"My boyfriend might be mad if it's just you and me..."

[gotgame?]

After talking about the details of when and where to go out, I say, "We should hang out sometime."

She replies, "My boyfriend might be [angered] if it's just you and me, but maybe another time with some other people."

Then I ended the conversation because each of us had to go. Yadda yadda yadda.

• My instant analysis
• She is in an insecure relationship.
• She isn't too knowledgeable of her boyfriend's behavior.
• She has a history of relationships that went sour because of the idiot guys she dates.
• In addition to the latter, she wouldn't want to anger her boyfriend because she's looking for a long-term relationship even if the guy she's with is dumb arsehole who should be shot.
• She will consider going on a date with me if (a) her boyfriend can be appeased (manipulated into thinking it's just a "friends" thing, but this is more difficult than the other options because it requires her to do the manipulation unknowingly), (b) her boyfriend can be bypassed emotionally (using SS), or (c) her boyfriend can be eliminated from the picture entirely (using NLP).

I'm leaning toward opting for SS as it is somewhat easier than NLP for me though the result should be quite similar. This means I have to restart the conversation on Wednesday which is very simple. I'm uninterested in dating her in a group as I can do that whenever I want. I want to isolate her from her boyfriend so that she adopts the "I'm with (or I came with) him" attitude when she is with me (essentially this means I want the upperhand, not surrender it to neutrality, or her boyfriend).

I feel this is easily workable, but I want your opinion. Any ideas that will help me meet my objective are welcome.

EDIT: Please respond only if you are an actual DJ. Thanks.

 

[( . )( . )]

who cares why, all that matters is shes not interested, no need for analysis of HER, but rather YOU.

i know it sounds cliched and corny, but it the truth.

and read the bible, theres a few good tips in it.

 

[Revlis]

Forget her, don't waste energy on something that obviously won't happen the way you'd like.

Do some squats at the gym and you'll be too busy recovering from them instead of over-analysing this situation.

 

[gotgame?]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
all that matters is shes not interested

This isn't true. Don't make assumptions.

 

[gotgame?]

Originally posted by Revlis
Do some squats at the gym and you'll be too busy recovering from them instead of over-analysing this situation.

1. I squat 400lbs.
2. I'm not overanalyzing this issue. I presented a quick overview of the facts. Seriously, if you think that she's not interested from her response, you need to do more research.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by gotgame?
This isn't true. Don't make assumptions.

oh ok, my eyes must be failing, i was sure i read:

She replies, "My boyfriend might be [angered] if it's just you and me, but maybe another time with some other people."

must be going bat sh!t crazy in my old age, nevermind.

 

[Revlis]

I agree, we do know very little about your interactions with this girl and what led up to this conversation. Still if she was interested she wouldn't worry about her boyfriend. If your assumptions about her are correct then she seems confused in what she wants.

Just be a Don Juan and make her feel wonderful when you are around her but don't wait around for her to suddenly fall in love with you. I would stop thinking upo mind games because in the end you'll probably get one-itis with this girl and start some serious afcing

 

[scarlettorocker]

I would say you're third bullet-point is the most relevant here. She dates dunderheeds. If she likes you as a pal, she shouldn't have brought the boyf into it. Hanging out is cool, but she's copping out. As for you, your mates here are right, You're over-analysing and that's what they do over breakfast on Sex and the City, bless... Anyway, hope you don't mind a bit of advice from a Dona Juanita, heehee!

 

[Golden Arms]

Well if you want my advice, too much heavy squatting is bad for your knees and will give you a blocky waist, mix in some leg presses and hack squats

 

[dietzcoi]

Sorry but you are a perfect example of why I think women and men cannot be just friends. She wants to go out as a "friend" only and you are plotting to fvck her.

A perfect example of what I have always maintained when these guys write in about their girls going out with male "friends"!

PRL, what do you think of this?

