My ONS wants more... what do I do???

[Sexy_Malibu]

Basically, I met this guy... we had some fun, drank way too much, ending up hooking up and having what I THOUGHT was a one-night stand... We exchanged numbers, which I thought was just a courtesy, but he's been consistently calling and asking me to hang out.

It's not that I don't like him, but I'm kind of just dealing with too much right now and seeing a few guys and well, without going into detail, my current situation doesn't really allow for me to be going out every night.

At first I kept turning him down for plans because I honestly couldn't hang out... Now the more involved I get with these other guys, not to sound ****ty, but I realize that I just can't handle another guy in my life. (Note: none of these guys think I am exclusively dating them, they all know the deal... that I am dating other people, but it's kind of on a don't ask-don't tell basis).

I don't want to lie to this guy, but I also don't want to string him along anymore (I wasn't intentionally stringing him along at first, I really thought we'd hang out eventually, but now I'm thinking I'd rather not waste the time getting involved with someone new). I don't want to be a ***** and be mean, one, because I like and respect this guy and don't want to hurt his feelings (not that he'd be CRUSHED, but still, I want to have some common decency here) and two, because he is close with a few of my friends who I don't think would appreciate it if I jerked him around and just blew him off. (That is also why I can't pretend to have a serious boyfriend, because he'd find out that was a lie... plus I don't want to outright lie).

I really didn't realize he was interested in me (still not convinced if he is interested in ME or in just ****ING me... but either way he keeps calling and I'm not really into hanging out)... I know most of you will either call me a ***** or a tease... or call him a AFC... but if anyone has ANY ideas on nice ways to let him down easy I'd really appreciate it.

 

[Kodiac]

Don Juan (wn, hwn, jn) ;

After Don Juan, legendary 14th-century Spanish nobleman and libertine.]

1. A libertine; a profligate.
2. A man who is an obsessive seducer of women.
n : a successful womanizer

So im confused - how do DJ's give advice to women ?
Do we assume they are men

Id just be honest, tell him straight and direct. Be clear or he will just hang around.

I hate prick teasers!

 

[Egyptiandude1]

Well Malibu, IMO, I would just tell him that the sex was great or whatever, but that you just dont see a future between the two of you, and that you wanted him to know now before things got more serious, in which case, you would be intentionally stringing him along. Just tell him that you dont have the time or energy for THIS type of relationship. Important that you mention THIS because you mentioned that you are currently seeing several other guys, and while I dont agree with that since ima monogomous type of guy, its your decision, but anyways, THIS type of relationship would mean an exclusive one, that way if he were to find out from your mutual friends, he wouldnt get mad because you wouldnt have lied


latez...~!~

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Kodiac -- I just figured you guys would know what YOU'D rather hear... so I figured you'd help out a fellow DJ or even a AFC... (meaning HIM) by giving ME good advice so I don't hurt HIM.

Egyptian -- The problem is that I've already been stringing him along... not intentionally, I really DID want to pursue it at first, but now that I've changed my mind if I tell him "hey thanks for the great sex but I don't really want to do THIS..." then he'll assume I was stringing him along all along. And while your advice is good advice, I don't think he's looking for an exclusive relationship either... I think he just wants to hang out again, but I'm thinking (not to sound horrible) "okay I have 2 days I can go out per week, if I'm lucky, and I have 5 guys and a number of friends to divide this time between... no time for YOU"

I feel SOOOOO BAD! I feel like the type of girl that I'd come onto an all male forum and talk **** about... this sucks.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Keep it real with him Sexy Malibu and be straight up. Tell him that your not interested in being with him and that your not the type of female who waste a man time. Tell him that this situation is non-negotiable and you will like to be cool if he can respect that. Period.

You might've work the cat too hard

Next time don't give your "A" game.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by Eyecandie4ya
You might've work the cat too hard

Next time don't give your "A" game.

ha ha ha... I didn't give him ANY game... that's what's so unbelievable about this. I just don't get it at all!! All signs are pointing to AFC but I really really didn't get that vibe from him.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Sexy

Tell him the truth, that you'd rather spend your nights hangin out with the dorks on the Don Juan message board.

 

[Egyptiandude1]

Well why would you get yourself in this type of situation in the first place??? how would you feel if a guy was banging 5 girls a week and strang you along for a while only to tell you that he has no time for you? you should just tell him the truth, i mean if you find your self in a hole, then stop digging. If i were you i would just come out with the truth before your lies start seriously hurting people and dig you into a deeper hole



latez...~!~

 

[Kodiac]

Well, if i was him I'd want to be told straight out, i respect women who can be direct and tell me exactly what they want or in this case, dont want.

But that never seems to be the case these days. And that leaves people, especially AFC's hanging around hoping for just a little more etc etc.. Which doesn't sound like result you are hoping for.

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Something in the milk not clean, Sexy Malibu!

