Living under the shadow of someone "better"

[Ragin_Asian]

I have this thing bothering me most of my life when it comes to hanging out with friends or other colleagues. It seems that most of my friends have been players, bad asses or just awesome naturals. Being a beginner its really annoying when you are always second in line and always living under their shadow. Don't get me wrong I aint no "playa-hater" but it annoys me when things always get rubbed in like a HB says "Ohhh where is your friend, Ragin Asian," or "you are good but HE is better". Like it sucks that sometimes I dont like hanging out with my "top dog" friends cos I wanna do my own thing and get DJ/life experience somewhere else without having to compare my sh*t to others.

Just recently I dont like hanging out with my best friend cos Im getting sick of being always behind. He gets the girl I've had a crush on for years on my Bday. He's so good at other things other people wont even try compete with him apart from me...in which case he wins most of the time. He's got a few girls onto him and no one can even try get them cos his game is strong. I guess theres no other way but to strengthen my game.

I dont wanna put friendship on the line...I just wanna nurture myself to be the best that I can be. Some of my friends are real achievers...they really put other people to shame lol...not just me. Lol it makes me wonder what it would be like if they got taken out of the picture nah jokes...that would be cheating.

Has anyone ever had this situation?? I ain't jealous at all but I think this is a big wake up call to start improving every aspect of my life but everything seems to get fare up between them and me. I wanna be a leader not a follower but it will take balls adnd courage and a lot of experience.

 

[InnocentMan]

I have a similar problem, but it has started when I have moved to US. Chicks here deffinetly do not dig me as much as ones in EU. It seems so drastic though, there i could get a girl for every night of the week, here i barely get any female aquaintances.
I want to plainly move.
But it is not your fault. I think you just have to try to take girls on your own ground, not to play with the same rules.
I am sure you do something better than your friend, try to bring the situation under your control, maybe it may hurt friendship, but usally it should not.

 

[lYlasTer]

You're in a GOOD situation. You have a person you can look to for guidance and a wingman. His success should MOTIVATE you so you want to be his equal or better. If you're going to have this attitude in life then get off the site.

 

[CraigMack]

First of all what your doing is earning your PHD (player hatin degree). Instead of congradulating and learning from your friends your hating. Jealousy is not a good quality to have.

Dump it!!

Secondly, maybe you should create your own crew if your tiny ego needs it that much to be #1. When you come up in the game it is necessary to re-establish yourself.

To do that you must cut off all ties with your previous life. All friends, aquaintances, relatives everyone.

When you see old friends always act like you have somewhere to go. Your always too busy. When you stop and talk for a minute leave abruptly after saying something profound.

This will change your energy and the way others percieve you to one of a master at seduction.

I would recommend not having a crew and being a lone pick up artist. Seducers are some of the loneliest people in the world.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

I aint hating on these guys...most of the girls he hook up with are through me helping him out. These people are my good friends. If they were just somebody else then I couldn't give a f*ck and just move on. I do congratulate them on their achievements, I'm just now saying it's time for me to have my merits on my OWN ground. Sometimes I get hypocritical and rant about things which get misunderstood. You really need to get to the picture tho.

I know my friends aint the problem.....this situation is just a signal that there needs to be a change and that starts with me, the DJ way.

I'm just looking how to improve my game in my own ground...not knocking everyone off to get to the top.

 

[Virtú]

I can relate to this - I've never been inspired or motivated by the success of others, only depressed and discouraged.

I asked my psychologist about it once, and he said that it had to do with self-esteem (of course ), that someone in this position doesn't value themselves enough to not be discouraged by the quantitative superiority of another person.

I disagreed with him, arguing that a man who can do something I can't, who is something I'm not, is better than me on some level.

He responded with something out of "American Psycho" - consider a man who has everything anyone could ever want: he makes millions in his sleep, he has sex with 2 or 3 women at a time, every night; he's a male supermodel; he's a male porn star; he's a concert violinist; etc. etc. - everybody in the world loves him for how great he is.

I said that such a man would be superior to me in every way, he has more, can do more, and is more than I am.

Then my psychologist asked me if the hypothetical man would still be better than me if he secretly killed babies and ate them?

