MARRIAGE - what is a PUA's long-term plan?

[l e g e n d a r y]

Hi guys, I'm currently 27, I'm good looking and pretty confident with women. I'm the type of guy women want to be with in a long-term relationship. At 27, most of my friends are either engaged or married, I have gone from LTR to LTR and have never been able to stay interested for more than a year or so. It seems to me that most people are emotionally needy and are DESPERATE to settle down with someone AKA marriage for marriages sake...lets just conform because everyone else is doing it, lol. I am NOT emotionally needy at all, lol. I have always been very focused on my business goals and hobbies. I'm also an athiest, don't believe in god, and don't believe in the concept of marriage (AKA a business document to signify an emotional feeling...not a good idea....add to that wasting tons of money on a few hours of one day to make girl happy/ impress family/friends) As I watch friends get married, I see how there social lives change into complete boredom, as they get stuck into bull**** like "Obligated to sit at home with the wife, because her cousins from new jersey are coming over" lol...I can see myself as very happy just getting with different girls and into relationships for a few months at a time. My close married friends say that I will be lonely if I go that route for the long-term, and honestly I do get lonely from time to time, but I have also felt lonely while in a relationship, and truly feel the freedom of being single (AKA not having to "check-in"/ and the ability to do what I want when I want) outweighs the occasional loneliness. But here is the one question that makes me think: what happens as I get older? What will it be like at 40, 50, 60, 80? I do not have kids, but would like to have them eventually...is it possible to be TRULY HAPPY in life, being single, never getting married, and having/raising kids outside of marriage?? I am very interested what PUA's in there 30's and 40's think about this...

 

[Slickster]

Don't let your friend's marriages be your guide. Ignore any pressure you feel from others to get married. Ignore all the "negative" things you hear about marriage. Also ignore the "positives". If someday down the road you do decide to get married, do it on your terms and for your reasons.

Enjoy your 20's and 30's and stay free if that is what you want. That is what I did and I had all but given up on the idea of "love" or "marriage". However that is around the time I met my wife.

Before I got married I heard every warning and horror story imaginable. I refused to be scared off by other guys bad experiences because I trusted my own instincts. I still hear other guys telling me horror stories but I do not have any of my own.

I've been married now for 3.5 yrs and I'm very happy. If it ended tomorrow and I stayed single for the rest of my days, I'd be happy with that too.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I've been married now for 3.5 yrs and I'm very happy. If it ended tomorrow and I stayed single for the rest of my days, I'd be happy with that too.

Right on, perfect outlook.

My opinion is that life should just get better and better as you age. If not, find out what's wrong, and fix it.

As crazy as this sounds to younger guys, in their 20's, and such. You really don't realize how young you are. I remember distinctively, like it was yesterday, being 27 and feeling 'old' as though I should be married with kids on the way.

At 38, I feel actually 'younger' than I did at 27. I'm in better physical shape, more confident, I know so much more about what I want out of life, I don't have a care in the world. I do what I want, when I want, and embrace life to the fullest.

I'm seeing 3 different women now. Women don't disappear as you get older. In fact, it seems they are easier and more available, in all ages.

My best advise to anyone in their 20's with these concerns...don't worry about it!!! Make the best of your 20's, and 30's, and just enjoy life! You are too young to sweat this stuff....it all works out.

 

[Colossus]

I'm not married, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

I think that viewing marriage as inherently BAD in and of itself is just as much of a fallacy as expecting it will bring you all this happiness and wholeness. It is VERY easy to get caught up in all the horror stories of marriage, and I can tell you I've had WAY more guys tell me that it was a mistake than tell me it's wonderful.

Personally I dont think the government should be involved in marriage; this is part of what makes it so miserable for some people. You have no easy out. As a male you have very little leverage once you have papers with a woman. I think there are some benefits to the stability of a marriage, but I dont think you need the state's approval to get this. Problem is, good luck convincing any woman you dont want to sign a marriage license.

A good idea would be to sign a prenup, but these dont protect what you buy within the marriage. A better idea would be to find a woman who doesnt want your sh!t, just you.

I have some friends who are married and very happy. I have had some who were downright miserable. Just do it on your own terms, never just for the sake of it.

