longlifexs
Don Juan
Hey all,
first of all: this post is TERRIBLY LONG. I have a problem of never managing to write short and to the point and always need to explein everything thoroughly..sorry
If you read it through and comment though, I'll really aprreciate it.
I just found this forum by chance and joined immediately. Awesome stuff in here. I read David DeAngelo's materials and newsletters and learnt something from that, but still consider myself a looser in this field. So this forum is GOLD for me But I'm only 17, so I guess I have time to practice And I am also planning to start the bootcamp this thursday, with a friend of mine (to give each other support and force into really doing the things, if needed ). Anyway, I have a question to ask - or better to say, a problem I'd like some help with.
So..I have been going out with my current girlfriend for some 5 months. Everything was going smooth, but a while ago, she started acting weird. Getting some sudden changes of mood, getting silent, refusing to talk about what bothers her. I usually managed to find out what it was..and had to use some almost psychological talk (1) Are you sad? 2) Do you know, why you are sad? 3) Is there a way of doing anything with it? etc. etc., pretty exhausting..and, when I think about it, maybe a bit nice-guyish..but I really wanted to know what bothered her, so..). And it was always something really tiny, usually not even about our relationship. One of her replies I'd like to mention though was: I am always only finding mistakes on things (most probably relating to our relationship at that moment), I hate myself for it. And: I am afraid of you letting me go because of such moments like this (talking about her weird moods). Anyway, she always got happy again and let me know she was sorry for acting stupid and making me sad (I wasn't really sad for that matter, but I don't know how to accurately describe it.. probably a mix of pissed off (cuz I didn't know what was going on), curious what the matter wass, sad cuz she was sad, and tired from being unable to really change the situation while being forced to go through it), either right on the place or later after we had said goodbye to each other through texting me. As soon as I knew she back being ok, i felt allright again.
But yesterday, things got serious. Her parents went away for the weekend so we planned I will be at her place from friday to sunday. Friday evening started great, we watched a movie, started kissing, cuddling, undressing..yet when we were both naked and she gave me a condom, it kinda went wrong..umm, well during the 3 hours or so, during which we were cuddling and hugging and stuff, my d*ck was all ready to roll, but when the time came, I couldn't make it go up. Trust me, the situation really really sucked. She way lying next to me waiting for me to f*ck her and I couldn't. Still makes me feel like sh*t when I remember it.. So after a little while, she probably sensed somethoing wasn't allright..and guess what? She got into her mood. Said "we better put this off to some other time"..and the rest of the evening doesn't need comentary. i hoped she will be ok the next morning, but she wasn't. We went out, sat for 4 hours under burning sun, both silent. Like always during her "moods", but kinda more intensely.. I tried to ask her what the problem was (I felt it wasn't just her feeling sh*t cuz we didn't have sex..even though that might have been the initial impulse, cuz I know she really looked forward to the evening and probably to the sex too..plus, she is a virgin, so it obviously was an even bigger thing for her (for me too btw)). At some point, I asked her (more joking then not, actually), if she is afraid of me dumping her cuz of her "moods", or of her dumping me while in one of them. She said the latter was right. What she said after that was basicly that she feels something between us isn't ok (but she couldn't say what) and is afraid that it isn't going to get ok again. Anyway, we went back to her home. After a while, I offered to leave because a) I was tired of being there when I couldn't do anything anyway and b) I though it might be easier for her to make up her mind when alone. later that day, I got a text message she aimed to send to her friend. It said we broke up. I texted her saying it wasn't a breakup from my point of view, I'm still here for her and left only cuz I thought she might be more comfortable alone (nice-guy stuff, I know..but nothing better came to my mind at that time). She replied "so we didn't break up?". I said something like no, why..it'd be stupid to break up just cuz of one bad moment. From later convo, I found out that she spent the whole day crying, didn't want to lose me (or she thinks she doesn't, says the sceptic me) and was sorry for what happened. From that point on, I think this is true or seems to me to be true:
1) we both (still) feel a lot towards the other, we both (still) love each other
2) there is either something wrong with me (causing drop in her interest level which then interferes with the feelings she already has for me and habits she established in connection with me) or with her (some serious emotional problems causing sudden and hard changes of mood and general instability) or a combination of both, resulting in her "moods"
3) we both want to keep the relationship working or at least not give up at this very moment (maybe give up if it really turns bad, which it still hasnt)
EDIT: she called me a minute ago, saying she was sorry and that she wants to meet tomorrow..
I am pretty confused. I cant say how seriously she feels the "bad things between us" and if it really is a threat for the relationship or not. After all, it has all happened in some 24 hours, so it COULD have been some kind of an emotional storm going on inside her (even though I know it couldn't have happened with no reason at all). I dont think it is normal for a girl that wants to have sex with you in the evening to dump you in the morning..i know it is possible, but i dont think this is the case..well, you judge it.