I could go on about I struggled to determine whether this hypothetical man was better or worse than I was, or both (and I was never able to answer the question), so to make a long story short, my psychologist's answer was that the fact that the man killed babies made him worse than I was, that all his abilities and achievements counted for nothing.

It didn't help me - I'm just as much of a hater (of myself as well as others) as I always was - but maybe it can help you since you're doing better in all this than I am.

 

[PRMoon]

hmmm

I compete with my crew often, even though they are my wingmen. Some of them are better then me and all of them run pretty strong game, still I've always thought of them as my aids rather then my advisaries. I try to play off their game when ever I get a chance, and often I meet with good sucess. From time to time I'll go head to head with my boys over girls, we go at it thinking there are plenty of other girls around here so there's always plenty to go around. If one of us gets her and the other doesn't then it's kinda the others duty to congraduate and step aside.

The relationships we have raises our game because it forces us to think outside the box and pushes us out of our comfort zones. In the end we all learn, compare notes, then go out for other outings...whatever does not kill us makes us stronger.

Although I've never been totally shut out or dwarfed by the game that my boys pretrude. It's pretty much even money, where we all benifit from being together. We meet girls who have types and when one of us dials in as said type then it's a done deal for that guy.

I don't know what I can say that would actually help you in this situation other then you need to get over it and work harder. Training is your only salvation. A make over, hit the weights, or something like that to level the playing feild if it's that inbalanced. Other wise you'll have to rely on wit an intellegance, which could also work but often is much harder to come by then physical changes.

How close are you to these guys? If all else fails you can simply elimiate some of them. I mean if you thin out their numbers then you'll have a better shot right? Just make sure you do it mobster style so nobody finds the bodies.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Psss...once a hater always a hater.

 

[Virtú]

Then how can us haters use our hatred to make progress rather than just passively wallowing in it?

I don't care if I'm only motivated by raw seething hatred for guys who do better than I, just as long as it gets me off my ass and has me trying to beat them.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

Then how can us haters use our hatred to make progress rather than just passively wallowing in it?

Use that "hate" as your motivation to be better than those guys.

The question is, there's 6 billion people in this world. Will you spend the rest of your life trying to beat them all?

 

[italostud]

Exactly! Be glad that you have friends that are like this that you can learn from. It's better than all of your friends being dorks.

Originally posted by lYlasTer
You're in a GOOD situation. You have a person you can look to for guidance and a wingman. His success should MOTIVATE you so you want to be his equal or better. If you're going to have this attitude in life then get off the site.

 

[tmpgstx]

It's just that his friend is being more aggressive for the most part. She may be attracted to both, but the guy who makes the move wins, and the guy who is still over-analyizing is stuck in 'paralysis by analysis' mode, which more intelligent people often find themselves doing.

It can create one helluva bottleneck with women.

The good news Ragin is that the girls worth their salt will come after you. The good girls always chase the guys they want, because they'll have no other one. Women are the natural selectors of the species while we men are the choosers. They select us, and we choose to be with them.

This is why it rarely works when the guy is incessant upon chasing a decent girl. He doesn't get anywhere. The guy who does this, usually a player, will not take no for answer only to find themselves single again in a just month or two. Getting insecure girls is easy if you have game, but the intelligent ones with goals, and who are not in it for the shallowness of it all, will be looking for a guy that is also intelligent with goals etc. The flakey types are 'just having fun'.

Be the best you can be, and the right ones will find you with time. Don't even worry about it until you're 50 or so and still have no one .. no seriously, just have to beat your own insecurities and always be constructive no matter what.

 

[tmpgstx]

Was gonna say, read this page .. tell you there is some truth to this! Increase your 'maleness'.

Start with the right-hand column and the paragraph that
starts 'So, what is natural dominance and maleness then if it's not all that stuff?' about a quarter of the way down.

http://www.seducingwomen101.com/dag/dag6.html

after finishing column click next at bottom of page .. that's where you get to seem some interesting tips on attraction .. probably in a way that you may have not thought.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

My goal is not to be better than everyone else in the world but to be just the best that I can get whether I fall at the bottom, middle or top.

Just one thing though...sometimes success goes to some of my friend's heads too far...they get greedy. My friend is currently doing that at the moment but I'm letting him make mistakes so he can learn from it rather than me ranting and complainin that he is steppin on my toes or cutting my grass. Some people just keep on playing with fire while I just go back to the drawing boards. That's where I can probably say that I'm smarter. If they are letting things happen naturally then I have no problems with that...but if they are forcing things to happen at my expense then that's the time where I have to stand up for myself. See the difference???

