Monk Mode in the Hinterland

[Warrior74]

1 month cigarette free.

 

[Die Hard]

Congrats, man! Keep up the good work!!

 

[Warrior74]

November has been a hard month in Monk Mode.

Freelance work has been slow. I went to jail over a legal issue. And I'm broke until well after Christmas. I've had 2 days with no electricity and I've had a lot of time to think about things.

I'm angry. I've been angry for years and I've never dealt with it. I'm angry at my parents. I'm angry at my siblings. Most of all I'm angry at myself. I'm not really angry at women because I understand they are what they are. I need to swallow the red pill on the rest of my anger issues and deal with them. This rage inside me is not healthy. It's ruined my relationship with my family, but I can't help it. I feel like they did me no justice and I feel like they are a large reason why I ended up where I am. I know that's just a "feeling". Because in reality once I became an adult, it was my responsibility for my own life and happiness.

I think the problem is that every time I try to discuss anything with them, they just shut me down. Basically it never happened, I'm exaggerating or I need to man up and just deal with it (my mother is good for pulling that one out). I've always been the black sheep of the family and I hate it. I've always been third best. The after thought. The problem child. I've gotten to the point where I can't listen to their hypocritical lectures and outright lies. They are getting old and close to the end and I should be forgiving, but I can't. My heart is hard and cold. I'm not sure how to deal with this.

 

[ZTIME]

If you had no parents or siblings and were still in the same situation, who would be the victim of your anger then??

Two days with no electricity thinking about how you we're driven to the place you are now by people who couldn't possibly have played that roll is not healthy.

Wake up. You are a human being. achieving your true destiny can only be fueled by a fire inside of you which you must ignite. No "outside influences" can do it for you!

If the answers your mother gives you are not the ones you seek, stop asking the questions! The need for a positive or soothing response from her may be the root of your current situation, but certainly not the reason you're in it. Love them for who they are, and not what they can provide for you.

I suppose that if you were still smoking, you would have a "peer-pressure" excuse for why you started the habit to begin with.

We wake up every day with the opportunity to find the right path. You obviously woke up this morning. Now start finding the path to fix your situation.

I hope this helped to start to defrost the pseudo "cold heart" syndrome.

 

[Warrior74]

If you had no parents or siblings and were still in the same situation, who would be the victim of your anger then??

Two days with no electricity thinking about how you we're driven to the place you are now by people who couldn't possibly have played that roll is not healthy.

Wake up. You are a human being. achieving your true destiny can only be fueled by a fire inside of you which you must ignite. No "outside influences" can do it for you!

If the answers your mother gives you are not the ones you seek, stop asking the questions! The need for a positive or soothing response from her may be the root of your current situation, but certainly not the reason you're in it. Love them for who they are, and not what they can provide for you.

I suppose that if you were still smoking, you would have a "peer-pressure" excuse for why you started the habit to begin with.

We wake up every day with the opportunity to find the right path. You obviously woke up this morning. Now start finding the path to fix your situation.

I hope this helped to start to defrost the pseudo "cold heart" syndrome.

Yah. So off base. But okay. It did not help at all. If you've been through what I've been through you might see where i'm coming from. You obviously haven't. What you don't understand is, I don't love them for who they are. Who they are isn't all that lovable. I guess you can't understand that. There are only 2 people on earth I care about. Myself and my daughter.

 

[ZTIME]

Yah. So off base. But okay. It did not help at all. If you've been through what I've been through you might see where i'm coming from. You obviously haven't. What you don't understand is, I don't love them for who they are. Who they are isn't all that lovable. I guess you can't understand that. There are only 2 people on earth I care about. Myself and my daughter.

I smell what your stepping in sir. Love for them is not mandated but neither is the support you seem to seek.

I've been through some Sh**, maybe not as bad as yours, maybe worse. You never know.

However, no disrespect was meant and hopefully none taken. My message was simply that you must ignite whatever is inside of you to pull through this situation. You've posted several of the positive changes you've already made for yourself. so your journey has already begun.

 

[guru1000]

Personify your challenges, the “Enemy.” Transmute the Enemy into a being: a “devil,” “opposition”,” whatever you elect to label it. You’re in a boxing ring, as the Enemy is punching, striving to knock you out. How do you respond? Do you just stand there as a sponge, only to soak the Enemy’s punches perpetually?

When your foes aim to kill, love them still; cause they are here to make prophecy fulfill. That’s the universe’s will. In this context/perspective, you can no longer blame or fault anyone. You will love everyone, irrespectively. Thus, no weapon can form against you, as you will always be free; enfranchised from, uninhibited and unstifled by the “chains” of anger. Love is a high-vibrational state. Diametrically, anger is a low-level, low-vibrational state that will keep stifled and frozen on the mat in this boxing arena. Enfranchise.

 

[TornadoWatch]

November has been a hard month in Monk Mode.

