men buying your girl gifts like this

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...WTF is wrong with this picture? A woman's cell phone rings and people go "alpha-apesh-t", but a man fvcks with you directly and people say "it's her problem". Seems to me the only time men here prefer to be alpha is around WOMEN. Not men...

Funny (alpha-apesh-t :crackup but it seems true.

Personally, I still say that this is still the best sign out of the entire thread:

...again, SHE is responsible for HER actions. if this type of seduction works on her because she is in a "tiff" with me, then good riddens.

 

[aliasguy]

I STILL say that we have NO evidence that the lawyer is "vulnerable." He is in the driver's seat, because of the OP's situation. He is a threat, I'll agree.

What to do..... I really dunno.


This is tough. You don't wanna be a wuss about it all, and get all defensive, but then, you don't want to let it go completely.


This is tough. I wouldn't want to be in this position.


Good luck, dude. I don't know WHAT to say.


(OP might have to put his foot down, but how to do this without seeming weak, I dunno.)

 

[aliasguy]

Everyone is. Everyone.

Yeah, maybe, but you are arguing that he's a threat. Why assume he is WEAK, when you asuume he is a problem?

If he is so WEAK, why worry about him at all?

I think the OP ought to see this guy as a REAL threat. REALLY.

 

[aliasguy]

OK, You win.

Why should the op worry about this guy, then?

with regard to his personal safety????

 

[iqqi]

I think things are taking a turn for the better, actually.

The lawyer is trying to get chummy with DJ. That is a good sign.

WAIT, though... Then again, the lawyer could've been doing that more so for the GF's approval, as in "see look at me, I'm a nice guy, a MATURE man, who can hang with your BF."

It was an ultimate DJ move.

Think about it.

You want to make a move on a girl with a BF. You get the girl to answer your phones, be your secretary (fantasy roles apply here). BF seems uncomfortable. You take BF out and buy him a drink. Get "buddy buddy". But not really.

The ultimate goal is still to bang the GF in the end.

This will remain a sticky tricky sitchi-ation.

OH, and her talking to the boss in that fashion while you were out, Joekerr and Concordian are right on the money. That was the main thing that alarmed me. They are totally "rapported" up, dear. They are BUDS. NOT good.

AND if he is handsome... you are FVCKED.

 

[iqqi]

No. It's not. Trust me, Iqqi. You're way off on this one.

Read it all!

I changed my opinion in mid type!

 

[joekerr31]

I think things are taking a turn for the better, actually.

The lawyer is trying to get chummy with DJ. That is a good sign.

WAIT, though... Then again, the lawyer could've been doing that more so for the GF's approval, as in "see look at me, I'm a nice guy, a MATURE man, who can hang with your BF."

It was an ultimate DJ move.

this guy has done this before, trust me. and its not so much a DJ move as it is a slime ball move.

what he's doing is trying to become a part of THEIR life. it seems totally innocent at first. but he's now inserted himself, if ever so slightly, into her personal life by hanging out with her and her bf.

this then allows him to start bringing up the bf in conversations and it doesn't seem strange. it also allows him to, on a regular basis, ask her how her bf is doing (since he has hung out with him, it won't seem out of place to be asking about how he is doing).

because this line of conversation / questioning can now be done without it seeming intrusive or odd, he will use it to get a constant sense for how their relationship is doing.

all this guy wants to know, all he is waiting for, is a window of opportunity. he is a big fat AFC because he doesn't have the balls to make a move - instead he's going to orbit her, throw gifts at her, and regularly check the tempurature on her relationship.

this guy will move on her if the opportunity arises.

doesn't surprise me that he's acting like this, he's a lawyer. this is what lawyers do, wait for the other side to make a mistake and then jump on it.

 

[Latinoman]

and you think this is a good sign?

dude, this is yet another bad sign. would you swear at your boss and tell them to shut up?

what it tells you is that they have a 'chummy' relationship when you are not around and they've reached that comfort level where she can talk back to him.

I agree 100%. That's perhaps the WORST of any of the signs.

 

[Latinoman]

but a man fvcks with you directly and people say "it's her problem". Seems to me the only time men here prefer to be alpha is around WOMEN. Not men.

THAT'S AFC. THAT'S WEAK BEHAVIOR.

Listen...it is not a crime to buy an employee a watch. And it is not a crime to take an employee for drinks.

