My MAJOR sticking point

[MaradonaOfSeduction]

Ok so here's my background:

I discovered the so called seduction community about a year ago. I've read tons of material, i've become extremely alpha and confident, corrected my body language and vastly improved with women (got my first **** buddy, on my way to get a second one). The problem is this was ALL social circle. Warm approaches.

I simply can't bring myself to do cold approaches, unless i sense there's an invitation to approach (she maintains eye contact or something like that). I've tried almost everything around, from NLP exercises to The Power of Now.

Despite all the progress i've made, i'm still somewhat shy when it comes to interacting socially. I've been trying to pull myself out of the confort zone lately, going out more, chatting with clerks at stores, people who i don't know, etc. Still i can't do cold approaches. I'm too much inside my own head. I tell myself that i live in a small town, so i can't afford to get rejected, that it's awkward to just go talk to her. Stuff like that. I need to break through this barrier.

Any advice, please?

 

[MisterMcGee]

why dont you just cold approach to make friends and build your social circle, and thus meet girls in the new social circles?
cold approaching girls to lay them on the spot or within a week isn't a requirement to have a decent/good love life

 

[DohnShaft]

Just keep on approaching, and you will get more comfortable. It's just another skill set. Everyone likes and wants to talk. Most people have the same hang-ups as you. I understand the small town thing making it difficult so grab a wing and roll to a town nearby where you don't know anyone. Hone your skills and get over your anxiety there.

 

[speakeasy]

Ok so here's my background:

I discovered the so called seduction community about a year ago. I've read tons of material, i've become extremely alpha and confident, corrected my body language and vastly improved with women (got my first **** buddy, on my way to get a second one). The problem is this was ALL social circle. Warm approaches.

I simply can't bring myself to do cold approaches, unless i sense there's an invitation to approach (she maintains eye contact or something like that). I've tried almost everything around, from NLP exercises to The Power of Now.

Despite all the progress i've made, i'm still somewhat shy when it comes to interacting socially. I've been trying to pull myself out of the confort zone lately, going out more, chatting with clerks at stores, people who i don't know, etc. Still i can't do cold approaches. I'm too much inside my own head. I tell myself that i live in a small town, so i can't afford to get rejected, that it's awkward to just go talk to her. Stuff like that. I need to break through this barrier.

Any advice, please?

Similar situation here, I just can't bring myself to cold approach. As an introvert and someone that still has anxiety issues with women, I can't bring myself to approach a girl unless I sense she's "warm" to me. Problem is, rarely is a girl ever warm to me.

 

[Kevin Feng]

I think most if not all PUA's would agree that the biggest hurdle in pick up is approach anxiety. It's the biggest killer of most PUA's and I would even make the argument that pick up would actually be an easy skill to pick up if it weren't for AA.

Here's the thing, it's not about defeating your approach anxiety because it's something that you're going to be dealing with on a constant basis.

First easy thing you can do, give your buddy $200 and you can earn 20 bucks back for every approach you do. Remember, in the beginning, it's not important to do it well, it's just important to DO IT. Your first task is to get over your AA.

Also, get in the habit of going out and having fun, seems common sense, but if you're not having fun, you'll start seeing pick up as a chore and you'll stop doing it.

-Kevin

 

[Klark Kent]

its makes me feel more comfortable when i do a opinion opener for a cold approach....

ask a question and tell them u need a female perspective or wutever....

 

[FreeMan1971]

Go shopping. Every Saturday. In busy stores. Start with cologne. Ask the saleswoman what she thinks of it on your wrist. Ask couples, "Hey, can I borrow your girlfriend for a second? I need a woman's opinion..." Get five women's opinions. Next week shop for shirts. And so on. Approach Anxiety is like a womb that you can stretch the walls of with a legitimate and transparent PURPOSE.

 

[MaradonaOfSeduction]

Thanks for all the advice guys, i really appreciate it. Keep it coming. I really have to blast through this AA if i want to increase my options.

Take care.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I'm not going to claim that I'm some demi-god of cold approaches, but I'll tell you something I learned in my first job out of high school as a door to door salesman that's proven to work for me.

S:smile (it lets people know you're friendly and are harboring no intention to kill them in the immediate future)
E:enthusiasm (it's more contagious than the plague. People like being happy, and as such, they like happy people)
E:eye-to-eye contact (it's the tractor beem that holds them to you.)

Some people are going to tell you to get bent regardless, but it's a numbers game. I had to go through eight 'no's' to get a yes and that's when I was at the top of my game.

The advantage you have over being a door-to-door salesman is that you don't have to approach regardless of interest cues. You can turn down an approach if someone obviously doesn't want to talk to you.

One last bit I learned from Door-to-Door that should help with the small town fear of rejection thing... never burn your territory. If it goes badly, maintain your attitude and let them know you hope they're day gets better soon. Always leave on a positive note.

 

[rtb227]

you say you cant approach. Go by the 3-second rule. you notice a girl. In 3 seconds walk up to her. if u take more than 3 seconds u look creepy n u think too much about the approach.

 

[Lexington]

You're afraid of rejection/failure. The easiest way to get over them is to EMBRACE them. Go to a bar and approach with the mindset that you *WILL* get rejected. In fact, aim to rack up a bunch of rejections. Maybe aim to get yourself 10 rejections.

You will get rejected....even the best players get rejected sometimes. But to your surprise you will also find that you'll succeed with a few. After a while, you get used to rejection and it won't even phase you.

Don't go into it thinking that you must succeed or even that you will succeed. You have to get there with baby steps. You can't take a girl that catches your eye home if you never approach her. So the first step is to get comfortable with cold approaching. Then move on to working on the next step.

I look at it like this: if your game was so terrible that you had only a 5% chance of getting laid by a hot chick, if you approached 100 chicks, you'd still score with 5. If you could desensitize yourself to rejection, you'd score way more tail than most guys just because you have more opportunities.

Barry Bonds could never have hit as many home runs as he did if he never struck out.....cue roid joke here.