My girlfriend

[sportguy]

Sup guys?

I just recently got into a relationship with this girl... I've been a long time lurker here (although haven't come to this site in months) and posted under different aliases. My game is pretty tight right now and have multiple plates on my hands.

I haven't been in a relationship in years so its an adjustment for me... and that's where you guys come in. I need some advice. My problem is I don't trust her yet, but I do really like her... Until I fully trust her, I will be still spinning plates. I got not problem committing, but I need to trust her first.

Here's a little background information. I don't know much about her because we only have 1 mutual friend. She's a really nice and caring person.. and has trouble saying no. I give her plenty of freedom which includes going to parties, drinking, smoking weed, etc. The only thing I don't want her doing is hanging out with guys alone, smoking cigarettes around me (she's a social smoker) and getting drunk to the point of doing something stupid or that she'll regret. She has an equal amount of guys and girl friends, and she's always texting on her phone (we text a lot everyday)... Lately it has gotten better because I have confronted her about it. She tells me a lot of things like when this one guy messaged her on twitter for her number and how this other guy was flirting with her. She also asks me permission to do things like drink, to go clubbing, to wear certain clothing to parties, etc. She admits to me having a slutty phase after she broke up with her ex boyfriend and things she's done at parties. She's also told me the situation with her dad and her family. She's only slept with 6 guys (I'm pretty sure this is accurate because she initially told me 2 before we were dating). She's always out either hanging out mostly hanging out with people and sometimes working.

So the other day, we were smoking weed and she just got a tongue ring... so naturally i want her to go down on me, but her tongue was still swollen, and I kept trying to convince her. Anyways, these words come out of her mouth: i already tried and it hurt. So right away, I confront her about it... She tells me she doesn't know why she said that and that it wasn't true and was apologetic. This is where I have a hard time believing her... I mean it's not just something you blurt out. It seems to me like she said it without thinking in her intoxicated state of mind and than realized what she had just said... This all happened at a time where she wasn't sure if we would work out because she didn't feel we were in an actual relationship - because I would go some days without talking to her.

Am I over thinking this guys? Thanks for the inputs !!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

smh at you dusty dudes wifing up unqualified low quality females.

Kick this girl to the curb asap. She did try to go down on someone else. She wouldn't just say that out of the blue.

Edit:

A girl shouldn't ask you if she can go out or if she can wear a certain item. She should automatically not want to go out everyweek. She should automatically know that she shouldn't wear them booty shorts in the winter. etc.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I agree. That's just not something you blurt out if it's not true.
I've never been a stoner, so I don't know how it affects people's thought patterns, but I think saying something so profound can't simply be put down to a slip of the tongue, so to speak.
If she's your girlfriend, as in exclusive, I'd be very concerned.

 

[Desdinova]

Until I fully trust her, I will be still spinning plates. I got not problem committing, but I need to trust her first.

You may still spin plates until you both agree to be exclusive. 2 months is a good point to decide whether or not to be exclusive to a woman.

The only thing I don't want her doing is hanging out with guys alone, smoking cigarettes around me (she's a social smoker) and getting drunk to the point of doing something stupid or that she'll regret.

I have to ask, how old are the both of you? If she's in her early 20s, you'll have to give her time to get this out of her system. When a woman is around age 24, that's when her maturity finally starts to kick in. Until then, she's going to be young and enjoy it.

With the subject of women hanging around with other guys, you NEED to know that you're valuable and better than most other men. If you know this (and she does too) you won't have any problem with her screwing around on you. If it's becoming a problem where she's occupying much of her time with another male, then you must confront her and consider the possibility that you may need to discard her for lack of respect.

she's always texting on her phone

This has become a huge problem with women. Many of them are glued to their phone. If she's in need of constantly being in communication with her friends, she's not fully focused on her activities with you. I usually send the message loud and clear to any woman I date when I shut my phone off in front of her. If she does the same, she's good to go. If she doesn't, then she's not a keeper.

She tells me a lot of things like when this one guy messaged her on twitter for her number and how this other guy was flirting with her. She also asks me permission to do things like drink, to go clubbing, to wear certain clothing to parties, etc. She admits to me having a slutty phase after she broke up with her ex boyfriend and things she's done at parties.

This is why I wouldn't consider her to be a good candidate for a stable relationship. If she has a lot of good qualities in her but is still going through her 'party phase' then it may be worth waiting for her to grow out of it. If she has any deep respect for you, she'll avoid doing things to piss you off.

But you can't force her out of her party phase. She must tire of it on her own.

She's only slept with 6 guys

Only?

she just got a tongue ring... so naturally i want her to go down on me, but her tongue was still swollen, and I kept trying to convince her.

Would you want to fvck a woman just after you've been circumcised? Have a little consideration.

Am I over thinking this guys? Thanks for the inputs !!

I think you're pushing her into a marriage when she's only interested in having fun at this point in her life and her relationship. If you want a woman who's more interested in 'settling down' then you may want to find someone older. Taming this girl at this point in her life is only going to piss her off and she'll end up resenting you.

Control isn't attractive. Being fun, interesting, exciting and sexual IS attractive.

 

[Starkwell]

First of all, you are not in a real relationship with her, because you have other chicks, and she has way too much freedom that you are giving her.

She even said herself that she wasn't sure if you were in an actual relationship or not.

She can do whatever she wants and hang out with whoever she wants. Even has guys giving her their numbers. Doesn't sound like a real relationship to me. She is not acting like it's one either.

You need to let her know what relationship you want with her.

My advice is to ditch this chick or use her at best for what she is...an f buddy and nothing else.

 

[ben489]

Straight away I see there are things you want to change about this girl but what I'll say is that it is a very dangerous path to go down. Personally I wouldn't let yourself emotionally invest in this girl, especially don't try to "change her" or "fix her". My advice is to you is spin other plates and if she is worth a relationship the concerns you mentioned will go away naturally, she will show by her actions a relationship is what she wants. Often a girl like this will say one thing and do another so ensure you judge this girl based on her actions otherwise you'll be lured into a world of false promises and for your own sake do not let good sex or random gifts cloud your judgement.

 

[foreverAFC]

do you know what girls like to do when they get high ?

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

She likes having a boyfriend, but she also likes attention of boys in general. She's not figured out how to act when she has a boyfriend.

This will go south soon (and probably sooner than you'll actually realize it...in fact, it probably already has).

Now, if you want her as a GF, that's fine. But you are spinning plates, why shouldn't she, right? The thing is, a woman who's not been locked down yet but still dates one guy regularly without exclusivity will start to try to hide the other guys in her life. Subconsciously, if even you are both officially free to date around, she will lose respect for you if she successfully hides from you the other d1ck she is riding. If you are both open with each other, it could work out over time. If she's hiding her escapades from you, then it's a downward slope.... better to get out - if you are uncomfortable with it - before she does it for you.

 

[yyyy1313]

Yea, bro she's definitely pounding some other dude on the side. But then again you have plates so nothing wrong in that.

 

[sportguy]

Straight away I see there are things you want to change about this girl but what I'll say is that it is a very dangerous path to go down. Personally I wouldn't let yourself emotionally invest in this girl, especially don't try to "change her" or "fix her". My advice is to you is spin other plates and if she is worth a relationship the concerns you mentioned will go away naturally, she will show by her actions a relationship is what she wants. Often a girl like this will say one thing and do another so ensure you judge this girl based on her actions otherwise you'll be lured into a world of false promises and for your own sake do not let good sex or random gifts cloud your judgement.

Solid advice man... That's exactly what I'm going to do. Thanks so much!