If he happens to make innuendos to her...and she ALLOWS it and STILL going for drinks with him (kind of encouraging him)...then there is NOTHING he can do about it...other than talk to her.

 

[Latinoman]

You cannot go like Amante Silvestre (which is the approach many jealous/insecure/or abusive men follow), because it sends the wrong message to her. He will lose her in the process too. And besides...no man should be "challenged"...unless you are willing to go all the way. I know if somebody tries to intimidate me...that person better be willing to follow up with more than that as I don't take that crap. Confrontation should be the last resort as once you confront somebody, you must be willing to be able to go all the way.

Here is the thing...and how I operate.

I had a gorgeous/sexy wife and my last two LTR have been with extremely attractive/sexy woman. All three of them got hit on ALL the time.

1- If a man knows that I am my girlfriend’s boyfriend…and that man happens to work with her/is her boss/or is her friend/etc. (in another words, is part of her circle)…and they make a move on her then she will have to put a stop to that crap. And she does that by discouraging that behavior. If after trying to put a stop…they continue (knowing well who I am and that I am her man)…then I have no choice but to deal with them. IF she does not do anything to discourage the behavior...then in this case I would dump her.

2- If that man is not part of her circle…let’s say he is part of my circle …and he is blatantly hitting on her (knowing well that I am her man)…then I have no choice but to deal with him. Of course, she will also discourage the behavior, but I will have to deal with the situation too.

3- If the man is a stranger…and knows that I am with her (because he sees me with her) and hits on her…I have no choice but to deal with him.

4- If the man is a stranger…and does NOT know that I am with her…and hits on her…it is up to her to deal with him.

This guy's is situation #1.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, I actually agree. I think he's looking at his woman in the proper light. But at the same time, I don't think it's right to just sit back and always react passively. I think we both understand that by the time a lot of guys realize what's really going on, it's too late to do anything about it. It's too far along.

I'm just coming from the point of view that, yes, it is her responsibility to react in a certain way, but at the same time, you don't have to be a passive doormat in the process.

If this was all over a stupid watch, I would be on the same page as everyone else. But this lawyer is not laying low. He's not just trying to flirt with the girl. He's trying to screw with this guy's head too.

I've done this myself many times. This is very aggressive game. What this lawyer is trying to do is turn this guy into a wreck. He's trying to get this guy jealous so his girlfriend sees him as irrational, and it's beginning to take hold. It's very effective. This guy is here posting about it. He's wondering what she's doing. It's part of the very intentional game this lawyer is playing with him.

The idea is to make him such a nervous wreck about what's going on that he starts to act irrational. This convinces the woman to second guess her realtionship with him, because in contrast, the lawyer will seem much more reasonable. She'll go to him when problems in the relationship start. He's slowly splitting them up.

Jesus. I know. I've done it. This guy has to stop it by acting directly with the lawyer in private ways. Trust me.

I agree completely. The problem like you said is that guys tend to (re)act way too late then inevitably try to jump from one polar extreme (nice, AFC, :nono: "rebound guy") to the other far end of the spectrum (head butting, feces throwing, alpha ape-sh-t, neanderthals) in an attempt to reclaim their manhood. It's actually funny to watch and I've heard stories from women who had experienced this and they say that at least their freak outs are on a schedule.

This lawyer guy is just acting out the same things that associates in law firms do to one another to keep the upper hand. This guy is his own boss so his playground is the entire world; no one is safe. He's already displayed his character with men, women, parents, whomever is within earshot and it would make most guys concerned in comparison to his perceived status. Personally I think its a waste of effort to worry about it and DavenJuan has the right attitude. If his girl is easily swayed by such things she can have him, she's not his type after all.

 

[DavenJuan]

looking at this from a generic picture kindve leaves alot of questions unanswered. let me try to shed some light...

Joe, cordon, latinoman, etc.....

in reference to her speaking to him like that. i can see why it would look like a BAD thing. i actually would think the same thing IF i didnt know my gf.

the biggest issue (if there is one) is that remember he is a regular at her bar she works at. he has been going there WELL before she started working for him.

that is her personality. she talks to people at the bar the same way that hit on her.

