Losing one's virginity

[sega18]

Hello everyone,

I'm here for advice. I have come close to having sex, and have had invitations that (in retrospect) must have been of a sexual nature.

My problem is that I am way too afraid of attachment to actually make advances or go through with it. What can I do (before or after) to reduce the probability of attachment while also not losing my ability to be attached to anything? I still want to be passionate about my hobbies and commitments and such. In other words, how do I localize apathy to sexual intercourse.

Segev

 

[Mike32ct]

Losing virginity didn't make me attached. I think men are different that way. I'd be more concerned about a virgin female getting attached than a guy.

The only thing is you will crave more sex afterwards either with her or other girls. In other words, you'll be more horny after you try it than before.

This is how some guys can be stand being virgins for years. Of course, you feel like climbing the walls some days. But it's generally not that bad until after you try it. That's when you really want it.

It's weird. You'll probably find it overrated, but crave it more nevertheless.

Forget the myth that you'll c@m in three seconds the first time. Between the condom (hopefully?) and nervousness, you'll go like a porn star and be lucky to bust at all.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Are you afraid of getting attached? Or are you afraid of the girl getting attached? I'm a virgin as well, but my problem is that I'm afraid of the girl getting attached mostly. I've gotten a few offers to have sex from different girls, but they were all girls I wasn't really into and they were all the LTR type. I could just say "fvck it, I'll just fvck them and tell them to fvck off" and go by the standard that she's responsible for her own expectations of the outcome, but I also don't want to treat a girl who's genuinely nice to me as a fvck toy.

I don't think you'll become attached if you go in with ONLY the expectation of sex and nothing more. I've made out and gotten BJs from girls at parties that I had never seen or heard from again after that. Didn't really bother me.

 

[perseverance]

Alex DeLarge, I cannot begin to fathom how you're a virgin? You understand the game and from your posts you do well with women. I find it staggering that someone who knows the game, the DJ game better than most can be a virgin. Are you waiting for a high quality girl to come into the frame or what?

As for you Segev, you probably won't get attached. I didn't get attached to the woman I lost my virginity to, so I wouldn't worry about that. Just go for it next time a woman puts out, unless you're waiting for a relationship or a high quality woman?

 

[Dawson Hewes]

I hate to pile on and go off-topic, but Alex DeLarge, you need to take a look in the mirror and really analyze yourself. It's quite possible that you're gay. Maybe because your name sounds like it comes from a gay porno, I dunno. But in all honesty, I thought you were a troll at first because one post you were this super suave guy and the next you were a virgin. It just didn't add up.

You say that your problem is that you're afraid of a girl getting attached. Do you know how many virgins will turn down a girl because they fear she'll want a relationship? Zero.

That said, you seem to have it all together, and obviously you really don't care about losing your virginity. That's fine, and maybe the reason you're so doing so well with girls is that you don't care. I hope you're not offended by this post, because really it's all about what makes you happy. Just my 2 cents.

 

[joverby]

Yeah, I agree pretty weird he is a virgin still TBH. He keeps talking about how he's going to fvck some chick that he's been friends with for years at a party or one of her friends and never follows through. The gay thing might not be too far off, actually. Either that or he is just really scared of actually doing it and refuses to put himself in that situation.

But more on topic don't be scared of getting attached or the girl getting attached, that's kind of stupid and you'll never get laid. The girl I lost my V-Card to(I was 17, she was 15) had a boyfriend at the time(who was out of the country).

After I fvcked her. A couple days later when we were laying on the couch she told me she had to tell me something. I got really scared and being a naive teenager assumed she had to tell me she was pregnant , ahahaha!.

But it turns out she had to tell me that she loved me.(I had been hanging out with her for a couple months maybe) But this actually scared me away. I stopped talking to her, and I was the virgin, not her!

So yeah, don't be scared of it.

 

[Borknagar]

Back in the day, loosing mine was both good and bad, me and my gf at the time lost it together, and she as far as looks go, she was a perfect mix of cute and hot at the same time, and though the relationship was short, it was amazing, and till this day 13 years later, still the closest thing to anything real I've ever had. I'm way over her, and have been with plenty of other women., and she's married now last I heard.

Bad thing is, after her it took 5 years to find another chick which ends up being a mediocre one at best, so in that 5 years I couldn't get my first out of my mind, it was pretty ****ty.

 

[C-quenced]

Why do you guys attach such effeminate labels to yourselves such as "virginity"? It's rather disgusting imho. Might as well start calling yourself a "b*tch" or a "pu$$Y" and pretend it's gender neutral. Somebody really needs to bring this up because it's really gotten out of hand. Just say you're celibate and never had sex before. I can't believe I'm responding to a thread tied with that word. Anyways...