Freelance work has been slow. I went to jail over a legal issue. And I'm broke until well after Christmas. I've had 2 days with no electricity and I've had a lot of time to think about things.

I'm angry. I've been angry for years and I've never dealt with it. I'm angry at my parents. I'm angry at my siblings. Most of all I'm angry at myself. I'm not really angry at women because I understand they are what they are. I need to swallow the red pill on the rest of my anger issues and deal with them. This rage inside me is not healthy. It's ruined my relationship with my family, but I can't help it. I feel like they did me no justice and I feel like they are a large reason why I ended up where I am. I know that's just a "feeling". Because in reality once I became an adult, it was my responsibility for my own life and happiness.

I think the problem is that every time I try to discuss anything with them, they just shut me down. Basically it never happened, I'm exaggerating or I need to man up and just deal with it (my mother is good for pulling that one out). I've always been the black sheep of the family and I hate it. I've always been third best. The after thought. The problem child. I've gotten to the point where I can't listen to their hypocritical lectures and outright lies. They are getting old and close to the end and I should be forgiving, but I can't. My heart is hard and cold. I'm not sure how to deal with this.

I once found this definition of unconditional love that I really like
Unconditional love: not based on what you the recipient have made of yourself.

One doesn't have to be bursting with this emotion. A faint attitude somewhere deep down your consciousness will do. Sort of resigned and distanced acceptance. If at all possible try to apply it to your family, or to yourself.

 

[Warrior74]

Just popped in to give an update.

I stopped blaming other people for my problems. I've made peace with my family, we've been through a lot lately and we are closer than ever. I had to apologize for a lot of crappy behavior on my end. The thing I said here were unfair and spoken out of anger and frustration. The good news is that a good family forgives and still loves you when nobody else will and I have a good family. I'm glad things have worked before it was too late.

I'm 40lbs away from goal. Down 35lbs. I'm working out 2-3 times a week. I haven't been consistent but I'm getting there. My diet is more consistent then my workouts which is why I'm losing weight. Abs are made in the kitchen.

I stopped beating myself up for not being perfect. I'm gonna mess up, but as long as I'm moving forward and improving incrementally, I'm satisfied.

I haven't had a cigarette in...well to be honest I just stopped counting. I just don't smoke any more.

I finally saved up enough money for an emergency fund. Ive paid off several outstanding debts. My credit score is up one hundred points since last year.

I'm working on my wardrobe. I'm still heading towards my target weight so I'm not buying as much clothing as I'd like. When I need new things I make sure they look good.

I got a raise at work. I came through in the clutch for my boss and I knocked it out of the park. I'm still not making real money, but I can pay my bills and I can save a little and that's an improvement so I'm thankful for it.

I scrapped my last business. I had to be honest with myself. I was not prepared for the sort of investment in time/money/resources to make that business successful. I went back to freelance design work. It's helping me pay off debts and save up money to try my next business idea.

I'm enjoying my photography and filmmaking as a hobby. I have a few models I shoot on a regular basis and I have couple of actors I'm working with. It's what I always wanted to do (Filmmaking) so I figured I better get started before I get too old and end up with regrets. It's been tons of fun.



Here's what I have been doing to get myself to this point.

In the morning, I weigh in, exercise or meditate. I pack my healthy lunch and snack. I plan my day. On the way to work I listen to inspirational speakers or audio books to help get my head in the game.
At work I focus on getting the job done, not much socializing or chit chat. I'm too busy and I have deadlines. After work I take an hour or so to eat dinner and relax. After dinner I settle in to do freelance work. Then I usually read a chapter or two in what ever book I'm reading and then go to bed.

My daily motto I created is :
Wake up.
Shut up.
Exercise.
Eat clean.
Get money.
Love Family.
Have fun.
Learn something.
Be thankful.

I have this as a reminder on my phone that pops up every morning.



Every two weeks I allow myself to go out and have a drink or watch a movie. If I hit a major milestone I'll celebrate by having a drink or hanging out with friends. Otherwise I stay home and save my money.

I don't always make through this plan 100% every day but I'm getting closer. Life isn't perfect and I still have a ton of work to do on myself but I'll get there. I still don't feel like I'm ready to leave monk mode. I'm pretty busy in my life and I don't have the time right now to be honest. I am starting to feel pretty happy in my life. I feel like a lot of negativity and darkness has lifted because I've taken consistent effort to change my life.

 

[Desdinova]

It's good to hear an update from you, and it sounds like you're making fantastic progress! Glad to hear you're cleared up some debts and quit smoking for good! You deserve a fvcking award for those two items alone! Looking forward to the next update

 

[samspade]

Nice work.

 

[guru1000]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnpRvOGZEm8

 

[zekko]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnpRvOGZEm8

"Now I can't do it for you. I'm too old". Lol.