 

[Colossus]

This year, I'm going to hike the Appalachian Trail, alone, and I look forward to it. I don't need anyone to accompany me. in fact, i kind of prefer doing it alone.

That's insane man...you'll be gone like 6 months!

I knew a guy a few years ago who did it alone. He met a lot of people along the way, and actually hiked much of it with them. He said there were long stretches (3-5 days) of total solo time though; not seeing another human being.

Good luck! I'd recommend you carry a sidearm.

 

[Burroughs]

Chris Rock makes a nice point about this..he says to quote "people are either married and bored or single and lonely...ain't no happiness anywhere!"

If you truly find a way to be happy and centered you'll be among a rare breed.

Don't expect women to see this however...misery loves company and most women are deeply miserable.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Don't be so eager to put on the handcuffs. Guys don't even enter their prime sexual market value until they're 30 and the longer you hold off the more your value accrues.

Stop thinking like a woman. You don't have to worry about hitting the Wall or dying some lonely old cat lady. The only reason men feel compelled to get married at your age is because they've been convinced of women's own fears that they've projected on them.

 

[FairShake]

I dunno dude...I always look a little shifty at dudes and chicks who aren't married. They are often either closet gays or really weird. That may not be you but people will think it...Marriage isn't so bad by the way.

Guys who don't get married often end up lonely drunks. Women who don't end up getting often end up frigid high-achieving *****es. Ironically women are the ones who really want to get married. Craaaaazy.

 

[synergy1]

Don't be so eager to put on the handcuffs. Guys don't even enter their prime sexual market value until they're 30 and the longer you hold off the more your value accrues.

Stop thinking like a woman. You don't have to worry about hitting the Wall or dying some lonely old cat lady. The only reason men feel compelled to get married at your age is because they've been convinced of women's own fears that they've projected on them.

I am amazed at the urgency many guys have in order to get married simply because everyone else is doing it. One of my co workers is literally shaken up to the core about breaking up with his LTR ( he is 27), and thought he should have been on his way to marriage by now. The one thing this web page has given us is the way to look past these irrational fears.

 

[Zunder]

Don't be so eager to put on the handcuffs. Guys don't even enter their prime sexual market value until they're 30 and the longer you hold off the more your value accrues.

Stop thinking like a woman. You don't have to worry about hitting the Wall or dying some lonely old cat lady. The only reason men feel compelled to get married at your age is because they've been convinced of women's own fears that they've projected on them.

So why did you get married Rollo?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It seemed like a good idea at the time for the same reasons. I got lucky.

Dalrock has a great post about exactly this marriage signal dynamic:

http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/the-weakened-signal/

 

[Poonani Maker]

All I care about is sex, in the true traditional sense of Don Juan Demarco. I get high off of fvcking a girl and her starting to cling to me, and then fading away never calling her again. The same one would seriously begin to bore me and my life, I'd say almost even if she was a 9 or a 10.

 

[TempleCat]

Honestly, I know exactly how you feel. I am now 47. When I was 27ish I faced the same questions. Mainly because some guys(married, of course) put me in that position of "you`re not married yet!" in a less than respectful way. I was looking for "the right one", as they say. I wasn`t going out and getting laid by different chicks, so I "wasn`t performing my manly obligations". So I did what I had to do. I am the kind of guy who women seemed to want as friends, but not lovers. I wasn`t happy about it, but thats the way it was. So I hit the old "campaign trail". Always found that single women were more interested in manipulating my feelings with head games, and then dumping me. Finally decided to settle with one who was separating, with kids (Warning! Kids who are not yours, coupled with a pizzed off ex-spouse WILL mess you up, and never stop. You`ve seen Home Alone, right?). I have lived that. And it all started by "friends" who made me feel like I had to be married. Keep in mind, that while America has the highest marriage rates, we also have the highest divorce rates too. And this period in Our world, is NOT a time to be married. Why? Because of the current attitudes of women. Women, in the workplace, are not like men. Men don`t judge us by the wives we pick. Women do judge one another by this. And if they think your wife can do better, they will muck it all up for you. Take it from one who knows. As far as religion, I am religious, however I dont wear it on my sleeve, so to speek. But this doesn`t change my feelings about marriage. I envy you for still being free. Over the years, you lose that in marriage(quickly, say, 6months), you become a full time azz kisser. Seriously. And you won`t profit from it with them, either. With all the stress I`ve had over the years, it effected my health, in a big way.
As for kids, I have a daughter, and she`s the best thing that ever happened in my life. I love this girl like nothing other. What you do here, I can`t say, cause its a catch 22. Do what YOU think is best. You yourself truly know in your heart what is best for you, don`t let everyone else tell you what is best. Good Luck my friend.