Their is MORE than a employee - employer relationship there because she seems him when the shirt and tie is off and knows what he is like when hes drunk and obnoxious.

joe- again, i dont LIKE the guy. i think he is an obnoxious retard. however he is pretty entertaining. kind of like the guy at the bar thats always their, and you know when he gets drunk you are in for a treat because he starts hitting on the bartender and talking to everyone.

Iq - this guy is NOT ATTRACTIve by any means. he is 5'5" with a napoleon complex. very hairy and bald. as far as LOOKS are concerned, their is NO ISSUE.

Amante- you have brought up the biggest issue here. CONFIDENCE, CONTROL, CHALLENGE. where do you draw the line? no i do not want to SIT and wait for something to happen. i should be a man of ACTION. however even if i did go to him "privately" and talked with him, what reason is their for him NOT to go to my gf and tell her our conversation?

IMO thats even worse than telling her directly.

"your bf went behind your back to talk to me about the watch i gave you and my intentions...haha." "tell him he is paranoid, i am just a nice guy like that and treat all women i know with the same respect and treat them well. you need to dump this loser if he doesnt trust you blah blah blah"

its a tough position to be in. i figured i would gauge alot from going to dinner with him and see how much of a threat he really is.

i got nothing. he came off very AFCish. he was annoying.

i wanted to also get my gf opinion on him. MY boss asked her at our christmas dinner at his house how she liked working at her new job. she told him she was "learning lots and liked it, but she really doesnt like her bosses ways" and she left it at that.

now what does that mean? his ways with women? the way he treats her?

my assumption was that she knows he is a pig.

trust me when i say this guy regardless of his intentions IMO is a complete joke. he mentioned at dinner that he was going to take us to Jamacia for our wedding! im mean come on. do i realy think my gf is that shallow she falls for this type of behavor?

he proceeds to say how lucky i am and that my gf is extremely faithful.

my response was " if im in a relationship its not a BENEFIT to have a faithful partner....its expected"

 

[DavenJuan]

..btw...

we ARENT getting married. he just made that statement about jamacia.

another thing.. the reason why I AM not concerned with the way she talks to him is because it tells me she can care less what he thinks

i see her talk to people like that ALL THE TIME. more importantly its how he RESPONDED to her speaking to him like that. he just put his fork back in his mouth and shut up.

for her, THAT in itself if anything, was a big turn off.

 

[speed dawg]

Daven,

You should have said (in response to the tit buying comment): "No thanks, pal. I like her tits just the way they are. Maybe you should spend that money on a penis enlarger" or something to that effect.

You have to deal with this crap without getting mad. This hotshot restaurant owner was trying to game my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago. While he never disrespected me to my face, I knew the game he was playing. He made comments to her all the time. Well, when I met him, I shook the sh!t out of his hand and then asked him what happened in one of his failed restaurant exploits. Put him on the defensive real quick.

As far as what you should do now, after everything's said and done? Pull back I guess. Don't perceive, in your mind, that this guy is more alpha than you. Tricky situation, but I probably would just quit giving a fukk and withdraw my emotional attention from the girl. That's all I know to tell you to do.

 

[mzilla2]

this guy has done this before, trust me. and its not so much a DJ move as it is a slime ball move.

what he's doing is trying to become a part of THEIR life. it seems totally innocent at first. but he's now inserted himself, if ever so slightly, into her personal life by hanging out with her and her bf.

this then allows him to start bringing up the bf in conversations and it doesn't seem strange. it also allows him to, on a regular basis, ask her how her bf is doing (since he has hung out with him, it won't seem out of place to be asking about how he is doing).

because this line of conversation / questioning can now be done without it seeming intrusive or odd, he will use it to get a constant sense for how their relationship is doing.

all this guy wants to know, all he is waiting for, is a window of opportunity. he is a big fat AFC because he doesn't have the balls to make a move - instead he's going to orbit her, throw gifts at her, and regularly check the tempurature on her relationship.

this guy will move on her if the opportunity arises.

doesn't surprise me that he's acting like this, he's a lawyer. this is what lawyers do, wait for the other side to make a mistake and then jump on it.

I think this is exactly what is/will happen, orbiting with intent. He will also, throught the course of the work and after work interaction with her, place constant seeds of doubt about the boyfriends suitability for her... ie: income, career, attention, etc...

Ideas on how to head that off?

 

[DavenJuan]

I think this is exactly what is/will happen, orbiting with intent. He will also, throught the course of the work and after work interaction with her, place constant seeds of doubt about the boyfriends suitability for her... ie: income, career, attention, etc...

