverse psychology in it's sickess sense but it saves the two of you the long term emotional pain.

Thats good advice, but we've known each other for 3 years. She knows how i act and thats just not me ,so she will call me on it.
I do still love her, but lately i've thinking about other girls also and i dont want to end up hurting her.

Just feels like the damage done by constant fights and mistrust is irrepairable.

 

[Axcell]

Holy sh*t, I read your post and thought I wrote it. I'm going through something very similar to what you're going through. I chose to take the route to try to solve the problems instead of walk away from them - but this is coming from a moralled DJ who has only used what he has learned to get into a stable, loving LTR. What you want may be different.

Trust issues are difficult to solve and it seems like you've already tried countless times to rectify the problem. If it's not working, just start meeting women on the side (sounds bad, but it doesn't hurt to just get out there and meet new women friends). I'm NOT asking you to cheat on her, but I'm asking you to do this because of this one particular line (which I read from your original post) that bothered me:
"I'm just not sure that i'll ever find anybody who is as compatible with me as she is." Well, what's stopping you! If its anything I learned in the past few years, women tend to play guys in terms to relationships. They jump in and out of relationships to try to get closer and closer to the "dream guy" that they have been looking for all their lives, and the moment they realize they have got him or the moment they realize they have the most their looks can get them, they "settle down".

You should do the same. Just keep looking, but at the same time, try to make her feel more comfortable. I know it sounds AFC, but send her random cute texts to let her know how much she means to you. She's too clingy too you right now, what better way to make her get off your back a little than to be a little AFC, haha! Think of more romantic one on one dates - like an arcade. You can develop extreme rapport by doing something so simple such as playing a racing game with her.

Now, I'm going to end off my post by saying this. As a DJ, you need to be happy with what you have. If you aren't happy, next her. You contradict yourself countless times in your post. You say "she is beautiful" and "shes the kind of girl I'd like to marry" but at the same time she makes scenes in public.... do the pros outweight the cons? I'll give you a bit of history for my story, it may or may not give you insight on yours.

I went out with a girl for a year, we've had a bumpy friendship in the past, but we pulled through things. Now, she started having trust issues with me talking to other women and she used to respond by acting very distant in public - which was embarassing. I confronted her about it, she promised she would change. Happened again, confronted her about it, she promised she would change. Now, the third time when it happened, I instilled fear that I would leave in the relationship. I told her that all my life, I've been looking for a stable relationship and a stable girlfriend - one who doesn't play mind games with me, one who trusts me. I told her that for the past year I thought that she was a girl that fit all those categories, but that I was starting to doubt it. I told her to prove me wrong, and she did. She changed, completely. You need to be unfront about it, a girl will never cheat on you or leave a relationship if YOU are the prize and she has a fear that YOU will leave the relationship. Sounds harsh, but its reality.

Stop caring about her, and start caring about YOU and making YOU happy.
Hope I helped. Keep us updated, and feel free to drop me a PM if you have any questions/comments about my post.

Axcell.

 

[WC2]

I think Macavoy pretty much nailed the main point here..

This is a controlling tactic from your girl. She's using jealousy as a way to gain power in the relationship.

See in my eyes, this is OK.

Why? Tension is what makes relationships interesting. Have you ever spotted a friend in a relationship without tension? They have no problems whatsoever and the girl seems so content with things that she's almost to the point of boredom!

These relationships are usually if not always on their last legs. The couple doesn't really fight much anymore, sexual tension is going down, and there is way too often no conversation between the two of them.

You on the other hand, have all you could want. You have a girl who you love and gives you anything you want. She's stressing out over you. You have to deal with this jealous BS every once in awhile.. SO WHAT. It's a pain in the ass, but it's better than a boring monotonous relationship.

That's just me.

And at your age, I would actually insist on not being in a relationship (I know that totally contradicts my previous statements).

But I'm simply giving you what I believe is an UPSIDE of your relationship rather than a downside.

If you don't see it that way, then by all means break things off. Be your own man, do what makes you, you.