Long Distance Relationships - Yey or Nei?

[Climax]

So long distance relationships... Do they work? Are they doomed from the start? The simple truth is that some do and some don't.

So keeping this in mind, I would like to have a discussion about the pro's and the cons of being in a long distance relationship.

For me the pro's are:

1. It makes us appreciate our partner more when we finally do meet in real life.

2. It allows the couple to truly gauge and get a really good idea of the character and personality of the person before actually meeting in real life and risking the sexual aspect of the relationship being the sole focus of the relationship/bond and it's foundation.

3. It can be seen as a "build up" and "spice" in the ever changing dynamics of the relationship, just like a book that has many different chapters, and all the chapters being unique and beautiful in their own ways.

4. Okay so as I feel my delusional overly optimistic perspective leaving my conscious awareness, I will continue with the "cons" below...

Cons:

1. Cannot explore the sexual compatibility to the full extent

2. Missing and longing for one another on a constant basis

3. Limited ability to experience and share many elements of life together

4. Frustration caused by not being able to be with the partner, which often can result in that frustration being taken out on each other

5. Plans to meet don't go according to plan / take longer than hoped for

6. Peer pressure from people thinking that the relationship is "not legit" due to the distance and that the couple have never met in person

7. Inability to express the love and passion for each other properly

It would be nice to hear some of your own personal experiences with long distance relationships, so feel free to share them

 

[RangerMIke]

Long Distance and Relationships, are an oximoron. You can not have a long distance relationship. You can have periods of separation, but there has to be some promise of getting together again, otherwise you are just getting blue balls and wasting your time.

 

[Climax]

Long Distance and Relationships, are an oximoron. You can not have a long distance relationship. You can have periods of separation, but there has to be some promise of getting together again, otherwise you are just getting blue balls and wasting your time.

Hey Ranger,

Thank you for your response.

Let us talk in context of there being a set and steady plan to meet in 3-4 months time, what would your opinion/outlook be on that?

(Keeping in mind that a relationship and bond between two people who may potentially become life partners roots much deeper than the sexual aspect of the relationship.bond that they share.)

Thanks once again for your input and opinion

 

[Cerwin Vega]

ney

 

[Climax]

In one right now. When we were both working 60 hours per week, it was fine...neither of us had time for anything other than what we were doing anyway. Now that she lost her job and is sitting around, im a little more hesitant and there's been a bit more conflict. She is looking to move here though.

Thanks for the reply.

Could you perhaps elaborate on the type of conflict that exists in your relationship now since your partner stopped working? And in how long will she move to you more or less?

 

[Climax]

There's just more displays of insecurity,like she does not trust me around women. Some of it is justified and she would comment on such things even when she was working, but the severity of it now caught me off guard. Could be she feels frustrated from the boredom of just sitting around with nothing to do, misses the guy friends she had to cut off, and is just projecting onto me. Could be its just the relationship advancing and with it higher expectations of each other. Could be her true colors are showing.

She will move as soon as she finds a job. She is applying to jobs around me.

Thanks for the input PPRF. It is interesting to note that the challenges that you are facing with your current relationship share many of the same characteristics as those I have come across. I think that having the time to (over) think things opens the doors to irrational thoughts and fears to occupy space in our mind and to grow accordingly to the free time we have.

In some cases it's good to be cautious in an attempt to protect our own hearts and emotions from deception and so on, but the more free time we have the more likely we are to dross the line between a healthy amount of caution, and paranoia.

I would suggest taking a counter measure such as upping the reassurances you give her about your feelings for her and your intent to stay loyal and faithful. Balance is key I think.

All the best to you and your relationship PPRF

 

[RangerMIke]

Hey Ranger,

Thank you for your response.

Let us talk in context of there being a set and steady plan to meet in 3-4 months time, what would your opinion/outlook be on that?

(Keeping in mind that a relationship and bond between two people who may potentially become life partners roots much deeper than the sexual aspect of the relationship.bond that they share.)

Thanks once again for your input and opinion

Don't agree to exclusivity. I've seen way too many times when a guy cuts himself off from other women with the intent to form a LDR. They become needy whinny cyber-stalking freak shows and it chases her away.

Just keep seeing other women and expect that she is going to be seeing other guys, and if it's meant to be when and if you find yourselves in the same area code, then thing will just happen.

 

[Climax]

Don't agree to exclusivity. I've seen way too many times when a guy cuts himself off from other women with the intent to form a LDR. They become needy whinny cyber-stalking freak shows and it chases her away.

Just keep seeing other women and expect that she is going to be seeing other guys, and if it's meant to be when and if you find yourselves in the same area code, then thing will just happen.

Thank you again for your input RangerMIke.

