LTR Seems to Be Forming - General Input

[wakingup]

I've really enjoyed this forum and wanted to post about what I've been up to and solicit some input.

Quick background, 32 years old, own my own house, 10 years into a career, musician in several bands, and I'd rate myself about an 8. Divorced 6 months ago after 6 year relationship (married barely 2 years). Ex-wife diagnosed with Histrionic Personality Disorder and Bi Polar. Cheated on my our entire 6 year relationship with at least 5 guys, latest one was a two year relationship with her boss.

It's been 15 months since my ex-wife moved out, 6 months since the divorce was final. Been dating several girls casually but now after 3 months, I've focused on one girl. She's let me control the pace of everything, I've been very leading and she just eats it up. I've learned so much from this site about how to be a better man and I feel like I have a great handle on the sexes and how relationships work. One sentiment I've read on here is how when you "wake up" you don't get that "ga-ga" feeling when girls compliment you or go out of their way for you. This girl I'm dating is so nice, cooks for me, picks me up from work when I don't feel like taking the bus, gives me small gifts that are really well-thought gifts (things I really like or mention wanting), and I am appreciative and it feels good, but not like it used to, when I'd start getting the ONEitis feelings.

My question is, what do I look out for as this relationship gets more serious? What are the major changes I can expect from a girl who at this moment is head over heels for me. When do these changes typically occur? What are some typical tests and behavior changes to expect?

 

[ubercat]

First step thank Espi for updating the DJ bible and go read the section on setting boundaries.

 

[sodbuster]

EVERYTHING, see how her mother treats her dad, how she treats the wait staff, etc. LISTEN when she talks. Women can't ever f#cking shut up, she will tell you about past relationships, MORE than you want to know, but listen anyway. When it looks like it's getting too serious, mention a prenup...... see if she still wants you. Then DO it, put your house in a trust, corporation, llc, something. to be able to keep it in case of a Divorce. You've been there ONCE, Be prepared for the next one

Meet her FRIENDS. Birds of a feather......

 

[Desdinova]

First step thank Espi for updating the DJ bible and go read the section on setting boundaries.

How does Espi get the credit for something I did??? You hurt my feelings

OP, there's not really much you can do to prepare. The way you date women is very linear. Once you get into a LTR, that's when their personalities, morals, and values determine what kind of a woman she's going to be. Some of them can put on a good act for a very long time until they know they've got you, some will be okay with a few red flags, and some will be extremely genuine. Only time will tell.

I split with my ex-wife 5 1/2 years ago. I've been in a total of 6 LTRs of varying lengths. You really don't know until you spend a significant amount of time with them. "Being official" is a necessary step you must take when you're planning on keeping somebody around for a while.

My only advice is to avoid moving in with them too soon. Wait a good 5-10 years and let them prove that they're really worth that kind of commitment.

 

[ubercat]

Sorry Des I didn't know you had feelings ;-)

Seriously - my apologies. The DJ bible did need an update and you did a stellar job - thanks.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

when I'd start getting the ONEitis feelings.

My question is, what do I look out for as this relationship gets more serious? What are the major changes I can expect from a girl who at this moment is head over heels for me. When do these changes typically occur? What are some typical tests and behavior changes to expect?

Dont get married again. Whats the reason to do that anyway? If you like her and you want her as a keeper (but NOT a oneitis gurl), then progress as you see fit. Obviously most quality girls wont hang around if they thing theres no chance of any longevity, so maybe bear that in mind?

 

[Desdinova]

Sorry Des I didn't know you had feelings ;-)

Yeah, I'm usually a cold hearted motherfvcker, but I have a soft spot for the DJ Bible. Returning you to your regularly scheduled moderator...

 

[wakingup]

She's asked if I want to meet her family that lives 2 hours away in 3 weeks for a holiday play. The look on my face told her I was freaked out a bit. She then nervously says "you don't have to answer me now." I changed the subject and we had a hot hour of grindin'.

The thing is, since I'm a musician and my family lives in town, they come out to my shows and they've met her casually three different times. So, normally I wouldn't have an issue pushing back on meeting her family, but since she's met mine a few times, will that give her hand to try and say that she's met mine but I refuse to meet hers?

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Tictac]

If she's letting you set the pace and you don't feel smothered, sounds good so far. I'm guessing that any other women in your life are on cold back burners. That would give me pause.

Despite what everyone here 'knows to be true', every once in a while, an LTR will happen.

And while I re-post this one a lot, it's the best thing I've ever read in here. And it fits your sitch.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995&highlight=test+fails

 

[wakingup]

If she's letting you set the pace and you don't feel smothered, sounds good so far. I'm guessing that any other women in your life are on cold back burners. That would give me pause.

Despite what everyone here 'knows to be true', every once in a while, an LTR will happen.

And while I re-post this one a lot, it's the best thing I've ever read in here. And it fits your sitch.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995&highlight=test+fails

Thanks Tictac, I appreciate your input. Yeah I kept a couple plates spinning for a while but honestly, I don't have the time for all that. I barely have time to see one girl, and we hang out about twice a week. For the last two months I let the other two plates fall. I know this isn't the exact same as actively spinning other plates, but lots of girls like me and come after me because I am a well-known musician in my town and I'm from here so I know a lot of people. This is a unique situation, but I feel that I know if I need to, I can find another girl in a heartbeat. The girl I'm seeing now knows this, and I've even overheard other girls saying to her "isn't he just beyond cute?" All this to say, she knows what she has, and you're right, I have set the whole pace of this thing and she has overtly told me that I am a strong leader and she'll do whatever I want.

 

[sodbuster]

Well, it depends on what you have going on at the time..... I WOULD meet her parents. Did mom go fat? How does she treat her husband? Is there a feminist vibe in the air? Is her sister batsh1t crazy? If you marry this woman you marry those idiots too.... A friend of mine Divorced his wife, and her parent's wanted to stay friends. They were odd ducks, so he told them, " I'm divorcing the whole family"

This is a good time to find out if she STILL has potential, or if she's dropped to plate status

 

[wakingup]

Thanks Sodbuster. She's told me a lot about her family, and im skeptical. She told me mom did go fat, that her parents have a horrible relationship and that she should have left her dad a long time ago. Her dad is crazy from what I hear, and had a falling out with her older sister (the girl I'm seeing is 25, her sister is 30). Her sister had a baby a year ago and he still has never even seen his grandchild because they are not speaking. I've asked her how she feels about that and she says that her dad is strange and not very loving and never cares about what anyone else is doing. I asked how her mom lives with and is married to a man who refuses to see his grandson. She says her dad has started to get angry at his wife for seeing the baby and that it's causing problems.

Anyways, this family event I'm invited to is more of her extended family, uncles, cousins, etc.

I know most on this forum will tell me to next this girl because of her family, and I am aware that it is a tiny flag, but my own mother grew up in a house similar to hers and so I don't think all hope is lost.

 

[sodbuster]

Meet her dad, spend some time with him. See if he IS crazy or it's feminism talking.