My girl wants to hang out with her ex. What do I do?

[Production6257]

Okay, long story short, I have officially been bf/gf with this girl for a couple of weeks, and she told me originally that she is not going to talk to her ex who cheated on her multiple times before she broke up with him. Well he imed her today and she told me that he wants to hang out. She showed me a message from him that said "we can just be friends, but i would like it to be more than that". It is obvious to me that this guy wants some pus$y (his girlfriend just dumped him), but girls are f*cking retarded.

I told her that if she hangs out with him, I will dump her on the spot. She got extremely upset and told me that I don't care about our relationship. I have been sticking to my guns with this, but am I being too harsh? We actually broke up for like an hour tonight over it but then we talked for a while and we are still together. The thing with me is that I don't want to end up being the one that looks like a fool. She claims that I don't trust her and says that even if they do hang out, she would never do anything. What would you do?

 

[Bible_Belt]

What would you do?

Being the person I am now, I would smile and tell her I thought it was a great idea. Then when she was gone with him, I would look up an ex of my own and try to get laid.

 

[swifTy]

definately. stick to your guns man.

wud she like it if your ex was blowin up your phone saying come hang out, we wont do anything. honest.

no fukkin way. she wud be causing hissy fit.


and Biblebelts attitude is spot on. you say in the calmest tone. "sure go for it". the subtext says, you do, and i am gone.

 

[penkitten]

the cell phone would accidentally get smashed, ran over, stolen etc....
then the new phone would have a new number that the bf did not know.
if the bf ends up getting the new number, then i would dump her for giving him the number.
just kidding

 

[KontrollerX]

This is a lose/lose scenario.

Your girl knows this guys intentions and showed you the message with his intentions.

She may of done this hoping you would be proud of her for coming right out and showing you this and not hiding anything but you understandably don't want her and him hanging out together.

How you should of handled it was to say immediately that you trust her but you don't think its a good idea considering this guy's intentions for them to hang out together. An ex is an ex for a reason and it needs to stay that way. Its just about respecting you as her man. If she pressed the issue you could then of asked her how she'd feel if you started wanting to hang around with your ex's.

Anyway with what has happened it doesn't matter now.

If she wants to hang out with this guy or whatever she will do it behind your back.

The only absolute way you come out of this as a winner is to dump her right this moment but alas that also makes you the loser because you will simply send her straight back into his arms.

There is a slight chance if you keep the relationship going now this will be a rough spot you go through or it will be the deal breaker and gradually tear you both apart and you'll eventually end up being the one that gets screwed but not in the way that you want.

You have some tough decisions ahead of you my man.

 

[Production6257]

Okay, check out this convo that I just had with her after reading the above posts:

Her: you will be done with me if we hang out?
Me: mehh nah but although u hate to hear this i'll probly im this girl kate from my past and start just chilling a little with her (no sex)
Her: ok
Me: But honestly she was pretty cool.
Her: ok
Me: we def wouldnt have any sex or anything like that
Me: we would just hang out
Her: ok
Me: i kinda like this
Her: y?
Me: cause now i can hang out with other girls and not feel as bad
Her: ok so i do get really jealous but i hate it about myself. so...i always just try to let this stuff go. so, dont' rub it in too much. secretly i care alot, i just try not to make that obvious

 

[swifTy]

bro you should have said yeah im done with you if you hang out with him what are you stupid? in fact fukk it, catchya.

and then you dissapear.

seriously, this girl is gay, too much jealousy crap flyin around anyway.

 

[young_gun]

You might be SOL on this one buddy.

But then again, she might see what a total dirtbag he still is, and how good she has it with you.

I agree, the best thing to do is to hang out with another girl. But the last thing you want to do is go out and "get revenge" on her. I mean, TECHNICALLY, nothing has happened yet. Think about how much of an @sshole you would feel like if you went out and laid one of your exes while she behaved herself. Old boyfriends / girlfriends can be messy situations. You never know how she feels about him - I sense she still has at least SOME feeling for him since she's willing to p!ss you off to see him.

Let's be honest though, if he gets her to see him once, he's not going to stop calling her to get her to see him again. No promises as to whether or not she'll want to get back together with him, but I guarantee you he'll try to put the mack down on her. GO OUT AND MAKE SOME OPTIONS FOR YOURSELF. There's a good chance you'll need them.

 

[aliasguy]

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Just break up with her NOW, and save a lot of trouble for BOTH of you down the line.

She's not worth your time, she wants to be with HIM.

No reflection on YOU, but she's still hung up on him.

Just bail now, and find some chick who's really into you.


Call her up ASAP and tell her "WE'RE DONE." No explanation, no discussion, just DUMP her. Tell her "Sorry, babe, it's over."

This isn't a ploy to "get" her. It's for your own good. Bail. Move on. Really.

There's other chicks.

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[Jaxon]

I agree with Alias. She still has a thing for him or she wouldn't want to hang out with 'em. And you're in a lose-lose spot because if you stick to your guns and tell her she can't hang out with her ex, you just look jealous and insecure, and it will make her want to hang out with him even more.

But if you let them hang out, there's a 95% chance they'll fool around. Hell, they'll probably fool around anyway.

It may suck to hear this but you're best off ending this thing now and saving yourself the trouble later on down the road.

 

[Monkey]

I would have dumped her on the spot the minute she even considered hanging out with an ex and especialy one who wants her back AND cheated on her. This girls a complete nutjob!

NEXT her and NEVER go back!

And its not 'lose-lose', its win-win situation - you've found out shes an idiot who has zero integrity and you don't need to waste anymore time with her - thats a good result.

