Need advice, getting mixed signals

[yungpadawan]

Hi all, I've been lurking around this site and I've found it to be an excellent way of improving your own mindset so that you can reach your potential in the game. I have been especially impressed by Naughty Ninja's advice and analysis so I'm hoping he (with his signature bold font) or anyone else that is willing to provide advice, can help me.

Situation:
I knew this girl from high school, didn't really talk to her that much during HS or afterwards. A few years later (post college), I see her at a friend's party. I chilled with her and a few days later she added me to her IM list. A month afterwards, I contact her, hang out with her and k-close her. 2nd date goes the same way plus make-out. At the end of the date, I attempted to escalate and she told me she wants to take it slow. I tried to initiate the 3rd date but she flaked on me a few hours before saying she was tired. I called her and she texted me back saying she fell asleep. I tease her and make fun of her about it and she asked if we could reschedule. I said sure and she said thanks for understanding but she didn't set a specific day or time (a subtle different that I've picked up from reading these forums). Between dates on the weekend, we barely text and if we do, I'm the one contacting her. Her phone is sorta busted so I don't really call. Instead we text. Maybe I misplayed that.

I braced myself for the likely possibility that she's not that interested. I haven't fully moved on or else I wouldn't be here. So is the solution to spin more plates? Or do I initiate again until I get a flat out no. A DJ doesn't get played but he also doesn't next the girl right away or else you don't get the girl you wanted and you aren't really a DJ.

Also, I've had a thing with her friend a few years back but I never escalated because I just wasn't interested.

Judging by her actions and not her words, if she doesn't reschedule for this weekend, should I just NC her? I haven't spoken to her since the day of the flake last weekend.

Advice?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Its your job as the man to reschedule. Sure she didn't counter offer right then and there, and the fact that she canceled because she was "tired" isn't the greatest of signs; but don't let that derail you.

If I were you, I'd wait it out a few days, (put the thought in her head that you might have lost interest), then hit her up, shoot the shiat with her for a few texts and if she's receptive, ask her to hangout.

Anything other than a yes and then you know she has low interest and you put her on the back burner.

And yes, part of the solution is always to spin plates to get you out of the scarcity mentality and putting any girl on a pedestal, especially since 99% of the time guys do this, the girl not only doesn't deserve to be on it, she ends up being the worst kind of chick.







PIMP

 

[yungpadawan]

hmm, okay. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask once more but I'm not sure freezing her out works that well since we normally don't talk anyway.

edit: but I don't want her to think that its okay to disrespect my time and validate that kind of behavior. should I just approach like its no big deal or tease her about it and make her make the new plans.

 

[GADavid]

my schedule's filling up... let's do dinner(or whatever) at (place) on (day).

take it or leave it. stop wasting time. If she's into it, she'll make it work. If not, find someone who will

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Naughty will tell you the same thing I'm about to say:

You two both sound retarded trying to sound like PUA's with your whole disrespect my time and "my schedule is filling up" and dinner is a big no-no anyways esp in the beginning since most newbies have zero clue on how to carry on a conversation and INCREASE attraction.

Stop taking things so personal and believing everything you read on this site.

Bottom line, attractive women have many options, she will shiat test you early and often to see that you are truly who you are posing to be.... if you run away like a scared cat at the first sign of an obstacle you will never bang the hot girls you want.

Just go Casper on her for a few days, maybe more since you said you guys usually don't talk that often, the key here is you want to put the thought in her head that you might not be interested anymore, rather than what it is now (you chasing her).

If she has a healthy level of interest when you contact/text her she will be happy to hear from you and will accept your invite to go out.

Now when you ask her out, be flexible, don't say "lets hangout tmmrw." Instead say something like:

"Hey I'm free tmmrw and Thursday, lets go do XYZ around 8:30pm, which day works best for you?"

If she doesn't accept, and doesn't counter, then like I said before put her on the back burner while you prioritize new girls.







PIMP

 

[yungpadawan]

yeah thanks man. that's what I'm going to do. but the part where I said I don't want her to disrespect my time isn't PUA ****, its common courtesy. If it was a friend that did this to me, I would be just as annoyed.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

yeah thanks man. that's what I'm going to do. but the part where I said I don't want her to disrespect my time isn't PUA ****, its common courtesy. If it was a friend that did this to me, I would be just as annoyed.

I hear you on the disrespect, but what I'm trying to tell you is this is just how women are now days; hell for the past 10 years. They feel entitled for a whole bunch of reasons that I won't get into right now.

Its actually part of several girl's game that I personally know.

They will purposely not answer or text back to guys they perceive to have high value (gets lots of girls, attractive etc) in order to increase his curiosity.

Use the 3 strike policy and you will always have clarity.

Give her the benefit of the doubt the first time you run into trouble (unless the reason is just pure bs and you know it) and try again. If you get the run around again, then leave it alone again for a bit.

I've learned through experience that giving up at the first obstacle will make you lose out on A LOT of prime @ss that was good for the pounding; be confident and persistent; not desperate.







PIMP

 

[incognito42]

yeah thanks man. that's what I'm going to do. but the part where I said I don't want her to disrespect my time isn't PUA ****, its common courtesy. If it was a friend that did this to me, I would be just as annoyed.

It's funny because I'm in a similar position now, and felt the same way. I don't wanna call the girl out for flaking on me and breaking our plans, yet in my head I tell myself that's bs I would be annoyed if my friends did it so why shouldn't I give her a hard time about it?