Ideas on how to head that off?

I completely agree. as a matter of fact, i would be SHOCKED if this wasnt the case.

but you and joe are forgetting the most important thing...

IF this is all it takes for her to cheat, lie, whatever, then so be it.

he plants little seeds in her head and she runs for the hills? Why is this my problem?

i think i thought this way for a long time, but her being a bartender i realized awhile ago that it is a waste of my time to concern myself with what people say, do, or act in regards to any gf of mine. i have NO CONTROL over what ppl say to her, plant in her head, or in this case...GIVE HER.

For example:

a guy walks into the bar. charming, good looking, money. hes a doctor. he sees my gf and starts throwing comments at her, blah blah blah. asks about me and belittles my career, my suitability, blah blah.

how do i prevent this? i cant. its not for me to prevent. if thiis is all it takes for her to move on, then she did me a favor. i dont want to waste my time on someone like this.

now.. she may find this "doctor" attractive, she may like the fact he provides financial wealth and can give her whatever she wants and desires. She likes the way he dresses, she thinks he smells wonderful

then she starts to think, my bf doesnt look THAT good in his suit. he isnt making THAT kindve money.

..but at the end of the day, he is not ME. and if she or any gf loses sight of that and cheats, then I AM the one who benefits.

 

[MacAvoy]

For example:

a guy walks into the bar. charming, good looking, money. hes a doctor. he sees my gf and starts throwing comments at her, blah blah blah. asks about me and belittles my career, my suitability, blah blah.

how do i prevent this? i cant. its not for me to prevent.

Then why even make this thread? Why are we discussing something, if there is nothing you can do?


How much time / emotion do you have invested in this women? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this women?

 

[DavenJuan]

Then why even make this thread? Why are we discussing something, if there is nothing you can do?


How much time / emotion do you have invested in this women? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this women?

you are missing what im trying to say. what i mean is i have NO CONTROL over what OTHER PEOPLE do. men will be men. AFC or not. women will be women. some will respond irrationally and some will make better choices.

this specific post you are qouting was a response to someone saying "how do you prevent this" referring to men easying their way in your relationship and making advances.

my response was, i have no control over that.

the reason why i started this thread initially, just like every other thread i start, is to gain insight on others opinions and how they may look at the given situation.

IMO , sharing stories can someimes keep you on track from not making AFC mistakes and even sometimes open your eyes to specific situations.

now i am NOT saying their is NOTHING i can do. maybe their is something that can be done, but before starting this thread i wasnt sure what that is. honestly i am still not sure what that is.

what i DO know, is i cant control other peoples behavors including my gf. she is responsible for her actions just as much as the men who attempt to push themselves on to her.

im not looking to 'prevent" this, im looking at different views on how we all would handle it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

From the beginning I didn't believe this guy was a threat. Now that DavenJuan has given more background info, I really don't think this guy is a threat. Like DJ said, he's amusing to watch. If by some strange quirk of fate or misalignment of the planets DJ's girl falls for this guy, DJ will definitely be better off without her.

 

[MacAvoy]

Daven,

I certainly understand where your coming from and agree that you've got your eyes open and are aware of whats going on around you. However I fail to agree that my previous advice is AFC. What is AFC about a man not allowing a women to disrespect him? DJ's don't stand for that.

I concur with Latinoman's approach:

Here is the thing...and how I operate.

1- If a man knows that I am my girlfriend’s boyfriend…and that man happens to work with her/is her boss/or is her friend/etc. (in another words, is part of her circle)…and they make a move on her then she will have to put a stop to that crap. And she does that by discouraging that behavior. If after trying to put a stop…they continue (knowing well who I am and that I am her man)…then I have no choice but to deal with them. IF she does not do anything to discourage the behavior...then in this case I would dump her.

You have to give your women a chance to brush off the men like your g/f does at the bar. However scenario 2, she's allowed it to go beyond that. Thats where you have to stand up for yourself and dump her.

She's a branch swinging monkey, sure she hasn't jumped yet, but she's got the other branch lined up. You have to make it loud and clear that its not acceptable behaviour. You do so by not telling her that she can't have these man friends showering her with gifts but by dumping her because your not wasting your time with a women who disrespects you like that.

Why are you putting up with disrespectful behaviour?