So..if, after reading this terribly long story, you have anything to say, ranging from advice to saying "you're an total idiot because..", please do so. I will be really grateful. Thanks!
first of all: this post is TERRIBLY LONG. I have a problem of never managing to write short and to the point and always need to explein everything thoroughly..sorry
If you read it through and comment though, I'll really aprreciate it.I just found this forum by chance and joined immediately. Awesome stuff in here. I read David DeAngelo's materials and newsletters and learnt something from that, but still consider myself a looser in this field. So this forum is GOLD for me
But I'm only 17, so I guess I have time to practice And I am also planning to start the bootcamp this thursday, with a friend of mine (to give each other support and force into really doing the things, if needed ). Anyway, I have a question to ask - or better to say, a problem I'd like some help with.So..I have been going out with my current girlfriend for some 5 months. Everything was going smooth, but a while ago, she started acting weird. Getting some sudden changes of mood, getting silent, refusing to talk about what bothers her. I usually managed to find out what it was..and had to use some almost psychological talk (1) Are you sad? 2) Do you know, why you are sad? 3) Is there a way of doing anything with it? etc. etc., pretty exhausting..and, when I think about it, maybe a bit nice-guyish..but I really wanted to know what bothered her, so..). And it was always something really tiny, usually not even about our relationship. One of her replies I'd like to mention though was: I am always only finding mistakes on things (most probably relating to our relationship at that moment), I hate myself for it. And: I am afraid of you letting me go because of such moments like this (talking about her weird moods). Anyway, she always got happy again and let me know she was sorry for acting stupid and making me sad (I wasn't really sad for that matter, but I don't know how to accurately describe it.. probably a mix of pissed off (cuz I didn't know what was going on), curious what the matter wass, sad cuz she was sad, and tired from being unable to really change the situation while being forced to go through it), either right on the place or later after we had said goodbye to each other through texting me. As soon as I knew she back being ok, i felt allright again.
But yesterday, things got serious. Her parents went away for the weekend so we planned I will be at her place from friday to sunday. Friday evening started great, we watched a movie, started kissing, cuddling, undressing..yet when we were both naked and she gave me a condom, it kinda went wrong..umm, well during the 3 hours or so, during which we were cuddling and hugging and stuff, my d*ck was all ready to roll, but when the time came, I couldn't make it go up. Trust me, the situation really really sucked. She way lying next to me waiting for me to f*ck her and I couldn't. Still makes me feel like sh*t when I remember it.. So after a little while, she probably sensed somethoing wasn't allright..and guess what? She got into her mood. Said "we better put this off to some other time"..and the rest of the evening doesn't need comentary. i hoped she will be ok the next morning, but she wasn't. We went out, sat for 4 hours under burning sun, both silent. Like always during her "moods", but kinda more intensely.. I tried to ask her what the problem was (I felt it wasn't just her feeling sh*t cuz we didn't have sex..even though that might have been the initial impulse, cuz I know she really looked forward to the evening and probably to the sex too..plus, she is a virgin, so it obviously was an even bigger thing for her (for me too btw)). At some point, I asked her (more joking then not, actually), if she is afraid of me dumping her cuz of her "moods", or of her dumping me while in one of them. She said the latter was right. What she said after that was basicly that she feels something between us isn't ok (but she couldn't say what) and is afraid that it isn't going to get ok again. Anyway, we went back to her home. After a while, I offered to leave because a) I was tired of being there when I couldn't do anything anyway and b) I though it might be easier for her to make up her mind when alone. later that day, I got a text message she aimed to send to her friend. It said we broke up. I texted her saying it wasn't a breakup from my point of view, I'm still here for her and left only cuz I thought she might be more comfortable alone (nice-guy stuff, I know..but nothing better came to my mind at that time). She replied "so we didn't break up?". I said something like no, why..it'd be stupid to break up just cuz of one bad moment. From later convo, I found out that she spent the whole day crying, didn't want to lose me (or she thinks she doesn't, says the sceptic me) and was sorry for what happened. From that point on, I think this is true or seems to me to be true:
1) we both (still) feel a lot towards the other, we both (still) love each other
2) there is either something wrong with me (causing drop in her interest level which then interferes with the feelings she already has for me and habits she established in connection with me) or with her (some serious emotional problems causing sudden and hard changes of mood and general instability) or a combination of both, resulting in her "moods"
3) we both want to keep the relationship working or at least not give up at this very moment (maybe give up if it really turns bad, which it still hasnt)
EDIT: she called me a minute ago, saying she was sorry and that she wants to meet tomorrow..
I am pretty confused. I cant say how seriously she feels the "bad things between us" and if it really is a threat for the relationship or not. After all, it has all happened in some 24 hours, so it COULD have been some kind of an emotional storm going on inside her (even though I know it couldn't have happened with no reason at all). I dont think it is normal for a girl that wants to have sex with you in the evening to dump you in the morning..i know it is possible, but i dont think this is the case..well, you judge it.
So..if, after reading this terribly long story, you have anything to say, ranging from advice to saying "you're an total idiot because..", please do so. I will be really grateful. Thanks!