Me and this girl work together. We had a fb situation lat year and hung out for the first time in forever, about a month ago. We fvcked that night, and she called me over a couple nights later at 2am. I haven't been clingy (I don't want anything more than to be fb with her anyway) and haven't made any big mistakes. Yet in the past month since then she's been very hot and cold with me. Lots of flirting one week, none the next, then flirty again with lots of obvious IOIs. She's invited herself to be a part of my plans only to flake on me. It's bullshyt and I'm stuck between playing it cool like I don't care, and wanting to call her out for all her bs. In the back of my mind I kno I lose if I call her out, so I've just played it cool. I went ghost on her for the mos part as my response, while still being nice at work. Shes showing a lot of attention again so at this point I'm being really bold and sexual with her about what I want. Don't kno if that's the best move to be making on my part but I really don't care at this point

 

[switch]

i have read your posts my lost lambs....
my advice to the guy who made le wild post: wait a bit , if she is still a b&^ch then she is not interested....NEXT
advice to le wild guy above me: she is just a f%^$ buddy... find more girls

 

[incognito42]

Thanks swith ur right and that's what I've been doing. I'm giving myself more options and don't care what the outcome is between me and her now. I think it's workin to my benefit but if not I don't care anymore, I'm not dealing with her mixed signals anymore. Just kinda thought me and her were gonna have a nice ongoing fb situation from the way she was acting, but she's just a selfish attention ***** when it comes down to it. Now I just backed off for the most part and when she gets extra flirty with me I'm acting a lot bolder and direct with her

 

[DonJuanabe]

I believe "The Rules", that really stupid book for women on dating men, explained that men like to be challenged so women should do things like discussed in this thread. The advice is wrong, but many women seem to believe in that stupid book.

 

[yungpadawan]

I just wanted to provide an update. I asked the girl out again and she said yes to the date. The day of, she flakes on me again. 1 more strike.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I just wanted to provide an update. I asked the girl out again and she said yes to the date. The day of, she flakes on me again. 1 more strike.

Alright now you have clarity.

She isn't interested.

So leave it alone, cut all contact and see if she comes to you.

Even if she DOES, the most likely reason is attention w-horing.

So I'd suggest not responding if she contacts you, now your done with her.

If you do decide to try again, (which I don't suggest), I wouldn't try anytime soon.

Time to find new girls and throw this girl's # in the trash.





PIMP

 

[MisterD]

Just to touch on some of the themes talked about in the thread, I have to echo what Pimp said--don't try to act macho/"alpha" with a girl, it comes off desperate, bitter, and lame.

I'm talking about saying things like: "I am a busy man and don't like my time being wasted" or "You know I have other options, I don't have to waste my time on you" etc etc

Actions speak louder than words. A busy man with options wouldn't have to say it, it would be understood.

So anytime a girl flakes on you, go ghost for a few days, or a week or whatever, and come back like nothing happened. When a guy has options, he doesn't get upset at flakes, he moves on to the next girl in the lineup, bangs her, and continues on, until he reaches the top of the order again.

Another thing is, persistence is key. Sometimes guys on here give up way too soon and miss out on potential lays because they get too caught up in the game and get all dramatic. Oh, this chick took 3 hours to respond to my text, that's a sign of disrespect, i'm nexting her and deleting her number.

You just have to relax. What works for me is to sync up to her emotional patterns. Girls go through waves--just ride them out. When she's hot and heavy on you, displaying strong interest, mirror it. When she's distant, and going cold on you, freeze her out. Mimic her emotional waves.

If you have enough plates spinning, your odds of hitting a high wave is better. When one girl is cold, go NC and jump to another plate who's riding a high wave. When that wave dies down, NC her and jump to the next plate. And go back to those cold girls later on to see if they're back on their high interest wave.

 

[yungpadawan]

Thanks all for the advice. I just wanted to bring this story to a conclusion so that if others are in my situation, they can use my experience as a possible or even likely outcome.

She thinks that we should talk. I'm not dumb or dense. I know its 100% over. Anyway, looking back, If I did overreact to her responses or lack of responses, I certainly did not show it to her. That's what I have you guys for.

IF I misplayed this, its that once I made-out with her, I might have acted too ****y, letting my guard down and forgetting that there's still a game to be played. Not sure what else it could be.

Cliff Notes:
Ask out girl. K-closed her. Make-out on the 2nd date. Girl she flaked on me 2 weekends in a row and each time suggested a reschedule but did not suggest a specific time. She did not initiate communication beyond the first date.

 

[nismo-4]

Thanks all for the advice. I just wanted to bring this story to a conclusion so that if others are in my situation, they can use my experience as a possible or even likely outcome.

She thinks that we should talk. I'm not dumb or dense. I know its 100% over. Anyway, looking back, If I did overreact to her responses or lack of responses, I certainly did not show it to her. That's what I have you guys for.

IF I misplayed this, its that once I made-out with her, I might have acted too ****y, letting my guard down and forgetting that there's still a game to be played. Not sure what else it could be.

Cliff Notes:
Ask out girl. K-closed her. Make-out on the 2nd date. Girl she flaked on me 2 weekends in a row and each time suggested a reschedule but did not suggest a specific time. She did not initiate communication beyond the first date.

And now you know that your princess is in another castle!

If a woman flakes on you because she was sleeping, she actually went to d!ck-Fil-A.

Case closed.