My girlfriend may have lost her job, what to do?

[Luke Skywalker]

I have a long-distance relationship with a girl who is teaching in North Manitoba who is coming down here during the summer.

Basically, I can not support her because I'm lost in life and am living at home and just not established, and she doesn't have any job either. I'm in Real-Estate sales and haven't made a deal since December.

I do not want to inherit any more trouble in my life than I have to deal with myself.

She is Black and really has accentuated Black features (wide nose, thick lips, wide eyes) and speaks with a thick French accent and has a certain simple naivity about her that I believe people pick on her and give her a hard time. I like her expressions towards me don't feel anything strongly inside but feel something is slowly growing into me towards her although it has not taken up root yet.

She has studied extensively in University, but is unable to establish herself as a teacher with a permament job because she is Black. She ended up in North Manitoba because it was an Indian reserve and it would have been short-staffed if she didn't go there and she had no other options.

Now, they told her she has to go. The thing is, at this Reserve, 90% of teachers do not return back there because of the harsh winter. So, they are firing this only loyal teacher there and it happens she is the only Black teacher there. I told her to make a complaint to the Human Right's commission. She is planning to transfer to another place, but is unsure of getting placement. I get this sinking feeling inside my gut that I'm not sure if this can work out, especially if I'm not established myself in life and I can't even help her.

We had plans for this summer where she would be coming down and we would be going to various places to have fun together here in Toronto. Now, given the fact she may not be returning back or going away from Toronto at the end of the Summer, leads me to ask this important fact, what am I really doing, or what are my intentions with her? I had some certain comfort of knowing she would be going back away at the end of August.

I wanted to go places with her too, or didn't mind doing that, but after all of that is said and done, and that summer-fling is finished, and reality strikes, where is this really going?

This is another thread that was recently written here:

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=285476
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160638
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160286

I do not want to break-up with her or do anything like that while she is down like this now, and I don't know about having all these fun dates with her if I'm not totally settled inside about having a relationship with her and marriage -- as the above thread indicates I'm not settled at all.

So, rather than having two miserable people together with hard lives, it is therefore better to remain single, and look for someone who either can help me, or I can help them, or we can help each other, or it can't work? How should I approach this without being selfish?

Another thread is written on enotalone and copies on here for contrast.

 

[Kal0051]

Luke, no one here cares and I doubt anyone will try and help you anymore. You never follow any advice your given so why do you keep asking for more?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke, no one here cares and I doubt anyone will try and help you anymore. You never follow any advice your given so why do you keep asking for more?

There was mixed advice on the last thread. There is never consistent advice on any thread.

 

[usscrum]

SEEK THERAPY


there is some advice that has been VERY consistent.

 

[Darth]

Seconded. See a psychologist. We're not saying take meds necessarily, just go in and get examined.

Seriously. Do it.

Everyone else agree?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Right, get more serious feedback from enotalone site. This is one good reason that I don't post many threads on here.

 

[Captain]

......I do not want to break-up with her or do anything like that while she is down like this now, and I don't know about having all these fun dates with her if I'm not totally settled inside about having a relationship with her and marriage -- as the above thread indicates I'm not settled at all.

So, rather than having two miserable people together with hard lives, it is therefore better to remain single, and look for someone who either can help me, or I can help them, or we can help each other, or it can't work? How should I approach this without being selfish?

You don't owe her anything. She is not your responsibility. You aren't her daddy. You have no obligation to her. You aren't even in a proper relationship with her.

Right, get more serious feedback from enotalone site. This is one good reason that I don't post many threads on here.

They give bad advice. Doing what they say makes you worse. They are chumps and women who tell you what you want to hea to make you feel better.

If you like their advice so much, maybe you should stop posting here. You don't follow our advice. Sosuave is not your personal blog.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Best thing to do is to find a way to cut costs. Why do you think people move in with roomates? One apartment is rented instead of four. Simple economics. She needs roomates.


Another way is to move where taxation is lowest. Income tax is killer. State taxes vary. Ontario is the most expensive in both state and income taxes, I think Nova Scotia and Alberta are pretty low. Especially with all the recent development in the area from the expansion of various oil producers. Look up the tar sands and the development boom in the area. People make $20/hour working at Tim Hortons because there is demand for workers. Real estate prices have gone up though. Not sure if it makes up for the wages.

But don't take my word for it. Do your own homework on this.


Also, dumbass, that's not how relationships work. You make a commitment and you don't just bail on someone when things get a little bit difficult. She needs a freaking job, not an operation. It's not a big deal. Fvcking get a clue.