 

[Burroughs]

nice dalrock rollo another:

http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/40-years-of-ultimatums/

excerpt:

Social Conservatives and Feminists have been pretty happy with this deal for the last 40 years. What could possibly go wrong? Now along come men like Roissy and Roosh who say to young men not only do you not have to spend your youth in grinding celibacy, but you don’t need to sign up to marry a brassy sassy career gal slut who just as likely as not will deny you sex and/or take you to the cleaners while ripping your children away from you. They will teach young men how to pass the decade or so they would otherwise wait for their wife to tire of slutting around. Even better, they will teach them how to have all the sex they want with the youngest, prettiest women, all without having to knock themselves out career wise. Feminists and Traditional Conservatives gave men lemons; Roissy and Roosh taught them how to make lemonade.

Who reading this doesn’t understand that this was absolutely bound to happen? Why is anyone surprised at this? After 40 years of cumulative one sided demands (and concessions), men now see another option. Feminists and Traditional Conservatives are furious. How dare they choose something else! But they are the ones who turned marriage from a lifetime partnership to a way women can defraud men. They are the ones who told women to slut it up in their 20s and told men to wait for marriage until the women were done. They were the ones who denigrated the status of husband from leader of the family to cowering scapegoat. All I can say is they should get used to it. If it took 40 years of one sided demands to get here, it could easily take as long to move back to equilibrium (assuming it does).

 

[Zarky]

Marry her if she's super beautiful and super rich, and not necessarily in that order. All others pass on.

 

[Aaron B]

The only reason men feel compelled to get married at your age is because they've been convinced of women's own fears that they've projected on them.

i agree 100%

although it seems likely that some men are searching for meaning and mistakenly believe they will find it if they get married

he's completed his education, he's experienced success in his career, now marriage and children are the next logical step...

so maybe i agree 98% then

 

[Nutz]

I can see myself as very happy just getting with different girls and into relationships for a few months at a time. My close married friends say that I will be lonely if I go that route for the long-term, and honestly I do get lonely from time to time, but I have also felt lonely while in a relationship, and truly feel the freedom of being single (AKA not having to "check-in"/ and the ability to do what I want when I want) outweighs the occasional loneliness.

I'm right there with you and completely understant.

But here is the one question that makes me think: what happens as I get older? What will it be like at 40, 50, 60, 80? I do not have kids, but would like to have them eventually...is it possible to be TRULY HAPPY in life, being single, never getting married, and having/raising kids outside of marriage?? I am very interested what PUA's in there 30's and 40's think about this...

Read this:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/the-myth-of-the-lonely-old-man/

 

[mrRuckus]

Not so for men. No one cares, really, if a man never marries.

Why are there all those articles talking about loser men that don't grow up and get married then?

It may not be as bad, but people do question why a man isn't married. Girls quickly will insult you with stuff like "no wonder why you're single" without giving a second thought that maybe you choose to be.

 

[AW1983]

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/the-myth-of-the-lonely-old-man/

Another brilliant article by Rollo. Thanks for linking it man. I'm working my way backwards (chronologically) through the posts at Rational Male and hadn't got to this one yet.

Girls quickly will insult you with stuff like "no wonder why you're single" without giving a second thought that maybe you choose to be.

NEXT. Seriously I would laugh in their face and say "and when I meet women like you, marriage is sooooo tempting" since I'm assuming only an old married shrew would venture such vitriol.

 

[GhengisT]

Eye opener: http://solomonreborn.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/proverb-14-the-marriage-zone/