I don't need to the best in the whole world. I congratulate my friends and sincerely proud of their achievements. But its time for me to get out of living under their shadows and start basking in my own light. I dont wanna lose my friends because I value them too much. I do learn a lot from them but its time I stop being comfortable living in their glory and make my own.

Tha Realnezz...What would you do in this situation?

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
I wanna be a leader not a follower but it will take balls adnd courage and a lot of experience.

If they truly are your friends, they wont look at you that way. And neither should you.

But, if they DO happen to see you as a "follower" than they are not your friends.

My only piece of advice is - be more confident in your abilities, dont sacrifice your self-respect to your friends (even if you value their friendship, if they know where you draw the line, they'll know not to cross it), and grow more independent. and good luck!

If you feel you can do better with the ladies by going out and doing your own thing, by all means go for it. no one has to live under anyone's shadow, you choose your own path.

Remember, friends come and go....it's all part of life.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

Ahhhh it seems that I am kind of dependent on my friends (yea lightbulb moment)

How do I become more independent without cutting friends off?

 

[diplomatic_lie]

Originally posted by Ragin_Asian
Ahhhh it seems that I am kind of dependent on my friends (yea lightbulb moment)

How do I become more independent without cutting friends off?

Why do people always assume independence means having no friends?

Independence is simply doing what you like, without depending on other peoples' opinions for every little thing. It doesn't mean you should ignore your friends.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

My best friend just recently started becoming greedy and was doing stupid things when it comes to me and the girls that I liked. There was a few times when he went all the way and hooked up with chicks who I liked. But I couldn't do anthing because I didn't have control of the situation and I can't make the girl like me if she likes him more.

Recently it got worse. He hooked up with the girl I really liked on my birthday and told me how good it was with her. Of course I had to put on a brave face and act like I was happy for him and it didn't worry me. I was just starting to think he was just doing to prove that it was all to easy and I was a chump for not getting it right.

Then he hooked up with this girl I had a break from. Now I firmly believe in mutual respect and that any girls involved with friends are out of bounds. I went to visit him one morning and I found her under the sheets looking a lil guilty.

I dont know what to do with him. He is waaaay better at picking up and has racked up a lot of experiences. I just feel like he's slamming me second place all the time.

I need advice on what to say when I do deal with him. I dont know whether to be quiet with it or just tell him straight out what I have to say.

 

[ScrewIt]

did your "greedy" friend court those girls knowing that you liked them? Or did he by chance court them and had no clue of your situation with them?

If he understood what he did, and understood your situation with those girls, then he isnt your friend.

DRAW the LINE, stop letting him push you around like this. If you dont let him know that his actions are offending you, most likely he'll continue what he's doing. sure he probably knows it is, but he doesnt value the friendship cause he knows you need his friendship.

Thats why in many circumstances, you need to put people in their place. NEVER lose your self respect, not even for friends. that's why it's important to be more independent, even when it comes to friends, you cant rely on them 100% to do the right thing at the time.

always remember "bros before hoes" if they break the code, they aint your friends.

As for how to dealing with him....When you are angry let it out, swear at him if you must, i've done it to friends that's crossed the line many times. they respect me more after put them in their place.
dont let your logical thinking hold you back. let your balls speak if it must...you are a man are you not?

 

[tmpgstx]

Ragin, it sounds like you're too mature for these girls that are sleeping with your friend. They DO want sex, and anybody that is showing responsibility or seriousness are written off by these TYPES of girls that sleep around.

If there IS an attraction there between you and she, it will not result in any sex, because you're not the type to take her to the sheets, at least not right away, which is really what she wants.

These girls want to get laid, not a relationship of sorts. If you want to bang these types, you have to just take it. Unfortuantely that's what i did with several one night stands that turned into BAD relationships. I wanted, and i just took it .. said let's go to my room whatever .. no game, just some small talk .. a backrub and next thing you know i'm doing her, and then fell for her because i'm more of the relationship type, but knew what i had to do to get my share of the action.

If you're going to bang these chics, don't fall for them if they put out right away. period.