Mixed Signals on a First Date: A Delicate Balance of Interest and Pace

[Tyler2024]

Hey everyone,

I had a rather intriguing first date experience and would appreciate your insights.

The date shifted from a gym meet up to a ****tail bar and this was due to the advices I got here from you guys earlier this week, meeting her yesterday we spent around 45-60 minutes in conversation, comfortably engaging in diverse topics including sex, *******s and she even asked if I ever enjoy eating p***y. She was open and receptive.

Though there was a lot of comfortable physical interaction, but she wasn’t ready for a kiss when I asked. Interestingly, she proposed extending the date, but I had to decline due to other commitments, but I subtly teased her to come to mine if she want to and openly asked me to send my address kiss me on the chick as she hump into her Uber.

Post date, she initially agreed to come over to my place, planning to go home, change, and drive over in her car (she had arrived via Uber). However, after going home and texting me for my address, she called to express her hesitation, mentioning she felt rushed and wasn’t ready for a kiss and now she felt she ruined the night and also that she think she will be more comfortable in my place if she was ready.

This led to an almost hour-long phone conversation after the date, during which we discussed various topics, and she proposed a second date however I told her I will let her know. I sensed mixed signals and expressed the importance of mutual interest and the value of my time.

I’m now pondering a few things:

1. Was it too forward to ask about kissing on the first date?
2. Was engaging in bold conversation topics like sex too much for a first meeting?
3. Considering the mixed signals, is it worth investing more time and energy here?

Your experiences and advice would be invaluable as I try to understand whether I pushed the boundaries too soon or if this is just a matter of different expectations and pacing.

Thanks for your insights!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Sounds wonderful. Good on you!
Bottom line, when it comes to boundaries, these are matters that you can feel in the moment.
If you look underneath your desire energy and your needs, you can sense subtler sensations and thoughts and feelings letting you know the flow and balance of things.
It is by honouring these subtle communications that you build deep trust without any grand gesture happening at all.

1. It's wonderful to ask, and to learn, and to calibrate. Ask because you feel a desire arising, and learn by noticing how attuned your desire was to the interaction. It's also wonderful to show another person how a rejection affects you. Handling rejection with grace opens many doors.

2. Each meeting is different. Only you know this. The important question is, are you actually a connoisseur of pu55y-eating?

3. The mixed signals are based in trust-development. This is completely natural, particularly if you're not accustomed to stepping out of the mental layer and into the body. Are you to be trusted? You know what I mean. There are teachings to be had here, and that's much more interesting than sex. Either you get what you want, or you learn.

 

[Tyler2024]

Sounds wonderful. Good on you!
Bottom line, when it comes to boundaries, these are matters that you can feel in the moment.
If you look underneath your desire energy and your needs, you can sense subtler sensations and thoughts and feelings letting you know the flow and balance of things.
It is by honouring these subtle communications that you build deep trust without any grand gesture happening at all.

1. It's wonderful to ask, and to learn, and to calibrate. Ask because you feel a desire arising, and learn by noticing how attuned your desire was to the interaction. It's also wonderful to show another person how a rejection affects you. Handling rejection with grace opens many doors.

2. Each meeting is different. Only you know this. The important question is, are you actually a connoisseur of pu55y-eating?

3. The mixed signals are based in trust-development. This is completely natural, particularly if you're not accustomed to stepping out of the mental layer and into the body. Are you to be trusted? You know what I mean. There are teachings to be had here, and that's much more interesting than sex. Either you get what you want, or you learn.

Thanks for your insightful response. Your perspective on sensing the moment and learning from each interaction is really valuable. I’ll definitely keep these points in mind moving forward.

 

[pipeman84]

Oh man, what a cringe fest.
1. you ask for a kiss?
2. you talk about sex and eating pvssy with a girl you haven't kissed yet? First off, if you're a masculine guy and respect yourself, you shouldn't be eating pvssy unless she's a virgin, and secondly you shouldn't discuss these things with any random girl you met on an app. Let her talk about sex if she wishes to and use that to establish what kind of woman she is.
3. she doesn't want to be kissed, yet you invite her to your house?
4. almost hour long phone conversation to discuss various topics? Why not talk in person? It's evident that you misread her when face to face, so why choose a form of communication that offers more limitations?

 

[Tyler2024]

Sounds wonderful. Good on you!
Bottom line, when it comes to boundaries, these are matters that you can feel in the moment.
If you look underneath your desire energy and your needs, you can sense subtler sensations and thoughts and feelings letting you know the flow and balance of things.
It is by honouring these subtle communications that you build deep trust without any grand gesture happening at all.

1. It's wonderful to ask, and to learn, and to calibrate. Ask because you feel a desire arising, and learn by noticing how attuned your desire was to the interaction. It's also wonderful to show another person how a rejection affects you. Handling rejection with grace opens many doors.

2. Each meeting is different. Only you know this. The important question is, are you actually a connoisseur of pu55y-eating?

3. The mixed signals are based in trust-development. This is completely natural, particularly if you're not accustomed to stepping out of the mental layer and into the body. Are you to be trusted? You know what I mean. There are teachings to be had here, and that's much more interesting than sex. Either you get what you want, or you learn.

Thanks for your insightful response. Your perspective on sensing the moment and learning from each interaction is really valuable. I’ll definitely keep these points in mind moving forward.

