Making up for lost times

[Analytic]

Is any of you guys at age 26+ feel the need to make up for lost youth/time? its weird, when I was 25 time isn't as important as when I turned 26. Now I have a huge need to fill a void that I missed in my early 20's. For the past few days I didn't want to waste any minutes of my days, I did everything necessary to make back the last 4 years.

If you guys had to choose, which would you choose?

A. didn't really waste your youth, have relationships, approach girls, have education. You can say that you live ok, you didn't do your best, you have little regrets because what you think you did is good enough. Likely to have mediocre future life to well off because you dint fully realize your potential.

B. Waste alot of time, have big regrets. Determine to live life to the fullest after experiencing the pain, likely to succeed much bigger because of determination after hitting rock bottom. Make alot of money, date alot of girls. Very successful in wealth and woman in future life.

 

[Master Bates]

I'm totally there dude. I'll be 26 in two months. Nobody wasted their teens and college-years youth socially/sexually/etc more than me. I've got you beat, I can assure you. It really is a crappy feeling, like you feel as though you missed out on what everybody else says are the best years of their lives. Those years of youth when you're old enough to be able to f*ck around, but young enough to blame it on being young and stupid; the years where your peers are still kids who are going through new experiences just like you're supposed to

I don't know if I'll ever get over it, I suppose that depends on what I do to make up for it. I try to focus on the fact that the past is the past and shouldn't have any bearing on how I enjoy my life now, and that if I could choose between having an awesome past and a boring future, or a boring past and an awesome future, I'd take the latter. But youth is one of, perhaps the most prized possession to people, and once it slips away it's gone forever and there's nothing you can do about it. If you missed out on that, it can be hard to just 'let go'.

 

[joekerr31]

fascinating topic. i was just talking about this recently with a friend.

here are my insights.

why do we idolize youth and the years when we were younger? really a day is a day, whether you are 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50. its 24 hours.

the reason is that when you are young the future is up for grabs. its the great unknown. you have no idea whats coming down the road. and in the unknown there is hope. there is room to dream and to have hope that those dreams will become reality.

when you get older, you get a job, you get a routine, etc. more importantly, the peopel around you get a routine, which then forces you into routine as well. people have mortages, kids, etc.

also many of your youthful dreams don't come true, and as a result you stop dreaming. after all, what is the point?

this is why getting older is hard on a lot of people. because they realize that time is running out and that they are truly trapped in whatever their life has become. even some of the most successful people still feel trapped - because there are simply very few surprises left, and the ones that are left are often negative ones. hehe.

given this, i think what is rarer in life are people who find their passion later in life and manage to live passionately while everyone else trudges along. its easy to be passionate in your youth when you are ignorant of so much of life. but its truly amazing if you can wade through all of lifes ugliness and somehow come out still excited about each and every day.

now as for wasting your youth, its MUCH more common than people think. even people who 'lived' it up often look back on those years with regret. youth is filled with hardships, more so than your 'mature' years i think.

almost everything is difficult when you are young.

really the only thing difficult about being mature is that there is less time left on the clock and facing the reality that in you aren't going to be the next al pacino or president of the united states.

personally id much rather enjoy my later years (when i've got money!) than my younger years when i didn't appreciate the value in having a good time like i do now.

the ONE thing I think would be really cool though would be if the present me (at age 32) could go back to when i was say 18 and give myself advice - kind of a back to the future thing.

life has turned out ok so far for me, but man, if i could have councelled myself with the lessons i've learned over the years - wow, life could have turned out truly magical.

 

[speakeasy]

I'm 31 and feel that way, so don't feel bad about being 26. Time is still on your side. I wish I could start over in my mid 20s knowing what I know now.

 

[joekerr31]

oh the one piece of advice i'd give anyone, at any stage of their life, is to work out. being physically healthy and fit is key to enjoying life at any age.

 

[armadon]

Man I ****ed up big in my twenties and have no regrets. I'm 31 now and have learned so much because of it that it's unreal. You have to fail in order to succeed so you know what it's like to be on top. I was a loser and now that I've climbed out of that hole it's time to build the tower.

 

[Analytic]

Good insight Joe, I think with age we just become more realistic. We realize that to make things happen, we have to go out there and get it ourselves. When we were younger, we have hopes that things will workout somehow.