 

[Warrior74]

Therapy is the way forward. Get help.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Alright, I'm going to set the record straight with her and tell her what my intentions are. I just want to be available to her and be her personal escort when she comes down during the summer, and if she wants to spend money on me and have a great time together. Then that's fine. Any serious exclusive relationship has to be at and end because I don't have a job myself and I can't help her. We should both focus on getting our feet on solid ground before seriously thinking about marriage, or even a serious relationship together.

I'm going to wait 24 hours before I break it to her to see if there is any other suggestions on here.

 

[Maxtro]

Why does her economic situation have anything to do with your relationship? Heck how much time have you even spent together? How much money she makes is irrelevant. BTW please don't even think about trying to support her or buying her gifts. She is not your responsibility.

Keep "dating" her if you are able to make sure her finical problems don't become yours. All you can do is be emotionally supportive but don't go too far with that.

When she comes down, show her around and try to have a good time. Heck you might even want to put down your Bible and pick up some condoms

 

[Alle_Gory]

Alright, I'm going to set the record straight with her and tell her what my intentions are. I just want to be available to her and be her personal escort when she comes down during the summer, and if she wants to spend money on me and have a great time together. Then that's fine. Any serious exclusive relationship has to be at and end because I don't have a job myself and I can't help her. We should both focus on getting our feet on solid ground before seriously thinking about marriage, or even a serious relationship together.

Way to make a commitment. What happened to "we're getting married" and "she's perfect and hot".

 

[Mr_rogers]

Stopped reading this latest post of pure bull**** at the part that suggested that she couldn't get a job because she's black.

Luke, this is Canada you're talking about. We're one of the most multi-cultural countries on the planet. Racism here is far less pronounced than in other countries. The chances of her not being able to get a job because of her skin colour are very small, especially if she applied to more than one place. More likely the reason that she couldn't get a job is because she's a little messed up in some way. From what you've said about her before it almost seems that she may have some sort of difficulty when it comes to socializing.

All that being said, once again, get some help. You do not think straight. Some of your leaps of logic and the way you manage to justify things to yourself combined with your strict and inflexible religious beliefs are very obviously unhealthy. You're told this in every thread: you don't think right. Get help.

 

[scottfall]

You just have to focus on yourself Luke. First, yes.. you do need to get a job, move out and provide for yourself before you think about entering into a relationship. Not because you need to be able to support your current leach girlfriend but because you need to be strong with or without her.

And dont let not being able to provide for yourself get you down because that is a never ending cycle. You have to be happy with who you are now if you want to move forward.

 

[usscrum]

just a few weeks ago luke was calling this girl a WARPIG FUG.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You just have to focus on yourself Luke. First, yes.. you do need to get a job, move out and provide for yourself before you think about entering into a relationship. Not because you need to be able to support your current leach girlfriend but because you need to be strong with or without her.

Said the wise man to the fool...

What you have to realize scott, is that Luke is soft, like a marshmallow. He's ~35yo, doesn't make a dime, and is attached like a parasite to mommy and daddy. Even getting up and brushing his teeth is probably a daily challenge, and you're suggesting he do something difficult like go OUTSIDE in the big scary world and be self sufficient?? HAHAHA.

I laugh with you.


Once his mother and father die, which will happen eventually, he will inevitably be on the street begging for your spare change.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Man, what the hell is wrong with you?

 

[Da Realist]

So you're going to kick her away because she doesn't have a job? That's low. How about you go get a side gig and show her a good time by doing stuff that doesn't cost money? All she's going to want is your time and that will get both of you further than just sitting around. Been there, done it, and have moved on.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Luke's 2 step plan to become a man and ease all his troubles:

1. Leave mommy and daddy. Find a place or live on the street. It'll give you charachter you badly need.

2. Get a job. GIVE UP ON REALESTATE. Accept that you failed at realestate. Let it go. Move on.

There you go Luke. Now implement..

The last thing you need to worry about is some chick who can't keep a job.

 

[Kal0051]

Luke's 2 step plan to become a man and ease all his troubles:

1. Leave mommy and daddy. Find a place or live on the street. It'll give you charachter you badly need.

2. Get a job. GIVE UP ON REALESTATE. Accept that you failed at realestate. Let it go. Move on.

There you go Luke. Now implement..

The last thing you need to worry about is some chick who can't keep a job.

he'll never do that, he'll continue to live at mommy and daddy's, have a completely unsuccessful real estate career, and will be a virgin the rest of his life. He's beyond any help we can give him since he'll never follow any advice that requires him to change his life.