 

[X-ecution]

man. dont dump her yet, because really nothing has happened yet, and oyu will just look like a fool if she really behaved her self.

but also, express your disagreement of this with her. communication in a relationship is key. don't fight with her, don't jump to breaking up, but just tell her that you don't think it's a good idea and that she wouldn't like it if you went and hung out with one of your exes. that type of behavior is extremely disrespectful and doesn't help anything between you two. you could also try offering to hang out with them. if she complies then she really has no intentions. if not then somethings up.

if she really has respect for you then she will not risk losing you just to hang out with him. like said above, she must still have something for him if she's willing to piss you off to hang out with him.

it's still early in your relationship, but don't think that doesn't mean there should be some ground rules. just don't try to be all controlling about it.

good luck

 

[Omen]

I'd get rid of her. Any girl that wants to hang out with an ex with me is gone one the spot. You either want to be with ME, or not with me. Choose.

I have learned not to have patience anymore with things like this. I am probably older than you, and I have learned my lessons many times.

I dont trust people very easily anymore. All I can say is bail while you can.

You may even ask WHY she wants to hang out? She knows what he is after, and if she does hang out with him, you know what she is after.

And yes, if she really likes you, she'll go... You know, dumb idea, he cheated on me, and I dont want to have anything to do with him.

I mean you did say he cheated on her right? And if she still wants to hang out with him, then she must really want him back. Move on to the next one bud.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

:nono: Beware of becoming the "Rebound Guy."



Damn, I've been saying this a ton lately....

 

[X-ecution]

I'd get rid of her. Any girl that wants to hang out with an ex with me is gone one the spot. You either want to be with ME, or not with me. Choose.

I have learned not to have patience anymore with things like this. I am probably older than you, and I have learned my lessons many times.

I dont trust people very easily anymore. All I can say is bail while you can.

You may even ask WHY she wants to hang out? She knows what he is after, and if she does hang out with him, you know what she is after.

And yes, if she really likes you, she'll go... You know, dumb idea, he cheated on me, and I dont want to have anything to do with him.

I mean you did say he cheated on her right? And if she still wants to hang out with him, then she must really want him back. Move on to the next one bud.

well said.

my gf tried to pull something like this. only because the guy said he'd buy her some clothes.

i told her to go on ahead. i didn't care. but she decided not to because she didnt think is was a good idea.

so if she really respects you, then she will not do it.

 

[Omen]

"secretly i care alot, i just try not to make that obvious"

Why would she not want it to be obvious? If she cares, she wouldn't keep it a secret. Also too, Francisco is right about the rebound guy. You've been bf/gf for 2 weeks.

First off, that seems odd to me, but maybe not. Just be careful man. Some (or lots) of women are good at what they do.

I dated a girl who said she cared, and I was this and that, and how to thank my parents for being the type of guy I was, and how she missed me, BUT........

And it goes like this... She was still with another guy or seeing him while seeing me. AND her last ex thought she was with no one, so he had no idea about the other guy, nor me.

She FVCKED US ALL. And I dont mean literally. I mean we didnt see it. I caught on and put pieces together, about the time it ended. Took a bit cause she was good at her game.

Not everything is as it seems all of the time, and you just have to remember that. As much as we want to trust, or believe it, it can happen to anyone.

I always thought those women I mentioned existed elsewhere, but guess what, I ended up having one.

 

[saber]

i didn't read all the replys but im sure they were similiar to my advice
what u really need though is some COMMUNICATION SKILLS!!

when she shows you a message and says she wants to hang out with her ex what she really meant was....
"I am still attracted to this guy, ill judge youre reaction and see if i can string both you and my ex out again cause im a player and ur not hahaha"

the way you talk too... as if you are broken up an hour or been going out two weeks it's obvious even to me you are attached and sending all the wrong signals PLUS! PLUS! PLUS! It sounds like she has you defending yourself to her, for demanding she doesn't screw some other guy!!!

And the jealuosy plotline was so obvious and weak

my opinion is in your mind write her off as a loss but don't get rid of her!!

Instead of trying to keep her away from this guy try creating more attraction to you however you can...iotherwise you are doomed for an uphill battle!when you remove your emotions and sappy bvll**** you will be able to make clear choices



not to sound like an ******* and good job with providing some details...best of luck

 

[Last Man Standing]

So he "cheated" on her a few times and she still wants to see him? HUH? She doesn't seem to be too upset! Don't trust her ever!!! Her ex is "Boinking" her right now as I'm typing this!!! Can't you hear it "Boink", "Boink", "Boink, Boink"!!

 

[Omen]

And that's the thing. You have only been bf/gf for a few weeks. That means she was seeing him before that. He cheated on her, she is trying to get back at him by being with another guy. He knows he F'ed up, and now he wants her back. She's got you as the rebound guy, or the show off guy to try and make him look jealous. She's now thinking... Well, he is apologizing now, and I really did like him, so maybe i'll have YOU around, while I test the waters with my ex again.

Garbage Garbage, and more Garbage.

 

[Nouse4one]

run

I had the same thing happen to me recently; its easier for this girl to stay in that relationship then to change and let go of her ex-boyfriend and commit to a new one ....it sounds like.

i cant tell you how many times iv boned ex's that where in new relationships, just because i didnt like the boyfriend or i knew that it would be easy. you should consider reverse framing the whole situation example: ask her if it would be cool with her if you went out with your ex that enjoys having sex with many people (regardless of being in a relationship).

my advise run/