I barely even knew the first chick I had and forgot to save her number on my phone, so it was the first and last time I ever seen her. All I can remember is that she was cute as hell, had nice ass and tits and it happened so fast. Because of that I didn't get to enjoy myself much. It was a sleazy experience but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was entranced for an entire day then began getting curious as to how other women are like. Naturally you won't be placing such an emotional/spiritual importance on sex (or whatever the **** is going on in your mind) so just chill out dude. Quit feeling guilty about your drive. Just hit it and enjoy the women this world has to offer. The only limits are the ones you set for yourself.

 

[corrector]

You should keep your virginity. Nobody is holding a gun to your head to lose it. So if it bothers you, don't let it.

 

[corrector]

duplicate post.

 

[rhcp83]

I'm afraid I'll turn into a lot of the guys on this site...where they crave sex and will settle to "get out of a slump" and their life is devoted to "the next lay."

As of now I have no idea what penetration is like (I've done everything else including oral) and as a result I look at things clearly. I'm in control of my thoughts, not my body. I still am attracted to women and would like to meet women my type to kiss/fondle and have sex if it gets to that point, but it's not a priority in my life.

I worry that once I have sex, even with a woman my type, my body will crave it like a lot of guys on this site say happens after you have sex for the first time.

It's amazing how different life is when your sex drive is nowhere to be found. Women become irrelevant other than for eye candy. To me it's just as AFC to go to a bar or club or "game" a girl to try to get laid as it is for a chump to be in an LTR and be whipped by his gf.

I like the fact that I'm a straight man that finds women attractive, but has other things going on in his life and isn't controlled by some biological instinct to reproduce like monkeys.

 

[perseverance]

It's amazing how different life is when your sex drive is nowhere to be found. Women become irrelevant other than for eye candy. To me it's just as AFC to go to a bar or club or "game" a girl to try to get laid as it is for a chump to be in an LTR and be whipped by his gf.

I like the fact that I'm a straight man that finds women attractive, but has other things going on in his life and isn't controlled by some biological instinct to reproduce like monkeys.

Do you masturbate often and fantasise about screwing numerous women? If so then you already crave sex with women, so what do you think is going to happen after you've lost it? It's not like coming off Crystal Meth, you won't collapse in a heap on the floor crying and screaming for your next fix of poon.

I'm glad someone else agrees with me about the PUA game, it's those men that have driven up the price of poon, you can get crude oil for cheaper these days.

You can sleep with women and still enjoy your hobbies and interests, you don't have to turn into Poonani Maker, nobody is forcing you into a life where all you live for is the taste of a woman's snatch. Also as someone else says, you'll lose it when you're ready to lose your V-Plates. It's really not an issue and you don't even have to tell the woman you have your first sexual encounter that you have never had sex. If she asks you how many women you've been with just reply with "not enough" and smile.

Just please don't become one of these chumpy men that goes around screwing another man's woman. I think it's pathetic how people like Runner83 come on here and boast about it, then again he is an Aussie, so what do you expect?

 

[joverby]

Why do you guys attach such effeminate labels to yourselves such as "virginity"? It's rather disgusting imho. Might as well start calling yourself a "b*tch" or a "pu$$Y" and pretend it's gender neutral. Somebody really needs to bring this up because it's really gotten out of hand. Just say you're celibate and never had sex before. I can't believe I'm responding to a thread tied with that word. Anyways...

I barely even knew the first chick I had and forgot to save her number on my phone, so it was the first and last time I ever seen her. All I can remember is that she was cute as hell, had nice ass and tits and it happened so fast. Because of that I didn't get to enjoy myself much. It was a sleazy experience but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was entranced for an entire day then began getting curious as to how other women are like. Naturally you won't be placing such an emotional/spiritual importance on sex (or whatever the **** is going on in your mind) so just chill out dude. Quit feeling guilty about your drive. Just hit it and enjoy the women this world has to offer. The only limits are the ones you set for yourself.

Are you confused or something? Virginity = effeminate? Here this should clear some things up for you.

Virginity:
1.The state of never having had sexual intercourse: "he lost his virginity in college".

Saying you are celibate is different.

Celibate:
Abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.

 

[rhcp83]

Do you masturbate often and fantasise about screwing numerous women?

No I don't, not anymore anyway. I masturbate about once a month, almost like a person on a diet that has a dessert on a rare occasion to treat himself/herself. And when I do fantasize internally, it's more about making out/groping.

 

[corrector]

Do you masturbate often and fantasise about screwing numerous women? If so then you already crave sex with women, so what do you think is going to happen after you've lost it? It's not like coming off Crystal Meth, you won't collapse in a heap on the floor crying and screaming for your next fix of poon.

That is so retarded. Comparing masturbation and fantasy to sex with a woman is like comparing apples to oranges. First of all, if rchp83 said that beyond eye candy, women are irrelevant, then that is exactly what masturbation and fantasy proves. What do you think visual stimulation causes?