I agree with the working out. I am a pretty good shape, some people thinks I am still in my teens if you can believe that. People say age is just a number, this is true. What matters is how you take care of your body. A guy who live it up, drinks and smokes is likely to be "older" then me because his body decay faster. Its an open mind to think this way but society ingrain age so much into our brain like birthday's and new years that it's hard to think logistically like that. Would'n it be great that age never exist.

 

[RecoveringAFC]

When I turned 30 I started thinking about where my life was going. I realized if I stayed on the path I was on I'd never do or see the things I've always wanted to see. I did not want to be one of those people who turned 50+ and realized they missed out on their chance to see the world.

 

[azanon]

I'm totally there dude. I'll be 26 in two months. Nobody wasted their teens and college-years youth socially/sexually/etc more than me.

Funny how this ends up being another "grass is greener" retrospective thought process. I did the opposite; focused highly on self-advancement from an education/job perspective, and generally neglected the social/sexual aspects more than I should have.

I think the thing to do is to only spend a few moments reflecting, then remember today is the day to do exactly what I want to make our lives better. Its never too late.

 

[Master Bates]

Funny how this ends up being another "grass is greener" retrospective thought process. I did the opposite; focused highly on self-advancement from an education/job perspective, and generally neglected the social/sexual aspects more than I should have.

I think the thing to do is to only spend a few moments reflecting, then remember today is the day to do exactly what I want to make our lives better. Its never too late.

Oh it's not a "grass is greener" situation for me. I might as well have been in a coma throughout all of college and it really wouldn't have made a difference experience-wise. But I agree about focusing on the present though, which is a point I tried to make in my last reply. It can be difficult, depending on what it is you want to make up and how badly you want it.

 

[Analytic]

Funny how this ends up being another "grass is greener" retrospective thought process. I did the opposite; focused highly on self-advancement from an education/job perspective, and generally neglected the social/sexual aspects more than I should have.

I think the thing to do is to only spend a few moments reflecting, then remember today is the day to do exactly what I want to make our lives better. Its never too late.

Interesting observation. I too focus much on business aspect rather then social. I suppose it's all about balance.

I think the main problem most of us who are having this problem is not actually a bad thing. A lot of people let themselves rot and never do anything about it until they are on their death bed. We feel this way because we have a high expectation of ourselves and when we don't meet them we feel that we failed but other people think we succeeded. However I don't know how to feel about not having a girlfriend at 26. Not meeting expectation is one thing, this is a failure in my eyes.

I also think that, we expect ourselves to be perfect. To be able to approach 1000's of girls. To make millions of dollars. Just because we know how to do it, it does not mean that we can. There are emotional and physical roadblocks that stand in the way.

 

[grinder]

Yeah, I’m a little over 26 but I don’t feel like I’ve lost or wasted one second of time in the past.

The past does not exist; it’s gone, finished, over.

Nor do I feel the future rushing towards me either. It’s the same as the past, it does not exist either.

The only thing you can truly waste is the present: and focusing on the past or the future is a waste of the present.

Knowing this I feel liberated, fresh and new every morning when I wake up. I know I can turn in almost any direction I wish and do things I’ve never done before.

I’ve had a couple of marriages, a bunch of kids, and 4 complete careers and I feel like I have only scratched the surface of what can be done.

Besides the present, the only other thing in this universe you actually posses is your body. Many of my peers are fat, lazy losers who have a host of medical problems. Almost every sign of “aging” they exhibit is due to their failure to take care of themselves.

I have no pity on them, they deserve what they get. What does disturb me is they help to propagate the idea that everyone must be like them as they get older.

Aging is a myth propagated by fat lazy boring people to make themselves feel better.

What I’m trying to say is that if you take care of yourself you will have VAST amounts of time to do whatever you wish.

 

[Master Bates]

^how old are you really.

 

[Metro3pilot]

I would not go back to being 20 years old .....

even the time that's been " wasted " there was something to learn from it ..

I have more fun now then when I was 30 .....

no such thing as making up for lost time, trying to do so only leads to regret ..... all you can do is learn what you might have done differently and apply that to next time .... :yes:

 

[Mr.Positive]

Yup, life gets better and better the older you get. Once you realize that life is just life, you set high goals for yourself, for you, not for what anyone else wishes. That's when time, and age, just seems to get suspended.