Warrior, good to hear from you. I think this is the most positive I've ever heard you sound. I especially like what you said here:

"I stopped beating myself up for not being perfect. I'm gonna mess up, but as long as I'm moving forward and improving incrementally, I'm satisfied."

As long as we can keep things moving in a positive direction, that's a good thing.

 

[Warrior74]

Things are going about the same. I'm doing well in my job, I'm in a quasi-leadership position (meaning I have the responsibility but not the title). That's okay, I'm using it as an opportunity to learn how to lead in a corporate environment. I'm learning as much as I can about how all the parts of the company work together. My own little reconnaissance mission.

I'm 30lbs away from my weight loss goal. I slacked off for a while on the diet and exercise but now I'm back on the wagon.

I've started a reading regime. One career/goal related book, one biography. Right now I'm reading the E-Myth and Richard Branson's Losing My Virginity.

My confidence has been at an all time high. I've kinda fallen in love with myself? I know that sounds weird, does anyone else know what I mean? I just enjoy being me.

My only negative is that I have no homies. Most of my friends are stuck in marriages/kids/family/divorce (the ones in their 40s) or weed and video games (the ones in their late 20s early 30s). I need a social life. It'll come soon. No worries.

I won't lie, monk mode got old. I've started getting compliments from women and attention so I took some new pictures. I threw them on FB and saw which ones got the most likes. I picked the best and started on Tinder and OKC. Met a few chics...ended up banging a slightly chunky middle aged milf right off the bat.
**** DROUGHT BREAKER ****
2 dates and it was on. Head game was A+, the chunkiness was off putting. Face down ass up was the only way. The beast has been awakened. Currently chatting up a couple of other girls. But there's not much time for love because...

...I've been focusing on my income and increasing it. A few normal life surprises have robbed me of half emergency fund so I'm on the hunt for work to replenish it ASAP. I'm working on a project with a friend,something small and online that can earn me a few bucks in the next month to refill the emergency coffers.

I feel like things will work out, and even if my plans don't come to fruition, life is still good. I have my bills paid and I'm enjoying watching my daughter grow up and I enjoy spending time with my parents, I enjoy my work and I enjoy female attention but it's not the most important thing in the world. I'm just pretty content right now.

 

[ManhattanStatton]

anybody that uses the words Monk Mode is obviously a computer nerd that plays video games in his moms basement

 

[Warrior74]

anybody that uses the words Monk Mode is obviously a computer nerd that plays video games in his moms basement

Of course! Mom says I'm a catch! lol.

But seriously buddy. I read your other thread and if you're not a troll, a few months away from that woman and women in general while you focus on yourself might do you a world of good. It helped get me out of a very negative headspace that was poisoning my life. Sorry if I came off as harsh and hurt your feelz man, but it's time to toughen up. Good luck to you.

 

[Desdinova]

My confidence has been at an all time high. I've kinda fallen in love with myself? I know that sounds weird, does anyone else know what I mean? I just enjoy being me.

It doesn't sound weird to me. I think I'm one of the greatest men I know! Feels good though, doesn't it?

My only negative is that I have no homies. Most of my friends are stuck in marriages/kids/family/divorce (the ones in their 40s) or weed and video games (the ones in their late 20s early 30s). I need a social life. It'll come soon. No worries.

I've taken to having "acquaintances" at my regular hangouts. I rarely get to see my long-time friends because they're all into the 5hit that you mentioned. It does an okay job to fill the gap, but I kinda miss having a cool friend I can just call up and do 5hit with.

ended up banging a slightly chunky middle aged milf right off the bat.
**** DROUGHT BREAKER ****

You gotta start somewhere! The only direction is up. Most attractive women are taken. All you need to do is keep putting yourself out there to land one.

It's good to hear an update!

 

[Warrior74]

Merry Christmas from the middle of nowhere. I hope you all are doing well. Things have been crazy lately. In some ways, I've taken a step backward, but I think it's all for the greater good (the greater good). I currently have 2 plates. I'd rate them as a 5 and a 6. I have them on rotation, netflix and chill a couple of times, go out and do something exciting the next time. I try to switch it up and never let it get boring, but also not take up more than 3-4 hours of my time. I met them both on OK Cupid. I can firmly say that they are more into me than I am into them. I treat them well enough though. I don't make them pay for everything and sometimes I surprise them. I am hard at work on my business and I feel I'm about to turn a corner. I ran into some car troubles and a new boss who is a little ****head pencil pusher bluepiller will no backbone or manhood. I realize that I had gotten comfortable in the last few months. So now it's back to working on my businesses.
Good luck and happy New year to you all.

 

[synergy1]

Merry Christmas and keep it up. It sounds like you have finally gotten some forward momentum. This is where you keep getting those small incremental wins, and it gives you even more confidence to keep improving. It takes time, and takes patience when setbacks occur. I find that the setbacks are what makes you need to dig down, and actually obtain true improvement ( be it in your photography or what have you).

Good luck man