Dietzcoi

 

[DankNuggs]

If she is a legitimately fun girl to hang out with. Why not attempt a casual friendship? The relationships you described tells me that she's a monkey, the type to go from branch to branch. You need to give her the chance to grab her next branch. Screw SS and NLP, at some point you need to learn that girls are attracted to you because of your personality. If you're just out to lay pipe, i'd say its a waste of time. Go after your other prospects, and only spend time with her when you;re bored and have nothing else to do. Never hurts to have more hot girls as friends.

 

[gotgame?]

( . )( . )
If that is the judgment call you make when a woman isn't specific, then you are definitely missing out on a lot of kitty. It seems a lot of newbies to the game forget the most important aspect of communication: context. Vagueness begets vagueness although sometimes you may be treated to specificity, but that's a rarity. I obviously wanted to keep the dates and times non-specific so that they could be discussed at a later date since the amount of free time allotted to us is meager considering our activities in work and school.

Originally posted by Revlis
I agree, we do know very little about your interactions with this girl and what led up to this conversation. Still if she was interested she wouldn't worry about her boyfriend. If your assumptions about her are correct then she seems confused in what she wants.

She is confused, insecure, and carries some baggage from previous bad relationships with other guys. T.T. Boy thinks I should stay away from girls with problems, but nah, I'm attracted to girls with problems. Don't ask me why.

Just be a Don Juan and make her feel wonderful when you are around her but don't wait around for her to suddenly fall in love with you. I would stop thinking upo mind games because in the end you'll probably get one-itis with this girl and start some serious afcing

Relevant to your latter suggestion: never. I'm not "head-over-heels" or extremely attracted to her. She's just another chocolate in that box of Forrest's.

Originally posted by scarlettorocker
would say you're third bullet-point is the most relevant here. She dates dunderheeds. If she likes you as a pal, she shouldn't have brought the boyf into it. Hanging out is cool, but she's copping out.

You're ignoring the context in which my statement was made as well as ignoring her day-to-day emotional state.

As for you, your mates here are right, You're over-analysing and that's what they do over breakfast on Sex and the City, bless... Anyway, hope you don't mind a bit of advice from a Dona Juanita, heehee!

The fact that the word "analysis" appears in my post does not infer that I am consciously analyzing her reply. I purposely included the term "instant" to confer the aforementioned term with such a property. If I were overanalyzing the issue then I would have provided several pages of thought, however, I understand that some of you may not be at the level where you can process and interpret psychological information as quickly and extensively as I do and have done so I won't patronize you for your lack of ability in this area. I do kindly ask that you refrain from similar comments to "don't overanalyze it." It's good advice, but it is inappropriate in this thread.

With that said, I have not provided you with enough information to make judgment calls like those present in this thread.

If you have any ideas that will help me meet my objective, please share them with me.

 

[gotgame?]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Sorry but you are a perfect example of why I think women and men cannot be just friends. She wants to go out as a "friend" only and you are plotting to fvck her.

It's likely that our cultural differences are what make accurate communication difficult. Around here, "hanging out" is much more than simple friendship. In actuality, "let's hang out sometime" has helped me get play more than enough times especially when supplemented with staying over at my place, music, and the nice guy routine of introducing the girl to my life through "pictures in the gold room." I have 100% success rate with "hanging out" with single girls. Doubtful? Okay, give me some ideas for helping me meet my objective: to isolate the girl from her boyfriend, moving her boyfriend out of the big picture, thus enabling me to proceed. Typically, whether or not a woman has a boyfriend is irrelevant, however, she is emotionally attached to the prospect of a long-term relationship due to her continued "bad luck" with guys. Perhaps you can help me capitalize on that weakness. By the way, her boyfriend has cheated on her, she is unhappy with him, but she continues the relationship--again; because she is emotionally attached to the prospect of a long-term relationship.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by gotgame?
She replies, "My boyfriend might be [angered] if it's just you and me..."

"Then I guess we shouldn't tell him."

I'm uninterested in dating her in a group as I can do that whenever I want.

If it's in a group, you're probably not "dating" her at all. I don't blame you for feeling this way, though. Call her up and ask her out for something one-on-one. Don't make it too "datey" though...go play pool or mini-golf or something.