What else went on?

You have to tell him the truth because he needs to hear it regardless of the consequences. Yeah, he will be mad at first but he will only respect you later for coming out and telling him.

Why do women have a hard time telling men things like this?

Get off the women thing of: LOOKING BAD! and just do it

 

[deeman]

well, sexy_bu..... honesty is always the best policy.

Some guys can take it, some cant hopefully hes one of them. You may have to do some apologizing for kinda leading on. Just be delicate bcos, like you said, you have mutual friends and you dont want him talking smack.

You must have put it on him to have him calling like this. It makes me wonder... hmmmmm

However, it does sound like since you only have 2 night a week to chill, 5 guys to fit into your schedule and various other priorities to take care of..... you need to divide those guys by 0 and what ever you are left with start afresh with that figure . Besides, if any ONE of those guys were any good, you wouldnt need the other 4

Anyway, treat this guy the way you would want to be treated in the situation.

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Helter Skelter -- HELL YEAH!

Egyptian dude -- I'm not "banging" 5 guys... I really wasn't stringing him along... I came to this decision recently... I'm just dreading his next phone call in which I need to tell him my decision (I'm afraid he's going to be like WTF where did this total 180 come from?) and I NEVER EVER LIED AT ALL!!

Kodiac (and well everyone) -- I do want to tell him straight out, I'm not looking for an excuse or a lie or anything... but I just don't know any nice way to say it.

Eyecandie -- Don't quite get the milk thing... As for the looking bad, mainly I don't want to hurt his feelings too much, but I don't want to "look bad" not so much because I don't want to LOOK bad, but because I have a feeling my friends are going to be mad at me for jerking him around (which I didn't mean to do! but I can't be sure they'll realize that).

Deeman -- ha ha... You have a point (and you know what my other priorities are too!) So far none of these guys is good enough for me to (gasp!) settle down with, but I do actually like some of them... some of the others are just ... well... they have their purposes...

I guess it would be easier to understand if I just came out with this... He is more than just a mutual friend, he is also one of my friend's brothers... His sister is not someone I am very close with but I am close with other members of the group who she is close with... So basically, I will get some grief for this if I don't break the news in the nicest way possible.

I talked to him a few days ago & thought I wanted to hang out with him, but then after hanging out with one of my guys I realized I'm starting to kind of catch a feeling or two for this other guy... so my mind is on him mostly and I can't be bothered to deal with too many of the other guys... Basically, I've got 2 or 3 that I like and the others I'm ready to forget... This guy falls into the second category. ****ed up? Yes. Can I help how I feel? No. Do you guys think I'm horrible? Probably.

 

[deeman]

dont wait for him to call, you should call him at your earliest convenience, dont let it fester on.

And, yes........yes that is indeed horrible

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Hell Yeah! But you are human though so everyone f$#k up sometimes but it is what you do about it that counts.

You got a lot on your plate sweetheart that needs to be remove. just don't wait to long before you do it.

Everyone deserves a swift kick in the but sometimes so here is mine. HAEEEEEEEEYAH!

You're still cool, though

Oh yeah, about the milk...........it's like saying something fishy is going on(southern phrase)

 

[Egyptiandude1]

Well you seem to have a conscience and want to do the right thing so...do it, dont wait for him to call, take the initiative, call him up, explain, and hope for the best but prepare for the worst, better end this before it gets even more complicated and hard!


latez...~!~

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Thanks guys... I am going to give it one more day so I can sort it out in my head (oy!) but I will take your advice. I really appreciate the advice, especially since I am a girl on the DJ site AND a self-proclaimed attention *****. Gotta love you guys!!

 

[Jay26]

Don't be flakey! Tell him and cut him loose, the guy will move on and be out of your life and you'll get what you want right?

Simple.

but I'm thinking you love the attention and don't want to do that do you?

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by Jay26
Don't be flakey! Tell him and cut him loose, the guy will move on and be out of your life and you'll get what you want right?

Simple.

but I'm thinking you love the attention and don't want to do that do you?

I never denied being an attention *****... (why else would I need FIVE guys!?) but I do want to cut this one loose. Just was trying to find a nice way to do it without coming off as a heartless *****. Basically I've come to the conclusion that there isn't really any nice way of doing this... so heartless *****dom here I come!

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
Kodiac (and well everyone) -- I do want to tell him straight out, I'm not looking for an excuse or a lie or anything... but I just don't know any nice way to say it.

That's because there is no nice way of saying it. But there is the honest and respectful way of doing it which, although never nice, is the least painful way. So tell it to him straight up.

The girl that dumped me the best just said to me "I don't think we're gonna work out." Said it all really and left me in no doubt.

 

[Jay26]

There ain't no nice way, just like there's no nice way to get kicked in the nuts, so just do it, no need to sugarcoat it, he's not going to care.