However I must disagree with your outlook regarding exclusivity. I think that it is hugely influenced by the way the two individuals handle the dynamics of the relationship. I agree that it is possible that the scenario that you described may materialize given the management of the relationship by the guy/girl. But I also believe that exclusivity could work out well too, depending on the two individuals involved.

 

[RangerMIke]

Thank you again for your input RangerMIke.

However I must disagree with your outlook regarding exclusivity. I think that it is hugely influenced by the way the two individuals handle the dynamics of the relationship. I agree that it is possible that the scenario that you described may materialize given the management of the relationship by the guy/girl. But I also believe that exclusivity could work out well too, depending on the two individuals involved.

There are always exceptions, but truth is that in a vast majority of cases, when two people are physically separted by distance, relationships are not possible unless they had a strong bond prior to the separation and the separation is only for a defined period of time.

When I was in the Army I can cite literally HUNDREDS of times when transfered soldiers were moved away from girlfriends and wifes with the idea that they would have a LDR... in every single case... I can not think of ONE TIME when this worked out. UNLESS you were dealling with a married couple... and even then the rates of divorce were exceptionally high.

During the First Gulf War (1991), I was assigned as an liason officer to the French forces... after about 4 months deployed... the "Dear John" or should I say "Cher Jean" letters started coming in, it was nuts... morale started to become a problem.

Look women NEED physical intimacy to maintain a connection with their partner because they are emotional creatures. When they are apart from their man for too long then they will get it from whomever they can. This has happened time and time again when men were off to war, this is why chastity belts were invented.

 

[bigneil]

They can work under ideal circumstances. I just this minute booked a flight for my Austin girl to come to Atlanta. I haven't seen her in 7 months but we both tell eachother that we haven't found anyone else we like as much.

As long as you've already been with them and THEY see it as romantic, it can be a lot of fun. Just don't make it exclusive.

 

[YawataNoKami]

There is not such thing as a LDR.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Yawata nailed it!

She is f*cking someone else, this is a no brainer. Slooots gunna be sloots.....AWALT! Younger innnocent maybe not but if she likes sex, she will want some D at the minium 1-2x a week.

11 year member of SS asking about LDRs, are you for real?

 

[Climax]

Yawata nailed it!

She is f*cking someone else, this is a no brainer. Slooots gunna be sloots.....AWALT! Younger innnocent maybe not but if she likes sex, she will want some D at the minium 1-2x a week.

11 year member of SS asking about LDRs, are you for real?

Hey hockeyfreak79,

Thank you for your reply and your input.

The reason that I chose to create this thread was more about generating discussion and getting input from different people on this forum, specifically from people who have been in or are currently in long distance relationships.

I certainly think that there are many women out there that are as you describe above, however I do not believe that this is the case all the time. I find this topic to be an interesting discussion due to the fact that there is so much diversity when it comes to the outlooks and opinions of members here.

On that note, generally speaking, I think that it is important to note that people are different, there is no black and white when it comes to people. Everyone is a unique individual and therefore will treat and manage and handle different situations in different ways. Many of us here come to this forum with our own outlooks and beliefs that are hugely influenced by our own personal experience in life with women and so on, so I also think that it is important for us to be mindful of this and to try and maintain an open mind to the possibility that not all women (or men) are the same and it would be extremely limiting to ourselves to maintain this outlook/belief.

I have heard of many LDR's that have turned out really badly, and I have also heart and witnessed many LDR's that have turned out really well with the couple being happily married for decades to come. Just as every person is unique and individual in their own ways, so to are relationships between two people who come together and share a bond that is unique to them and the unique people that they are.

Thanks again for the input and outlooks, it has been an interesting chat.

 

[bigneil]

While you shouldn't pursue Long Distance Relationships, you should indeed pursue women all over the country, and when you succeed, you will have women all over the country who send you love letters and who are willing to get on a plane to see you.

 

[:-)]

My work colleague here in the UK is seeing a guy who lives in the US. They see each other every few months or so. Now that's dedication!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-gJV_kM33M

 

[Dhoulmagus]

My Gf and I live in the same city, but she goes to a different school. It was difficult for me to see her throughout the school year due to my poverty college status lol. She is back for the summer and we see each other once to twice a week. I was never worried about her cheating lol. If a girl is going to cheat than she will cheat regardless of whether she lives on the moon or under my bed. The only conflict we have is that she wants to stay in TN to pursue her career. I do not at all lol and I graduate this fall. I have told her that Tn is not in my long term plans at all and that she is welcome to come out west with me lol.

 

[El Payaso]

There are no pros in an LDR. Like someone said above, you can have periods of separation but there has to be a timeline for when you guys will be close together again. For example, someone is going for a vacation or moving an hour away for school.

 

[MAYALL]

Anything more than 30 minutes away is pretty tough.

30 minutes isn't sh1t. In most big cities, you spend more than 30 minutes driving to work or sitting in an hour traffic.