If that is the judgment call you make when a woman isn't specific, then you are definitely missing out on a lot of kitty. It seems a lot of newbies to the game forget the most important aspect of communication: context. Vagueness begets vagueness although sometimes you may be treated to specificity, but that's a rarity.

Well why don't you GIVE some context then instead of just giving us two lines of the conversation? You'll get better advice that way.

Seriously, if you think that she's not interested from her response, you need to do more research.

Sounded like a blow-off to me...she:

1) Told you she had a boyfriend
2) Rejected the notion of being alone with you

Now she may be interested, but I would ask her to "hang out" one-on-one to be sure. Your role is not to be one of her "group of buddies."

EDIT: Please respond only if you are an actual DJ. Thanks.

LOL

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by gotgame?
( . )( . )
If that is the judgment call you make when a woman isn't specific, then you are definitely missing out on a lot of kitty.

ok got it, il try and remember that for future reference if she basically says to me "thanks but no thanks, my borefriend wouldnt like that" that its an IOI

still not buying it, simply because if she was interested you wouldnt have made the post.

 

[scarlettorocker]

Ok Gotgame, sorry if it sounded like I was laughing here. If anything I was trying to cheer you up. It's just never happened to me, as I am a woman who has always had close male friends (and I disagreed with the German gent who says that we can't be buddies with each other, but each to their own). So if a guy wants to hang out with me it's never a problem, as my 'boyfreind' already knows that I like my male buddies. It could be that she like you a lot and is scared of what she might do, hence brings her man into it rather than be straight with you. If that's how it is, it's probably another case of not really knowing how to say what she really means, ie that she likes you. Stay buddies though, because things can change. And by then there'll probably be another cutie that you're interested in anyhow. Good luck!

 

[gotgame?]

squirrels:
Thanks. The context is irrelevant as my question doesn't really involve why she said what she did. I've already gauged her IL with what she said in the conversation as well as her actions in the past, and while it [her IL] isn't that high, it's still in my favor.

scarlettorocker:
No problemo. That's a more likely situation, but I'm hesitant to say that it definitely is the way you put it: that she's interested, but doesn't know what to do about her boyfriend.

( . )( . ):
I have no idea why you still hang around these forums since you're sooooo advanced...

 

[Big Pappy]

I'm attracted to girls with problems. Don't ask me why.

~ gotgame?

What's going on here? Are you some white night in shining armor, going to save this girl from all the jerks?

Get to the root of why you're attracted to women with troubles first. It almost disturbs me when I look back at some of the girls I used to be attracted to.

30 year old single mom with an incontinent 9 year old.
23 year old Bi-sexual trying to be hetero, with childhood trauma haunting her daily.
27 year old girl still living with her mother that has to be home by 10 pm

Finally, I pulled my head out of my hole. True, some women you can't size up whether they're winners from the jump, but it sure is easy to tell when they're bona fide losers.

Raise your standards, man! Find a girl who's smart enough to know what a catch you are, and pretty enough to merit your attentions.

When you hang around crap, you start to smell like it. This girl is smelling like it from her dunderhead bf. Why waste time with all these goofy tactics? Wouldn't it just be simpler to find a girl who likes you enough to not consult someone else before she can be alone with you?

At least you asked her, though!

 

[( . )( . )]

dont get so defensive you tool

for fvcks sake, will someone just tell this guy what he wants to hear.

 

[Axe]

Originally posted by gotgame?
This isn't true. Don't make assumptions.

Your "Instant Analysis" are all assumptions. The only thing you can assume if a girl says "My boyfriend might not like it" is that she has a boyfriend. She could be about to break up with him next week, or he could be brad pitt and gives her wild sex every night.

Originally posted by gotgame?

then you are definitely missing out on a lot of kitty. It seems a lot of newbies to the game forget the most important aspect of communication:

If you're getting so much 'kitty' why are you having to try to go after a girl with a boyfriend who is obviously not interested in anything but friendship with you? I also find it funny when people start calling others newbies after they have posted ONE topic.

My Instant Analysis:
You're a dumbass.