Oh man, what a cringe fest.
1. you ask for a kiss?
2. you talk about sex and eating pvssy with a girl you haven't kissed yet? First off, if you're a masculine guy and respect yourself, you shouldn't be eating pvssy unless she's a virgin, and secondly you shouldn't discuss these things with any random girl you met on an app. Let her talk about sex if she wishes to and use that to establish what kind of woman she is.
3. she doesn't want to be kissed, yet you invite her to your house?
4. almost hour long phone conversation to discuss various topics? Why not talk in person? It's evident that you misread her when face to face, so why choose a form of communication that offers more limitations?

Oh man, what a cringe fest.
1. you ask for a kiss?
2. you talk about sex and eating pvssy with a girl you haven't kissed yet? First off, if you're a masculine guy and respect yourself, you shouldn't be eating pvssy unless she's a virgin, and secondly you shouldn't discuss these things with any random girl you met on an app. Let her talk about sex if she wishes to and use that to establish what kind of woman she is.
3. she doesn't want to be kissed, yet you invite her to your house?
4. almost hour long phone conversation to discuss various topics? Why not talk in person? It's evident that you misread her when face to face, so why choose a form of communication that offers more limitations?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Just to clarify, the context about her question was to illustrate the openness of our conversation; my initial post didn’t detail my response to her. It’s crucial to read posts thoroughly for a complete understanding.

Regarding inviting her to my house, it wasn’t a random decision. She suggested a second venue, which I couldn’t accommodate at the time, so I offered my place as an alternative if she still wanted to hang out.

While I appreciate your perspective, it seems to diverge from the advice I’m seeking. However, I do value open communication and differing viewpoints as we all navigate dating in our own unique ways.

 

[pipeman84]

I want to clarify that the context about the question she asked me “about eating *****” was just to illustrate the depth and rawness of our conversation.

My initial post didn’t specify my response to her.

The second point of my previous answer stands. To expand on it, what you call depth and rawness of conversation I interpret to be lacking frame and being un-calibrated in choosing conversation topics. Did you also talk about how long you spend sitting on the toilet and how much toilet paper you use to wipe your ass, or you didn't go that deep and raw?
Bottom line: if you had emanated masculinity and self respect she wouldn't have dared ask you something like this. Not at a bar, before you even kissed her. If she had asked as she was lying on the bed, after a round of hard sex, then it would've been different.

 

[SW15]

Your performance on this date with subpar and demonstrated a lack of knowledge about attraction-seduction. You're supposedly 32 years old, but you demonstrated the attraction-seduction knowledge of a 16-19 year old, average frustrated chump who has received zero guidance from a father, older brother, or older male cousin.

she wasn’t ready for a kiss when I asked.

Never ask for a kiss. The better way to do this is through light touching, physical escalation, and reading of body language.

Post date, she initially agreed to come over to my place, planning to go home, change, and drive over in her car (she had arrived via Uber). However, after going home and texting me for my address, she called to express her hesitation, mentioning she felt rushed and wasn’t ready for a kiss and now she felt she ruined the night and also that she think she will be more comfortable in my place if she was ready.

You don't invite someone who hasn't kissed you in a public place back to your home. If you don't get the first date kiss in public, you go home alone that night and decide if you want to offer her a second date. I don't offer second dates to anyone who won't kiss me in a public place after a typical 2 hour type drinks in a bar/multiple bars type date.

Even kissing alone isn't a sign that you should offer an invitation home.

This led to an almost hour-long phone conversation after the date, during which we discussed various topics, and she proposed a second date however I told her I will let her know. I sensed mixed signals and expressed the importance of mutual interest and the value of my time.

There's no point to an hour long phone conversation on the same night after an in-person date. If you want to talk on the phone with a date, do it multiple days after an in-person date. When I consider the fact that you are 32 and likely dating 21-32 year olds (later Millennials and Gen Z), it is amazing that you can talk on the phone with any of them. Millennials and Gen Z in general don't like to talk on a telephone.

1. Was it too forward to ask about kissing on the first date?
2. Was engaging in bold conversation topics like sex too much for a first meeting?
3. Considering the mixed signals, is it worth investing more time and energy here?

1. No, it wasn't. You sense the time is right for a kiss and go for it.

2. No, but you don't force the issue either. Generally, sex talk is a waste of time unless you're actively kissing and sex seems like a real possibility.

3. This interaction is dead and it was your average frustrated chump like behavior that killed it.

 

[Tyler2024]

Your performance on this date with subpar and demonstrated a lack of knowledge about attraction-seduction. You're supposedly 32 years old, but you demonstrated the attraction-seduction knowledge of a 16-19 year old, average frustrated chump who has received zero guidance from a father, older brother, or older male cousin.

Point taken!

Never ask for a kiss. The better way to do this is through light touching, physical escalation, and reading of body language.



You don't invite someone who hasn't kissed you in a public place back to your home. If you don't get the first date kiss in public, you go home alone that night and decide if you want to offer her a second date. I don't offer second dates to anyone who won't kiss me in a public place after a typical 2 hour type drinks in a bar/multiple bars type date.

Even kissing alone isn't a sign that you should offer an invitation home.



There's no point to an hour long phone conversation on the same night after an in-person date. If you want to talk on the phone with a date, do it multiple days after an in-person date. When I consider the fact that you are 32 and likely dating 21-32 year olds (later Millennials and Gen Z), it is amazing that you can talk on the phone with any of them. Millennials and Gen Z in general don't like to talk on a telephone.



1. No, it wasn't. You sense the time is right for a kiss and go for it.

2. No, but you don't force the issue either. Generally, sex talk is a waste of time unless you're actively kissing and sex seems like a real possibility.

3. This interaction is dead and it was your average frustrated chump like behavior that killed it.