Each goal you achieve keeps your youthful spirit alive.

Grinder, your post is inspiring. You have a lot of wisdom.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

26? heheh,..when you get to be 36 you might consider being reflective, but if you're concerned with what you're missing out on at 26 you're obviously not paying attention here. The good news is you have plenty of time and more opportunities available to you now than you will once you commit to a woman, an education, a career path, etc. Your A & B scenario choices don't have to be mutually exclusive and there are far more possible outcomes.

It's the men and women who feel they missed out on things during their 20's due to their choices and circumstances who tend to behave erratically and against whatever character they determined for themselves who are the ones to really watch out for in their 30's.

 

[elmnick]

To tell the truth, I'm 17 and I sometimes feel that way, its maybe a good thing I've realised my life isn't quite on the right track now, I feel I've missed out on some of what being a teenager is about, in that I'm not in a social circle that regularly goes out and has lots of fun but rather on the edges of it. I feel that if I'd started having some pride in my appearance and confidence 3 or 4 years ago I could be having more fun now, but, I can't complain. I have had some fun, been to some parties, made out with some girls, but not as many as I could have done and would like to have done and with only 1 year of school left I feel I have missed out on a lot, but then I have done many interesting things and my priority now is sorting out my appearance, sorting out my social skills and ability to talk to girls, (going to a boys school ****s you up) and thanks to SoSuave that is surely possible.
Looking at my friends I see some who have gone to all the parties, got lots of sex, but as far as I can see don't have much of a future ahead of them, I see some who have studied a lot but socially are seriously lacking, there's a few who seem to have nothing going for them whatsoever, but then there are 1 or 2 of my friends who have their **** together, who have had a few/lots of girlfriends but who also are athletic, intelligent well rounded individuals with a great future ahead of them, this is my interpretation of a DJ and is what I am aspiring to.
So reading this thread, if you could go back to yourself at 17, what advice would you give?

 

[Master Bates]

To tell the truth, I'm 17 and I sometimes feel that way, its maybe a good thing I've realised my life isn't quite on the right track now, I feel I've missed out on some of what being a teenager is about, in that I'm not in a social circle that regularly goes out and has lots of fun but rather on the edges of it. I feel that if I'd started having some pride in my appearance and confidence 3 or 4 years ago I could be having more fun now, but, I can't complain. I have had some fun, been to some parties, made out with some girls, but not as many as I could have done and would like to have done and with only 1 year of school left I feel I have missed out on a lot, but then I have done many interesting things and my priority now is sorting out my appearance, sorting out my social skills and ability to talk to girls, (going to a boys school ****s you up) and thanks to SoSuave that is surely possible.
Looking at my friends I see some who have gone to all the parties, got lots of sex, but as far as I can see don't have much of a future ahead of them, I see some who have studied a lot but socially are seriously lacking, there's a few who seem to have nothing going for them whatsoever, but then there are 1 or 2 of my friends who have their **** together, who have had a few/lots of girlfriends but who also are athletic, intelligent well rounded individuals with a great future ahead of them, this is my interpretation of a DJ and is what I am aspiring to.
So reading this thread, if you could go back to yourself at 17, what advice would you give?

advice? you're 17. You're still a kid. I'm "only" almost 26 and 17 feels like a lifetime ago, literally. You could be a total social retard with no social life who's never kissed a girl, and still manage to have lots of fun during the good years of your youth (18 thru early/mid 20s). 17 is way too young to start feeling regretful about your youth. Your youthful years that matter have barely even begun.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Daddy?"

"Yes, son?"

"What does 'regret' mean?"

"We'll son, the funny thing abour regret is, it's better to regret something you have done than regretting something you haven't done"

 

[joekerr31]

A nun walks into a bus and sits behind the driver and says, "I have just one regret before I die,"

The bus driver asks "What might that be?", she says "I have never had sex, but I can't have sex with a married man or that would be a sin."

The bus driver says, "I'm not married"

The nun says, "I have to die a virgin so I will have to take it in my *ss".

Being the only two in the bus they went to the back and took care of business.

When they were done the bus driver says to the nun, "I have a confesion to make, I am married."

The nun says "I also have a confesion to make, My name is Tom and im going to a costume party!"