My LTR is goin downhill fast. Please help.

[BobFuest]

i know, its not really about the gift though. its because it seems to me that you have a mindset "as long as i am sweet and genuine and i truly love her, it will be all right" and thats a sure way to crash and burn.

Seriously man, i've been there, done that, and learned from my mistakes.

haha no way. there is way more work involved then that. i know that.

 

[Desdinova]

The guy with ONEitis still believes in the falacy of the soulmate myth.

I'm guessing you're the reason the definition of "one-itis" has changed on this site. We now have many confused AFCs and DJs on here who are extremely paranoid of getting one-itis in a LTR.

One-itis is when a man is single, and he only chases after one prospect at a time. Usually, this results in him becoming obsessed with the woman, even if she isn't interested. One-itis is, in your words, "spinning only one plate".

That's how one-itis has been defined on here since I originally joined this site back in 2001. The original definition of one-itis is archived in the past six years of posts on here. People still read those archived posts, which includes the DJ bible.

What you're referring to is supplication, placing his entire life into the hands of another person (the woman) and viewing her as perfect (his soulmate). I disagree with the whole soulmate idea as much as you do, but crossing these two ideas is confusing the hell out of people on here. Guys are getting the idea that it's okay to "spin more plates" when they're in a LTR or married. This will destroy their relationship rather than make it better.

It's far better to help them realize that his world isn't solely based on her existance, and if the relationship doesn't work, he WILL survive without her.

 

[CraigMack]

Wow, you really need to listen to my buddies last two podcasts.

He talked about how to get a girl enthralled to you and keep her that way in todays show.

Good luck to you,

http://playersupreme.libsyn.com

 

[speedo_meme]

I'm guessing you're the reason the definition of "one-itis" has changed on this site. We now have many confused AFCs and DJs on here who are extremely paranoid of getting one-itis in a LTR.

One-itis is when a man is single, and he only chases after one prospect at a time. Usually, this results in him becoming obsessed with the woman, even if she isn't interested. One-itis is, in your words, "spinning only one plate".

That's how one-itis has been defined on here since I originally joined this site back in 2001. The original definition of one-itis is archived in the past six years of posts on here. People still read those archived posts, which includes the DJ bible.

What you're referring to is supplication, placing his entire life into the hands of another person (the woman) and viewing her as perfect (his soulmate). I disagree with the whole soulmate idea as much as you do, but crossing these two ideas is confusing the hell out of people on here. Guys are getting the idea that it's okay to "spin more plates" when they're in a LTR or married. This will destroy their relationship rather than make it better.

It's far better to help them realize that his world isn't solely based on her existance, and if the relationship doesn't work, he WILL survive without her.

I must admit I was one of those who was confused. Rollo T, no doubt about it, you post some of the best advice available on the subject. But I do agree with Desdinova on this issue though. Sometimes I think I'm waaaaay too tough on my girlfriend because I'm trying to hard to "keep her at bay", and I know it hurts her, I can see it. My paranoia is starting to take over, and it's coming across as insecurity. In the end, I believe you have to show a LTR partner that you care, but how and when you do it is key...

 

[speedo_meme]

Wow, you really need to listen to my buddies last two podcasts.

He talked about how to get a girl enthralled to you and keep her that way in todays show.

Good luck to you,

http://playersupreme.libsyn.com

lol that's a good site, it should be a sticky...

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Soulmates do exist. The problem is that most people think you can only have one...and that's not true. I've already had two.

Even if they are "one in a million", that means based on a population in the billions, there are a couple of hundred running around.

 

[FM 3321]

Soulmates do exist. The problem is that most people think you can only have one...and that's not true. I've already had two.

Very well put. I've had this idea for a while but I've never seen it put to words. Also if a man improves himself in the way he needs to he can increase the percentage of "soulmates" that exist in the population.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DES: I'm still curious to know if by believing in a ONE you also subscribe to predestination? Or for that matter free will? I'm not asking to be irritating, I would just think that a belief in a ONE would preclude (or follow) a belief in predestination and a rejection of the concept of free will. The reason I ask is because I often run into young men who claim to be very scientific and pragmatic in their approach to life, who deny any 'higher power' or are at the very least agnostic, and a re very proud of themselves for this; yet these guys will in the same breath declare how fortunate they'd be when the planets align, the gods smile upon them and they find the ONE that they were 'intended' for.

What I find more fascinating is how common the idea is (mostly for guys) that a nuts & bolts view of life should be trumped in the area of intersexual relationships. Guys who would otherwise recognize the value of understanding psychology, biology, sociology, evolution and the interplay we see these take place in our lives on a daily basis, are some of the first guys to become violently opposed to the idea that maybe there isn't 'someone for everyone' or that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet or exceed the criteria we set for them to be the ONE. I think it comes off as nihilistic or this dread that maybe their ego investment in this belief is false. It's just too terrible to contemplate that there maybe no ONE or there maybe several ONEs to spend their lives with. And what's more ironic is that personally I have a very strong belief in God and yet don't entertain for a second that anything is predestined or that there isn't a whole world of people out there that could just as easily be a 'perfect match' for me in any given circumstance.

