Logical decisions without emotions

[PokerStar]

Hey Guys,

how are you all doing?

A question has been on my mind for a while now and I had to get it out.

We as people have emotions, thats obvious. and sometimes as males we let our emotions go and act all out of whack. whether it be getting angry over a break up, sadness due to being rejected, or excited becasue you finally get the promotion you wanted.

Now my question is to you, when reacting to these events, how does one keep your emotions in tact and think logical?

I can be emotional once in a while and sometimes I think these emotions get in the way of taking the right course of action or even making the right decision in a time of stress.

I'm looking at you guru1000 for an answer!

 

[resilient]

Mindfulness, meditation, running/swimming/cardio... all help a ton in this department.

Think objectively about the situation and ask yourself "why am I reacting to ___?" often times, the answer is silly and reactionary.

Take a step back, take a deep breath before reacting.

Stoic philosophy can lend a hand in this regard as well in judging how to act as a man.

 

[Serenity]

I can't control my emotions, but I can control how I act on my emotions. How I act depends on what the outcomes likely will be. I can't just break down and cry whenever I feel sad, if I'm by myself I will do what I feel like doing. If I'm at work I'll just keep going normally, save it for when I'm alone if the feeling hasn't just subsided which happens most of the time. I do it like this because I just need to have a good cry sometimes, but I hate making others overly concerned for my well-being. I usually just need a cry and it's all good immediately afterwards.

Anger is a very difficult feeling too control. Being too aggressive towards whomever you're angry at achieves nothing and often just tarnishes your reputation. Being too passive clearly isn't acceptable. This is where being assertive is a good skill, but it requires control. It's a way to still express something you don't accept in a calm but serious manner. It's the same skill as with sadness, getting it out in a way that won't later bring you more problems.

An example with a more positive emotion like excitement leads to the same conclusion. Control your actions and let the emotions be what they are. When excited moderate it to stating you like something instead of jumping up and down like cheering like a kid who just got candy. Exaggerated excitement can in some situations not be advantageous.

Sometimes though emotions are simply too strong to control, no matter the situation. Sometimes someone just frustrates me to the point I start yelling and swearing, but it does take a lot to make me angry and very very few people go far enough. Sometimes something is just too sad to not start crying on the spot, but this too is rare and usually just happens in funerals of people close to me. I pretty much never get so excited that emotions take control of my actions.

For most situations though your emotions don't control your actions unless you let them. If you go along they're controlling you, but they're also controlling you if you resist. What you need to do is to let emotions be, don't react to them but do let them exist. They all go away on their own eventually, remind yourself of that if you feel the urge to do something about it.

 

[TheProspect]

I think you are referring to emotional intelligence.

Emotions are merely a physical response to thought. Thought is the incessant, involuntary mental monologue, known as the voice inside your head. Practice observing your thoughts and emotions instead of identifying with and becoming them. When you step back, figuratively speaking, and become the watcher instead of the thinker you can find the source of your current internal state by the nature of the thoughts in your head. Think of it as observing the transcript of your mental monologue of thought as it happens versus identifying with that monologue and attributing it as a product of your own free will. Observe the thinker, rather than becoming the thinker. Awareness of your inner state affects the intensity of the emotion you are experiencing. "I am so depressed, nothing is going right", with emotional intelligence becomes "I feel sadness in me, because of x, y, and z". You are not your emotions, you simply experience them. People who are typically angry are really responding to deep thoughts of fear and/or hurt, but manifest in their behaviour (and even their superficial thoughts) as hostility and resentment. Emotional pain such resentment and sadness is caused from the voice inside your head reliving past experiences, fear/anxiety is the voice anticipating "negative" events in the future; these two emotions are often masked in the present moment and manifest anger, stress, etc. It's kind of a mind fvck.

Realize that the feelings you are experiencing are a product of your thoughts, and thoughts always pass.

 

[Roober]

Something I certainly struggle with and would be open to insight as well...

Something happens that I don't like or is out of place... Then I start thinking how stupid it is, but I can't snap out of it7l. This happens most frequently when I get an idea in my head and am turned down or for whatever reason it doesn't work out

I try to distract myself
I try to think positive
I try many things, but often just end up shutting down...

When in public, it can be noticeable, as I am normally quite upbeat and outgoing. I usually go with the "oh I'm just really tired or I have a headache" route. Its not frequent but can certainly come across as beta to a woman.

 

[guru1000]

I: Expectations

Extreme deleterious emotions are usually prompted by expectations gone awry.

The problem with having expectations for people is people are flawed, susceptible to multiple influences which benefit their self-serving nature, not yours:

A. “Girl cheated on me” means “I expected her to be faithful.” Who’s at fault: the girl who cheated or the expectation that she--a person susceptible to multiple influences which benefit her self-serving nature--not yours: could never cheat.

Solution: Don’t go into exclusivity with the expectation that the partner could never cheat. Understand the relation as transient until she does cheat or you reach incompatibility.

B. “Business partner screwed me for money!” means “ I expected the business partner could never financially screw me.” Who's at fault: The partner who stole or your expectation that this flawed person--susceptible to multiple influences which benefit his self-serving nature, not yours--could never steal.

Solution: Don’t go into a business relationship without an ironclad contract delineating the consequence of stealing or dealing with one another unfairly.

The list goes on and on. Expect nothing from people and you will rarely get disappointed.

II. Inner Talk and Interpretations

Events themselves have no relevance, rather the interpretations we spin on these events hold relevance. Whatever event or challenge you face—no matter how atrocious it appears—spin it to your advantage.

A. Girl cheated. Great, now I'm free to meet and bang the hundreds of women I had wanted to but could not.

B. Business partner stole: I just learned another way how to protect myself and business especially given I will be dealing with much larger complex ventures in the future. (BTW, I had a business literally stolen from underneath me 15 years ago, and it had helped me immensely in structuring and protecting ventures today. It was a true blessing in disguise)

C. Failure in any endeavor: Great, I just learned another way not to do XYZ. How can I use this to my advantage and what lesson did I learn that I can I capitalize upon for my next attempt?

The great thing about interpretations: You choose them. Choose them to your psychological advantage, not detriment.

 

[Desdinova]

how does one keep your emotions in tact and think logical?

If you catch yourself getting all emotional as fvck and can't think straight, the best thing for you to do is simply say "I'll get back to you" and walk away. Come back to the subject the next day.