Many posts have tried to explain the attraction a woman has to a man in terms of our evolution from living in caves. They have said that it calls to her basic need for physical safety, for status (and thus social safety), and for procreation with a good gene pool.
Arguments against it have said that women think about what they are doing, and they look for more sophisticated attributes than strong build, good looks, and status.
Both sides have it right -- women respond to deep callings for strength in a man, yet those callings are updated for today's complex world. Here's a conversation I had last night with a girlfriend.
Her: "I want a strong man."
Me: "Yeah, one who makes me feel like a woman!"
Her: "Exactly! Only a man can make me feel like a woman. I want him to take the lead. I'll run my business, pay my bills -- I'll compete hard every day in my world, and I'll come out on top. But when it comes to my man, I want to let go and surrender."
Me: "I'll choose a man who leads me where I want to follow."
Her: "An alpha male."
Me: "There's only one in every group, you know."
Her: "Yeah, but I know I'm worth it. I'm the best, and I deserve The Man!"
Me: "He's somebody I can exalt. I have the power to make a man more than he is, more than he believes he can be. I want to put my power to work with someone who has enough potential to make use of that kind of power. An alpha male is the man for me, too."
Her: "I think a strong man goes better with a strong woman because she adds to his power and enhances it instead of draining it. Most men feel intimidated by me being strong. I can do a lot of things as well or better than they can."
Me: "I know what you mean. You feel like you have to pull back so they won't feel emasculated. You can't go all out, or they can't lead any more, because you're out in front. You have to find somebody 'more' than you so you can follow without pulling back."
Her: "He should be a manly man."
Me: "I like muscles. And shoulders. The man I'm most attracted to right now is 13 inches taller than me and built like a wrestler."
Her: "Shoulders!" <laughs> "I feel so tiny next to my guy, the one I'm eyeing -- he's six-six, and strong. But I feel protected and safe."
Me: "I like tucking up under his arm. I feel kind of shallow when I think those things, but that's the way I feel."
Her: "Well, you know, it's like it's genetic, going back through evolution to be attracted to a strong male, because it keeps the race going."
Me: "I think there are other reasons. Say he's good at fixing things, like cars or faucets, or computer code. That gives me the idea that he'll carry that trait through to fixing things like relationships. The same tenacity, creativity, and intelligence that he applies to fixing objects he'll apply to fixing things between us."
Her: "He won't just give up."
Me: "Or suppose he is adventurous, and likes boat racing or mountain climbing or entrepreneurial start-ups. Those traits might apply to an adventurous relationship that doesn't stagnate, and continues to be refreshed with new inputs and excitement."
Her: "Evolution gets an update through our selection filters." <laughs>
Arguments against it have said that women think about what they are doing, and they look for more sophisticated attributes than strong build, good looks, and status.
Both sides have it right -- women respond to deep callings for strength in a man, yet those callings are updated for today's complex world. Here's a conversation I had last night with a girlfriend.
Her: "I want a strong man."
Me: "Yeah, one who makes me feel like a woman!"
Her: "Exactly! Only a man can make me feel like a woman. I want him to take the lead. I'll run my business, pay my bills -- I'll compete hard every day in my world, and I'll come out on top. But when it comes to my man, I want to let go and surrender."
Me: "I'll choose a man who leads me where I want to follow."
Her: "An alpha male."
Me: "There's only one in every group, you know."
Her: "Yeah, but I know I'm worth it. I'm the best, and I deserve The Man!"
Me: "He's somebody I can exalt. I have the power to make a man more than he is, more than he believes he can be. I want to put my power to work with someone who has enough potential to make use of that kind of power. An alpha male is the man for me, too."
Her: "I think a strong man goes better with a strong woman because she adds to his power and enhances it instead of draining it. Most men feel intimidated by me being strong. I can do a lot of things as well or better than they can."
Me: "I know what you mean. You feel like you have to pull back so they won't feel emasculated. You can't go all out, or they can't lead any more, because you're out in front. You have to find somebody 'more' than you so you can follow without pulling back."
Her: "He should be a manly man."
Me: "I like muscles. And shoulders. The man I'm most attracted to right now is 13 inches taller than me and built like a wrestler."
Her: "Shoulders!" <laughs> "I feel so tiny next to my guy, the one I'm eyeing -- he's six-six, and strong. But I feel protected and safe."
Me: "I like tucking up under his arm. I feel kind of shallow when I think those things, but that's the way I feel."
Her: "Well, you know, it's like it's genetic, going back through evolution to be attracted to a strong male, because it keeps the race going."
Me: "I think there are other reasons. Say he's good at fixing things, like cars or faucets, or computer code. That gives me the idea that he'll carry that trait through to fixing things like relationships. The same tenacity, creativity, and intelligence that he applies to fixing objects he'll apply to fixing things between us."
Her: "He won't just give up."
Me: "Or suppose he is adventurous, and likes boat racing or mountain climbing or entrepreneurial start-ups. Those traits might apply to an adventurous relationship that doesn't stagnate, and continues to be refreshed with new inputs and excitement."
Her: "Evolution gets an update through our selection filters." <laughs>