 

[Bible_Belt]

that there are a lot more ONEs out there that could meet

This is proven true as we get older, because the ONES our age become less attractive than newer and younger ONES. I am getting old enough that the women my age are not as attractive.

 

[speedo_meme]

Dog is nice to his wife because he knows the butch can kick his ass.

 

[BobFuest]

now i am stuck in a bullsh1t test with my woman. She is saying she doesnt think she can trust me because i looked at another girl. that maybe we should take a break but she doesnt know. Basically she is looking at me to say something but i dont know what i should say. So this is what i said,"there are a million girls in the world, its up to you if you want to be the one thats mine."
What do you think?

 

[Vulpine]

You seemed to understand yesterday, what went wrong?

Bob, I'm really starting to feel like your emotional tampon. In fact, I think the members of this forum are more responsible for the outcomes of your relationships than you are. Start being your own man and quit spamming us with "another day, another bobfuest post."

That was a good one. But, let's not forget....

Ok bob, let it put it to you like this then:

You are hyper-analyzing every single minute aspect of your situation. You are likely to be imagining things that aren't there as a result. This sort of behavior is something a woman would do. "Let her worry about you for a change." Study long-study wrong should be your mantra for a while. You are going to act on perceptions and louse up anything you've got going by being so scrutinizing of your relationships.

Have you ever made something, then rather than get the camera and leave it at good, you kept messing with it and wrecked it? This is where you are at. You should have left it at good, but you keep meddling and fussing and soon you'll have ruined it and need to start all over.

Haha... it's like Brad Pitt in Fight Club where he purposefully gets beat up by the bar owner....

*SMACK*
"What's that Lou?"
*SMACK*
"I'm sorry, I'm still not getting it."
*SMACK*
"Okay, okay, I got it... Sh!t. I lost it."
*SMACK*
"HAHA, OH YEAH LOU! That's right, let it all out."
*SMACK, SMACK, SMACK*

 

[BobFuest]

That was a good one. But, let's not forget....



Haha... it's like Brad Pitt in Fight Club where he purposefully gets beat up by the bar owner....

*SMACK*
"What's that Lou?"
*SMACK*
"I'm sorry, I'm still not getting it."
*SMACK*
"Okay, okay, I got it... Sh!t. I lost it."
*SMACK*
"HAHA, OH YEAH LOU! That's right, let it all out."
*SMACK, SMACK, SMACK*

i did stop worrying about it and all that but i think my women is trying to LJBF me. thats why i asked my last question.

 

[Vulpine]

i did stop worrying about it and all that but i think my women is trying to LJBF me. thats why i asked my last question.

....and all that but i THINK my woman...

*SMACK*

.... yeah but she might be ....

*SMACK*

.... Well what if she's ....

*SMACK*

Oh, I'm getting it now. But what if she...

*SMACK*

 

[speedo_meme]

Guess he didn't see fight club, because he's crying about this same wh0re in the other forum.

 

[dirtycm]

i agree with the first respinse. go out, have a good time and not worry about the details. if it seems artificial and worked, then don't continue. i've found that if you pretend there is no problem and follow thrugh, then the end result is that there is none.

 

[Big Pappy]

what you should do!

First - figure out who you are. Why in the world you come here for wisdom is beyond me. But, I guess it's good that you do. Because you're being a piece of clay, molded by the words and actions of others.


From what I can tell, and I haven't seen any of your previous posts, you are working much harder at this relationship than you should be.

You're trying to be a jerk? Why? Be a man. Pay your bills, work hard, and in your free time, do the things that you like doing, and do them with passion.

If she's losing interest, so what? You can only be who you are. If you start acting like a jerk just to get her interested in you - you're only confusing yourself and her.

Be who you are. Don't pretend to be mean, or pretend to be nice. That's just dishonest, and a real man doesn't act that way. Know yourself!

"pimpin' " is easy - when you're not a pimp.

Now do something productive with your time. Buy a nice Wooden Boat. A chris craft commander, about 35 feet, will give you plenty to do. Name it after your first girlfriend.

 

[OrioleMagic]

I think you need to get back to doing what you did to "win" this woman in the first place. Only you know what that is, but I'm guessing it was acting confident and ****y and not spending all your time worrying about a relationship (that's women's work). And tear that pvssy up tonight, pull out all stops.

Also, try to be confident w/o being an a-hole.

 

[BobFuest]

Your all right. i just need to relax and do my thing as i always have. life will work itself out. All my life i have been a DJ. it was just my last relationship that I became an AFC (not the current one). That makes me think that if i dont fix this one it will fail. If it does then it does. I should just be me and let it all work out. thanks.