Major Lesson Learned, Mistake Made, Should have Dumped B*tch

[johnca2010]

A couple months ago, I posted a thread here about an issue with my gf at the time. Basically, she was unhappy because she wanted to get more serious (eventually go into marriage, etc), and I am way too young to even consider that stuff. Background: I'm 23, she's 24. I'm working on my career a lot and so I don't have a lot of time to f*ck off. We had been going out for 3 years.

The general consensus was to dump the b*tch. Well, I did, and then we ended up getting back together, like an idiot.

I thought things were going alright with us, but then I learn yesterday that she went on a date with some guy this weekend. I was really pissed. I called her a b*tch and told her to leave.

Now I'm really still pissed off. This girl lied to me and went behind my back like this.

Anyway, it really pisses me off knowing that some other dude is f*cking her, and I didn't know if you guys had any advice.

You guys were right a while ago when you told me to dump her then and there, and not look back. Unfortunately, I looked back, and I ended up getting it thrown in my face.

 

[cordoncordon]

Why did you get back with her when she wants more of a ltr leading to marriage and you don't? Once that was made clear, it gave her the green light to look for someone else who wants what she wants. I'm not condoning what she did, but it really wasn't fair of you to stay with her knowing you would never be with her in the way she wants. Sounds like you two are better off moving on.

 

[johnca2010]

Why did you get back with her when she wants more of a ltr leading to marriage and you don't? Once that was made clear, it gave her the green light to look for someone else who wants what she wants. I'm not condoning what she did, but it really wasn't fair of you to stay with her knowing you would never be with her in the way she wants. Sounds like you two are better off moving on.

Yeah you're right. The thing is that there were a lot of things we liked about each other, so it made it tough to not be together. That's the reason why we stayed.

Apparently this guy is someone who she thinks wants the same kinda thing as her (marriage, etc), but I guess it is the jealousy that makes me pissed as f*ck.

 

[Ease]

There's no feeling quite like knowing your girl is being banged by another guy.

The girl that worshiped you is now worshiping someone else. Thats a special feeling there.

If you listen to rap, listen to this right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPLOI0PFoF8

 

[johnca2010]

There's no feeling quite like knowing your girl is being banged by another guy.

The girl that worshiped you is now worshiping someone else. Thats a special feeling there.

If you listen to rap, listen to this right now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPLOI0PFoF8

Yea that's a good song. And you're right, the feeling isn't initially great. But it's time to move on...something that I should have done a long time ago. I knew it wasn't a solid relationship but it was like a drug. I was addicted to the illusion of security.

Also if you're into rap check out this song by X-raided: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTRumV8Gqss

 

[everywomanshero]

There needs to be a balance between personal life and career. I don't know you or your situation, but calling your personal relationships f*cking off leads me to think you're focusing too much on your career and not enough on your relationships and the here and now. Remember you only live once. use the career to live but don't live for the career.

 

[johnca2010]

There needs to be a balance between personal life and career. I don't know you or your situation, but calling your personal relationships f*cking off leads me to think you're focusing too much on your career and not enough on your relationships and the here and now. Remember you only live once. use the career to live but don't live for the career.

Yes but the fact is that I'm 23 and honestly I entered into this relationship 3 years ago when I was unfocused, insecure, and was seeking validation. I found it from a woman who really wasn't a great fit for me, but I continued going out with her anyway.

In terms of focusing on career, the fact is that it takes a lot of energy, discipline, and focus to get to the top in a field. And a serious relationship takes a lot of time and energy as well. Sometimes they don't work together. It certainly didn't for me in this case. She wanted a guy who was looking for marriage, etc, and she knew that wasn't me. So she sought it elsewhere...her IL dropped like a rock. And a guy she use to literally worship (me) she now doesn't care for me at all.

But part of being able to move forward on my career required that I be careful about who I settle down with.

 

[betheman]

A couple months ago, I posted a thread here about an issue with my gf at the time. Basically, she was unhappy because she wanted to get more serious (eventually go into marriage, etc), and I am way too young to even consider that stuff. Background: I'm 23, she's 24. I'm working on my career a lot and so I don't have a lot of time to f*ck off. We had been going out for 3 years.

The general consensus was to dump the b*tch. Well, I did, and then we ended up getting back together, like an idiot.

I thought things were going alright with us, but then I learn yesterday that she went on a date with some guy this weekend. I was really pissed. I called her a b*tch and told her to leave.

Now I'm really still pissed off. This girl lied to me and went behind my back like this.

Anyway, it really pisses me off knowing that some other dude is f*cking her, and I didn't know if you guys had any advice.

You guys were right a while ago when you told me to dump her then and there, and not look back. Unfortunately, I looked back, and I ended up getting it thrown in my face.

sounds like she has her revenge, dump and dont look back

 

[Kailex]

Why are you mad at the other guy?

He is doing you a favor.
She wants an LTR and marriage.
You don't.

He's screwed, most likely.

Count your blessings and move onto the next one.
People tend to focus so much on the negative that sometimes they don't see the positive coming out of all of this. You get experience, you get rid of her, you saw her true colors, and she's someone else's problem now.

What's NOT there to be happy about?
Now you have a chance to game ON without having to worry about LTR's... which I think you shouldn't even engage in until much later. You're way too young. Get your life straightened out first. You seem like you have your head firmly planted on your shoulders except for when dealing with this girl. Now that she's been removed, you'll see that she was probably just holding you back.

 

[johnca2010]

Thanks for the honest advice and opinions on this.

Kailex, you are right. I woke up today and I was kinda pissed off/depressed when I started thinking about all the times we had together, etc. But you're right: I don't want to be in a LTR or marriage and even if I did, I really don't think she's a great fit for me.

I was pissed that she went out with this dude behind my back and lied to me, but I'm gradually getting over that. No point in getting wrapped up in ridiculous jealousy and control.

It was just so god damn COMFORTABLE. She never really challenged me and that closeness was there for a long time. But it's time to grow some b*lls and get the hell out of that mind state.

I met with a hot girl last night and did stuff. At first I couldn't get this other girl out of my mind, but by the time I was getting physical relief I was feeling great.

And yes, I feel like I do have my head straight EXCEPT with this one particular girl. It's weird because it's inconsistent with other things I strive for, yet I couldn't seem to break away from her. Either way, I feel liberated.