Go to an "asexual" website and you can see there are many people who are really asexual, have no desire for the opposite sex, but will masturbate or watch porn. Also, people with a Schizoidal make-up prefer masturbation over real sex because they don't like being around people period.

That being said, a masturbation and fantasy craving can be satisfied at any time...satisfying a craving for a woman is way more risky for your life and expensive unless you are monogamous.

I'm glad someone else agrees with me about the PUA game, it's those men that have driven up the price of poon, you can get crude oil for cheaper these days.

All the more reason to just stay virgin. Better to stay out of the market until the price comes down. That may not happen unless there is a major world war and the male population drastically goes down and the world if full of single women fighting for any man alive.

You can sleep with women and still enjoy your hobbies and interests, you don't have to turn into Poonani Maker, nobody is forcing you into a life where all you live for is the taste of a woman's snatch.

As long as you don't catch a nasty STD, otherwise it may be more difficult to enjoy hobbies and interests.

 

[corrector]

No I don't, not anymore anyway. I masturbate about once a month, almost like a person on a diet that has a dessert on a rare occasion to treat himself/herself. And when I do fantasize internally, it's more about making out/groping.

Making out or groping without a person's consent is still considered a sexual assault by the laws of the country. Since you never got the consent of the person you fantasized about you should be locked up and thrown into jail of unlawful sexual interaction. You should turn yourself in to the police if you want to do what is right and explain that unlawful thought pattern.

Next time get the consent of the person you are fantasizing about.

 

[rhcp83]

I'm assuming you're joking, but when I do fantasize, I'm fantasizing about women being just as into it, not me forcing them.

 

[perseverance]

That is so retarded. Comparing masturbation and fantasy to sex with a woman is like comparing apples to oranges. First of all, if rchp83 said that beyond eye candy, women are irrelevant, then that is exactly what masturbation and fantasy proves. What do you think visual stimulation causes?

There is little difference between being a virgin and a non-virgin. Sure for a few weeks after I felt like a man, but other than that losing my V-plates hasn't done all that much to alter my life. It's not a big deal as people make it out to be.

Go to an "asexual" website and you can see there are many people who are really asexual, have no desire for the opposite sex, but will masturbate or watch porn. Also, people with a Schizoidal make-up prefer masturbation over real sex because they don't like being around people period.

I didn't realise you were a Doctor. How do you know that this man is asexual? Also how do you know this OP is a Schizoidal? Only the OP can answer that, he needs to discover whether or not he is an asexual.

That being said, a masturbation and fantasy craving can be satisfied at any time...satisfying a craving for a woman is way more risky for your life and expensive unless you are monogamous.

I agree, where have I said that this wasn't the case? Or do you like throwing words into people's mouths? Perhaps a career with News International will come of great benefit to you.

All the more reason to just stay virgin. Better to stay out of the market until the price comes down. That may not happen unless there is a major world war and the male population drastically goes down and the world if full of single women fighting for any man alive.

If the OP wants to remain a virgin that's his prerogative, it's certainly nowhere near as chumpy as PUA's going into clubs and desperately trying to chow down on any clunge that they can find.

As long as you don't catch a nasty STD, otherwise it may be more difficult to enjoy hobbies and interests.

That's where condoms come in handy, you should try using one sometimes. That way you get women and still enjoy your interests and hobbies.

 

[perseverance]

I'm assuming you're joking, but when I do fantasize, I'm fantasizing about women being just as into it, not me forcing them.

Do you have a desire to have sex with a woman?

 

[C-quenced]

Are you confused or something? Virginity = effeminate? Here this should clear some things up for you.

Virginity:
1.The state of never having had sexual intercourse: "he lost his virginity in college".

Saying you are celibate is different.

Celibate:
Abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.

Are you on your ****ing period or just trying to get your cherry popped? And yes the term virginity = effeminate. It was initially intended to define a woman that is "untouched" in a sexual nature. If I'm not mistaking it was the Romans (perhaps out of inherent social laziness or maybe they were just too busy sodomizing one another ) that foolishly began applying the term to males as well. I'm not a huge fan of scripture but why is it even bothered to apply the label "virgin" to Mary and not Jesus? "The virgin Jesus" (lol) seems more like a mockery and is way out of place. Sure he supposedly never had sex before but lets be realistic.

You can even witness this on a social level. It DOES hurt a male socially speaking to be abstinent (I know from first hand experience and numerous different experiences from other males as well) then it does for a female to remain a virgin. In fact it RAISES a woman's (especially a highly attractive one) value to the nth degree. You have to be a Goddamn fool to ever deny this. For a MAN it's the total opposite. Think of that horrible movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" from years back. I don't think you can gather such a wide audience if the main character was a female instead of a male. In that case you'd have better luck catering to the porn industry.

This whole "virginity" thing is clearly doing him more harm then good so it's a good idea if he rejects that effeminate label (as should other males) altogether.